Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Chita]

I’ve never forgotten the years when Granny (who had dementia and lived with my aunt) would come stay for holidays. I was at Uni still but would come home when she did because she needed total help bathing and could never bring herself to let that non family dignity thing slip with my mum, her daughter-in-law, but would happily let me, her granddaughter, help. We would laugh till the tears rolled because she had this list of names for Fanny that just had me in stitches - cha cha, tutu, there was a different one every time! It always made what could have been awkward, utterly enjoyable and bonding. I do miss her, even 15 years on, daft old coot

It was called a Tuppence when I was little.

 

[Chita]

As this "tea room" chat thread is also intended to distract us from mental health issues, I'd like to chat about other stuff too.

Anyone found that so-called nail strengthening polish actual makes their nails worse?
I like to keep my nails short-ish and neat.
Most of them are strong enough but some go a bit bendy at the ends if I let them grow too long.
So I got some cuticle oil and some clear polish that is supposed to strengthen to try and make the bendy ones stronger.
My nails started to split and break !!!

The polish peeled off a lot, too.
So im fed up!
Ive now got some Burt's Bees balm to see if that helps.

Anyone else find nail strengthers do the opposite?

 

[kittenattack]

Honestly, antidepressants can be a life saver and it's nothing to be ashamed of if you need to try them. If one doesn't suit you, you just try another. The side effects soon pass, and you can minimise them by taking the medication at nighttime until they get into your system, then switch over to morning.

Im sick of Harry's blackmail.

so,

what else can we talk about?
GB News was just saying how many people have put on weight during lockdown.
Im guilty of that.
I just had a look to see if WeightWatchers is operating. I dont want to do it online. Ive got as much willpower as a dead wasp, so thats no good for me.

There's one 'in-person' meeting in my nearest town, so I now have to psyche myself up to attend it.
Can't find any prices though, but I figure that if I stop buying naughty snacks I will be able to afford the meeting fee.

How do you find GB News? Is it on a TV channel? I don't watch TV so I'm a bit behind.

 

[turkeydinosaurs]

This might not work for everyone but I thought I’d share. When I’m having a bad moment I turn to Pinterest. I’ve created boards about things that I’m interested in like fashion, etc. So if I need distraction from life I’d go to one of my boards and try to find really good photos for it online. For example fashions that Princess Diana wore. So I’ll Google for high quality images of the clothes I love that Diana wore, then I’ll search for when she wore it and try and find the designer, etc. It takes quite a bit of time and focus so the other stuff disappears for awhile.
Again, not saying it’ll work for everyone but it is a helpful distraction if you use the app.

I do this with Kendall Jenner as I love her style. It really is a good idea to keep distracted

 

[thegirlscout]

I’ve realised my anxiety is more prevalent than I thought. I have found myself getting anxious about the nights getting darker and it’s now pitch black at 9pm when it used to still be light around 10pm a few weeks back. I’m not a big summer lover as I struggle with the heat. But I do love the lighter days and nights. But I find the darkness drawing in a bit suffocating?
Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, I have trouble putting into words how I feel. Can anyone else relate? What do you do to tackle this?

 

[Chita]

Glad your mood is lifted @Cassandra333
We are weebles who wobble but we don't fall down.




Remember a while back that I said there were people I know really struggling with their mental health - well one of them's husband has taken his own life.
And my loved one who has been feeling very low is now saying they understand why he did and that he is now free from the pain of living.
So I have that going on in the background and I may not be around as much to check in on any unanswered posts. Or I may come in to distract myself from all of that and just have a laugh.

Also just taken a kicking to my ego/self-confidence.
Some of you may know I create cartoons and after my actual career/industry has been decimated by Boris's covid shutdowns etc and ive been unable to work for 18 months, I tried to create another income stream by having cute greetings cards printed from my drawings to sell at artisan/craft fairs until I can get back to my "proper" job.

Well, a new local events company was all over facebook asking for people to apply for stalls at events they will be holding.
And they emailed me today saying they have set the bar high blah blah and that I have been unsuccessful.
So its a kinda polite way of telling me my work isnt of a high enough standard.

So I feel sorry for myself and need to deal with that knock.
Ok I'm a doodler not a fine artist, but I still have feelings and they coulda just said sorry there are no stalls left.
Bastards.

I'll be ok, but I just want those who come in here for a chat to know that if you do post and I don't reply it's because i'm not in here checking for new posts as often at the moment.

Stay strong people, have faith in yourself and don't let the bastards get you down.

Pass the chocolate.

 

[Fancyfeathers]

I need to come and rant I hope it's okay it was my late partners birthday yesterday and it felt like no one in the uk apart from me cared. The kids were quick enough in chatting all day about their friends and whatnot but i was ignored (nothing new) I was crying and then got moaned at for crying it was as if the saying out of sight out of mind literally came to life. Today my anxiety is through the roof and ive got no company and no one here is available to talk but yet i can rely on my friends in different countries.
my beautiful friends they each got a flower and laid it down in a place that's special to them and said happy birthday to my partner which made me so thankful and grateful for them because they only said hi to him over skype but yet people here i mean his own family can't even be bothered to remember

 

[Louk]

My brothers ex is a bitch, all the nasty messages she sends to my brother and my mum and Dad is pure projection, she judges people by her own actions, she calls my mum and alkie, yet before lockdown was in the pub all the time, so maybe that's what the messages are, hope you are ok x

Yep, this also sounds very familiar!

 

[Summer house]

@Summer house .....that tip from facehugger is spot on...a few years ago I went through a period of self doubt and low self esteem and found that writing down all the negative stuff I'd encountered that day helped put it into context and felt I could park the bad stuff in my little book and forget about it and move on. I haven't had to use it for a while and came across it in a clear out recently and was surprised how much better I felt about myself now compared to then. So do give it a go ...you'll be surprised how cathartic it can be. Meanwhile to you , you seem to be a sensitive soul and there's nothing wrong in that!

Thank you shazbev. I'm emotional writing this because you have no idea what your advice and Facehugger means to me. . I AM very sensitive and always have been so can't see that changing anytime soon. Ha ha.
I will definitely give the smile diary a go
I don't want to hog the conversation by going on about me too much but I am feeling better today and my mood should improve over the next day or so. Thank you for your concern

 

[softly softly]

Good Morning you lovely lot !

Well... there have been many times since this thread started that I've wanted to post, either to give some help (not needed as such good replies from others)/say that I can relate and then at times where myself when I have been struggling.

I struggle with day to day life and have to manage it in such a way in order to cope. I'm bright but struggle with anxiety/friendships and become easily overwhelmed . I also care for my mum which can prove challenging ! I think over the years I've learnt quite a bit about myself and have learnt techniques to help myself. So I do have my positives .

However ... this morning I'm struggling even more and feeling very alone as the OH, my wingman, is in hospital ,awaiting an MRI and then possible surgery . Now I say I'm feeling alone but goodness knows why as there's been quite a talk going on between my more negative internal voice (it's cancer) and my positive one (it's good that he's having the scan so we can finally find what is wrong and deal with it. No point worrying about it, even though its understandable , until we know the facts.It could be something quite simple. Now how about writing a little list of things to do today to help keep the mind more focused and stop thinking all kinds of things. Surprise him... that you've discovered what a duster is in his absence !)

Today deep down I'm feeling scared because I am convincing myself that the negative voice is in fact correct.

Thing is, other things are happening which means I'm having to contact people and that is really not helping me either.

Ho hum !

Right... off to put kettle on and see if I can make the kitchen look like a thing of beauty instead of something that Kim and Aggie might wish to visit (it's not that bad but could do with a bit of love and attention )

 

[Damita]

I'm finding the news incredibly distressing and overwhelming just now, mainly because of the child murders that keep happening either at the hands of their own parents/families and then yesterday's horror in Plymouth.

I never used to be such a news junkie as consuming too much of it has always affected my mental health but since the Covid outbreak it has become a bit of an obsession to "keep updated" with any and all developments.

Going to reinstall Leechblocker on my laptop web browser and stick to keeping the most triggering sites blacklisted until I feel better...I find in times like this, if I must check the news, a brief glance at the BBC website is enough and anything else is all just excessive misery porn. Very grateful that such apps exist, because the internet sure does like to push the worst news in your face every single day. Even checking your email exposes you to horrific headlines when it just shouldn't.

 

[Gloria Rostron]

I need to come and rant I hope it's okay it was my late partners birthday yesterday and it felt like no one in the uk apart from me cared. The kids were quick enough in chatting all day about their friends and whatnot but i was ignored (nothing new) I was crying and then got moaned at for crying it was as if the saying out of sight out of mind literally came to life. Today my anxiety is through the roof and ive got no company and no one here is available to talk but yet i can rely on my friends in different countries.
my beautiful friends they each got a flower and laid it down in a place that's special to them and said happy birthday to my partner which made me so thankful and grateful for them because they only said hi to him over skype but yet people here i mean his own family can't even be bothered to remember

Sending you kind thoughts. Grief is an awful thing and whoever moaned at you for crying was very insensitive. You and your friends were all thinking of him on his birthday and I'm sure the flowers would make him happy to know people were making a thoughtful gesture.

 

[Chita]

Thank you so much. Even for just saying seven months is early days. There seems to be this perception that death is an event that, as time moves on, you move away from so the pain lessens. It’s not lessening, I continue to carry the pain on a daily basis. Literally everything reminds me of my husband and our life together.

I’m not really ok tbh. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad. I keep expecting something to change, for it no to have happened. Life is like a surreal nightmare, washed out of colour.

I feel raw and bruised so your kindness is so appreciated.

Whoever said 'time heals' was talking crap.
It doesn't heal.
It makes the void deeper and hurts more.

You aren't going mad, either.
Keep going though, no matter how hard it is.
xxx

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Hey Chita - I don't have a magic wand unfortunately; depression is a terrible illness and affects everyone around you; your loved one is very blessed to have you x

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Hey everyone, my mental health has taken a bit of a battering in recent weeks - but I've suffered worse, and I'm still standing
Sometimes it's good to talk x

View attachment 680079View attachment 680080View attachment 680083
There you go guys, top to bottom
Pooh-Bear
Susan
Thor

They are very cuddly and honestly great company. I'd be lost without them, especially Pooh.

Oh my goodness, those cats are beautiful - always liked Maine Coons, we just have a mini one

Great idea to start a thread, I've been lurking on H&M and several people I think of often on there.

I'm having a real Monday grump today. Was low over the weekend and called a couple of people to chat but left me feeling more lonely really as each person just talked about themselves and hardly even asked about me. There's a lot of talk in the UK about encouraging people to talk about how they feel/mental health but noone is educating people on how to listen. i.e. don't just say "oh I know, I'm the same. Anyway, listen to this story about me. . "

Hey, how are you - what are your interests? I have to say mine first, to open a conversation. I'm a 57--year old of four and forget about that, how are you?

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

You're not heartless to think of yourself, being around people with complex needs is time-consuming and impacts upon you also.
Sometimes you need to take time out for yourself

I've entered some kind of lockdown letgo! I used to wear make-up daily before last year, wouldn't be seen without it, now I barely even bother! I've let the grey hairs twinkle through and my body shape is Veruca Salt as the blueberry - little twig arms and legs with a beach ball middle!
I must start making more of an effort - I've gone from looking vaguely acceptable to a horror show. I've hardly seen any of my friends for the last 18 months and honestly, I don't think any of them would recognise me in the street!

Bit of slap and spanx - you'll be fine. Meet you in Matthew Street!

 

[kittenattack]

I'm having depression. The Prince Andrew discussions on the other thread aren't helping because I don't know whether that lass is telling the truth or not, but ppl are blaming her and what not. I'm an abuse survivor and it's kind of triggering. I used to have to smile in photographs too, but behind the scenes, it was hell.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

So very true @Chita. Some gorgeous people have no personality because they've never had to develop one.

 

[HairyWeeTerrier]

I'm just fed up of how my life has ended up. I imagined so much more for myself but I've got the opposite and there isn't much I can do about it.
I'm insanely jealous of those my age who are living the life I wanted for myself but will never have because I have been robbed of all sorts in my life.
I'm just existing rather than living life and enjoying it.

Edited to add that seeing these influences who do fuck all but get paid the big bucks is really bringing me down. I'd love to be able to do that just for a short time until I had enough to buy a house out right and have enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life. I hate the way of the world sometimes, it's honestly so unfair.

Nothing new for me to write, but I can agree with what others have said. Yes, people have more material goods, they could be up to their eyes in debt. People have better jobs, what have they sacrificed to get there ? People have a wonderful marriage, they could hate each other behind closed doors. The key to a happy life, is not what you have achieved or how wealthy you are, it is contentment, and no amount of success or money can buy that. I was always a housewife, my choice, my friends worked at their careers. When we met up as a group, they did nothing but moan about their life. Big houses and cars, foreign holidays, new kitchens every few years didn’t make them happy. Jealousy, anger, resentment, they are like cancers in our soul which only we can cure. Try really hard to let those feelings go, because you cannot move forward until you do.

As this "tea room" chat thread is also intended to distract us from mental health issues, I'd like to chat about other stuff too.

Anyone found that so-called nail strengthening polish actual makes their nails worse?
I like to keep my nails short-ish and neat.
Most of them are strong enough but some go a bit bendy at the ends if I let them grow too long.
So I got some cuticle oil and some clear polish that is supposed to strengthen to try and make the bendy ones stronger.
My nails started to split and break !!!

The polish peeled off a lot, too.
So im fed up!
Ive now got some Burt's Bees balm to see if that helps.

Anyone else find nail strengthers do the opposite?

I am a gardener, so my nails are such a disgrace, I am pleased if I can get the dirt from under them

Okay, here is something that I am dumbstruck by. The latest trend in cake decoration. Having been a member of the WI, I am very familiar with the use of icing and buttercream as piped decoration. Swirls with cherries, chocolate , dragees, all that sort of thing. But a while ago, the fashion was for broken biscuits and chocolate bars to be stuck on the tops of cakes. I am talking about the cakes that cost upwards of £70, not the ones made for a snack after school. But , if I thought that was bad, things have nosedived. The fashion is now for dried bits of grass. Why would I want to eat a cake with a bit of Pampas sticking out from it . I am too old for this new world. Not know what I am talking about, Google ‘grass toppers for cakes “

 

[Damita]

Thank goodness you got a nice Doctor. Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks, Chita. I was so relieved! I even bypassed the evil receptionist and got one of the decent ones so, in all, a good day!

 

[prozacprincess]

I just came home and showered after an awful evening. On the way home tonight there was a deer running down the road with a paper bag stuck on its antlers covering its face. We helped it get off the road back to its herd but couldn’t get close enough to take the bag off. After this we turned down the lane we live on and a cat ran out in front of the car and we hit it We thought it was our cat and we rushed to the vet in the next village through thick white out fog … the cat died on the way. It wasn’t our cat just almost identical. I just threw my clothes away as they’re covered in blood. I feel utterly shell shocked and broken.