Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Cassandra333]

I hope no one was offended by my post yesterday. I was just trying to share the stuff I've learnt over almost 50 years of mental illness. So today's suggestion is a more positive one. The comfort box!
When you are able make yourself a comfort box. This is to hide away and only come out when you know you're sliding into a depression.
You place things that bring you comfort into the box.

1. A favourite book that you love to re read. I have Jane Austen, Georgette Heyer and a few other books. I also have my favourites as 'talking books' in case I can't even bring myself to read. You don't have to actually put books/digital stuff in an actual box. They can go into a folder on your laptop/kindle etc.
2. Music. Again can be kept on the laptop/whatever. Choose stuff that you love to sing along too. It's amazing what good having a sing song will do. Or just drift away with your favouite stuff. Try to compile as many hours as you can and lots of different types of music to suit your mood.
3. Films. Mine include 'Arsenic and Old Lace' 'Spinal Tap' 'North by Northwest' and several others I can't be bothered to type out.
4. Memory stuff. I have a small ornament my mother left to me. Stuff the kids made for me at school, things like that.
5. Things you like - I love fabrics and I have a variety in my comfort box. I have velvet, silk, chenille and all sorts of lace, ribbon, buttons etc. They're a variety of colours and textures. I love making fabric art, so this stuff is inspirational for me.
6. Scented stuff. Soaps, incense, whatever.

Basically anything that might lift your mood goes in this box or the file on your laptop. The idea is that you give yourself the time and spend a day going through your comfort box/tin/whatever. It helps, or at least its always help me. Hopefully might help you to.

 

[Chita]

What a long winded old fucker he is, zzz already

He swaggers about like he's a rock star!
Can't be doing with him.
I stopped watching the Daily briefings for covid last year because of the stupid questions asked by him, Kuenssberg and Beff bloody Rigby.

Awful.

 

[kittenattack]

Urgh, hospital again tomorrow. So not looking forward to it. (Test results)

What time are you there? Waiting for results is crappy, sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

My Dad died when I was nine-years old (type 1 diabetic) - he died during a kidney transplant, he was 32-years old.
His name is Norman x

No competition - prayers for all of us who've lost people that we love

 

[Cassandra333]

Refuses professional help. Cant find the energy or the will to get it. And gets anxiety just discussing it.
Has the classic "empty shell look" and does not want to live this life if cannot play music for a living again.

You have to make him play music. He can listen to music and that will help but actually playing music is healing. Its all to do with the vibrations of the instrument, and loads of other stuff that I can't actually remember at the moment.
My husband is a musician and accordingly lots of our friends are too. They all agree that music is healing. It's helped them get over illnesses, bereavement, job loss, relationship loss etc etc.
So make sure that he plays stuff everyday. If he's a singer, make him sing. If he can't sing, tell him to do it anyway. There's a ton of stuff on the internet about healing through music. It's been recognised scientifically that music is a powerful healer.

I'm feeling overwhelmed with heartbreak over the situation in Afghanistan. I rarely post anything political because it just doesn't lead to anything other than abuse and pile ons these days but even though I'm trying to stay away from the news I am still seeing the most distressing headlines. Even cheap gossip sites like TMZ are covering all the harrowing detail...and in a way maybe they should because if anything needs to be exposed it is things like this, but on a personal level I just find it too upsetting and cannot deal at all. Which, in turn, makes me feel ashamed and guilty even if I can't technically do anything to help the situation other than possibly finding a charity to donate to if there are any.

I wish for the sake of mental health it was easier to avoid news headlines when one needs to. I find it galling how news is bundled with email. Sometimes just checking my messages is stressful enough. I feel so much worse when I have to see gruesome headlines or trending searches too.

There is nothing that you personally can do about Afghanistan. Absolutely nothing. Like @freda19 says,I wouldn't even give money to charity.
You don't need to feel any guilt or shame. You are not responsible and Afghanistan is not your responsibility. Being overwhelmed and heartbroken isn't going to help anyone and will only damage yourself. You have the right to stand back from it and refuse to even think about it. Your mental health is the most important thing here.
Standing back will not make you inconsiderate or lacking in compassion. You obviously are considerate and compassionate. It will just mean that you need space and time to think of good stuff. And that's ok. You have permission to do that. Sending hiugs.

 

[Louk]

I would definately try and get some therapy for yourself. Don't worry about the other person, the only one who can fix them is them. Until they can see that maybe they are the issue then nothing anyone says or does will make a blind bit of difference.
If you can cut them out and go no contact do it, your mental and physical health is important. If you have concerns for the child make social services aware and you can step back with a clear conscience.
You don't need to be a punch bag for anyone, as you've discovered bringing them up on things does little except antagonise the situation and probably made you feel awful. If the behaviours were a new thing, I might try a bit longer, but as you've said it's been like it for a while then I would have no qualms about disconnecting from them.

This is something I relate too as I have a narcissistic mother (the narcissism is one of her more pleasant traits) no matter how hard you try nothing will change because the person involved doesn't take responsibility for their behaviour.

Take from this what you will, sending you big hugs, life with these people and behaviours is really difficult. Xx

Thanks, I'm going home in a few days so I'm going to show the messages to an old family friend who can help with my memory (which is being twisted) & also another friend who is very kind and diplomatic. This will be great to gossip about and have them be horrified, but that's all they can do and I'm conscious not to bother my friends too much. I definitely think I need therapy to get a strategy for dealing with them. I'd like to get a meeting with a psychologist to almost get them a diagnosis (sort of) and have a clue what I'm up against. I really wish I could spill ALL the tea but I'm conscious that this is a totally public forum and my comments are permanent - even though it feels like a nice cozy room of friends.

 

[Pom Bear]

I'm just fed up of how my life has ended up. I imagined so much more for myself but I've got the opposite and there isn't much I can do about it.
I'm insanely jealous of those my age who are living the life I wanted for myself but will never have because I have been robbed of all sorts in my life.
I'm just existing rather than living life and enjoying it.

Edited to add that seeing these influences who do fuck all but get paid the big bucks is really bringing me down. I'd love to be able to do that just for a short time until I had enough to buy a house out right and have enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life. I hate the way of the world sometimes, it's honestly so unfair.

Pom hugs to you on here and to others xx.

I know what you mean, it's a horrible feeling.

 

[Flairey]

Hi, I need help. I'm not sure if I can write everything out properly as it's a public forum.

Essentially, I have a problem with a family member who is more than likely struggling with multiple undiagnosed mental illnesses.

I'm not medical, but more than likely autism (highly intelligent and educated), some kind of victim mentality - never this person's fault - but they are also superior to everyone else. They have a nasty, vindictive streak, will think nothing of taking "revenge" but also very mentally feeble, gullible and easily led by the nutters on the net (but can't see it). Maybe even some kind of psychopath?

I have been this person's victim my whole life, life at home revolved around keeping the peace with this person.

I spent some years with no contact which were happy and peaceful. Other (extended) family members admit to struggling, even over the phone. This person will call you up, then sit in silence, anything you do say will be repeated on FB but made to make them look like they are the victim (like Prince Harry but on steroids). They have no conversation besides "everyone else is stupid" no friends, no social life, nothing to chitchat about, nothing normal.

I have recently had the balls to clap back and point out this person's behaviour which did not go down well. They once again made out that it was someone else's fault.

I have no one to turn to, no way to figure out the truth. This person has a child but no one else besides me.

Do I stick around and have a fake relationship for their sake (it won't kill me to send a few messages or have awkward chats, even though that's never good enough) visits can be limited and they have never caused me physical harm, or cut all contact and live my life?

Part of me is irritated because I have suggested getting professional help, but this has been rejected (I kinda want to fix things and people all the time, probably from growing up this way). I would be more comfortable having a relationship with them if they were in therapy and helping themselves instead of listening to their bile.

Now, the question is, although it's nice to talk here, should I get some therapy for myself? Just to see how to handle the situation better (I can talk to some friends but it's very involved and I'm conscious of not boring people).

I can and will cut them out, but if they are not a psychopath, just struggling, the situation we are in would make that very heartless of me.

I would definately try and get some therapy for yourself. Don't worry about the other person, the only one who can fix them is them. Until they can see that maybe they are the issue then nothing anyone says or does will make a blind bit of difference.
If you can cut them out and go no contact do it, your mental and physical health is important. If you have concerns for the child make social services aware and you can step back with a clear conscience.
You don't need to be a punch bag for anyone, as you've discovered bringing them up on things does little except antagonise the situation and probably made you feel awful. If the behaviours were a new thing, I might try a bit longer, but as you've said it's been like it for a while then I would have no qualms about disconnecting from them.

This is something I relate too as I have a narcissistic mother (the narcissism is one of her more pleasant traits) no matter how hard you try nothing will change because the person involved doesn't take responsibility for their behaviour.

Take from this what you will, sending you big hugs, life with these people and behaviours is really difficult. Xx

 

[freda19]

You have to make him play music. He can listen to music and that will help but actually playing music is healing. Its all to do with the vibrations of the instrument, and loads of other stuff that I can't actually remember at the moment.
My husband is a musician and accordingly lots of our friends are too. They all agree that music is healing. It's helped them get over illnesses, bereavement, job loss, relationship loss etc etc.
So make sure that he plays stuff everyday. If he's a singer, make him sing. If he can't sing, tell him to do it anyway. There's a ton of stuff on the internet about healing through music. It's been recognised scientifically that music is a powerful healer.


There is nothing that you personally can do about Afghanistan. Absolutely nothing. Like @freda19 says,I wouldn't even give money to charity.
You don't need to feel any guilt or shame. You are not responsible and Afghanistan is not your responsibility. Being overwhelmed and heartbroken isn't going to help anyone and will only damage yourself. You have the right to stand back from it and refuse to even think about it. Your mental health is the most important thing here.
Standing back will not make you inconsiderate or lacking in compassion. You obviously are considerate and compassionate. It will just mean that you need space and time to think of good stuff. And that's ok. You have permission to do that. Sending hiugs.

Such a good post. Yes Chita, tell him to keep making music. He should video himself and put it online, or offer to sing old favourites as birthday surprises for people for a small fee.. Though he'd have to keep records of moneys paid to him. Bless him, I hope something comes up for him.


True re Afghanistan. Too late . Everyone took their eye off the ball and quite frankly that cunt Biden can take his reassurances and "NO, Kabul will not fall!" and shove it where the monkey shoved it's nuts. Stupid cunt said "NO, it won't be like Vietnam, with the helicopters on the roof evacuating people at the last hour".
No, ya mad bastard ... it's even worse with actual planes being over run at the last minute. Shut the fuck up and go take another nap.

Sorry for the rant. Those poor people women and children.

Appoligies in advance for this negative post, and the spelling mistakes which I don't have the energy to correct right now.
I was a good sheep today.
I had an appointment at my local hospital, which had been booked quite a few months ago. I adhered to all the covid precautions - mask wearing, hand washing blah blah blah.
I spoke to a consultant, he was quite reassueing, I don't have any issue with the treatment he gave me. But thoughout the consultation, we both wore masks. He even authorised me to remove the mask at one point, so he could gage my ability to smile. (He was a nurology consultant).
He gave me "permission" to remove my mask very briefly.
Fortunately the outcome of the consultation was positive. But the experience had a deep effect on me. I went out for a long bicycle ride, but when I returned to my partner's place, I had some wine. I have not drunk excessively for years, but tonight I drank the best part of a bottle of wine, and a bottle of cider. I didn't want to stop, but my partner intervened and suggested I had a cup of tea.
I drank the tea, and poured out my feelings, I broke down and cried.
I felt like a sheep, wearing a mask in a hospital environment. I felt pressurised into wearing the mask, if I had not have worn the mask, would I have received the correct treatment?
I had some blood tests after the consultation, the social distancing in the outpatients department, boardered on the ridiculous. Normally there are rows and rows of seats, today there were chairs that were yards apart.
I think what triggered my extreme reaction, was a YouTube video about people that had been vaccinenated and were able to go about their everyday lives. I have been vaccinated, this is another story. I have posted about this on other threads on Tattle.
I am not looking for sympathy, just understanding.

Appoligies in advance, for this negative post and the spelling mistakes which I don't have the energy to correct right now.
I was a good sheep today.
I had an appointment at my local hospital, which had been booked quite a few months ago. I adhered to all the covid precautions - mask wearing, hand washing blah blah blah.
I spoke to a consultant, he was quite reassueing, I don't have any issue with the treatment he gave me. But thoughout the consultation, we both wore masks. He even authorised me to remove the mask at one point, so he could gage my ability to smile (he was a nurology consultant)
He gave me "permission" to remove my mask very briefly.
Fortunately the outcome of the consultation was positive. But the experience had a deep effect on me. I went out for a long bicycle ride, but when I returned to my partner's place, I had some wine. I have not drunk excessively for years, but tonight I drank the best part of a bottle of wine, and a bottle of cider. I didn't want to stop, but my partner intervened and suggested I had a cup of tea.
I drank the tea, and poured out my feelings, I broke down and cried.
I felt like a sheep, wearing a mask in a hospital environment. I felt pressurised into wearing the mask, if I had not have worn the mask, would I have received the correct treatment? I had some blood tests after the consultation, the social distancing in the outpatients department, boardered on the ridiculous. Normally there are rows and rows of seats, today there were chairs that were yards apart.
I think what triggered my extreme reaction, was a YouTube video about people that had been vaccinenated and were able to go about their everyday lives. I have been vaccinated, this is another story. I have posted about this on other threads on Tattle.
I am not looking for sympathy, just understanding.

It's very difficult dealing with medical stuff at the moment. To be brutally honest I think some surgeries are enjoying the opportunity to have less appointments to deal with. My surgery has been good and I got a pre-appointment phone chat with my doc a few weeks ago which resulted in a 121 appointment with him next day, so I'm lucky and I shouldn't complain, but I've seen other people going frantic trying to get appointments. It's undoubtedly making people frustrated. And now we'll have 'follow-up jabs' to contend with. Ain't life grand at the moment.
My issue was a long term rash which (as I suspected) is psoriasis. Happy fucking days.

 

[Summer house]

I have been awake most of the night because of the heat. Thankfully its getting cooler now.
I am so happy I could cry that I have found this page. I need this page in my life.
I'm very insecure and have very low self esteem and feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. I don't want to say why right now as it would take all morning. Its great to know this page is here as the thought of speaking to people in person terrifies me. I feel more comfortable speaking on here anonymously.
It took me nearly 1 hour to write this because I couldn't find the right words, that is how much my mind is racing at the moment. Hope it all makes sense.

I was trying to get back to sleep when I remembered I forgot to say something. I read most of the thread during the night and its comforting to know I'm not the only person feeling like that at the moment.

 

[jawidjanqndn]

Sorry to just jump in
I'm at an all time low
Life is shit, work is shit, I have nothing

Not looking for any validation, it's just that I have no one else to talk to

couldn’t relate more. i have absolutely no one in my life and haven’t for 3+ years. i’m so alone and it’s so shit having no one to talk to.

 

[spangly]

@MaineCoonMama - how odd, I will have to go and google that now!

Spoiler: Pity post - please only read if you can cope with me moaning about myself yet again!

I managed to get about 2 hours sleep in the end and it didn't help that I also have also got terrible contraction pains on my right side. They've been happening all night. I did go to the doctors last week with a suspected kidney infection but after the nurse dipped the wee and said it was fine, they left me to it. I've tried gaviscon just in case it's really bad trapped wind but it hasn't helped. Sp now I'm on hold to the doctors again just in case they will prescribe me some anti-biotics! I'm number 13 in the queue - been holding for 30 minutes! I had a CT scan a few months ago and they said I've got small 3mm kidney stones in my left kidney but nothing about the right one. I feel sick too - bleurgh!
ETA...just got through but their list is full to speak to a doctor this morning - I have to call back again at 2pm!

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Re- insomnia, I'm lucky I don't often have times when I can't sleep but when I do I listen to a rain or beach sound podcast. There are so many out there and are mostly free. I find them so soothing and relaxing.

 

[Chita]

You sharing your thoughts and our replies might help someone else just reading, so don't worry about hogging anything lovely hugs to you and wish you some brighter days ahead xx

Yes @Summer house - you have shown strength by writing all of that for strangers to read.
Thats a big thing.
Remember, there might be someone reading who hasnt yet plucked up the courage to post anything and your words might encourage them.
And as we have learned sometimes discovering someone else feels the way we do can be a great help because we find that we are not alone.

 

[Pom Bear]

Thank you Chita so much for your kind words I just get on with things, as we all do, but if I can help somebody else to feel a bit better about whatever they've got to cope with, then I like to try.

I like this thread because people can speak without any judgement or harshness, or just read, and sometimes just to get things out or see that others are going through the same things helps immensely. I hope all who come here will find some help and support

Hello my friend xx.
Did you get monster dog the toy in the end?

Pom hugs to you and to others on this thread that need a hug xx.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Hey, hope I've found your place - a safe space for all of us

I just want to say (and don't bin me please) my middle two children really suffer with their mental health.
We went to hell and back when, despite our concerns, we were told that our son maybe needed a bit of 'firm-parenting'
He went into semi-residential care, where he was finally diagnosed as having Aspergers.
Currently, he has his own flat, and is studying for his degree

I just want to say (and don't bin me please) my middle two children really suffer with their mental health.
We went to hell and back when, despite our concerns, we were told that our son maybe needed a bit of 'firm-parenting'
He went into semi-residential care, where he was finally diagnosed as having Aspergers.
Currently, he has his own flat, and is studying for his degree

 

[Pippa M]

Great thread as we are on page 2 after 3 minutes...sort of

 

[50sGirl]

Thank you so much. Even for just saying seven months is early days. There seems to be this perception that death is an event that, as time moves on, you move away from so the pain lessens. It’s not lessening, I continue to carry the pain on a daily basis. Literally everything reminds me of my husband and our life together.

I’m not really ok tbh. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad. I keep expecting something to change, for it no to have happened. Life is like a surreal nightmare, washed out of colour.

I feel raw and bruised so your kindness is so appreciated.

Hi Gold,
I know it’s not quite the same, but I lost my dad 7 months ago.
I can probably count on one hand the days I’ve not shed a tear since then. They’re usually not the gut wrenching bouts I had in the early days but pretty much every day when I think “Dad I miss you” the tears fall.
The thing that I’ve found that has helped me deal with my grief the most is that, if we hadn‘t shared the love we did, then my grief would be less. I wouldn’t swap any of that love so I accept that this grief is the price I have to pay for it. And I pay it willingly. Some days are harder than others but I know I was incredibly lucky to have him, a lot of people never have that.
I will miss him until my last breath.

I’ll leave you with an AA Milne quote…

We won’t be Eeyore forever, we will have our Tigger days too, it will just take time.
Sending you hugs and love xx

EDIT: @Chita since writing this, I read you’d mentioned Eeyore too - didn’t want to be accused of plagiarism because we know how we feel about that!

 

[spangly]

Just popping in to send virtual *hugs* to everyone that needs one!

 

[Chita]

@Chita Grief is just love with nowhere to go. Sending hugs

I love that! Thankyou.

Tell ya what, I'm glad she didnt have to go through all of this covid lockdown isolation stuff.