Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Chita]

This might not work for everyone but I thought I’d share. When I’m having a bad moment I turn to Pinterest. I’ve created boards about things that I’m interested in like fashion, etc. So if I need distraction from life I’d go to one of my boards and try to find really good photos for it online. For example fashions that Princess Diana wore. So I’ll Google for high quality images of the clothes I love that Diana wore, then I’ll search for when she wore it and try and find the designer, etc. It takes quite a bit of time and focus so the other stuff disappears for awhile.
Again, not saying it’ll work for everyone but it is a helpful distraction if you use the app.

Great idea.
I think distracting ourselves from the crap is one of the best ways to cope.

 

[50sGirl]

 

[Red hair]

Hello, first time posting in this thread so I hope you don’t mind. Found my Mum dead on Monday, anniversary of Dads passing yesterday, going through job restructure as well and having to apply for a job. Feel totally overwhelmed. I have siblings but not live closely. Had lots of people say “contact me if you want anything” but I don’t know what I want or need.

 

[shazbev]

Thanks @Facehugger xx - here are the details.

Warning long post ahead!!

My situation is - my Mum needs 24 hour care. She has severe mental health problems with constant suicide threats. My Dad was constantly supervising and caring for her until his sudden death in January. Since then, I have had her with me from 12 - 8pm every day and my Brother stays at hers overnight from 8pm - 12pm but he needs to move into his flat soon. (I've also had her 24hours for a couple of weeks at a time) She won't let us leave her for even 20 minutes. Due to her condition, she sometimes becomes almost catatonic and will fall when she gets up and needs help being fed and taken to the toilet. I offered to move in with her - but I would need to take my family with me as I'm not prepared to leave them all behind, she didn't want that. My Son offered to move in with her overnight - she didn't want that. I don't have a spare room in my house to accommodate her (she's had to use my room and me and Mr Spangly had to sleep on the settee)
After 6 months of trying to cope, we decided to get a 24 hour carer.
The few days before, she created havoc, managing to actually run away from us, across roads etc when before, all she could do was shuffle along, hunched over with a walking stick! We went through a care broker, that rang around agencies and there was only one agency with any carers available, So we went with them, they came and assessed her and we said she needed an older companion (that's what she really wanted). We did want care as soon as possible but were prepared to wait. They came up with someone to start the following week but only let me know her details the night before she was due to start. She wasn't really of an age my Mum wanted but she agreed to give it a go! (she was only 23). As soon as she arrived my Mum played up so much - after 20 minutes of trying to persuade her, we had to turn them away. (I was mortified and asked her to send us an invoice for her time and the original assessment) - after which I received an irate call from the care manager saying that no-one had ever had a problem with her care packages before. She started the conversation by shouting at me "What's going on then?" - it was one of the most unprofessional calls I've ever dealt with!
Anyway - we are back to square one, trying to find a 24 hour carer (I never knew they were such a rare thing!) In the meantime, she refuses to go into a home or even respite care (I don't really want her to do this anyway but my Brother is pushing for this)
I've looked into trying to hire someone privately but it seems you have to become their employer and pay their tax, NI etc - it seems complicated.
Next week, I have managed to find a lady to come in from 10-12 mornings and 7-9 evenings, to see if having someone new around to do activities with her, will boost Mum up a little bit. (she could bounce back at some point in the future, that's why we don't really want to sell her home just yet to pay for a care home)
She's under the older person's mental health team but they have more or less said there is nothing left to offer her. She's had every combination of medication available, she's just finished another round of ECT (which didn't help this time), they won't section her and there's no places in a mental health facility for her.
My Brother and I both have mental health problems but nothing as severe as my Mum. But her constant need for attention and reassurance is taking a big toll on both of us. I really don't think I'm cut out to be the caring type! It's also affecting my business and I need to get back to work properly without distraction or I won't be able to pay my bills if I take much more time off!

Phew - that was a long one! I will come back with jumping goats to try and counteract all this negativity!

Jumping baby goats - yay

Oh Spangly I do feel for you....my father was admitted to hospital at the beginning of the first lockdown and was eventually diagnosed with Parkinson's after me telling anyone and everyone I knew he'd had it for years. He insists on living in his house still despite the fact he's essentially chair bound. He had carers going in X4 a day but won't allow them to wash him ...he's in an absolute state but this is ignored by his GP and social worker. I had to step back from him as he is a nasty character, always has been and nothing to do with being elderly. My only sibling is no support and as I'm now disabled myself I've had to step away for my own mental health. I've not been able to add much to your situation @spangly just want you to know you have my sympathy and support . Would it help to get your council/ social worker involved if you're UK based ? Apologies if this isn't relevant to your needs. Much love to you.

 

[Chita]

Thanks, I have so many good memories with her, she was an amazing woman and has touched so many peoples lives.

Thats what you have to focus on.

Oh that is so sad @CherryAcid I'm in a similar position...an old work colleague and friend I was once very close to has come back into my life under awful circumstances. She lost both parents and her mother in law to Covid and 6 weeks after her mum died she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. It's such a shock but I'm glad to be back in her life after such a long separation and I want to support her and her family as much as I can. Big hugs to you .

It was meant to be.
That you are back in each others lives, I mean.
You are needed.
Sorry such dreadful circumstances, though.
But you can also focus on your happy memories.
Help make her laugh remembering the fun stuff.

Hugs to you too.

God its sounds so trite sending cyber hugs, but it is well meant.
You all cope with so much shyte.
You are all amazing and strong.

 

[Chita]

I’ve realised my anxiety is more prevalent than I thought. I have found myself getting anxious about the nights getting darker and it’s now pitch black at 9pm when it used to still be light around 10pm a few weeks back. I’m not a big summer lover as I struggle with the heat. But I do love the lighter days and nights. But I find the darkness drawing in a bit suffocating?
Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, I have trouble putting into words how I feel. Can anyone else relate? What do you do to tackle this?

How about a few little lamps - to add soft light to your home? Maybe a few of those cute fairy lights on copper wire that are either battery powered or USB charged? They look all twinkly when put inside an empty glass bottle or bowl or placed artistically along a shelf or something.
They arent just for Christmas.

Kids Night Light, LED Table Lamp, Children’s Table Lamp, Unique Desk Lamps, Kids Lampshades, Rechargeable Table Lamp, Children's Lampshades, Wood Desk Lamp, Children’s Table Light

Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light With a flash of brilliance and modern aesthetic that not only gives an enchanting glow to your exterior but redefines your average lamplight, the Modern LED White Fairy Globe Night Light is a marvel to behold. Practicality meets ultra-stylish as this...

woodlandinspiration.com

or some of those battery candles that flicker warmly.

You know, literally brighten up your darkness?

I saw a beautiful bedside lamp that was like a glass bowl suspended from a little stand and it glowed like a starry night. Might that help a bit?

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Appoligies in advance for this negative post, and the spelling mistakes which I don't have the energy to correct right now.
I was a good sheep today.
I had an appointment at my local hospital, which had been booked quite a few months ago. I adhered to all the covid precautions - mask wearing, hand washing blah blah blah.
I spoke to a consultant, he was quite reassueing, I don't have any issue with the treatment he gave me. But thoughout the consultation, we both wore masks. He even authorised me to remove the mask at one point, so he could gage my ability to smile. (He was a nurology consultant).
He gave me "permission" to remove my mask very briefly.
Fortunately the outcome of the consultation was positive. But the experience had a deep effect on me. I went out for a long bicycle ride, but when I returned to my partner's place, I had some wine. I have not drunk excessively for years, but tonight I drank the best part of a bottle of wine, and a bottle of cider. I didn't want to stop, but my partner intervened and suggested I had a cup of tea.
I drank the tea, and poured out my feelings, I broke down and cried.
I felt like a sheep, wearing a mask in a hospital environment. I felt pressurised into wearing the mask, if I had not have worn the mask, would I have received the correct treatment?
I had some blood tests after the consultation, the social distancing in the outpatients department, boardered on the ridiculous. Normally there are rows and rows of seats, today there were chairs that were yards apart.
I think what triggered my extreme reaction, was a YouTube video about people that had been vaccinenated and were able to go about their everyday lives. I have been vaccinated, this is another story. I have posted about this on other threads on Tattle.
I am not looking for sympathy, just some understanding.

 

[Doodlebug005]

My neighbour is doing DIY again and I cannot believe it.

They did a huge project that went on for months at the beginning of the year and I actually got quite ill from the stress of the constant noise, which was the loudest hammering and banging you've ever heard and wasn't even possible to drown out with noise cancelling headphones. It was absolutely relentless and he does at least one big project like this every year.

When he's not doing big projects there is, quite often, lots of DIY noises here and there for whatever else he finds to work on as he goes about his life.

I can't fathom what could possibly need work done to it this time and as soon as it started my heart just sank.

I've already lived in a flat above someone else who was really into DIY and I thought that was bad but he had nothing on this guy. Who has sometimes started before 7am and gone on beyond 10pm. The council are totally useless so I reporting it will be a total waste of time.

Need hugs if anyone has some going spare please.

How annoying for you.... Hopefully the noise will stop soon

 

[spangly]

I'm just fed up of how my life has ended up. I imagined so much more for myself but I've got the opposite and there isn't much I can do about it.
I'm insanely jealous of those my age who are living the life I wanted for myself but will never have because I have been robbed of all sorts in my life.
I'm just existing rather than living life and enjoying it.

Edited to add that seeing these influences who do fuck all but get paid the big bucks is really bringing me down. I'd love to be able to do that just for a short time until I had enough to buy a house out right and have enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life. I hate the way of the world sometimes, it's honestly so unfair.

Honestly, most people aren't living the fantastic lives you think they are. If they've got the big flashy house, car etc, it's quite probable that they have the big mortgage/ financial costs that go with it and with that goes the pressure of knowing you need to keep those payments up etc. Don't forget, most people only portray the lives they want you to see, especially on social media.

I think it's human nature to compare ourselves to others but honestly, it never really does you any good. Sure, it can inspire you to try and achieve the things your peers have but you really need to think about the things that are going to make you happy. I think it's quite unusual for life to work out exactly as we envisioned but we can learn to appreciate all that we have learnt along the way and the simple things that we sometimes don't even realise that we've got!

Think about what is going to make you really happy, and write out some achievable, bitesize goals to help you get there.

 

[Poppea]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm still crying even now after all of this time. I realize my previous post was in the house prices thread where I said I finally understood why people wanted to own their own homes. I was asked to initially move out of my first room by the 14th of september, because with the layout we have our own cooking areas, but I share a bathroom with another girl. New person moving in wanted my room specifically because of wanting to be with her.

Without giving my exact location, but I live 1.5h away from Nuremberg. I haven't been home in a full year. I am studying medicine and this is my final exam before I can graduate. We're allowed three retakes for each exam and I've already flopped twice before. I just feel like I have a mental block and don't believe that I can do it anymore.

I have to go to the office on monday and sign stuff, but I decided for now to just pack up and go back to London. I cleared out four bags of donations - I always feel like I never know if I'm making the right choice though.

I don't think there is anything- the culture ha always been sink or swim. s

Tempted to use her email address and sign her up for a lot of junk mail.

In Germany they can't just throw you out unless you did something very, very seriously wrong like setting the house on fire on purpose while everyone was asleep.

I am no lawyer, but in student accomodations it is with a three month notice and customary to end the lease at the end of a semester.

Germans put absolutely everything in writing, you should have a written contract for your lease. Take it and either go to a lawyer or the Embassy on Monday morning and ask for help. They can't just throw you out willy-nilly!

I am sorry you are experiencing this, but you should not give in so easily and run! You gotta stand up for yourself and fight! Studying medecine in a foreign country is a great achievement and you should not allow anyone to spoil it for you.

Now stop crying, because it does not help, try to find the name of a decent lawyer. Get that contract unearthed and let that stupid woman know you will lawyer up, embassy up and are prepared to get them exposed in BILD Zeitung and RTL if necessary.

If you need any help translating the contract right now email me. sangare at yahoo dot com Please mention your tattle name in the header so I don't mistake your mail as spam or a virus.

Now blow your nose and get to work!

 

[Chita]

So very true @Chita. Some gorgeous people have no personality because they've never had to develop one.

And when their looks fade they go to pieces.
They cant handle it.

 

[Savannah_xx]

Great thread!!

 

[Chita]

Sending hugs and love
Get the photo's out and spend the day remembering your mum. All the good stuff and everything she taught you. Have a lovely day doing that stuff.

Im ok really, just pondering about stuff.
How can it be possible to just sit for hours feeling empty?
Not crying, not in pain, but just sitting... empty.

The mind is a curious thing.

Usually what shakes me out of this kind of thing is hunger.
I will shift myself when the belly starts to growl like @Nuttynana 's ginger tom

 

[freda19]

Two of my exes (both of which I truly expected to marry) have had babies in the last year and named them both Edward?! Wtf. My friend said they must have married die-hard Twilight fans so that is the story I'm telling myself to feel better ;P.

In reality, I stupidly checked one of their social media accounts and burst into tears when I saw him snuggling the new baby. I have such poor luck with love. I just feel like I was never good enough to settle down wholly with, and that's doing my head in.

Meanwhile, the other ex with the son named Edward, sent me a dick pic recently but still proclaims his marriage isn't bad, just boring. -- and I am dead ashamed to say ... though he's such a shit head, I am still jealous of his wife somehow. Ugh.

I'm sorry for laughing, but all those little edwards just makes me chuckle.
Now, pay no heed to all those baby pics with daddy.It's a social media necessity to post yourself looking soppily at your brand new crotch goblin for your family to coo over. I betcha the soppy faces disappear at nappy time, or during babysitting when their mates are all out on the pull, so don't take them to heart too much. As for mr dick pic, if he says the sex is boring then he's getting plenty but just not liking the quality and wants to tempt you into a secret rematch. Do you really want to be with a man who expects his post birth partner to dress like a french maid and spend 2 hours undivided attention on making his dick king of the world while your hungry baby cries in the next room ? Every single night.
Point is, nothing is ever as it seems on social media. You got dumped for these other women because you were somehow deemed unworthy ... yet the perfect specimens they dumped you for are not up to expectations , so at least one of them is being humiliated behind her back by her bloke being a cunt. Tell mr dickpic to go lavish some attention on his new partner and kid and focus on finding your own forever bloke. Sorry for being blunt, but it's kinda my thing.

 

[Chita]

Sleep problems and mental health are getting worse apart from that one day where I did sleep.

Was desperate enough to actually ring my GP surgery today and the very nice doctor I spoke to was understanding and has given me a week's work of diazpem. It won't be a magic fix but it might take the edge off enough for me to be able to heal myself better from there. Fingers crossed, anyway.

Thank goodness you got a nice Doctor. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[freda19]

Does anyone really have besties?

I don't.
I have trust issues after being shat on a couple of times, so I have a decreasing circle of friends and in all honesty I would call none of them a bestie really.
I'm fine with that. I had lots of besties in my past and plenty of good memories. As I've got older and as an onlooker I've seen a few besties 'nick' husbands or be total cunts about someone who has faith in them.

Besties can be over rated in my opinion. Sometimes anonymous venting serves the same purpose.

I believe it's a friend of a friend so the alarm bells are ringing and the words puppy farm are forming in my mind @Kittypops . I think I'm in for a sleepless night. My oh is sorry he told me now cos I won't shut up about it.

Honestly, you need to stop venting at hubby. You'll cause problems and it's a situation you can do nothing about.
It's very sad but you have to let it play out. You never know, focusing on this little creature could be a good thing for the family (very unlikely, but you never know). All you can do is stay aware, and remember, if you irritate hubby too much then he'll not pass on any more info about the situation to you for fear of another ear bashing.
You can't act if there's nothing to act on yet bubba.

 

[Summer house]

Big hugs to everyone on this thread

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Hope this is allowed on this thread, it’s very personal but I thought it’d be nice to get some thoughts/advice anonymously

Basically I think I’ve got depression. I’ve felt it for a while, like there’s something just not quite right in my head. I have off days so does everyone but for me, it’s more than that. The tiniest thing is enormous to me. I cry because there’s plates that need cleaning, my brain can’t cope with more than one thing, even something like booking a dentist appointment along side booking a doctor app, it’s too much for me to handle mentally. I feel like a failure, a failure in life and to my family, every day just feels like a massive struggle to me and I very much have a ‘what’s the point’ mindset. My mood swings are horrific too. That’s just a small part of what I feel. It’s not every day, some days I’m really happy, but most days I’m not. I reached out to a doctor last week for the first time and it took a lot. I haven’t yet plucked up the courage to call the phone numbers they gave me (Mind etc)

sorry it’s a bit of a ramble and possibly a bit off topic but it’s nice to get some things off my chest as I haven’t got many close girl friends x

You're not a failure honey, you are very important in so many people's lives. That's what depression does to you, makes you feel worthless - give me a smile, and know that you're beautiful

There is a way out from the dark side - suffered terrible depression after my youngest was born, anti-depressants, the whole lot. I'm not going back there - it's not a nice place to be, that black hole; be strong and resist it

Just know that you are loved and that you are important x

 

[Chita]

Heres a 3rd voice for you 'Try the chocolate bar but look on the front and make sure I eat a portion (usually 6 squares on ordinary Dairy Milk) and save the rest of it for later in the week, that way i can still enjoy what I want and not feel as guilty'

Ive eaten half of it.
So, not tooo naughty.

 

[kittenattack]

Hello everyone still here, just been busy lately and on the other thread. Hope everyone is okay