Thankfully the majority of parents don’t mess up their kids.
Have you got one for the Montishitto morons
Yes. well, one of 'em anyway.
Sending you kind thoughts. Grief is an awful thing and whoever moaned at you for crying was very insensitive. You and your friends were all thinking of him on his birthday and I'm sure the flowers would make him happy to know people were making a thoughtful gesture.
What's happened with the care situation Spangly? If you're able to explain a bit more about what's not worked out of course? I looked after my disabled mum from age 10 till she died at Christmas, I might know how to help but she always refused flatly to have any carers at all even though I worked full time, well, she had a daughter to do it so why should she have strangers in blah blah. If I can help I'll try because it's so hard for you, I know. XMorning everyone
The care situation hasn't worked out how we thought it would, so we are kind of back to square one. I wish there was someone that had been in this exact situation and says - you need to do this and this...sorted!
Anyway - during my anxious nights, I like to go on instagram and search cute animal videos, interesting treat food and also watch people making desserts! Yummy!
Baby goats jumping around cannot help but to bring a smile even during the most dreadful times! (Sorry not being flippant x)
xx.
x
I wish I could say his mine but I admit I don't own any pets but corgis have lovely eyes..they my favourite dogI just want to boop that snoot! And those eyes are so beautiful. I don't need and ice cube as it's winter where I live, but I'm smiling anyway. Virtual kisses and pats from Oz.
xxIt always amazes me how different some siblings can be. How people can be cut from the same cloth but have completely different morals.
Thanks @Facehugger xx - here are the details.
Oh Spangly I do feel for you....my father was admitted to hospital at the beginning of the first lockdown and was eventually diagnosed with Parkinson's after me telling anyone and everyone I knew he'd had it for years. He insists on living in his house still despite the fact he's essentially chair bound. He had carers going in X4 a day but won't allow them to wash him ...he's in an absolute state but this is ignored by his GP and social worker. I had to step back from him as he is a nasty character, always has been and nothing to do with being elderly. My only sibling is no support and as I'm now disabled myself I've had to step away for my own mental health. I've not been able to add much to your situation @spangly just want you to know you have my sympathy and support . Would it help to get your council/ social worker involved if you're UK based ? Apologies if this isn't relevant to your needs. Much loveThanks @Facehugger xx - here are the details.
Warning long post ahead!!
My situation is - my Mum needs 24 hour care. She has severe mental health problems with constant suicide threats. My Dad was constantly supervising and caring for her until his sudden death in January. Since then, I have had her with me from 12 - 8pm every day and my Brother stays at hers overnight from 8pm - 12pm but he needs to move into his flat soon. (I've also had her 24hours for a couple of weeks at a time) She won't let us leave her for even 20 minutes. Due to her condition, she sometimes becomes almost catatonic and will fall when she gets up and needs help being fed and taken to the toilet. I offered to move in with her - but I would need to take my family with me as I'm not prepared to leave them all behind, she didn't want that. My Son offered to move in with her overnight - she didn't want that. I don't have a spare room in my house to accommodate her (she's had to use my room and me and Mr Spangly had to sleep on the settee)
After 6 months of trying to cope, we decided to get a 24 hour carer.
The few days before, she created havoc, managing to actually run away from us, across roads etc when before, all she could do was shuffle along, hunched over with a walking stick! We went through a care broker, that rang around agencies and there was only one agency with any carers available, So we went with them, they came and assessed her and we said she needed an older companion (that's what she really wanted). We did want care as soon as possible but were prepared to wait. They came up with someone to start the following week but only let me know her details the night before she was due to start. She wasn't really of an age my Mum wanted but she agreed to give it a go! (she was only 23). As soon as she arrived my Mum played up so much - after 20 minutes of trying to persuade her, we had to turn them away. (I was mortified and asked her to send us an invoice for her time and the original assessment) - after which I received an irate call from the care manager saying that no-one had ever had a problem with her care packages before. She started the conversation by shouting at me "What's going on then?" - it was one of the most unprofessional calls I've ever dealt with!
Anyway - we are back to square one, trying to find a 24 hour carer (I never knew they were such a rare thing!) In the meantime, she refuses to go into a home or even respite care (I don't really want her to do this anyway but my Brother is pushing for this)
I've looked into trying to hire someone privately but it seems you have to become their employer and pay their tax, NI etc - it seems complicated.
Next week, I have managed to find a lady to come in from 10-12 mornings and 7-9 evenings, to see if having someone new around to do activities with her, will boost Mum up a little bit. (she could bounce back at some point in the future, that's why we don't really want to sell her home just yet to pay for a care home)
She's under the older person's mental health team but they have more or less said there is nothing left to offer her. She's had every combination of medication available, she's just finished another round of ECT (which didn't help this time), they won't section her and there's no places in a mental health facility for her.
My Brother and I both have mental health problems but nothing as severe as my Mum. But her constant need for attention and reassurance is taking a big toll on both of us. I really don't think I'm cut out to be the caring type! It's also affecting my business and I need to get back to work properly without distraction or I won't be able to pay my bills if I take much more time off!
Phew - that was a long one! I will come back with jumping goats to try and counteract all this negativity!
Jumping baby goats - yay
to you. (That's a hug smiley but I think it looks more like someone doing a dance!)The event has been and gone. The day was fine but I'm really struggling in the aftermath of it all. The worst narc family member keeps visiting and is being at her most smug and it's unbearable. I stay away as best I can but it's difficult. I'm in a delicate living situation where I have little to no control on an average day and the narc takes full advantage of this.
Oh bless you, I know what you mean about the anger....I get so frustrated , my poor husband has to put up with a lot from my complaining and my father's shenanigans. I've pretty much found that if the authorities get a sniff that someone will support a parent/ vulnerable adult they will latch on and take a back seat with minimal support. At least here on this forum we can let off steam and support each other so we can take a deep breath and carry on .Thank You @shazbev - sounds like you are also in a horrible situation with your Father
I've got the council and social services involved but because she has a small amount of savings, we have to source the care ourselves (even though her savings will only last approx 4 months)
I just had to wash and dry her hair and I resented every minute of it! My Brother dropped her off but said he is not going back until 9 tonight and 10 tomorrow and he asked me if that was Ok - I said "no" but he's still doing it anyway - he does it every Weekend. Every extra hour to care for her feels like an extra 8 hours!! I feel really at breaking point today!
(I know I probably come across as really unkind and uncaring - I keep going from resentment, through to guilt and then to anger. Then I'm overly nice to compensate!) I just keep thinking about how miserable the last few months of my Dad's life were having to care for her like this. He kept telling me he was so tired but because it was Covid we were keeping away to try and keep them safe (before the jabs) and I didn't pay enough attention to how much he was struggling!
So all this anger is probably aimed at myself but I feel like she largely contributed to his death, so I can't help feeling resentment towards her - that's not helping with the fact that I need to be kind and nurturing!
Bless you and your familyThank You @shazbev - sounds like you are also in a horrible situation with your Father
I've got the council and social services involved but because she has a small amount of savings, we have to source the care ourselves (even though her savings will only last approx 4 months)
I just had to wash and dry her hair and I resented every minute of it! My Brother dropped her off but said he is not going back until 9 tonight and 10 tomorrow and he asked me if that was Ok - I said "no" but he's still doing it anyway - he does it every Weekend. Every extra hour to care for her feels like an extra 8 hours!! I feel really at breaking point today!
(I know I probably come across as really unkind and uncaring - I keep going from resentment, through to guilt and then to anger. Then I'm overly nice to compensate!) I just keep thinking about how miserable the last few months of my Dad's life were having to care for her like this. He kept telling me he was so tired but because it was Covid we were keeping away to try and keep them safe (before the jabs) and I didn't pay enough attention to how much he was struggling!
So all this anger is probably aimed at myself but I feel like she largely contributed to his death, so I can't help feeling resentment towards her - that's not helping with the fact that I need to be kind and nurturing!
I have felt every emotion you describe and there are no ways to win easily in a situation like yours. Mine was exactly the same, Mother demanding 'i want this and I don't want that' then the emotional blackmail you get when you have to say 'no' to their demands sometimes does make you resentful and angry. I realised after mine died I've never really been able to do anything much for myself ever because I always had her to see to (no siblings or other family to help plus work full time). Xx I'm back on a semi-even keel again now! Lol....this is how it is at the moment, stressed, then calm, then anxious, then stressed again. I must admit, trying to be on a diet at the same time isn't really helping. Chocolate buttons and jaffa cakes are usually my go to cure all! employers that don't appreciate their staff, usually end up with a high turn over! You are right, it's just the little things and simple words that make all the difference.
