Escape into the Tea & Sympathy Support room.

[Summer house]

I'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight .

 

[shazbev]

I'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight .

That's understandable....just take comfort in reading our posts, hopefully you'll find something to benefit you and join in when you're up to it.

 

[Summer house]

Thank you I'm reading through them now and have already laughed a little at some of them. Some serious, some funny, that's a good mix

 

[sephylily]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

 

[Chita]

Thank you I'm reading through them now and have already laughed a little at some of them. Some serious, some funny, that's a good mix

Post when you are ready.
Or don't post if it's too hard to open up. You can just read and hopefully have a laugh with us.
No pressure.

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be any way for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Does your sister mediate or does she side with your Mother?
Maybe your sister could help you out a bit here.

 

[turkeydinosaurs]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Families are hard. If only we could pick them like we do our friends.
I often feel there is always a favoured child.

 

[Tattyfilarious]

Hey, hope I've found your place - a safe space for all of us

I just want to say (and don't bin me please) my middle two children really suffer with their mental health.
We went to hell and back when, despite our concerns, we were told that our son maybe needed a bit of 'firm-parenting'
He went into semi-residential care, where he was finally diagnosed as having Aspergers.
Currently, he has his own flat, and is studying for his degree

I just want to say (and don't bin me please) my middle two children really suffer with their mental health.
We went to hell and back when, despite our concerns, we were told that our son maybe needed a bit of 'firm-parenting'
He went into semi-residential care, where he was finally diagnosed as having Aspergers.
Currently, he has his own flat, and is studying for his degree

 

[Ilovemusic]

Families are hard. If only we could pick them like we do our friends.
I often feel there is always a favoured child.

Ooh, struck a chord there!

Me: Firstborn, miracle baby, arrived two months early, weighed 2lbs. Growing up I was a serious, quiet, well behaved child, did well at school.
My sister: Born full term, one year after my arrival. Growing up she was a cheeky, mischievous and obstinate child, did less well at school, always got her own way, was favoured by both parents who’d laugh at her naughtiness, the talking back, the rudeness.

I remember coming downstairs one night to get a drink of water from the kitchen (I was 11/12 years old), parents were in front room with door slightly open. As I passed from the bottom step across the hall to the kitchen, I overheard my mother say to my father...”You don’t like (my name) very much do you?” Wow, what the hell???
Fifty years later that memory is as strong as the day it happened. I’ve never told a soul about it.
I left home at 20 and went to work abroad, loved it and had a great time. Returned to U.K. after a few years but now live a safe distance from parental home...400 miles!

 

[Chita]

Ooh, struck a chord there!

Me: Firstborn, miracle baby, arrived two months early, weighed 2lbs. Growing up I was a serious, quiet, well behaved child, did well at school.
My sister: Born full term, one year after my arrival. Growing up she was a cheeky, mischievous and obstinate child, did less well at school, always got her own way, was favoured by both parents who’d laugh at her naughtiness, the talking back, the rudeness.

I remember coming downstairs one night to get a drink of water from the kitchen (I was 11/12 years old), parents were in front room with door slightly open. As I passed from the bottom step across the hall to the kitchen, I overheard my mother say to my father...”You don’t like (my name) very much do you?” Wow, what the hell???
Fifty years later that memory is as strong as the day it happened. I’ve never told a soul about it.
I left home at 20 and went to work abroad, loved it and had a great time. Returned to U.K. after a few years but now live a safe distance from parental home...400 miles!

Good for you!

 

[50sGirl]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Sorry to read this.
My Dad had a mother like that and my best friend‘s parents are like that too.
Sadly they both found the only option was to walk away from the situation, cease all contact and never look back.
It wasn’t easy but they had no choice. My Dad was the most fantastic father because he didn’t want history repeating itself with his own children.
How old are you? Do you still live at home? Hugs xx

Edit: we really do need a “care” reaction on here. When I “love” a sad post, it means I’m sending love not that I love the contents. A care reaction would be much more appropriate.

 

[Doodlebug005]

Reading what people have endured is shocking.

It is so sad that we let people hurt us with their crappy words and behaviours... People who decide they don't like you or like someone else better are petty.... Do their opinions actually matter? NO! It happens at home, at work, friendship groups, online.... There will always be someone who wrongly believes they are better than you ....

Speaking down to someone, showing obvious preference , ignoring someone , all form of bullying.... Screw them... Who are they to make little of you....

Take their actions with a pinch of salt, the bitter salt they are obviously made of.... Focus on the people , pets etc that make you feel good.... Distance yourselves from bad energy

 

[vretch]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.

My mother was like that. She favoured my sister and youngest brother. It did cause much stress and jealousy while I was growing up and did influence how I felt about them. I came from family of 5 children, I was the oldest. My mother had terrible mental health issues which in those days were not treated properly and I believe made her favouritism more obvious. She deliberately pitched myself against my sister all the time. Saying and doing things to hurt me. I won’t get into specifics but some things were very painful.

It did cause a rift between myself and my sister so we grew up not close at all and I was very envious of her. She and my youngest brother got away with everything and I mean everything. There were excuses made for their bad and selfish behaviour whereas the rest of us were punished. To this day none of us can work out why she favoured those 2.

Glad to say, that we are all great now. We grew up and talked. I have dealt with my upbringing, in therapy etc so I was able to see things more clearly, thankfully. It is so interesting to see how my sister also acknowledged the favouritism and knew it to be true. But as kids, what were they going to do about it? Of course they accepted it with open arms because it was to their advantage.

My mother died young, I was only early 20s at the time, my sisters and brothers still teenagers. , who knows if it would still be a problem for us as we got older. I am just glad that I can now say we are all close and I can admit I was jeoulous and despised my sister for it. Not my mum, but my sister. Interesting families, eh?

Not sure how my story will solve yours but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you. You are not alone, this kind of favouritism goes on in many families. Ive made a conscious effort to never do it with my children hopefully breaking the cycle.

 

[Chita]

Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.

My mother was like that. She favoured my sister and youngest brother. It did cause much stress and jealousy while I was growing up and did influence how I felt about them. I came from family of 5 children, I was the oldest. My mother had terrible mental health issues which in those days were not treated properly and I believe made her favouritism more obvious. She deliberately pitched myself against my sister all the time. Saying and doing things to hurt me. I won’t get into specifics but some things were very painful.

It did cause a rift between myself and my sister so we grew up not close at all and I was very envious of her. She and my youngest brother got away with everything and I mean everything. There were excuses made for their bad and selfish behaviour whereas the rest of us were punished. To this day none of us can work out why she favoured those 2.

Glad to say, that we are all great now. We grew up and talked. I have dealt with my upbringing, in therapy etc so I was able to see things more clearly, thankfully. It is so interesting to see how my sister also acknowledged the favouritism and knew it to be true. But as kids, what were they going to do about it? Of course they accepted it with open arms because it was to their advantage.

My mother died young, I was only early 20s at the time, my sisters and brothers still teenagers. , who knows if it would still be a problem for us as we got older. I am just glad that I can now say we are all close and I can admit I was jeoulous and despised my sister for it. Not my mum, but my sister. Interesting families, eh?

Not sure how my story will solve yours but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you. You are not alone, this kind of favouritism goes on in many families. Ive made a conscious effort to never do it with my children hopefully breaking the cycle.

You all talked it through in an adult way.

Communication is the key, but it's so hard to start that conversation isn't it?

 

[kittenattack]

My mother favors my sister to the extent that even when my sister is in the wrong and I'm attempting to defend myself she turns it into my fault by saying I was screaming when I know I wasn't. It's like she's looking for something that she can point to it being my fault. It makes me so low because it feels like I'm always going to be in the wrong and there's never going to be anyway for me to defend myself against her. I feel trapped and on the edge of tears constantly.

Can you stop giving your mother a response when she criticises and blames you? Just say something like "if that's what you want to believe/if that's what you want to tell yourself" and just walk away. Practise grey rocking her.

 

[Pom Bear]

I catch up later today

Hot weather gone at last, alot cooler now

I brought everyone an ice cube today...if I did last week it would have melted by the time everyone got one
I couldn't anyway as this thread weren't around then lol
Love from Pom

 

[Damita]

I'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight .

Hope you are feeling better in the daylight.

I get nights where my anxiety gets so bad it is very frightening. I think what a lot of people don't realise is that the physical affects of anxiety can be brutal and traumatic to go through. I've always said I think the actual medical condition of anxiety needs re-naming because it sounds too trivial, most people will think it just means you get a bit nervous like everyone does.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I catch up later today

Hot weather gone at last, alot cooler now

I brought everyone an ice cube today...if I did last week it would have melted by the time everyone got one
I couldn't anyway as this thread weren't around then lol
Love from Pom

View attachment 685707

I just want to boop that snoot! And those eyes are so beautiful. I don't need and ice cube as it's winter where I live, but I'm smiling anyway. Virtual kisses and pats from Oz.

 

[sephylily]

Can you stop giving your mother a response when she criticises and blames you? Just say something like "if that's what you want to believe/if that's what you want to tell yourself" and just walk away. Practise grey rocking her.

This is what I need to try I think because I think my main issue is I feed into the criticism because it upsets me that I'm being blamed and then I become shouty because I'm so frustrated at the lack of belief.

 

[Nuttynana]

I'm not ready to join in yet so I'm quite enjoying being in the background reading all your posts.
I'm feeling a bit scared and teary tonight. I don't want to open up because I will open the floodgates. I hope I sleep better tonight .

Just open up and let it go we are all sympathetic on here use as much bad language as you want we all hav e a good laugh on here

 

[sephylily]

Growing up in dysfunctional families can be a trigger for some people so please I am warning you just in case. It’s not bad, bad though.

My mother was like that. She favoured my sister and youngest brother. It did cause much stress and jealousy while I was growing up and did influence how I felt about them. I came from family of 5 children, I was the oldest. My mother had terrible mental health issues which in those days were not treated properly and I believe made her favouritism more obvious. She deliberately pitched myself against my sister all the time. Saying and doing things to hurt me. I won’t get into specifics but some things were very painful.

It did cause a rift between myself and my sister so we grew up not close at all and I was very envious of her. She and my youngest brother got away with everything and I mean everything. There were excuses made for their bad and selfish behaviour whereas the rest of us were punished. To this day none of us can work out why she favoured those 2.

Glad to say, that we are all great now. We grew up and talked. I have dealt with my upbringing, in therapy etc so I was able to see things more clearly, thankfully. It is so interesting to see how my sister also acknowledged the favouritism and knew it to be true. But as kids, what were they going to do about it? Of course they accepted it with open arms because it was to their advantage.

My mother died young, I was only early 20s at the time, my sisters and brothers still teenagers. , who knows if it would still be a problem for us as we got older. I am just glad that I can now say we are all close and I can admit I was jeoulous and despised my sister for it. Not my mum, but my sister. Interesting families, eh?

Not sure how my story will solve yours but I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you must be feeling and I am so sorry for you. You are not alone, this kind of favouritism goes on in many families. Ive made a conscious effort to never do it with my children hopefully breaking the cycle.

That sounds awful I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you as well.

Sorry to read this.
My Dad had a mother like that and my best friend‘s parents are like that too.
Sadly they both found the only option was to walk away from the situation, cease all contact and never look back.
It wasn’t easy but they had no choice. My Dad was the most fantastic father because he didn’t want history repeating itself with his own children.
How old are you? Do you still live at home? Hugs xx

Edit: we really do need a “care” reaction on here. When I “love” a sad post, it means I’m sending love not that I love the contents. A care reaction would be much more appropriate.

I'm in my 20s and yes I do live at home at the minute which worsens the situation