Escape into the Tea & Sympathy chat room #2

[kpsceptic]

The African elephants are large - much prefer the size of the Indian ones as they are smaller But it is fantastic to see the animals in the Kruger in their natural habitat and not behind wire fencing or glass. The whole of the Kruger is fenced in and it is large! Different camp sites and the tour stayed at one then moved on to another camp. On the Isle of Wight they have been installing street lights that shine downwards more than the old ones. And the part of the island where I am is away from the main towns on the mainland so the night sky is far better for viewing.

 

[SlavaUkraini]

Thank heavens we have the trial as distraction. I think I told @Chita and @ChaoticArtist about our son being assaulted at school in October.
5 staples to his knee and a ruined football season. He's got a learning disability but is popular and happy. Despite this he's failing half his classes BC we get Pied by every staff member when asking for support. He's got a special dyslexia exception but they refuse to honor it. He's very distrustful of the adults at the school. The Umerican education system is a joke. No wonder this country sucks. Our basement is flooding and now our roof is leaking. We come to the UK in July and I haven't received my new passport. I can handle cancer and illness; I am blessed beyond
measure otherwise but I can't bear to watch my poor son suffer at the hands of our broken system.
---

Oh glad you have the data in your laptop. Backing up on multiple devices has saved me so many times.

Dad's not stable yet. Fever keeps spiking, though now it's looking more like viral. No way of being sure because the antibiotics he'd been taking would skew any test results. I got some more fresh veggies and fruits and some of his favourite snacks today. Have to be careful not to spike his sugar levels, but at least he's started eating a bit more happily Going to start with the cold compresses again. Don't want to do much in case it makes his cold worse.

Malaria is definitely a problem in some areas. Even though we live in a relatively clean area of a relatively clean city, we have lots of insects due to this being a rather green city. Lots of open spaces, parks etc. And the authorities cleaning up the grass pretty regularly means that we get a lot of angry wasps and mosquitoes

How was Kruger Park? I'd read a story about it as a child and wanted to go ever since. It sounded amazing! Vegas sounds fun as well. I used to travel with dad when I was much younger since his job required it. Very non-touristy places, so we'd set base in the closest city and then travel out. Was a lot of fun. Lots of touring the mountains - I always got sick. Parents would take me to historical monuments and museums a lot. Now I can't even think of travelling with circumstances and parents' health. Going to two markets today for groceries was adventure enough

Sometimes I worry about the future. In the sense that I feel like everything is too late for me. Both a cultural thing and in terms of my mental and physical health. Pretty late in terms of marriage/dating. Guys my age/older want younger women. Even if I get married now, doubt there will be time for romance because it's going to be all about baaabiiieees and earning lots and taking care of old parents etc. Just a boring life of responsibilities. Not allowed to travel alone because I am a woman with zero street smarts and zero husbands always stressed and focused on work/home so no social life. I don't have a lot of good memories. No matter how many silver linings I look for. Not a lot of, "It's okay that I can't do this now, I enjoyed that thing then." Don't see circumstances improving soon enough that I could still make some new good memories before I can't anymore. I need a miracle

Girl you're practically a child by Umerican standards. I met hub at 19. We didn't get married til after grad school and didn't start a family til we were 40. If we win the Powerball lottery I'll start a soap & candle business with you. We can escape to the UK!! Think of all the fun we'd have roasting TW!!!

 

[ChaoticArtist]

Thank heavens we have the trial as distraction. I think I told @Chita and @ChaoticArtist about our son being assaulted at school in October.
5 staples to his knee and a ruined football season. He's got a learning disability but is popular and happy. Despite this he's failing half his classes BC we get Pied by every staff member when asking for support. He's got a special dyslexia exception but they refuse to honor it. He's very distrustful of the adults at the school. The Umerican education system is a joke. No wonder this country sucks. Our basement is flooding and now our roof is leaking. We come to the UK in July and I haven't received my new passport. I can handle cancer and illness; I am blessed beyond
measure otherwise but I can't bear to watch my poor son suffer at the hands of our broken system.
---

Girl you're practically a child by Umerican standards. I met hub at 19. We didn't get married til after grad school and didn't start a family til we were 40. If we win the Powerball lottery I'll start a soap & candle business with you. We can escape to the UK!! Think of all the fun we'd have roasting TW!!!

I'm so sorry it took me so long to reply - had a bit going on. And then I fell asleep while typing

Poor kiddo! It's really unfair that he's having such a bad time would it help to escalate it to the district/county? Someone somewhere should be able to intervene. Maybe a nice legal-ish letter? Take a page out of Sparry's book, or at least hint at legal escalation? I suppose retaliation would be a risk in that case. I can understand your pain. Even mum with all her narc-y bits gets so upset when I'm upset. Will do a special prayer for you all today

Sorry about your house and passport woes. Any way to track the status of the passport? And a way to maybe get quick fixes on the house, even temporary ones? I'm sorry you have to deal with the stress of everything coming at you all at once You have cancer as well? You are so strong for dealing with everything and yet being so funny and sweet in the threads! I hope that you will soon have everything going your way


I think one of our leaders still calls himself a youth leader (in his forties or maybe early fifties now) because he's on American time girls here are supposed to be married by 23-25 years. Not all do, but we are frowned upon and don't really get a lot of good choices unless we've had an understanding with someone, like you, or have attractive attributes (beyond looks). I'm 33 and get matches from relatively less educated guys and those who are 52 - who are often looking for wives in the age range 18-35 years. Pedos I swear. Things might change now with the new job and as I start saving up etc, but now I'm feeling like I don't want to share and I don't want to marry someone who only sees me for what I can provide, otherwise I'd have done it a decade ago. Your words are really encouraging though, because I've been feeling like my life is over and I'm just waiting for the end for a long time now. Gives me hope

Ooooh that would be so much fun! Soaps and candles in the UK Royal chandlers! We'll hide anyone they want that would be our business strategy - we'll make candles to hide whoever you want in family functions/other events, no need to spend money on Photoshop later! Probably shouldn't be saying this out loud though - Smegs concept thieves abound

The African elephants are large - much prefer the size of the Indian ones as they are smaller But it is fantastic to see the animals in the Kruger in their natural habitat and not behind wire fencing or glass. The whole of the Kruger is fenced in and it is large! Different camp sites and the tour stayed at one then moved on to another camp. On the Isle of Wight they have been installing street lights that shine downwards more than the old ones. And the part of the island where I am is away from the main towns on the mainland so the night sky is far better for viewing.

I just realised that my last message to you was never posted. So sorry for abandoning our conversation - wasn't deliberate at all!

I hope you have been doing well!

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Hi I hope it’s ok to join. Lately I’ve been suffering with really bad claustrophobia and it’s starting to affect my everyday life. I’ll be sound asleep and then I just wake up feeling trapped, like I need to “get out” and like I need to get fresh air into my lungs. I have to open the window and take in deep breaths or move around the bedroom to let it pass. It started off every so often and now it’s happened two nights in a row and now I’m getting anxious to go to sleep incase it happens again. I’m also starting to worry about other things like being in a car or in a shop somewhere and feeling like I need to get out into the open air. I don’t know why it’s started happening but it’s horrible

The only thing that I can think of that’s triggered it is that I was in the back of a 3 door car and I had just eaten a big meal so I felt really full, I had a scarf on so I was really hot and the car was full so everyone was squished in. I just remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe and started to panic so we had to stop the car and I had to get out. Ever since then I’ve been worrying that something similar will happen and I think about it in every situation. For example I will have to sit in the front of the car and have the window open or the air con on

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want it to get any worse because it’s bad enough as it is now

 

[Miscanthus]

Hi I hope it’s ok to join. Lately I’ve been suffering with really bad claustrophobia and it’s starting to affect my everyday life. I’ll be sound asleep and then I just wake up feeling trapped, like I need to “get out” and like I need to get fresh air into my lungs. I have to open the window and take in deep breaths or move around the bedroom to let it pass. It started off every so often and now it’s happened two nights in a row and now I’m getting anxious to go to sleep incase it happens again. I’m also starting to worry about other things like being in a car or in a shop somewhere and feeling like I need to get out into the open air. I don’t know why it’s started happening but it’s horrible

The only thing that I can think of that’s triggered it is that I was in the back of a 3 door car and I had just eaten a big meal so I felt really full, I had a scarf on so I was really hot and the car was full so everyone was squished in. I just remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe and started to panic so we had to stop the car and I had to get out. Ever since then I’ve been worrying that something similar will happen and I think about it in every situation. For example I will have to sit in the front of the car and have the window open or the air con on

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want it to get any worse because it’s bad enough as it is now

Have a word with your GP or see if you can get some hypnotherapy? You can try self hypnosis too or meditate or try deep breathing or yoga. There's a podcast called Headspace you could try. Sorry, I'm just chucking things out there.....it must be horrible.

 

[melisnusty]

Hi I hope it’s ok to join. Lately I’ve been suffering with really bad claustrophobia and it’s starting to affect my everyday life. I’ll be sound asleep and then I just wake up feeling trapped, like I need to “get out” and like I need to get fresh air into my lungs. I have to open the window and take in deep breaths or move around the bedroom to let it pass. It started off every so often and now it’s happened two nights in a row and now I’m getting anxious to go to sleep incase it happens again. I’m also starting to worry about other things like being in a car or in a shop somewhere and feeling like I need to get out into the open air. I don’t know why it’s started happening but it’s horrible

The only thing that I can think of that’s triggered it is that I was in the back of a 3 door car and I had just eaten a big meal so I felt really full, I had a scarf on so I was really hot and the car was full so everyone was squished in. I just remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe and started to panic so we had to stop the car and I had to get out. Ever since then I’ve been worrying that something similar will happen and I think about it in every situation. For example I will have to sit in the front of the car and have the window open or the air con on

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want it to get any worse because it’s bad enough as it is now

Do you think you could be perimenopausal?

 

[Cariad]

Have a word with your GP or see if you can get some hypnotherapy? You can try self hypnosis too or meditate or try deep breathing or yoga. There's a podcast called Headspace you could try. Sorry, I'm just chucking things out there.....it must be horrible.

Calm is also another v good app for helping to relax to ...I have it playing ( sound of waves) every night when I go to sleep

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Have a word with your GP or see if you can get some hypnotherapy? You can try self hypnosis too or meditate or try deep breathing or yoga. There's a podcast called Headspace you could try. Sorry, I'm just chucking things out there.....it must be horrible.

I’ve messaged a hypnotherapist and after looking at her testimonials I’m thinking this could be for me, thank you for suggesting
---

Do you think you could be perimenopausal?

Can that happen at 25?

 

[Miscanthus]

I’ve messaged a hypnotherapist and after looking at her testimonials I’m thinking this could be for me, thank you for suggesting
---

Can that happen at 25?

I think you can cross that one off!

Good luck and keep us posted xx

 

[Chita]

Hi I hope it’s ok to join. Lately I’ve been suffering with really bad claustrophobia and it’s starting to affect my everyday life. I’ll be sound asleep and then I just wake up feeling trapped, like I need to “get out” and like I need to get fresh air into my lungs. I have to open the window and take in deep breaths or move around the bedroom to let it pass. It started off every so often and now it’s happened two nights in a row and now I’m getting anxious to go to sleep incase it happens again. I’m also starting to worry about other things like being in a car or in a shop somewhere and feeling like I need to get out into the open air. I don’t know why it’s started happening but it’s horrible

The only thing that I can think of that’s triggered it is that I was in the back of a 3 door car and I had just eaten a big meal so I felt really full, I had a scarf on so I was really hot and the car was full so everyone was squished in. I just remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe and started to panic so we had to stop the car and I had to get out. Ever since then I’ve been worrying that something similar will happen and I think about it in every situation. For example I will have to sit in the front of the car and have the window open or the air con on

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want it to get any worse because it’s bad enough as it is now

I think you are kind of locked in that moment when you felt trapped and are revisiting it.
Reliving the shock/trauma type thing.
You panicked and when you remember it, you panic again.

I suggest breathing control when it happens again.
Breathe in for a count of 10.
Breathe out for a count of 10.
And repeat a few times.
You will find yourself calming down.

Then once you start to calm your mind you need to then distract yourself from that panicky feeling.
Listening to those calm apps or some music you find relaxing is a great help. You can distract your mind by listening to the music and imagining yourself all relaxed in a place where you feel safe and happy.

It's all about controlling the fear instead of it controlling you.
You can do it.

The other coping mechanism is to put yourself in a crowded car again, but in a controlled situation. Tell the people with you how you feel and ease yourself into it.
They will help your mind-chimp stop panicking and you can be in the car for a short time, get out if you feel overwhelmed, then do it again gradually increasing the length of time until you forget you were ever anxious.
Make sure you are next to the door so you can tell your mind-chimp it's ok, you can get out at any time so there's nothing to worry about.

It's a getting back on the horse after it's thrown you situation.

You can do this.
You can overcome it.

 

[melisnusty]

I’ve messaged a hypnotherapist and after looking at her testimonials I’m thinking this could be for me, thank you for suggesting
---

Can that happen at 25?

It can, however unlikely. Just a question though

 

[ChaoticArtist]

Hi I hope it’s ok to join. Lately I’ve been suffering with really bad claustrophobia and it’s starting to affect my everyday life. I’ll be sound asleep and then I just wake up feeling trapped, like I need to “get out” and like I need to get fresh air into my lungs. I have to open the window and take in deep breaths or move around the bedroom to let it pass. It started off every so often and now it’s happened two nights in a row and now I’m getting anxious to go to sleep incase it happens again. I’m also starting to worry about other things like being in a car or in a shop somewhere and feeling like I need to get out into the open air. I don’t know why it’s started happening but it’s horrible

The only thing that I can think of that’s triggered it is that I was in the back of a 3 door car and I had just eaten a big meal so I felt really full, I had a scarf on so I was really hot and the car was full so everyone was squished in. I just remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe and started to panic so we had to stop the car and I had to get out. Ever since then I’ve been worrying that something similar will happen and I think about it in every situation. For example I will have to sit in the front of the car and have the window open or the air con on

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want it to get any worse because it’s bad enough as it is now

Familiar with that. I get the same feeling when I'm dreaming or thinking about travelling in a train or bus - very comfy IRL, but Covid took the claustrophobia that I'd worked years to get over, and chronic bronchitis, and turned it into the ability to have panic attacks at any random time. It's become even worse because I'm still very swollen from the recent bout, which adds to that feeling of being stuck, and haven't had a chance to go near a train or bus in years.

Others have given good suggestions. Please also look into lung function/do lung-strengthening exercises - no harm even if you don't need them. They'll help you regain a sense of control and calm down at will. Pranayama (yoga) is a good starting point. Nothing but deep breathing. Also try to get a sense of how your digestive system is doing - gas or heartburn can also interrupt with your breathing and irritate your throat (and connected tissue). Symptoms would mimic a panic attack in that case.

Therapy for claustrophobia will help. It took me years without professional guidance to do a few very normal things (won't mention them because it might trigger more fears for someone reading this). So would definitely recommend getting professional help. I basically exposed myself to the triggers in either increasing doses, or in some cases I didn't have a choice/the other options were tedious and painful so I had to go with the scary option.

Hope you can get the help you need and feel better soon!

 

[Happy Lady]

Knock knock, can I come in please. Finds kettle, pours cuppa sits and waits for company.

I'm having a mild panic because I've been stupid. My son gets married next week and I spent a fortune buying my outfit. When I tried it on in the shop earlier this year it fitted perfectly, but now when I sit down it's far too tight around my legs and I'm concerned in case the bloody thing splits open. No idea how I'll bend down to get in the car. . Anyway, I have a plan. I'll arrive as the bag lady with another dress that I know fits me - just in case, but others (my side of the family) saw me wear it to a wedding last year!

 

[JAR21]

Knock knock, can I come in please. Finds kettle, pours cuppa sits and waits for company.

I'm having a mild panic because I've been stupid. My son gets married next week and I spent a fortune buying my outfit. When I tried it on in the shop earlier this year it fitted perfectly, but now when I sit down it's far too tight around my legs and I'm concerned in case the bloody thing splits open. No idea how I'll bend down to get in the car. . Anyway, I have a plan. I'll arrive as the bag lady with another dress that I know fits me - just in case, but others (my side of the family) saw me wear it to a wedding last year!

Is there any chance you could ring the shop and swap it for the next size?

 

[Miscanthus]

Knock knock, can I come in please. Finds kettle, pours cuppa sits and waits for company.

I'm having a mild panic because I've been stupid. My son gets married next week and I spent a fortune buying my outfit. When I tried it on in the shop earlier this year it fitted perfectly, but now when I sit down it's far too tight around my legs and I'm concerned in case the bloody thing splits open. No idea how I'll bend down to get in the car. . Anyway, I have a plan. I'll arrive as the bag lady with another dress that I know fits me - just in case, but others (my side of the family) saw me wear it to a wedding last year!

Could you open up a seam to create a split and secure it at an appropriate height, before it actually does split and reveals your...ahem...modesty? That way you can control it!

 

[Happy Lady]

Could you open up a seam to create a split and secure it at an appropriate height, before it actually does split and reveals your...ahem...modesty? That way you can control it!

There's already one in the back. Hey ho. Wouldn't mind so much but new shoes, bag and fascinator all match perfectly. Perhaps I shouldn't sit down all day.

 

[Miscanthus]

There's already one in the back. Hey ho. Wouldn't mind so much but new shoes, bag and fascinator all match perfectly. Perhaps I shouldn't sit down all day.

Have a look at the seams. Is there enough allowance to let it out? Dry cleaners often have tailors who can do this sort of thing. Otherwise it's a crash diet....

 

[ChaoticArtist]

Knock knock, can I come in please. Finds kettle, pours cuppa sits and waits for company.

I'm having a mild panic because I've been stupid. My son gets married next week and I spent a fortune buying my outfit. When I tried it on in the shop earlier this year it fitted perfectly, but now when I sit down it's far too tight around my legs and I'm concerned in case the bloody thing splits open. No idea how I'll bend down to get in the car. . Anyway, I have a plan. I'll arrive as the bag lady with another dress that I know fits me - just in case, but others (my side of the family) saw me wear it to a wedding last year!

Congratulations! I see that everyone else has given you really nice suggestions. Alterations would be the way to go.

But even if you have to ditch the outfit (completely, or midway), we like Catherine so we have no shame in repeating outfits. In fact, it's better to wear something you've been seen in before otherwise DIL might say you stole her thunder (I hope not ).

Or when you're ready to change into the old outfit, get someone to 'accidentally' spill something (that won't stain) on you, and you've got an amazing excuse to change and show how well-prepared you are by having another dress on hand after all, you aren't a certain ex-married-in-royal who has no shame in going around with stained clothes

Easy-peasy, deep breaths and stay non-panicked!


Or if the outfit has separate top and bottom, you could switch out the lower thing for something more comfy that matches at some point. Did that at my cousin's wedding when the shop returned my lehenga late and it was too long (they refused to believe I won't wear heels). It was exhausting dealing with the skirt, so I excused myself after the ceremony, went home to check on my dog and changed into slim-fit trousers which worked well with the top and the outfit still looked party-wear. Went back, got a tonne of compliments and was able to dance and run about with the niblings more freely instead of being tired and angry. This was just before the lockdown too, so very glad that I disregarded anything but my own comfort because I haven't seen almost any of those cousins since

 

[Happy Lady]

Is there any chance you could ring the shop and swap it for the next size?

I started with a 14 but it hung off my shoulders, so I tried the 12 and (when I stand or walk) it looks gorgeous. Perhaps my bum's grown.

 

[Chita]

@Happy Lady

If you think you can sit in it for the ceremony and lunch/dinner then do that but take something to change into afterwards.

Is it a dress? Or skirt and top?
Plain or patterned?
How long is it?
If there's a slit at the back and the skirt is long enough, you could have a slit put in the front by a seamstress/alteration service.
Like making a "false hem" on someting, a slit can be made.

If it's a skirt and top, can a different skirt be used?

If its a frock and in plain fabric, or even patterned if you can find a suitable piece of fabric to go with it the dress can be unpicked at each side seam and two strips/panels created to widen.
It can be made to look like a feature as if the panels were always there. But will be tricky getting a match.

If it's never been worn, I would take it back to the shop you got it from and ask them to help.
Maybe exchange the whole outfit or part of it.
People in the industry are used to dealing with crises and can often fix things we think are just beyond solving.

Do it now while you have time.