Escape into the Tea & Sympathy chat room #2

[Chita]

@wisebutwild you've been amazing.
We don't really know where the strength comes from but it does come.

Have a good cry with your friend. It's good to let it out. Especially with someone who A] is also widowed and B] knew your husband. That's a great comfort.
Somehow it helps when they also knew him.

 

[JAR21]

I haven’t been on here for a while and feel a little guilty about it but needed to come over to thank everyone who has given me advice and virtual hugs to help me get through this past year. I can’t believe it was a year ago today that my wonderful husband passed away and yet sometimes it seems like forever. With your help and advice I managed to get through the first Christmas without him and just 3 days ago, on the 1st July, would have been his birthday so that was the final 'first' milestone to cope with.
It is good to talk with you and those who have gone through similar experiences as sometimes it is easier to speak about your true feelings on here than with family or friends.

Today a friend is coming round to see me. I have known her for about 57 years, we used to go out clubbing and on holiday together when we were teenagers and we were both bridesmaids for each other when we got married. Fate had it that we should become widows almost at the same time - her husband dying 5 weeks after mine. We have got closer again and have helped each other get through but sometimes I am frightened of saying things which might upset her and that is when I came on here. No doubt we will shed a few tears this afternoon remembering the ‘Good old days’ but without friends like her and my new friends on here I wouldn’t have coped half as well as I have. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, you are all so caring. Bless you

Whilst it's upsetting that you've both been widowed, at least you have got someone in the same boat and someone who you might be able to go for meals with and on day trips or holidays with. If you're the only widow you are close to, then it makes it difficult to find a holiday partner, unless you can go with family.

 

[wisebutwild]

@wisebutwild you've been amazing.
We don't really know where the strength comes from but it does come.

Have a good cry with your friend. It's good to let it out. Especially with someone who A] is also widowed and B] knew your husband. That's a great comfort.
Somehow it helps when they also knew him.

Well my friend came this afternoon armed with sunflowers "to bring a little sun into my life" she said and a handwritten card with beautiful words. Reading them had the tears flowing from both of us as we gave each other the biggest of hugs. When we had composed ourselves we had tea and lemon drizzle cake whilst reminiscing about the good times and laughing at old photographs I had dug out. The clothes we and our husbands wore and our hairstyles brought tears again but with laughter not sadness.
When she left we hugged and cried again when I said I would be there for her on the 6th August, the anniversary of her husband passing away. We both have family ..... two children each ..... but sometimes you just need to have someone you have known nearly all your life, (I've known her longer than I knew my husband) to talk to when you need cheering up.

 

[Chita]

Well done @wisebutwild
you are stronger than you know.

xxx

 

[wisebutwild]

Whilst it's upsetting that you've both been widowed, at least you have got someone in the same boat and someone who you might be able to go for meals with and on day trips or holidays with. If you're the only widow you are close to, then it makes it difficult to find a holiday partner, unless you can go with family.

Since our husbands passed away we have seen more of each other and have been out for meals on a few occasions and have also talked about going on holiday together. We have both also been away with our families so life is slowly getting better as we were both full time carers for our husbands before so hardly went out.

 

[Miscanthus]

Well my friend came this afternoon armed with sunflowers "to bring a little sun into my life" she said and a handwritten card with beautiful words. Reading them had the tears flowing from both of us as we gave each other the biggest of hugs. When we had composed ourselves we had tea and lemon drizzle cake whilst reminiscing about the good times and laughing at old photographs I had dug out. The clothes we and our husbands wore and our hairstyles brought tears again but with laughter not sadness.
When she left we hugged and cried again when I said I would be there for her on the 6th August, the anniversary of her husband passing away. We both have family ..... two children each ..... but sometimes you just need to have someone you have known nearly all your life, (I've known her longer than I knew my husband) to talk to when you need cheering up.

Such a heartwarming post. How wonderful to have a friendship like this when you both need it.

 

[Happy Lady]

Since our husbands passed away we have seen more of each other and have been out for meals on a few occasions and have also talked about going on holiday together. We have both also been away with our families so life is slowly getting better as we were both full time carers for our husbands before so hardly went out.

Going on holiday together is an excellent idea. I'm sure your husbands would want you both to continue to live a fulfilling and happy life. It is very strange going away without your husband for the first time, but once you've done it, then you'll feel better the next time. You sound like a strong lady, be happy, arrange to go out as often as you can, whether with family or friends. Take care

 

[lozzapaloozza]

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I like my new job or not. Nothing bad has happened at all but I feel so anxious before I go and when I’m there I just want to be at home. It’s only really my second week and my boyfriend says I should stick with it but my anxiety is telling me to run and I keep thinking about leaving. The day goes quick but it’s a lot and I don’t like how late I finish. I don’t know what to do I feel like an idiot and that I’ll let people down but then I don’t know what else I’d do

 

[Chita]

Two weeks in is a bit soon to know whether you really like it or not.
You are learning the job and getting to know the people and the way they all work. That takes a while and soon you will be taking all of that in your stride and your anxiety will settle. You will also adjust to your new finishing time.

In the meantime if you feel the anxiety taking hold, do some breathing control.

Breathe in for a count of 10, breathe out for a count of 10 and repeat a few times.
No one will know you are doing it and it will help calm you down.

You can do it.

 

[JAR21]

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I like my new job or not. Nothing bad has happened at all but I feel so anxious before I go and when I’m there I just want to be at home. It’s only really my second week and my boyfriend says I should stick with it but my anxiety is telling me to run and I keep thinking about leaving. The day goes quick but it’s a lot and I don’t like how late I finish. I don’t know what to do I feel like an idiot and that I’ll let people down but then I don’t know what else I’d do

I think everyone feels anxious in a new job. You need to learn all your responsibilities and the way they operate, as well as finding your feet with a whole load of new people.

I would say you need to at least give it a couple of months before looking for anything else. Perhaps by then, you'll wonder what you were stressed about!

 

[Miscanthus]

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I like my new job or not. Nothing bad has happened at all but I feel so anxious before I go and when I’m there I just want to be at home. It’s only really my second week and my boyfriend says I should stick with it but my anxiety is telling me to run and I keep thinking about leaving. The day goes quick but it’s a lot and I don’t like how late I finish. I don’t know what to do I feel like an idiot and that I’ll let people down but then I don’t know what else I’d do

I have been in this position. My old company said I could go back...my leaving gift (cash) could go to charity...everybody was so nice....I wouldn't look stupid....
I didn't go back.
Give it time. Remind yourself why you took the job. Don't expect to just slot in. It's a huge upheaval and so many changes all at once. Is there somebody you could chat to in HR or even your manager to get some reassurance? Your boyfriend knows you well....maybe try to explore your anxiety with him...what's the basis of it?
Are the hours longer than advertised? Are you worried you can't do the job?
You say that nothing bad has happened and the day goes quickly. That sounds good.
This may well end up with you growing as a person and becoming more confident.
Feel the fear and do it anyway, as they say. Good luck, let us know..,,

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words 🥹 I tend to run away with myself when I feel anxious and overthink everything and want to escape but you’re right. I spoke to some other colleauges and they’ve been feeling the exact same even not having had anxiety before so that helps me feel like I’m not alone. Fingers crossed in a few weeks I’ll be thinking what was I worrying about xxx

How’s everybody else?

 

[Miscanthus]

Thank you so much for all of your kind words 🥹 I tend to run away with myself when I feel anxious and overthink everything and want to escape but you’re right. I spoke to some other colleauges and they’ve been feeling the exact same even not having had anxiety before so that helps me feel like I’m not alone. Fingers crossed in a few weeks I’ll be thinking what was I worrying about xxx

How’s everybody else?

So pleased to hear it Lozza (I used to get called that!). You are welcome. Overthinking is the worst! Please come back and let us know how you are getting on. I'm sure your new employers are lucky to have you

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Right now I am at a beer festival, feeling deeply upset. First of all, yes alcohol has played a part in today's events.
Much earlier on, my partner and I, were happiliy chattting away at the festival, when a man came along with his dog called Darcy.
My partner was chatting away with the man, the man was completely oblivious to my presence infact he continually ignored whatever I had to say.
I made a joke about the dog being named Darcy, I said where's Elizabeth? (Pride and prejudice). On reflection it was a lame joke, but the man completely ignored me and continued to speak to my partner. Alcoholic played a part in the following proceedings, I ended up loudly calling the man an arse.
But this wasn't the end of it.
Sorry I will have to come back to this topic.

 

[Miscanthus]

Right now I am at a beer festival, feeling deeply upset. First of all, yes alcohol has played a part in today's events.
Much earlier on, my partner and I, were happiliy chattting away at the festival, when a man came along with his dog called Darcy.
My partner was chatting away with the man, the man was completely oblivious to my presence infact he continually ignored whatever I had to say.
I made a joke about the dog being named Darcy, I said where's Elizabeth? (Pride and prejudice). On reflection it was a lame joke, but the man completely ignored me and continued to speak to my partner. Alcoholic played a part in the following proceedings, I ended up loudly calling the man an arse.
But this wasn't the end of it.
Sorry I will have to come back to this topic.

How rude and ignorant he sounds! Did you pour your drink over him?

 

[Rockin' Robin]

Miscanthus - No I didn't pour a drink over him. Sorry it has been a while since my last post, it has been a difficult day and I feel really tired.
So back at the beer festival, normal service was resumed, my partner and I continued enjoying the festival. But later on, the same bloke came back to talk to my partner. I still felt aggravated about the earlier situation, so I asked him why he didn't speak to me earlier. This is something I would never have done if I had not been drinking.
The man said that he didn't hear what I said earlier on, which was nonsense because he seemed to converse with my partner easily enough. I dismissed what he said, and became more aggravated. Meanwhile his dog was hovering by my feet, so I not very politely asked him to move the dog away from me. The man wandered off a few minutes later. This is the point when I began writing my first post on this thread today, but as I was doing so, another more polite man came and chatted to both of us.
Another reason why I was so annoyed about the first man who spoke to my partner, was the fact that the man continued to ignore me. However, my partner didn't seem to notice, and carried on chatting to him. My partner is a good man, it is not in his nature to be rude to anyone. So he politely continued talking with the man.
To top it all, we had to wait half an hour, for the bus to take us back into town. The bus was right in front of us, but the driver was having his break. I felt shattered after all that, and was unable to continue with my first post.
There is a good reason why I don't often over indulge with alcohol, today was a good example of why I don't

 

[JAR21]

The man does sound like a complete dick and it’s no wonder you’re annoyed. How rude to just converse with one of a couple, without at least acknowledging the other person there. Also, your partner needs to be more aware and either include you in the conversation or check you’re ok whilst he’s standing there chatting.

 

[My2pWorth]

@Buddy1877 we hanging out in here now

 

[Buddy1877]

@Buddy1877 we hanging out in here now

Yup. I’ve got it all saved. And thanks. X

 

[Chita]

@Rockin' Robin you've had a tough time lately. Don't beat yourself up about having a rare drink.

All the man had to do was apologise when you asked why he'd ignored you.
He should've just said he hadn't realised he had excluded you and was sorry.
He didn't do that and it is ok to feel aggrieved.

Now draw a line under it and move on. Don't let it eat away at you.

Xxx