Don't even bother getting into it. You know your truth.
Calm down. How do you know that she is not a great person? Cheating does not define a person
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What are you on about?!I'd just ignore those tbh who think life is black and white, your opinion will never be heard. It would be nice to be that naive but I live in the real worldWhy it matters to others what a complete stranger does & get so worked up about it calling you names etc is beyond me.
This woman has posted on a PUBLIC FORUM to
Discuss her having an affair which is what we are doing. It’s kind of the entire point of this thread and indeed this entire website.
I question why someone else's behaviour, whom you don't know, seems to have such an impact on you, that's all
We all have our own opinions, doesn't mean all of us are right. A discussion would be to try and understand why it happens, which was the initial question of this thread I believe, not just bash anyone who confesses to having an affair and call them rum etc 
It’s not really discussing it to just keep insulting her though? The thread was for people to share experiences whether they had the affair or were on the receiving end of it. It’s been made clear people don’t agree with what she’s doing but repeatedly just calling her a bad person isn’t discussion.
For example, you could argue that women who stay with their cheating partners, aren't dissimilar to the 'other woman' in respect of their self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect-i.e. staying loyal to someone who has disrespected you in the worst of ways, also shows a lack of self respect re what you're willing to accept from a partner, likewise with the other woman's lack of self respect to accept scraps off a married/attached man. Comes back again to the point that it's much more complex because we're all humans with different life experiences, attachment styles etc, no one is perfect and always makes the right choices in life! If we did, we'd never learn and evolve. To quote Rebecca Bunch, 'the situation's a lot more nuanced than that' 
I don't know why this is in italics? Anyway good luck all.
I don't know why this is in italics? Anyway good luck all. 
I don’t think you can compare the “self respect” of women who knowingly cheat with a married man and women who stay in relationships with men that have cheated.
No one forced the other woman to cheat with married men - you can simply *not have sex with them*. But women who have been cheated on, are sometimes trapped in the relationship (either financially, they have kids with them etc.). It’s hard to get out of that relationship. I think it says a lot about you if you say victims of cheating have low self respect or self worth and compare them to women who knowingly cheat with married men.
No one forced the other woman to cheat with married men - you can simply *not have sex with them*. But women who have been cheated on, are sometimes trapped in the relationship (either financially, they have kids with them etc.). It’s hard to get out of that relationship. I think it says a lot about you if you say victims of cheating have low self respect or self worth and compare them to women who knowingly cheat with married men.
fully agree. i understand the overall point regarding self-respect but i’m not sure it’s fair to say both women aren’t dissimilar. only one of them has knowingly and willingly engaged in something which will cause other people emotional harm and, like you say, there’s a hundred reasons why someone may stay with a cheating partner.
(before someone says it, yes, i know there’s a hundred reasons why someone might cheat too
i’m not saying all of those reasons are invalid)So you and Steve didn't end up together?To get this thread kind of back on track...
Yes, I did have an emotional affair that lead to a breakup and marrying the man I was having an emotional affair with. Like all of these situations, it was incredibly complex. In a nutshell, my partner had debilitating depression and I had undiagnosed mental health issues. We had been together for five years, and were living together, but in the last 6 to 12 months of our union we were more like housemates than actual partners. He spent his time working, sleeping and gambling online. I was in the midst of changing careers and suffering from crippling anxiety. I could feel my partner pushing me further and further away. He was critical of my friends, my choices and me. I began to isolate, with the exception of visiting my parents almost daily because I felt safe there. I'm not blaming him, just painting the picture of how lonely I was. I knew deep down that he wanted to end things. I did too. We were both scared I think. Anyhow, I met my now husband through my parents. Let's call him Steve. He was a friend of theirs and we just clicked. We share many interests and I could talk to him so easily. I knew he liked me and he was single but he was extremely respectful. It was me who pushed the boundaries. I got his phone number and began texting him. Just harmless chitchat that did begin to border on flirtatious. One night my partner went out and didn't invite me when usually he would have. I got upset and drove to my parents and Steve was there. I suggested we pop down the pub together for a bite to eat and a beer. I got very drunk, pashed him and then vomited everywhere. I felt so angry and disgusted in myself. The next day, I called Steve and told him I was sorry, it was a mistake and that we were friends but nothing more. I resolved to stop messaging him. The next few weeks were miserable. He was all I could think about. I stopped communicating with him, stopped going to visit my parents so often in case I bumped into him. I threw myself into work, and being a loving partner. Then, one cool Spring evening, my partner and I went for dinner with my parents. We bumped into Steve (they live in a small town lol) and it was akward. My partner had already accused Steve of having feelings for me prior to our drunken kiss, which Steve denied. On the drive home, my partner said he suspected I had feelings for Steve and asked me to leave. I was shocked, relieved, heartbroken. I did leave, the next day. Moved back home with mum and dad. My mental health deteriorated, I had to reduce work hours. Throughout it all, Steve was there. As a friend. He never pushed for more until I made the first move (mostly sober, no more vomit lol). Ten years later, we're still together.
Would I enter into another emotional affair? No. Because Steve and I are almost embarrassingly honest with each other about everything. I get regular crushes on people which we talk and laugh about. He has his own crush on our hairdresser. I think I fell into an emotional affair because there was something severely lacking in my previous relationship that neither of us were mature enough to address. The entire saga, and the aftermath was so incredibly draining. I won't ever judge anyone in an emotional affair though because there are so many layers to every situation.
Sorry for such a long post
I was hoping you would ...
Yes, a bit Mills and Boon 
It's a long story, and every time I think about it I'm right back there. It was cool, and it was Spring. The OP asked for people to share their experiences, not for people to come in here and tit all over each other.
It's a long story, and every time I think about it I'm right back there. It was cool, and it was Spring. The OP asked for people to share their experiences, not for people to come in here and tit all over each other.Yes of course there's a lot more as to why women stay, just as there is a lot more as to why women cheat themselves/get involved with attached men, and some don't knowingly enter into relationships with attached men either. I'd love to believe life is as simple as is made out here with regards to infidelity but if it was, there surely wouldn't be so much of it and so many complicated relationships. You can believe it or not have empathy for the person being cheated on, the person doing the cheating and the other person! Says more about a person if you only consider one side of an argument and label all cheaters/'other people' as rum, morally wrong etc, in my humble opinion
thanks for sharing your story, like I say, always more to a situation.
Nah you're just rum loveYes, a bit Mills and Boon
thanks for sharing your story, like I say, always more to a situation.The majority of “other women” I know are being played just like the wives and girlfriends are.
Do I fundementally agree with my friend who’s been seeing a married man for 2 years? No. And it would be very easy for me to sit there and berate her for it, but I’m not in that situation, I’m not the one being gaslit, lied to and sold a pipe dream. Also it’s just not helpful, by turning around and telling her she’s a crappy person it’s less likely she’ll come to me for support and Advice when he’s abusive or when she does finally see the light and leave him.
Do I fundementally agree with my friend who’s been seeing a married man for 2 years? No. And it would be very easy for me to sit there and berate her for it, but I’m not in that situation, I’m not the one being gaslit, lied to and sold a pipe dream. Also it’s just not helpful, by turning around and telling her she’s a crappy person it’s less likely she’ll come to me for support and Advice when he’s abusive or when she does finally see the light and leave him.
Wow - you seem like a really empathetic and intelligent person...Nah you're just rum love
Ignore them - they clearly have an agenda of 'all cheaters are bad, evil people' and are not open to any kind of discussion.Yes, a bit Mills and Boon
I enjoyed reading your comment, but was hoping you and Steve would end up together
Yeahhhhhhh no. I nearly lost it with the phrase “pashed” - like hellloooooo Toadfish Rebecchi called and needs his scripted for the next episode of Neighbours back….!Yes, a bit Mills and Boon
IT WAS A COOL SPRING EVENING DOWN AT RAMSAY STREET AND I WAS JUST ABOUT TO THROW A SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE AND PASH STEVE BUT SADLY MY MUM & DAD TURNED UP.
FAIR DINKUM MATE! BONZA!
Ok - you're literally making fun of the way someone speaks? Grow up
She came here to share her story and have a discussion, there's no need for name calling and toxicity.
The first comment was obviously sarcastic if you read the other posts from this user, and the second person did end up with Steve - she says they've been together for 10 years at the end of her post?Wow - you seem like a really empathetic and intelligent person...
Ignore them - they clearly have an agenda of 'all cheaters are bad, evil people' and are not open to any kind of discussion.
I enjoyed reading your comment, but was hoping you and Steve would end up together
This is very true. I have a colleague who stays with a very rich husband who has had many affairs (that we all know about, he's not discreet) because she just doesn't want to downgrade her lifestyle, and she's pretty open about that.
@Lana.lee I was being sarcastic of those that have that narrow minded opinion...I don't think that at all, agree with you and am in the more empathic camp
Oh I’m empathetic. To the wives and husbands getting unknowingly cheated on, that is 
I think if you have to resort to childish piss taking/name calling on a discussion forum, perhaps these threads aren't the place for you. It's been good to discuss it & interesting to see how the other woman seems generally viewed as the evil wrong doer, as opposed to the person doing the cheating. It's the cheaters that we really need to look at as to why they behave in this way, as there will always be people to cheat with, that's just the reality of life sadly.
It takes 2 people to cheat. Both involved are “the cheaters”
Jesus I hope none of you “pro cheating” lot are married. It makes an utter mockery of the institution of marriage!
But only one person has made the commitment to the husband/wife.
I’ve never cheated personally but I have been cheated on and I fully blamed the person who had made a commitment to me.