I saw a post on Celeb Gossip about emotional affairs and wondered if anyone had an experience they wanted to share? Have you, would you, it is worse or better than a physical one?
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I’m not sure which one is worse but they are both as bad as each other
I haven’t and wouldn’t have one, but an ex partner had one during our relationship. He also cheated - yes, he was not a catch. Personally, I found the emotional affair ‘worse’ though both were obviously horrible. I think it’s easier to rationalise what we think of as ‘traditional’ affairs. The excitement of having sex with someone new, potentially after being in a relationship for years, could be hard to resist. Many people have sexual thoughts about people other than their partner (whether they act on it or not), whilst still only wanting to spend their life with their partner. They might love their partner but feel sexually unfulfilled. At the end of the day, it’s physically so easy to kiss someone, and I imagine once you’ve done that it’s harder to resist the downward spiral
My ex pleaded drunkenness for his cheating, which I do not consider a good excuse (there’s no good excuse for cheating) but accept it does lower inhibitions. Keeping that in mind and some of the reasons above, I was very hurt but kind of able to accept it. I remember at the time consoling myself with the fact I was his ‘main witch’
I was stupid and that felt important as I had kinda been the side chick in another relationship before (unbeknownst to be)
The emotional affair was unforgivable though. I tried but couldn’t. I guess it took away my main witch status? While disgusted by his cheating, I didn’t feel as if he would leave me for one of those women. The woman he had the emotional affair with was different. The dynamic began to feel like she was part of our relationship. I couldn’t stop questioning why he’d be so close to her, and it actually got pretty annoying that he didn’t leave me for her because they clearly had something going on which was better than what either of them had with their respective partners
Okay, I’m rambling. Basically I found physical cheating difficult to deal with but I could make sense of it, whereas the emotional affair just left me having endless questions, feeling deeply insecure about my whole self, and like our relationship was actually threatened
Obviously influenced by the cheating being purely sexual in my situation, which isn’t always the case
My ex pleaded drunkenness for his cheating, which I do not consider a good excuse (there’s no good excuse for cheating) but accept it does lower inhibitions. Keeping that in mind and some of the reasons above, I was very hurt but kind of able to accept it. I remember at the time consoling myself with the fact I was his ‘main witch’
I was stupid and that felt important as I had kinda been the side chick in another relationship before (unbeknownst to be)The emotional affair was unforgivable though. I tried but couldn’t. I guess it took away my main witch status? While disgusted by his cheating, I didn’t feel as if he would leave me for one of those women. The woman he had the emotional affair with was different. The dynamic began to feel like she was part of our relationship. I couldn’t stop questioning why he’d be so close to her, and it actually got pretty annoying that he didn’t leave me for her because they clearly had something going on which was better than what either of them had with their respective partners
Okay, I’m rambling. Basically I found physical cheating difficult to deal with but I could make sense of it, whereas the emotional affair just left me having endless questions, feeling deeply insecure about my whole self, and like our relationship was actually threatened
Obviously influenced by the cheating being purely sexual in my situation, which isn’t always the case
I used to have a co-worker email me very personal stuff that was flattering but made me really uncomfortable (commenting on how my shirt matched my eyes, how radiant my skin looked, etc.). He seemed very unhappy in his marriage and was looking to have an affair. He moved on to someone else when I didn't bite. I think this sort of carry-on must be prevalent in workplaces.
This has just happened to me, my partner & a colleague at work.
I had this too. He started of as one of my work best friends. He used to tell me he loved me. Hes now married had has two kids. Hes always sending me funny pictures, texting and snap chatting me. Really awkward because hes also my manager. On work nights out hes always telling me he feels like I'm the one that got away! I wouldnt touch him with a 10ft post. I'm not a flirty person, or even friendly for that matter. So I'm deffinaly not leading him on.
I'm in a similar situation. A senior at work is very flirty, tactile and sometimes inappropriate. I think, its their general persona but its awkward af.
Luckily I don't have to see him very often.
Well I see mine all the time, were in the same friendship group. My partner always says hes got a thing for you, I just laugh it off. It's not like he hides it either. Always buying my coffee, bottles of pop and dinner. To make it more weird he didnt chip in when I had a baby. That raised alot of questions
.Awkward!! This guy is a work colleague only. I have had him offer to give me a lift and have politely declined. I don't know anyone else he works with well enough to ask if this is what he is like with everyone.Well I see mine all the time, were in the same friendship group. My partner always says hes got a thing for you, I just laugh it off. It's not like he hides it either. Always buying my coffee, bottles of pop and dinner. To make it more weird he didnt chip in when I had a baby. That raised alot of questions
Weird he didn't chip in especially if he is your manager too.
How do people process being cheated on? I am so up and down, my head is totally fried. Ive been given sleeping tablets as I wasnt sleeping, but the dreams are awful. I cant get the messages and pictures out of my head. I feel like im torturing myself but I cant stop 
@Begborrowsteal i am currently going through the same thing. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I decided to try again after his affair but not a day goes by I don’t think about it. And I make it worse for myself, re-reading messages we sent on days I know he was with her at lunch or something (they worked together) it’s like I want to move on but my mind won’t let me and I’m getting really worried now that I just honestly can’t get past it. I have tried being angry, talking things through, crying, being rational...but here I am 6 months later still thinking about it a few times a day.
Here if you want to chat!
Here if you want to chat!
It could be your brain telling you to dump him. You'd probably feel instant relief and wouldn't have all this torture any longer.x
Im only 2 weeks in
I had to read hundreds of messages to find out the truth, its all stuck in my mind. Its horrid. We have 2 young kids as well. We were due to get married next year, and I was supposed to be trying on wedding dresses yesterday. Its like ive been living with a different man@Begborrowsteal @Cocopops123 So sorry you’ve both had to go through this. In my experience it never goes away. Just the simple thought that they could hurt you is enough to ruin the relationship. I went back time and time again but ending it gave me so much relief. It was hard and I cried myself to sleep most nights from feeling so heartbroken, I messaged him a bit after that until I eventually blocked his number. Years later it was the best thing I ever did. Time really is the only healer 
I agree with the other replies, I don't think I would be able to get past it. I would constantly be thinking it over in my head, especially at bed time as I tend to over think around then anyway. You deserve so much better than someone who can do this to you. Heartbreak is horrific but it does get easier in time
Reviving a very old thread:
Has anyone experienced this recently? or been the "other person" having an emotional affair.
How did it start and why was it done?
Has anyone experienced this recently? or been the "other person" having an emotional affair.
How did it start and why was it done?
Not experienced it myself recently but my first bf had an emotional relationship/ affair with a few girls in the US while we were together. I’m fairly sure one of the women pretended to OD and have amnesia to work her way back into his life after I asked him to cut contact as it made me uncomfortable. Now I’m older I realise he was the one encouraging and instigating a lot of these things. My most recent long term relationship had a similar thing- he started an emotional affair with a girl from the states while we were together. Now they’re married. Sometimes I feel like I’m always going to struggle to trust and get past it.
I have a male friend who’s wife had a phase of thinking me and him had a thing going on. This man is literally like a brother, completely not interested in him romantically. But it’s been difficult because I don’t want to upset his wife or his family dynamic, but I also really appreciate him as a friend. I try to be mindful of her by not meeting him alone etc because I think that makes her more comfortable and things have got a bit better now so sometime we do just meet up for a pint and a chat.
I have a male friend who’s wife had a phase of thinking me and him had a thing going on. This man is literally like a brother, completely not interested in him romantically. But it’s been difficult because I don’t want to upset his wife or his family dynamic, but I also really appreciate him as a friend. I try to be mindful of her by not meeting him alone etc because I think that makes her more comfortable and things have got a bit better now so sometime we do just meet up for a pint and a chat.
This is where I am stuck as I don't know if its friendship or something more.
My husband assures me it's all in my head, how convenient.
I do feel he enables these situations as he can be over friendly, great listener and general all round hero at work it would seem
The 1st time I wasn't happy a girl from his work was texting out of hours and why did she need to they work together all day? Apparently it was just jokes and gossip.
He moved to a better job and I was glad as I felt that would be the end and I wouldn't have to worry. Turns out he called in and gave her his new number even when I'd made it clear that the previous situation upset me. He didn't see the problem as they are friends.
Now I feel history is repeating itself but again I'm told there is nothing to worry about.
My husband assures me it's all in my head, how convenient.
I do feel he enables these situations as he can be over friendly, great listener and general all round hero at work it would seem
The 1st time I wasn't happy a girl from his work was texting out of hours and why did she need to they work together all day? Apparently it was just jokes and gossip.
He moved to a better job and I was glad as I felt that would be the end and I wouldn't have to worry. Turns out he called in and gave her his new number even when I'd made it clear that the previous situation upset me. He didn't see the problem as they are friends.
Now I feel history is repeating itself but again I'm told there is nothing to worry about.
Has he ever given you reason to doubt him/ mistrust him?This is where I am stuck as I don't know if its friendship or something more.
My husband assures me it's all in my head, how convenient.
I do feel he enables these situations as he can be over friendly, great listener and general all round hero at work it would seem
The 1st time I wasn't happy a girl from his work was texting out of hours and why did she need to they work together all day? Apparently it was just jokes and gossip.
He moved to a better job and I was glad as I felt that would be the end and I wouldn't have to worry. Turns out he called in and gave her his new number even when I'd made it clear that the previous situation upset me. He didn't see the problem as they are friends.
Now I feel history is repeating itself but again I'm told there is nothing to worry about.
I text and call work friends out of work hours all the time (male and female) - sometimes it’s to chit chat or vent to someone who understands the work stress/situations going on. Most of the time it’s memes and links to TikTok. Sometimes people do develop out of work friendships with people they work with- partly due to the amount of time you spend together.
Has he ever suggested you meet this work friend? maybe that might set your mind at ease? And was it just the talking out of hours upset you? If there’s nothing untoward that you can see, I don’t think getting him to cut contact is necessarily the best route, I get the worry- I really do but once you go down the route of leaning Into that worry it can be a slippery slope.
There was a lot of hiding or always having his phone on him, it was rarely set down, I only seen one message that said, I was going to send you something sexy for valentines but they told me to get my ass out of the post office. Apparently this was a joke.