@Gossgirl12 have you ever asked her what she thinks is going to happen? Does he tell her he’s going to leave the girlfriend? Has she dated other people in that time or is she ‘loyal’ to him? Sorry for all the questions, just interested
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Well that's just sad, she is being used for sex, his poor gf too, imagine finding out your partner is having the time of it with someone else, bad enough they texting but that he is doing adventurous stuff elsewhere, thats a good point, regarding commitment, then at the same time it's not for everyone, not every girl wants and ring or a wedding.
He's made it clear that he won't leave his girlfriend, he said he has to much to lose. They have a mortgage and he's really close to her family. She has dated other people but nothing serious, a few flings here and there and he gets jealous when he hears about it. He's absolutely having his cake and eating it. My friend once said he said he felt like he was living with a flat mate/friend rather than his girlfriend. But in my opinion, he's stringing her along and will never be with my friend. He says he's never had a connection with anyone else like he has her, whenever he gets free time he's with my friend, he went on his girlfriends brothers stag do and ended up sleeping with my friend before going home to her. Whenever his gf goes away, he's with my friend. It's just crazy. I can't get my head around it. 11 years
Apparently, he doesn't want marriage, his gf does. He wants kids one day, his gf doesn't. They seem pretty mis matched in that respect.
Jesus, thats all so awful!He's made it clear that he won't leave his girlfriend, he said he has to much to lose. They have a mortgage and he's really close to her family. She has dated other people but nothing serious, a few flings here and there and he gets jealous when he hears about it. He's absolutely having his cake and eating it. My friend once said he said he felt like he was living with a flat mate/friend rather than his girlfriend. But in my opinion, he's stringing her along and will never be with my friend. He says he's never had a connection with anyone else like he has her, whenever he gets free time he's with my friend, he went on his girlfriends brothers stag do and ended up sleeping with my friend before going home to her. Whenever his gf goes away, he's with my friend. It's just crazy. I can't get my head around it. 11 years
Apparently, he doesn't want marriage, his gf does. He wants kids one day, his gf doesn't. They seem pretty mis matched in that respect.
The situation I was in would have gone on a lot longer, for at least another year or so had I not come to my senses and ended it- most men won't end things until they think they'll get caught. He sounds similar re any time away from the partner/opportunity is spent with her, in fact if I'd have allowed it mine probably could have gone on for that long, a year was bad enough! It sounds like your friend still has hope that she'll end up with him, plus the addiction and intoxication of it can be hard to give up...she may not want to, particularly as it's been so long. It's sad for her as such a long time to waste on someone clearly not deserving of it, but she must have her reasons. Ending it would probably kill her (not literally but you know what I mean), she's spent all those years in that bubble, the heartbreak is probably too much to bear, so you carry on convincing yourself there's more to it than there is. As for him, why would he end it, he doesn't care who he's hurting & has gotten away with it for so long 
they play with fire but that's part of the thrill I guess
They certainly are...it astounds me how they can do it, mine didn't even shower sometimes and go straight home...makes me feel sick. (And yes before anyone jumps on their high horse I had a part to play in that but can we get past that now). I thought the same re pregnancy and sti's
they play with fire but that's part of the thrill I guess
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He would definitely deserve to be left on his own. My friend is obviously very much in the wrong here too of course but she won't listen to a word I say. She says she understands why I feel the way I feel but because I'm not in it, I don't understand. She's had 2 pregnancy scares already. If it happened, then unless she had an abortion, it would blow right up in their faces. He's a rugby boy, so there's been many a time where he's told his gf he's going to rugby but sees my friend or goes to rugby and sees my friend after. He even tried to sleep with her on his gf's birthday
he just has no respect whatsoever. I feel like my messages get worse the more I type. I know so much that it would be extremely easy to get his gf to believe me but I just can't get involved in that way. I've thought many times about telling her but have always talked myself out of it out respect to my friendship.This is shocking! Can't you send an anonymous note or something? I'm actually shook that someone has been able to hide this for 11 years as well...nobody is safeHe even tried to sleep with her on his gf's birthday
Do you not lose respect for your friend after all this though?He would definitely deserve to be left on his own. My friend is obviously very much in the wrong here too of course but she won't listen to a word I say. She says she understands why I feel the way I feel but because I'm not in it, I don't understand. She's had 2 pregnancy scares already. If it happened, then unless she had an abortion, it would blow right up in their faces. He's a rugby boy, so there's been many a time where he's told his gf he's going to rugby but sees my friend or goes to rugby and sees my friend after. He even tried to sleep with her on his gf's birthday
They speak via snapchat (says it all), easily hidden. They are also from different areas, he used to live in our area before he met her so that's how they know eachother. He moved to a different area when he met her so there's no mutual friends at all. I'm the only one who knows aside from them. She's told me so much that I don't think she's hidden anything because I've heard some shocking things. I also don't think he's been with anyone else but her because being in a long term relationship, you don't really get much free time and the free time he does have seems to always be spent with my friend. He speaks to her all day while he's working, they speak at night when his gf is in bed, and they see eachother quite often. I don't know how he's not been found out or how his gf hasn't been suspicious but they've never come close to being caught as far as I'm aware.This is shocking! Can't you send an anonymous note or something? I'm actually shook that someone has been able to hide this for 11 years as well...nobody is safe
100%. However, I've been friends with her since I was 5. I'm now in my early thirties. She's been by my side through everything I've been through in my life as I have her. I've told her that it made me think a lot differently of her and I was very disappointed in her when I initially found out about this but she has never been anything but an amazing friend to me, she's part of my family, I'm part of hers. I couldn't lose her friendship over something that's not directly affecting my life.
Honestly, I think once a person cheats, they've already crossed that line...and so it doesn't matter what other boundaries they cross- once they've disrespected their partner it doesn't seem to matter whether it's on their birthday, Valentine's weekend, Mother's Day, their wedding anniversary- all of which the guy involved with me didThis is shocking! Can't you send an anonymous note or something? I'm actually shook that someone has been able to hide this for 11 years as well...nobody is safe
(didn't know at the time). The girlfriend probably wouldn't believe it anyway, probably stay with him, the friendship is then ruined and there's no coming back from that, so I understand the dilemma. Been there myself and seen others send anonymous messages and it's rarely believed anyway 
Also, being a good friend is about accepting each other as we are, warts and all, we might not support or agree with their choices but all we can do is be there when it all falls apart. I'd have no friends left if I judged them for all the bad decisions they'd made over the years
it shouldn't affect your friendship in my viewI agree actually. Any time of year is horrible when it involves cheating. However, I do think I'd be believed because I know things that nobody else could. I know when his dad passed away, I know that they met up in his dad's house after he passed (I won't go there much with that, I was raging) plus a lot more. To have invested all those years in to a relationship with someone you call 'your person', it would be devastating for her, I imagine it would destroy anyone. I can't be responsible for playing a part in that. I wish there were things my friend kept to herself but she has no filter, it just flows off her tongue to me as I'm the person she offloads her antics on.Honestly, I think once a person cheats, they've already crossed that line...and so it doesn't matter what other boundaries they cross- once they've disrespected their partner it doesn't seem to matter whether it's on their birthday, Valentine's weekend, Mother's Day, their wedding anniversary- all of which the guy involved with me did
Yeah I understand. I don't think I'd be able to be separate it all, I'm way too mouthy
I guess this is where morals come into it and tolerance, which is all so so personal and individual. I'd probably snap at some point or find myself distancing from it all.Also, being a good friend is about accepting each other as we are, warts and all, we might not support or agree with their choices but all we can do is be there when it all falls apart. I'd have no friends left if I judged them for all the bad decisions they'd made over the years
I can understand if you've been friends for so long but I don't think it's very fair to offload all this onto a friend. If I were @Gossgirl12 I would def be telling friend I don't want to hear it anymore!
Yeah nothing shocks me sadly when it comes to cheats, they'll do it anywhere on any occasion, every opportunity they get. Forgot go add with mine even on his son's 5th birthday...lowest of the low. I was actually sick when I found that out. How his wife forgave that I don't know. I guess as difficult as it is for you to hear, it's good that she feels she can confide in you and trusts you, shows you're a good friend.
Agreed. It's not fair at all, and inappropriate
She's heard those words come out of my mouth many times but to be honest, I don't think anything she tells me shocks me now, I can't have much of a reaction to it anymore because I've heard it all. She knows my views on it, I've told her she needs to keep some things to herself because they make my blood boil inside more so because I'm sad for her that she's wasting her life chasing this fantasy and sad for his girlfriend, she knows I'm always going to be there for her though.
You must be a better friend than me!
Thank youWow - you seem like a really empathetic and intelligent person...
Ignore them - they clearly have an agenda of 'all cheaters are bad, evil people' and are not open to any kind of discussion.
I enjoyed reading your comment, but was hoping you and Steve would end up together
We did! We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary last year.Also, I want to add that when I returned to my ex's house a week later to gather the rest of my belongings, his work colleague had moved in and set herself up very comfortably. In his bed! So, I am not justifying my actions but looking back it's clear that he had been engaging in an emotional (and possibly physical) affair too.
Is cheating wrong? Yes. Did I go through major psychological torment over what I'd done? Yes. Would I do it again? No. Am I rum? No.
Do you have children, siblings, friends @BettyCrockerr? What would you do if they came to you with a story like my own? Would you straight up label them rum and begin denigrating them the way you have me and others here? I pity you that your world view is so limited that you can only reply with condescension and ridicule. You can be critical of my actions, but to call me and anyone else honest enough to own their mistakes and share them rum is very low.
I’m not interested in how you choose to try to justify your actions. You make a conscious choice to cheat; and by doing so, you are making the choice to disrespect the people involved, and that makes your actions pretty terrible. If anyone I know came to me and told me they were cheating on their partner or involved in an affair - you can bet your a I’d be telling the the truth. You don’t have to be in a relationship - you can leave. But by making a choice to cheat, that’s not acceptable. I Dunno what you want me to say? You can’t just do whatever you want and to hell with the fall out and then expect to be Molly coddled and told that your actions aren’t deplorable just because it stings or you don’t like how it sounds.Thank you
Also, I want to add that when I returned to my ex's house a week later to gather the rest of my belongings, his work colleague had moved in and set herself up very comfortably. In his bed! So, I am not justifying my actions but looking back it's clear that he had been engaging in an emotional (and possibly physical) affair too.
Is cheating wrong? Yes. Did I go through major psychological torment over what I'd done? Yes. Would I do it again? No. Am I rum? No.
Do you have children, siblings, friends @BettyCrockerr? What would you do if they came to you with a story like my own? Would you straight up label them rum and begin denigrating them the way you have me and others here? I pity you that your world view is so limited that you can only reply with condescension and ridicule. You can be critical of my actions, but to call me and anyone else honest enough to own their mistakes and share them rum is very low.
You come across as an unhinged zealot. No one is asking for your forgiveness here. We answered a question on a thread. You chose to open and respond to a thread that clearly triggers you. I say this with kindness - seek help.