It's not 'pro cheating' to be anti name calling someone who is just answering the thread
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So you don’t think the other person involved has any responsibility at all? They are completely innocent?
What planet are you on?!!!!!!! What, you think your ex is such a great bag and fantastic storyteller that he bowled her over and she just fell under his hypnotic spell?!
I dont have empathy for anyone, man or woman, who knowingly get involved with an attached partner. I am baffled as to the reason anyone would. Imo, it all comes from a negative place, negative self worth and acting on that to the harm of others is nothing but a lack of self awareness, or selfishness.
The act of cheating is scummy, i struggle to see how anyone can justify or excuse it. Dress it up with a romantic happy ending, give it an x factor style sob story, it doesnt matter. Its still a (morally) crappy thing to do. And people who do it know that, they just dont care or hide it. If someone makes it a personality trait and repeatedly cheats or goes after attached people, then im defo gonna think youre a bit of a head.
But this is morals.. everyone views them very differently!
The act of cheating is scummy, i struggle to see how anyone can justify or excuse it. Dress it up with a romantic happy ending, give it an x factor style sob story, it doesnt matter. Its still a (morally) crappy thing to do. And people who do it know that, they just dont care or hide it. If someone makes it a personality trait and repeatedly cheats or goes after attached people, then im defo gonna think youre a bit of a head.
But this is morals.. everyone views them very differently!
I’m not getting into a fight with you about what I think and my own opinion like I said the person who has made that commitment is fully responsible.
You do realise some women who have been with an attached man may not be aware
Yes but I’m talking about those who know, who then carry on. Like the wifey up thread who compared herself to MLK…. Texting a newly married man when he was on his honeymoon.
If the person has no idea, then theyre a victim too of the cheater. If they know? Then they are accountable for their actions, but ultimately it is the partner who is to blame. (IMO, of course)
Not at all, but the responsibility for making a decision to cheat, comes from the person in the relationship who is doing the cheating- they're making a decision to bag someone else. That is no one else's decision but theirs- similarly to your example of the other woman falling under the ex's spell- the other woman doesn't force the bloke to sleep with them do they- they make that choice to do it. It's up to the person in the relationship to respect their partner enough to say no, if another woman comes along.
If you are in a relationship and you cheat - that’s wrong
If you cheat with someone who is in a relationship and you know about that - that’s wrong
If you cheat with someone who you initially believe to be single who you then find out is actually attached AND YOU CARRY ON THE AFFAIR AFTER YOU FIND OUT - that’s wrong
Dress it up any which way you fancy but cheating in any and all forms is not ok.
If you cheat with someone who is in a relationship and you know about that - that’s wrong
If you cheat with someone who you initially believe to be single who you then find out is actually attached AND YOU CARRY ON THE AFFAIR AFTER YOU FIND OUT - that’s wrong
Dress it up any which way you fancy but cheating in any and all forms is not ok.
It's interesting how some comments have been misinterpreted as 'pro cheating' or justifying cheating. I'm not pro cheating and there is no justification- it's wrong and causes hurt and pain, to everyone involved. I agree it mostly comes from a place of insecurities etc, though there sadly are some serial cheaters who are completely selfish and make it their identity 
So I'm not defending cheating, I'm just saying that it's never as simple as 'right or wrong' and I can have empathy for all of the people involved- because life and relationships are complex. Doesn't mean that I'm a cheater or that I agree with cheating (though tbh even if I was what business is it of anyone's!) I just think there's a much bigger picture to it which can explain behaviours, not excuse them, but explain them. It's clearly too sensitive a subject to have healthy debate on though.
So I'm not defending cheating, I'm just saying that it's never as simple as 'right or wrong' and I can have empathy for all of the people involved- because life and relationships are complex. Doesn't mean that I'm a cheater or that I agree with cheating (though tbh even if I was what business is it of anyone's!) I just think there's a much bigger picture to it which can explain behaviours, not excuse them, but explain them. It's clearly too sensitive a subject to have healthy debate on though.The nuance in this thread has been totally lost as well because it was meant to be about emotional cheating only. I was interested to read because I've never quite been sure if I had an emotional affair or not (post a few pages back but got feelings for someone else who was single, left horrible partner when I realised, nothing was said or done between us until that point and we didn't even get together for several months after but I still felt guilty that I realised I had feelings for someone else). We're getting married now so frankly I don't care if it's considered wrong anyway.It's interesting how some comments have been misinterpreted as 'pro cheating' or justifying cheating. I'm not pro cheating and there is no justification- it's wrong and causes hurt and pain, to everyone involved. I agree it mostly comes from a place of insecurities etc, though there sadly are some serial cheaters who are completely selfish and make it their identity
On a human interest level I'm fascinated by some of these stories though, like you say the explaining and understanding not excusing. Like what someone actually gains from texting someone who won't leave their partner etc, or why these people having emotional affairs don't leave their partners, even if I don't agree with it. I'm guessing we won't hear any of that when it's just several posts bleating the same condescending message.
Theres nothing new and unfounded though, surely? Either someone feels driven to it out of an unhappy relationship, caught up in the whirlwind of it or are driven to it from personal unhappiness?
I spoke to the woman who had the emotional 'thing' with my OH and she cried () and said she felt disgusting having been caught out and that its something she has always done as she liked the attention. I wasnt at all surprised. Its standard background to these things, isnt it.
I spoke to the woman who had the emotional 'thing' with my OH and she cried (
) and said she felt disgusting having been caught out and that its something she has always done as she liked the attention. I wasnt at all surprised. Its standard background to these things, isnt it.Wasn't there someone saying they'd done it for 11 years though. What's the end game with that? I can at least understand if you're not getting sex at home or your sex life is bad people go and physically cheat (although I personally feel that's worse than emotional cheating) but are there really people staying in clearly unhappy relationships for 11 years just messaging someone else not even shagging them? I don't get it tbh.Theres nothing new and unfounded though, surely? Either someone feels driven to it out of an unhappy relationship, caught up in the whirlwind of it or are driven to it from personal unhappiness?
I spoke to the woman who had the emotional 'thing' with my OH and she cried (
Yeah that did shock me too tbf! 11 years is just an insane amount of time to spend/waste on a never-going to happen
I’d say there is a level of commitment issues in this case or delusion?
I’m pretty interested reading some of the boundaries/ opinions surrounding work place relationships and when that crosses the line into danger territory. Its definitely made me think about things- to be clear I’ve never had an emotional affair (or ever cheated on any shape or form) with someone at work or been tempted to but I’ve also never really thought about how other half’s unless they’ve voiced a concern and I know about it.
Throughout my career I’ve always been a part of a work place friendship group that text outside of work, call eachother, meet for coffee or have dinner parties. I’ve even been on vacations with colleagues (mixed groups of men and women) some of them with partners at home. I’ve got workplace gaming teams and sometimes we book a day off and game together or sometimes we call eachother whilst out for a walk, go to gigs or events together. There’s not been a weekend I can recall in the last 7 years where I haven’t been texting a colleague, depending on what they’re up to at the time. I think because on my part I have no interest I’ve never seen it as my issue or problematic but reading here makes me think maybe it is an issue and I just don’t know about it. Like I say, no cheating is going on - but is that what partners are thinking is happening?
Throughout my career I’ve always been a part of a work place friendship group that text outside of work, call eachother, meet for coffee or have dinner parties. I’ve even been on vacations with colleagues (mixed groups of men and women) some of them with partners at home. I’ve got workplace gaming teams and sometimes we book a day off and game together or sometimes we call eachother whilst out for a walk, go to gigs or events together. There’s not been a weekend I can recall in the last 7 years where I haven’t been texting a colleague, depending on what they’re up to at the time. I think because on my part I have no interest I’ve never seen it as my issue or problematic but reading here makes me think maybe it is an issue and I just don’t know about it. Like I say, no cheating is going on - but is that what partners are thinking is happening?
Id say its when its just inappropriate jokes or topics, the sharing of private things. That is when the lines blur.
I found this thread by accident but it has also made me think about a male friend I have. We have been friends since we were 12 years old, nothing ever happened between us. I see him as one of my closest friends and I do tell him about problems in my life etc, he tells me too. He now lives in America and I haven't seen him in quite a few years - he is married with 2 small kids. I never felt there was anything wrong with what I was doing, his wife is aware of me and my husband is aware of my friend. I tell him what I would tell my closest female friend.
I think people are wrong labelling something like this as an emotional affair which seems to be the case. I don't believe we have to end too friendships with males in our life once they/we get married.
No, I dont think its classing male/female friendships as emotional affairs. Its when it crosses a line and has that emotional/romantic edge
No not at all. Do you deliberately hide your communication from your own partners? Do you daily text this man in secret? I’m guessing not. This guy is your platonic friend.
I'm the one who posted about my friend being involved with someone for 11 years. She seems to be completely head over heels in love with him, but in my mind, she is deluded because if he hasn't left his partner for her in 11 years, he's never going to. From the messages I've seen, I'm convinced he's obsessed with sex. Has a problem. His gf seems to be very vanilla whereas my friend says she isn't, she's very adventurous when it comes to sex, she's dressed up for him and done many things that I suppose some men enjoy when it comes to sex. I've told her that all this will ever be is sex but of course she has feelings now & he says he does to. It'll go on forever the more she goes along with it. That makes me sad for her, she's hung up on someone who won't ever commit to her but if I was the girlfriend, I'd be questioning why he hasn't committed to me with at least a ring after 11 years.