I have one and honestly, in hindsight I would have chosen to have kids later, if at all. My daughter was unplanned and I did intend to get an abortion - I went to the clinic to have the initial appointment and had a counselling session about it too. Then I had a threatened miscarriage and thought it wasn’t my decision to make. I had previously had a miscarriage and this evoked memories, I felt like it would be so cruel to abort if the fetus survived. Somehow she did so that was that
My daughters father was abusive and although I see my child as her own person, I share the regret that someone else said about being tied to a person like that for life. I read about other women who aborted because their partners were just kinda crappy and I wonder why I didn’t. It has made mentally moving on from the abuse harder
I also feel like I was too young. I got pregnant at 23, gave birth at 24. Not incredibly young but I feel like I still had a lot of growing up to do and should have experienced life more, got a career, prioritised myself. Practical things are harder now with a baby in tow - I don’t have a family to support me, and my ex’s family are too far away and do not want to be involved regardless. On top of this my daughter has allergies and possibly some additional needs (too young to be diagnosed but she’s delayed) so she’s not a straightforward child. Sometimes it feels like it takes superhuman strength to get through the day and do basic stuff, and although mentally I want to aim higher in life, it feels impossible at this stage
Also a massive factor that in hindsight would make me not want to have kids: I didn’t realise how much my anxiety would worsen. I worry about my daughter 24/7. A friend looked after her for under an hour the other day and I couldn’t relax because I was terrified of something going wrong. I know it’s normal to worry but I hate how it feels. It may be the postnatal depression talking but I don’t find the love outweighs the anxiety, it’s just such an awful feeling which I feel will never go away even when she’s an adult
I feel like having kids is a very personal decision made especially hard by the fact you don’t know what having kids is like until you have them, at which point you can’t send them back. I think you can imagine it in detail but until that is your real life you cannot know how you feel about it for sure. The only thing you can do about it is make sure you’ve considered all the facts and that if you choose to have children, you’re mentally, physically, emotionally, financially (etc) prepared for them