Loved reading these replies. I’m 32 and a teacher. Often wondered if I would change my mind about wanting children but nope. I love my freedom and independence. Also more grateful during this lockdown that I don’t have kids! Spoken to a lot of parents over lockdown who are pulling their hair out meanwhile I’m chilling on my sofa watching crap tv! Sorry. Personal choice!
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Thank you to those who have been honest about your feelings. I got pregnant in my teens and then there is a 10yr age gap between my oldest and middle kids. In the meantime I had ovarian cysts and the operation to remove them left me with very little fertility. I was so scared I'd never have another baby, but thankfully my middle and then youngest kids came along. I thought my life was complete. But then my husband cheated on me, and now I'm a single mum with 3 kids...and I hate it. I'm a terrible mum, always tired and losing my temper. My middle son has ADHD, his behaviour can be really awful and he's constantly upsetting my youngest. Now I'm alone, trying to WFH and homeschool and deal with all the screaming...I can't cope. I hate myself for feeling this way as I love my kids so much. But I hate seeing all the perfect mums with their perfect children having a perfect time in social isolation, and I hate all the non parents moaning about being bored. I wanted a happy family with happy children, but that is not the way my life has turned out.
Your not alone. Sometimes I feel like that too. I have a partner with depression and it feels like I'm a single parent majority of the time.
If everything is on your shoulders you will feel the way you do. You probably just need a break a few days on your own to rest. Can their dad not have them?
And don't forget, people post the best bits of their day on social media. Might only be 5 minutes a day.
If you find yourself comparing you to others then definitely take some time off social media because it will make you feel worse.
No kids are perfect, no one is having a perfect time and nobody is perfect. You are good enough, you're kids love you and are probably loving the time they get with you. It's an intense situation we have been thrown into, not being able to get out the house whenever we want. It definitely helps but you are doing your best. Definitely remind yourself of that every day xx @JCMSadie
If everything is on your shoulders you will feel the way you do. You probably just need a break a few days on your own to rest. Can their dad not have them?
And don't forget, people post the best bits of their day on social media. Might only be 5 minutes a day.
If you find yourself comparing you to others then definitely take some time off social media because it will make you feel worse.
No kids are perfect, no one is having a perfect time and nobody is perfect. You are good enough, you're kids love you and are probably loving the time they get with you. It's an intense situation we have been thrown into, not being able to get out the house whenever we want. It definitely helps but you are doing your best. Definitely remind yourself of that every day xx @JCMSadie
This whole covid situation has confirmed that we are glad we have not had children. We couldn't imagine trying to work from home while also having to teach/entertain kids. From speaking to our friends, it sounds difficult and like a nightmare.
You are not a terrible mum... I thought I was a bad mum not good enough etc when my ex was abusive. Being a single mum makes you strong it makes you independent you should be proud of yourself! We all have self doubt sometimes. Not everyones lives is perfect as many people only post the happy bits in life. My ex posted a photo of the car which had to be removed of my driveway last year after leaving it there for 2 years... so happy he had it back etc. But he didnt tell all his 'followers' that he is a domestic abuser! Social media does not reflect real life.
Similar to me. Had mine quite young. We struggled financially when they were little but my youngest is 18 now. We're now going on holidays as a couple again and have a little bit more money. I don't blame anybody for not wanting children, as much as you'd give your life for them, you don't have them to look after you when you're old.
Yes same experience for me. I think it's quite common for you to totally u turn on how you feel about children when you reach your 30s. I know many people who did the same.
I’m turning 30 this year and I’ve always wanted children. I’m quite surprised and sad that I don’t have any yet - all my friends had me down to be the first to have a baby.
I was planning to start a family in my mid 20s but the relationship broke down and I went travelling for a few years. I’ve been in a happy relationship now for 2 years but my partner is younger and we’d both like to be in a better place financially and have our own house before we start a family (hopefully in 18m-2 years time).
I do worry a lot about leaving it too late in case we need help but I’m not ready to have a child I can’t provide for comfortably. I do get envious of other girls falling pregnant and having babies but with everything going on with covid, I’m actually glad I’ve waited because I think being pregnant or having young children would be so difficult and scary currently. Hopefully things will be a lot more safe and normal when I start trying.
I was planning to start a family in my mid 20s but the relationship broke down and I went travelling for a few years. I’ve been in a happy relationship now for 2 years but my partner is younger and we’d both like to be in a better place financially and have our own house before we start a family (hopefully in 18m-2 years time).
I do worry a lot about leaving it too late in case we need help but I’m not ready to have a child I can’t provide for comfortably. I do get envious of other girls falling pregnant and having babies but with everything going on with covid, I’m actually glad I’ve waited because I think being pregnant or having young children would be so difficult and scary currently. Hopefully things will be a lot more safe and normal when I start trying.
I was never really bothered about children but I kind of assumed I would have them. Then I got accidentally pregnant in my late 30s. I always thought if I got pregnant I’d be really conflicted about what to do, I’d struggle to decide & it would be really hard but it turns out my first thought was absolute horror and I had an abortion straight away. No regrets although I do think about how old it would be now & how we’d be coping in lockdown (not well!) I think there’s a lot of pressure on women to say things like “oh I love kids, I just don’t want any of my own” I’ve said it myself because I feel like it’s expected. The truth is I don’t enjoy spending time with kids at all!
Also, I’m an only child. No regrets there either (well, not my regret to have really. That’s down to my parents) Having a sibling is no guarantee they will be close or even that they will be on speaking terms - my dad hasn't spoken to his brother for 30 years. Anyway, just wanted to reassure parents with only one - I was never lonely, I’m very social and very close to my parents. You just have to do what feels right for you at the time, we can’t make decisions for other people. I wish my parents were grandparents but I can’t have kids for them. They could drop down dead tomorrow and I still have to live with the life I’ve created.
Sorry, that was more of a ramble than I intended!
Also, I’m an only child. No regrets there either (well, not my regret to have really. That’s down to my parents) Having a sibling is no guarantee they will be close or even that they will be on speaking terms - my dad hasn't spoken to his brother for 30 years. Anyway, just wanted to reassure parents with only one - I was never lonely, I’m very social and very close to my parents. You just have to do what feels right for you at the time, we can’t make decisions for other people. I wish my parents were grandparents but I can’t have kids for them. They could drop down dead tomorrow and I still have to live with the life I’ve created.
Sorry, that was more of a ramble than I intended!
I'm a mother of a 22yo and 19yo.
To me kids are life.
The best thing about this lockdown is being with my family, the worst thing about lockdown is also being with my family. All the difficult times are what makes us as people, a learning curve, a time to bond. Its not for everyone, but no regrets here.
To me kids are life.
The best thing about this lockdown is being with my family, the worst thing about lockdown is also being with my family. All the difficult times are what makes us as people, a learning curve, a time to bond. Its not for everyone, but no regrets here.
Very good point. I don't want children and sometimes feel guilty that my mum won't have grandchildren. She never makes me feel this way shes very supportive but I know she would love them! But so true that we can't have children purely for them.
I married at 23 to my husband 5 yrs older who desperately wanted kids before he was 30. I didn’t think too much of if as I knew I wanted kids at some point and knew I had time, but before I knew it the wedding had come around and it was the time we have spoken about, me coming off the pill.. I naively thought ah il prob have another 6 months, next thing 3 weeks later I was pregnant. I spent majority of my pregnancy scared and wondering if it was too soon but I can honestly say now my son is the blessing I didn’t know I needed... no amounts of savings, holidays or nights out can make up for what I get from him each and every day! What I’m getting at is that sometimes you don’t know what you want until you have it. X
That's called serotonin when it comes to children.
I think I needed to read that. I'm a middle child and I know my dad would love to be a grandad, but I'm not sure if I want kids...
I've already said that I don't regret having children on here but ive found during this hard time in lockdown its made me even more grateful to have them. I've enjoyed their company even more. Im so glad I have them. In everyday life we live a busy life and its been nice not having to run around constantly. I do work term time only though so used to having holidays off with them but usually we would be out and about.
I have to agree. Although I’ve mentioned our struggles before on this thread, I’m completely grateful to have my children during this time. It’s made me appreciate them more, and they’re a great distraction from it all. When I think back to my life pre kids and pre marriage, and picture myself in that position now during the pandemic, there is no way I would’ve coped being on my own for so long. My mental health would have plummeted by now.
Slightly off topic but did any of you feel ‘ready’ to have children? If you did, how did you know?
I wasn't ready at all for my first I still lived at home with my parents, single and wasn't planning on having kids for another 10 years at least but by the time he was 6 months our lives had changed so much. I bought a house, got a decent paying job and started to parent the best I could. I'm not sure when I would have been ready if it hadnt have happened in my very early 20s
It’s weird I’ve seen this thread. I don’t come on here often & I very rarely post. But this is something I’ve been thinking about over the last few months.
I have three kids, I had my first at 18 & my last at 22. Third wasn’t planned & we actually had a termination booked in, but we couldn’t go through with it.
I sometimes wish we had. It makes my heart hurt typing this. My third child is difficulT, my first two are a breeze. Third struggles with learning, temper, making friends & socialising, they are very immature for their age, they make every little thing 10 times harder than it should be & I don’t even think they are happy. They argue & fight with siblings constantly. I think there is more to it all but unfortunately we’ve struggled to get anyone to take us seriously as they can behave so nicely in front of others.
I have sleepless nights wondering if we made the wrong choice all those years ago. I struggle to see how they will live a ‘normal’ & happy life. & in very selfish terms I just think about how hard our life has been because of them & how much easier it would/could have been without them.
I love them, all of them & in some ways I love the third the most.
live is hard!!
I have three kids, I had my first at 18 & my last at 22. Third wasn’t planned & we actually had a termination booked in, but we couldn’t go through with it.
I sometimes wish we had. It makes my heart hurt typing this. My third child is difficulT, my first two are a breeze. Third struggles with learning, temper, making friends & socialising, they are very immature for their age, they make every little thing 10 times harder than it should be & I don’t even think they are happy. They argue & fight with siblings constantly. I think there is more to it all but unfortunately we’ve struggled to get anyone to take us seriously as they can behave so nicely in front of others.
I have sleepless nights wondering if we made the wrong choice all those years ago. I struggle to see how they will live a ‘normal’ & happy life. & in very selfish terms I just think about how hard our life has been because of them & how much easier it would/could have been without them.
I love them, all of them & in some ways I love the third the most.
live is hard!!
Erm, I feel broody about 2 years ago. I had this major need in me to have a baby. It's gone now, but I know I was ready back then.
My pets are a great distraction for me. I'm not comparing them to children, but they keep me entertained and force me to get out of bed.