Do you regret having/not having kids?

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I was talking to my friend, she's turning 30 this year and has been with her partner for over 10 years but they have no desire to have children but she is worried she is going to regret it later on in life. I have two little ones and can't imagine them not being here, but I see their life and there is a pang of jealousy. They can come and go as they please, dart off on holiday and spend their money however they like.

She's an only child, so is her partner so are worried that they will end up alone and regret their choices. She was always the one I thought would get married and have kids first. She says she always though kids were in their future but as she enters her 30's she worried the desire will never come and then it will be too late. I don't really know what to say to her, I love my kids dearly and could not see my life without them. I would hate to for her to regret having them/not having them. Have you not had kids and wished you'd done thing differently? Sorry its a bit of a personal question.
 
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I was talking to my friend, she's turning 30 this year and has been with her partner for over 10 years but they have no desire to have children but she is worried she is going to regret it later on in life. I have two little ones and can't imagine them not being here, but I see their life and there is a pang of jealousy. They can come and go as they please, dart off on holiday and spend their money however they like.

She's an only child, so is her partner so are worried that they will end up alone and regret their choices. She was always the one I thought would get married and have kids first. She says she always though kids were in their future but as she enters her 30's she worried the desire will never come and then it will be too late. I don't really know what to say to her, I love my kids dearly and could not see my life without them. I would hate to for her to regret having them/not having them. Have you not had kids and wished you'd done thing differently? Sorry its a bit of a personal question.
I'm mid 40's and my husband and I decided that we didn't want to have children pretty early on in our marriage (now married 15 years). We have never regretted it and I think it's unlikely we ever will. We have no real rock solid reason for not wanting to start a family. From my own personal perspective there was a lot of issues in my home as a child. This is probably an underlining factor. I'll tell you what my the main regret for me is regarding having children - other people. People who assume we don't like children despite both adoring them. Friends making us feel inferior because of it. I've heard the comment "you haven't got children you don't understand". It's quite hurtful because I don't have children but I do have a heart. Same with money. Friends always suggesting we have soooooooo much money and can do whatever we want!! And the real icing on the cake is my in laws. Who after the arrival of their first grandchild (my husbands sibling) proceeded to freeze out of things including family get togethers and family holidays as "well, we thought you wouldn't want to be around the children". Makes me well up now as it's effectively destroyed our relationship with them.
 
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Never regretted having kids but I sometimes wish I had made a bit more of my kid free time. Used to moan about being bored etc but now ide love a bit of free time for all the books/films/places/hobbies I want.
 
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I have 3 children and i knew when growing up that i would like 3 children if possible. My husband is an only child whereas i have 1 sibling. We had our 1st child and he didn't want anymore whereas i did - i appreciated having a sibling mainly because we liked to argue and fight as kids 😀
With him being an only child its affected him in many ways - doesn't mix with others, on his own all the time growing up, was sad and depressed, worried about being lonely especially if his parents passed while he was still very young (that didnt happen).
I didn't want my daughter to feel like that too, i respected his decision same as he respected mine and later on we had 2 more kids.
Pleased to say he's glad we have 3 happy healthy children 2 of which were born close together so less than a year apart in age and they are best mates as well as brothers.
My husband lost his mum when he was in his mid forties but we no longer speak to his father. Quite often hubby would say he's glad he's got me and the children as if he didnt he has no other family and nothing to live for.
I completely understand people's reasons for having/ not having kids, it's a personal choice that shouldn't be judged either way x
 
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I have 3 children and i knew when growing up that i would like 3 children if possible. My husband is an only child whereas i have 1 sibling. We had our 1st child and he didn't want anymore whereas i did - i appreciated having a sibling mainly because we liked to argue and fight as kids 😀
With him being an only child its affected him in many ways - doesn't mix with others, on his own all the time growing up, was sad and depressed, worried about being lonely especially if his parents passed while he was still very young (that didnt happen).
I didn't want my daughter to feel like that too, i respected his decision same as he respected mine and later on we had 2 more kids.
Pleased to say he's glad we have 3 happy healthy children 2 of which were born close together so less than a year apart in age and they are best mates as well as brothers.
My husband lost his mum when he was in his mid forties but we no longer speak to his father. Quite often hubby would say he's glad he's got me and the children as if he didnt he has no other family and nothing to live for.
I completely understand people's reasons for having/ not having kids, it's a personal choice that shouldn't be judged either way x
I think this is part of her worry, her partner hasn't got a great relationship with his family and would happily not see them if it wasn't for her. He has a history of depression as he had a rough childhood. From what she has said, he has fears of having children because of his childhood. They both agreed being only children is lonely so if they do have any they will have at least 2.
 
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My husband and I were both not interested in having kids. I have never been overly maternal and I am a realist about how I would manage or not manage without sleep and how we would juggle looking after children when we both didn’t really want them anyway. I don’t understand the people who say you will end up sad and lonely - what a terrible reason to have a child out of fear of loneliness? If I want company I go hang out with my friends not my parents. I have a dog who I love but when she was a puppy even that was a handful enough for me so I know my limitations. We do see a lot of marriages under strain when kids are added to the mix it just completely changes the dynamic. For us personally we didn’t want to have kids just because we got married. Some couples we know always seem to be happiest when the kids are not there and are always wanting kid free time - we just didn’t see that it was something for us. When we would see “Sunday morning Dad” at 10am out getting the coffees and papers ( mums sleeping in) with the kids in tow and looking frazzled, or patents trying to pack the car up arguing with prams and toys and kids we just didn’t want to go there. I’m talking a lot in past tense as sadly I lost my husband almost a year ago now. I miss him terribly and loved him so deeply, it’s painful. But I don’t now wish I had kids for one moment. If I had I would now be bringing them up on my own and I couldn’t ever manage that. Just my views I know there are a lot of happy, wonderful marriages and partnerships that flourish with children and that makes me happy, we just knew that the societal norm and pressure to have kids was not something for us.
 
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My husband and I were both not interested in having kids. I have never been overly maternal and I am a realist about how I would manage or not manage without sleep and how we would juggle looking after children when we both didn’t really want them anyway. I don’t understand the people who say you will end up sad and lonely - what a terrible reason to have a child out of fear of loneliness? If I want company I go hang out with my friends not my parents. I have a dog who I love but when she was a puppy even that was a handful enough for me so I know my limitations. We do see a lot of marriages under strain when kids are added to the mix it just completely changes the dynamic. For us personally we didn’t want to have kids just because we got married. Some couples we know always seem to be happiest when the kids are not there and are always wanting kid free time - we just didn’t see that it was something for us. When we would see “Sunday morning Dad” at 10am out getting the coffees and papers ( mums sleeping in) with the kids in tow and looking frazzled, or patents trying to pack the car up arguing with prams and toys and kids we just didn’t want to go there. I’m talking a lot in past tense as sadly I lost my husband almost a year ago now. I miss him terribly and loved him so deeply, it’s painful. But I don’t now wish I had kids for one moment. If I had I would now be bringing them up on my own and I couldn’t ever manage that. Just my views I know there are a lot of happy, wonderful marriages and partnerships that flourish with children and that makes me happy, we just knew that the societal norm and pressure to have kids was not something for us.
Sorry for your loss.
 
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My husband and I were both not interested in having kids. I have never been overly maternal and I am a realist about how I would manage or not manage without sleep and how we would juggle looking after children when we both didn’t really want them anyway. I don’t understand the people who say you will end up sad and lonely - what a terrible reason to have a child out of fear of loneliness? If I want company I go hang out with my friends not my parents. I have a dog who I love but when she was a puppy even that was a handful enough for me so I know my limitations. We do see a lot of marriages under strain when kids are added to the mix it just completely changes the dynamic. For us personally we didn’t want to have kids just because we got married. Some couples we know always seem to be happiest when the kids are not there and are always wanting kid free time - we just didn’t see that it was something for us. When we would see “Sunday morning Dad” at 10am out getting the coffees and papers ( mums sleeping in) with the kids in tow and looking frazzled, or patents trying to pack the car up arguing with prams and toys and kids we just didn’t want to go there. I’m talking a lot in past tense as sadly I lost my husband almost a year ago now. I miss him terribly and loved him so deeply, it’s painful. But I don’t now wish I had kids for one moment. If I had I would now be bringing them up on my own and I couldn’t ever manage that. Just my views I know there are a lot of happy, wonderful marriages and partnerships that flourish with children and that makes me happy, we just knew that the societal norm and pressure to have kids was not something for us.
So sorry for your loss x
 
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No never , I have 5 children , it's hard work and teens are so expensive, i have 3 part time jobs and my husband works full time , but I love the craziness!!
 
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I love my kids to pieces, they are my life. But if I could wave a magic wand and have the exact same children, just 5 years later than I did, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I dont think theres anything wrong with not wanting kids.
 
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Team JCM, I am sorry for you loss.

Please do not think I am judging her, its her choice to make. As someone who has kids I find it hard to give advice, I'd hate for her to go either way and wish she'd gone the other. I guess there is no right or wrong answer.
 
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I’ve had the best of both worlds.

I fell pregnant at 18, gave birth at 19 and I am about to turn 30. My daughter is off to secondary school in September and my life feels easy, she’s always been a dream child. I got to concentrate on her during my 20s and as she’s got older I’ve been able to think about myself and my own life more. My 30s will be spent catching up on all the things I put to one side.
 
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It never occurred to me at ask friends for advice on the decision to have children. It was something that my husband and I discussed privately. I think it would be best to suggest it's a decision that the two of them make together. My friend didn't want children until one day she suddenly had the most overwhelming desire to be a Mother. Her and her husband then had a baby the following year. She never regretted it. They had been married nearly twenty years when that happened 😊.

Hopefully your friend will come to the right decision for herself naturally. I appreciate it must be a bit difficult when friends ask for advice.
 
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I have children, one of whom has a long term condition which has changed our lives forever and unfortunately also comes with some challenging behaviour. ‘Child’ is now a young adult and we are exhausted by it. My mental health is fragile and my marriage (to child’s father) has been through hell and high water, I don’t know how we are still standing. It is relentless. I love my children but honestly, if I had my time again, I don’t think I’d be a mother. It has taken every last piece of my soul.
 
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I have children, one of whom has a long term condition which has changed our lives forever and unfortunately also comes with some challenging behaviour. ‘Child’ is now a young adult and we are exhausted by it. My mental health is fragile and my marriage (to child’s father) has been through hell and high water, I don’t know how we are still standing. It is relentless. I love my children but honestly, if I had my time again, I don’t think I’d be a mother. It has taken every last piece of my soul.
Sorry to hear that. Just makes you realise reading this that all the perfect insta parenthood is a load of rubbish. X
 
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I won’t go into long and deep reasons but if I could go back in time I would never have had my children. I know a few people I have spoken to over the years have agreed they felt the same but very few will admit this.
 
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I'm 33 and single. I got married fairly young and it broke down quickly. In my late 20s I was desperately wanting children and felt I had missed my chance. But the older I have got, made more money, got used to being single and making plans as and when I want, that desperate feeling has gone and sometimes I wonder if I do even want kids in the future. I look at my friends who had children in their 20s and am glad I didn't do that now (no judgement to those of you who had them) because I don't think I would have achieved what I wanted had I had them and I also feel I would have lost my identity in way.

What I do know I want is a partner and a committed relationship. I feel that when I get that I will be in a better position to judge if I want kids or not.
 
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I have children, one of whom has a long term condition which has changed our lives forever and unfortunately also comes with some challenging behaviour. ‘Child’ is now a young adult and we are exhausted by it. My mental health is fragile and my marriage (to child’s father) has been through hell and high water, I don’t know how we are still standing. It is relentless. I love my children but honestly, if I had my time again, I don’t think I’d be a mother. It has taken every last piece of my soul.
This sounds similar to my situation. I also have another 2 children who it’s taken it’s toll on also. Hugs to you xx
 
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