Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.

[whyhellothere83]

A low blow? How did I use that against you in any way? One week you’re staring here (on a public forum) you’re having your last drink, the next you're drunk messaging a random guy? Did I call you any kind of derogatory term or use it against you? No - and I addressed it as like I said in my original post, many (myself included) can probably relate to a lot of your behaviour.

It’s worrying hearing someone jump from shop guy, to some guy fixing your boiler, to traffic cone man to wild swimming, all within a fortnight. People here (myself included) actually care and take time out of their day to give advice…which you’ve asked for. From strangers. On a public forum. Like I said in my previous post, people aren’t going to enable you here if that’s what you’re after?

If you feel the need to call people a witch and an hole on here, that says it all to me.

Have fun on Friday!

It’s like dejavu! If people don’t want advice, don’t come on to an advice forum! You’ve done nothing wrong.
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AWWW happy birthday! It's my 30th today as well!! I've had a lovely day celebrating and R is taking me out for an Italian and wine tonight ..hope you've had a lovely day xxxxx

Happy belated birthday to you and @EddyDarling !!! Hope you had amazing days!!

 

[Guyyyyyzzzzzz]

An another thing! Why do they say must be able to hold a conversation but they can’t themselves .

What’s everyone’s plans this weekend? After work im going shopping so will pick up some flowers and nice food. Then going to the lakes tomorrow

 

[harveydean]

It’s like dejavu! If people don’t want advice, don’t come on to an advice forum! You’ve done nothing wrong.
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Quite

An another thing! Why do they say must be able to hold a conversation but they can’t themselves .

What’s everyone’s plans this weekend? After work im going shopping so will pick up some flowers and nice food. Then going to the lakes tomorrow

Because they are filling in the gaps of all the things they can’t provide themselves.

Love your plans! My meet with rich guy is on hold as I’m still under the weather. I’m going to camp at my friend’s house for the weekend - she’s cooking and we have a list of movies to get through. Plus a lot of gossip!

 

[BoogleC]

An another thing! Why do they say must be able to hold a conversation but they can’t themselves .

What’s everyone’s plans this weekend? After work im going shopping so will pick up some flowers and nice food. Then going to the lakes tomorrow

these sound like lovely weekend plans, I hope you enjoy, love the lakes. Quiet weekend for me but I’m now going to pick up some flowers for myself

 

[IGiveUp22]

Okay so I may or may not have entered into a bit of a casual thing with a guy I dated previously
It only really started last month and I’ve been over about 4 times. All been great, I was happy with the casual (for now) but fully prepared if I felt I wanted more I’d be having the convo and acting accordingly.

Last time I went over, left and it was all good. Still the same vibe/energy, him voice noting me joking about me going around again etc.

Since Friday last week I’ve felt the energy shift from his side massively. I hate confusion and ambiguity so I’ve just sent a message now to say I’ve noticed the shift, it’s fine and we’re all good etc.

He may have met someone or something but I don’t really wanna be kept in the background to be picked up/put down if that doesn’t work out. I’m not usually a “casual” girl and I’d rather step back at this stage before I get hurt.

I’m confused about what I want really. I liked spending time with him and sometimes I’d find myself wanting more but then when I actually thought about what that involves I’m a bit like “hmm nah I don’t think I do” does anyone else have this?
Maybe it’s because I feel like my life isn’t “together” ie I’m saving to buy a house that I just don’t want to actually have to have a second person to think about right now?

I might just be in my feels because I’m due on too

 

[Thank(space)you]

An another thing! Why do they say must be able to hold a conversation but they can’t themselves .

What’s everyone’s plans this weekend? After work im going shopping so will pick up some flowers and nice food. Then going to the lakes tomorrow

I'm visiting my mum in hospital and hopefully seeing my friend tonight. Not sure for the rest of the weekend so it may just be a Netflix binge

I was asked on a date but he told me I had to plan it so I've binned him off haha.

 

[Rayne]

Welcome to dating in 2024 everyone

 

[BWGossip]

I’m confused about what I want really. I liked spending time with him and sometimes I’d find myself wanting more but then when I actually thought about what that involves I’m a bit like “hmm nah I don’t think I do” does anyone else have this?

You perfectly summarised my feelings on serious relationships: the idea is nice sometimes but in reality I'd probably hate it

If I were you, I'd bin the guy anyway: his actions are just so rude/impolite/immature, it's a big turn off for me (unless he is a teenager? very young adult?) You didn't ask for anything and he couldn't even give you the bare minimum (of texting you/keeping you updated about what was going on)

Edit: @Thank(space)you Hope your mum gets well!

 

[harveydean]

Okay so I may or may not have entered into a bit of a casual thing with a guy I dated previously
It only really started last month and I’ve been over about 4 times. All been great, I was happy with the casual (for now) but fully prepared if I felt I wanted more I’d be having the convo and acting accordingly.

Last time I went over, left and it was all good. Still the same vibe/energy, him voice noting me joking about me going around again etc.

Since Friday last week I’ve felt the energy shift from his side massively. I hate confusion and ambiguity so I’ve just sent a message now to say I’ve noticed the shift, it’s fine and we’re all good etc.

He may have met someone or something but I don’t really wanna be kept in the background to be picked up/put down if that doesn’t work out. I’m not usually a “casual” girl and I’d rather step back at this stage before I get hurt.

I’m confused about what I want really. I liked spending time with him and sometimes I’d find myself wanting more but then when I actually thought about what that involves I’m a bit like “hmm nah I don’t think I do” does anyone else have this?
Maybe it’s because I feel like my life isn’t “together” ie I’m saving to buy a house that I just don’t want to actually have to have a second person to think about right now?

I might just be in my feels because I’m due on too

You’re going to get emotionally attached because of hormones. If you can handle it then go for it, but otherwise FWB just don’t work (I’ve tried.) Someone always catches feelings!

 

[IGiveUp22]

I know, I’ve ever been a person that can do FWB although admittedly this occasion I felt quite at peace with it. I liked there not being any expectation on how far we infiltrated each others lives. But now I’m in the thick of my hormone feels I’m reflecting what that actually means about my current views on relationships…
Love a good over think

He’s a really nice man and we are usually very good with communication although sometimes I find him hard to read but energy never lies.

He’s replied with a voice note but I don’t dare listen to it

 

[freezelouise43]

I know, I’ve ever been a person that can do FWB although admittedly this occasion I felt quite at peace with it. I liked there not being any expectation on how far we infiltrated each others lives. But now I’m in the thick of my hormone feels I’m reflecting what that actually means about my current views on relationships…
Love a good over think

He’s a really nice man and we are usually very good with communication although sometimes I find him hard to read but energy never lies.

He’s replied with a voice note but I don’t dare listen to it

Unless he’s telling you he wants to be exclusive, or you’re ok with just a casual thing (as in you’re not that into him, take it or leave it type apathy) I really honestly say don’t do it. I’m still reeling from being told by my FWB that he was with someone and couldn’t see me. It made me feel worthless because I’m desperately in love with him to the point I can’t even think about being with anyone else …hopefully this isn’t your situation, just protect your feelings at all costs

 

[EddyDarling]

It’s like dejavu! If people don’t want advice, don’t come on to an advice forum! You’ve done nothing wrong.
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Happy belated birthday to you and @EddyDarling !!! Hope you had amazing days!!

Thank you darling and everyone in general
My daughter talked all night last night about how she likes Mr tinder as my boyfriend and how nice he is
My son was pleased that Mr tinder praised him after he got a sticker for reading (but cried that he was staying with me, his mum, instead of going back to Mr tinder's house)

We're going to Brighton tomorrow me and the kids to the artbox cafe there which is all sanrio hello kitty themed

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

Just thinking about this morning and it seems in all probability that I've made a new friend who I could swim with whenever I'd like to. I might test out a little bit of flirting next time but not expecting to get anything back whatsoever!

I'm at work tonight, have a completely free day tomorrow which unfortunately will involve housework, ironing, revising for an exam I have on Tuesday and possibly a takeaway tomorrow night. Sunday I'm going to have my bridesmaid dress fitted for my friend's wedding in August and to meet her other bridesmaids. It clashes with a big match though so I'll be sneakily checking my phone!

 

[tomato_paste]

So question, how do y'alls deal with your bodies changing? I'm turning 35 today and I've struggled with this for a while now - my tits are super saggy (due to weight loss too, but it's also aging), my skin is not as elastic as it once was, and so on. And I'm ashamed of that so getting naked with someone is just this unfathomable thing to me at the moment - but I do miss sex, like, a LOT (it's been 4 years), so I'd actually like to get laid eventually... So, anyone got any strategies for that? Do it like Samantha said: All cats look the same in the dark (so, lights off) or get plastic surgery on my tits so I don't feel so bad?

 

[EddyDarling]

So question, how do y'alls deal with your bodies changing? I'm turning 35 today and I've struggled with this for a while now - my tits are super saggy (due to weight loss too, but it's also aging), my skin is not as elastic as it once was, and so on. And I'm ashamed of that so getting naked with someone is just this unfathomable thing to me at the moment - but I do miss sex, like, a LOT (it's been 4 years), so I'd actually like to get laid eventually... So, anyone got any strategies for that? Do it like Samantha said: All cats look the same in the dark (so, lights off) or get plastic surgery on my tits so I don't feel so bad?

Ugh I've gone up several dress sizes since I started dating Mr tinder alone and I do not like my body as much as I did this time last year!
My tummy is huge now and I just cannot shift it.
I try and hide it a lot but Mr tinder says he loves the way I look

BUT I have learned that we are so critical of our own bodies and tend to notice what we feel are flaws, but there are people out there who will look at you and think you're the most beautiful thing they've ever laid eyes on.
Also when you meet someone and start dating, they're dating you because they find you attractive as you are now, not as you were at 25 because they don't know that person!

 

[harveydean]

So question, how do y'alls deal with your bodies changing? I'm turning 35 today and I've struggled with this for a while now - my tits are super saggy (due to weight loss too, but it's also aging), my skin is not as elastic as it once was, and so on. And I'm ashamed of that so getting naked with someone is just this unfathomable thing to me at the moment - but I do miss sex, like, a LOT (it's been 4 years), so I'd actually like to get laid eventually... So, anyone got any strategies for that? Do it like Samantha said: All cats look the same in the dark (so, lights off) or get plastic surgery on my tits so I don't feel so bad?

Men are wired totally differently and honestly don’t care what your body is like! I’ve had so many conversations with male friends and they’ve all said it (and not due to my own hang ups, so they weren’t saying it to be kind to me!)

Would it be worth going to get fitted for some new underwear which lifts (I breastfed and need all the rigging nowadays!) It can make you feel so attractive knowing you’ve got a sexy set on

Also…and this may sound a bit weird but hear me out…have you spent time semi naked at home? So when I’m on holiday in a bikini I soon get used to my body - I find when I’m covered up all year I forget about it. Nowadays I swim/sauna most days so I’m very used to seeing my body, but stages when I don’t I feel almost detached as I’m not looking at her on the daily (as you do when you’re sat in a bikini in the sauna!)

 

[freezelouise43]

I massively worry about not my looks, but more from the point that people won’t take me seriously…my FWB was a lot older than me and very professional and I felt like a bit of a blonde bimbo that he wouldn’t take to posh work dos etc…because I’ve had work done, Botox etc. I dress conservatively and the surgery I’m having has affected how I look…I feel like girls who are less high maintenance actually get better connections…so don’t worry I think on both sides of the coin you can do too much/ not enough etc…I just want to be happy and accepted for who I am. I love to travel and I read alot I’m not stupid but I dunno, I feel there’s a judgement there sometimes 🥲

 

[Thank(space)you]

So question, how do y'alls deal with your bodies changing? I'm turning 35 today and I've struggled with this for a while now - my tits are super saggy (due to weight loss too, but it's also aging), my skin is not as elastic as it once was, and so on. And I'm ashamed of that so getting naked with someone is just this unfathomable thing to me at the moment - but I do miss sex, like, a LOT (it's been 4 years), so I'd actually like to get laid eventually... So, anyone got any strategies for that? Do it like Samantha said: All cats look the same in the dark (so, lights off) or get plastic surgery on my tits so I don't feel so bad?

Not massively helpful but anybody who gets to see you naked is probably thinking they're super lucky! They'll have their own insecurities too that you probably won't notice/care about.

 

[NoddyFromToytown]

So question, how do y'alls deal with your bodies changing? I'm turning 35 today and I've struggled with this for a while now - my tits are super saggy (due to weight loss too, but it's also aging), my skin is not as elastic as it once was, and so on. And I'm ashamed of that so getting naked with someone is just this unfathomable thing to me at the moment - but I do miss sex, like, a LOT (it's been 4 years), so I'd actually like to get laid eventually... So, anyone got any strategies for that? Do it like Samantha said: All cats look the same in the dark (so, lights off) or get plastic surgery on my tits so I don't feel so bad?

I can only speak from my own personal experience and obviously everyone is different but I had a breast uplift and implants a couple of years ago (lost a ton of weight due to a cheating bastard - regained the weight but not the boobs) and it was honestly one of the best decisions I have ever made. I also get regular Botox and can also say that both those things have improved my confidence massively! (I’m 40 next year)

 

[adventureisoutthere]

Okay so I may or may not have entered into a bit of a casual thing with a guy I dated previously
It only really started last month and I’ve been over about 4 times. All been great, I was happy with the casual (for now) but fully prepared if I felt I wanted more I’d be having the convo and acting accordingly.

Last time I went over, left and it was all good. Still the same vibe/energy, him voice noting me joking about me going around again etc.

Since Friday last week I’ve felt the energy shift from his side massively. I hate confusion and ambiguity so I’ve just sent a message now to say I’ve noticed the shift, it’s fine and we’re all good etc.

He may have met someone or something but I don’t really wanna be kept in the background to be picked up/put down if that doesn’t work out. I’m not usually a “casual” girl and I’d rather step back at this stage before I get hurt.

I’m confused about what I want really. I liked spending time with him and sometimes I’d find myself wanting more but then when I actually thought about what that involves I’m a bit like “hmm nah I don’t think I do” does anyone else have this?
Maybe it’s because I feel like my life isn’t “together” ie I’m saving to buy a house that I just don’t want to actually have to have a second person to think about right now?

I might just be in my feels because I’m due on too

This sounds like I could have written it myself about my previous situation.

It started as a drunk hook up with my friend, we decided to carry on as fwb as he said he didn’t want a relationship. I decided that was fine as the sex was great and we got on so well and both were on the same page. It essentially turned in to more like dating (talking daily, seeing each other at least once a week, sleepovers) but still pretending it was just fwb.

all I asked of him was to be honest and upfront if he had met someone or wanted to call quits. He said he would. He didn’t. He just tried to drift and the mood changed, I questioned if, he said he just wasn’t in a good mood, I let it go. It carried on like this for another month until I called him out and he ended it “as he didn’t want to hurt me”. I then found out 4 weeks later that he was seeing someone else.

fwb doesn’t work as soon as you catch feelings. You can pretend you don’t but in the long run, if you’ve already started to question why he has withdrawn or if you could want more, then it’s just going to develop. It only works if there are clear boundaries.

Its tough to break away from that situation but the last guy I went on a few dates with in Feb was perfect for me but he only wanted casual and despite me wanting him, I knew I’d end up getting hurt so had to think of myself and say no.

long story short, you’re not alone in feeling like this but I’d have a really good think about if you do like him more then just a shag and if so, tell him and see if he reciprocates and if not, get out and protect your feelings.