and the total lack of self awareness and accountability.One thing men are consistent with is the AUDACITY
Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.
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Just been asked if they can spit in my mouth.
bleeping creatures
bleeping creatures
Im so angry for you. Men are bleeping disgusting.
Are you ok x
Oh I’m absolutely fine it was the first message they sent 
. So I just blocked and reported it. I can’t believe anyone would agree to that so probably been sat there watching porn and had a light bulb moment 
.
I honestly think the apps should have some sort of filter to pick it up stuff like that so they get an instant ban and the message doesn’t get sent
. So I just blocked and reported it. I can’t believe anyone would agree to that so probably been sat there watching porn and had a light bulb moment .I honestly think the apps should have some sort of filter to pick it up stuff like that so they get an instant ban and the message doesn’t get sent
Yeah I think sex talk should be a ban on the apps or ya know on like eBay and stuff where you can’t put your email address to deal outside of eBay, I think they should do that with sex words. There’s probs way guys would get around it but it would certainly help to clean up the apps a little bit. I’m convinced some of they purely go on just to say inappropriate things because it gives them a kick.
The apps need to go back to promoting healthy relationships rather than all ending up being for hook ups
The apps need to go back to promoting healthy relationships rather than all ending up being for hook ups
I don't think they ever were? Even 10 years ago Tinder was for hookups more than anything else. A few got lucky, yes, my sibling is one of them, but the grand total of it all is commodification of relationships / sex / interpersonal stuff so they can make cash off our need to feel connected. First, break interpersonal relationships and communities, by making everyone too busy, by closing down "third places", forcing people to consume more and more to simply exist, thus marginalising those of us with less money (which, let's be honest, is pretty much all of us), making it harder and harder to simply meet anyone (how many people do you know who are desperate for friends but don't know how to meet people?), and then the coup de grâce, forcing us on apps where we pay for the privilege of "meeting" people. But only on the terms of the algorithm. I'm so bleeping sick of it.
I think some apps tried to promote long term relationships and finding "the one", but not sure you can guarantee they're healthy. Match.com, Hinge and Bumble all had reputations for that.
Match.com turned into a place for married people to cheat, Hinge and Bumble started to feel more like Tinder. Unless the apps become super restrictive, there's only so much they can do to make sure everyone on there is serious and well behaved. Even then, people lie and pretend.
As much tit as I talk about the apps, users are also responsible for making them and dating overall awful, which I think goes back to your point about the breakdown of communities and loneliness.
I think it'd be a good idea to filter "bad" words to avoid sleaze but there's a fine line between promoting a safe experience and not letting people be themselves.
There's probably someone out there who wants to get married that would also love being propositioned in the first message.
I feel this, given up really on the apps and embracing the peace of my own company minus the pain of rejection…but I would love other single women my age to go on adventures with! I’ve got plenty of friends but none are in the same place as me
And it goes both ways. I was talking to a guy in a bar the other evening, who was much younger (early 20s) and said he struggles as all the girls he matches with are only after sex.
That said, later on in the conversation, he did ask me out. I took his number as a friend (he was genuinely lovely) but I actually can’t stop thinking about him
He’s very posh, very educated, very rich, very handsome, very mature. Just very very young
That said, later on in the conversation, he did ask me out. I took his number as a friend (he was genuinely lovely) but I actually can’t stop thinking about him
He’s very posh, very educated, very rich, very handsome, very mature. Just very very young
What's the age gap?And it goes both ways. I was talking to a guy in a bar the other evening, who was much younger (early 20s) and said he struggles as all the girls he matches with are only after sex.
That said, later on in the conversation, he did ask me out. I took his number as a friend (he was genuinely lovely) but I actually can’t stop thinking about him
He’s very posh, very educated, very rich, very handsome, very mature. Just very very young
Old enough to be my son. And it wouldn’t have been a teenage pregnancy
I think that both men and women can see the apps as a kind of meat market, although men are much louder in their disrespect of boundaries and their blatant focus on their sexual interests.
But I have also met women who meet men that they are not genuinely interested in, not for sex, but for a free meal or to be invited to an event and they then compare the status and earning power of the men they have met.
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I have to say, dating and looking after small and young children is not easy and not always fun. Meetings are dictated by the child-care schedule and spontaneity goes out of the window.
I am slightly more flexible than he is though, he is very accommodating towards his ex and is very patient to hear back from her. He still doesn't know if he is free on the next bank holiday and I am kind of getting tired of it.
Only seeing each other every other weekend, and then being tired, not being able to plan holidays or meet up during the week on a whim sucks.
Somehow I miss the excitement of my youth, being able to do whatever you want and knowing that anything could happen.
But I have also met women who meet men that they are not genuinely interested in, not for sex, but for a free meal or to be invited to an event and they then compare the status and earning power of the men they have met.
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I have to say, dating and looking after small and young children is not easy and not always fun. Meetings are dictated by the child-care schedule and spontaneity goes out of the window.
I am slightly more flexible than he is though, he is very accommodating towards his ex and is very patient to hear back from her. He still doesn't know if he is free on the next bank holiday and I am kind of getting tired of it.
Only seeing each other every other weekend, and then being tired, not being able to plan holidays or meet up during the week on a whim sucks.
Somehow I miss the excitement of my youth, being able to do whatever you want and knowing that anything could happen.
I can see why that would annoy you, like I’d be pleased that his children come first as a priority however it would really start to duck me off that their mother doesn’t see that the children also need to be a priority and need that routine.
My ex would be incredibly controlling around times and days. It was so frustrating because I just wanted that in advance so that I can plan their days out socials etc. I think the older I get the more I really dislike people.
My ex would be incredibly controlling around times and days. It was so frustrating because I just wanted that in advance so that I can plan their days out socials etc. I think the older I get the more I really dislike people.
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Do you mean your ex would be incredibly controlling around times and days?
i have no issues with the children being the priority, he technically also shares 50% but does a lot more than I do even, hosting all the birthday parties, spending all the religious holidays with them and his parents and essentially waiting until his ex has made up her mind.
He is also very accommodating with me as well, if I happen to mention what I fancy he would organize it and this is lovely, but I also think he might be a bit of a people pleaser.
I did yeah, every single week I got all sorts of excuses! Tattle is slow to update my edits today! Oh no I can see you don’t, it’s just the other side of things having that third person dictating if you like.
Yes, it gives the impression to be more of an affair than a girlfriend, given that the ex-partner still calls the shots in a way. They make the decisions and set up the framework and I fill in the gaps.
The issue with having school children is also that the cannot move and in fact he just bought a house where he now lives, close to his ex.
I am still more flexible and considering setting up base outside the city, in a smaller town, but this wouldn't really be an option for him.
Mo advice but I have dated a couple of guys in a similar situation, and it really wore me down. I would make time but I felt it was controlled by his ex and like someone mentioned, almost affair like.
Because of that, I wouldn’t want to date someone with young children. It’s just too much of a juggle.
Thank you!
It was actually me who said that it almost felt like being the affair rather than the girlfriend. Quite strange, I dated someone with a small child (pre-school) before but he had more of a fixed schedule and a less demanding career.
I am also in the same boat with having to organize care and having a demanding career etc, but I am more flexible and overall have more time available. I could go out in the evenings during the week, not every day, but often enough.
I think it definitely can work, but personally I felt the problem was that I wasn’t the priority, the ex was. That was never going to change, hence why it felt like it was somehow illicit.
I really don’t think it’s fair to not be able to make plans in advance (like the next BH for you.) It’s so important to know when you’re going to see eachother and able to spend time, especially if you have to arrange childcare.
I know I’m not giving advice as such, but I’m sat with you through this! I remember it well.
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