Dating after lockdown #31 More ghosts than a cemetery!

[IGiveUp22]

Thank you for the responses! Yes obviously it’s not a question that comes up (from my end) in the immediate messages obviously and also would only come up if they ask me about my family, it’s usually something I then ask then. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t offending anyone I chat to or anything as that’s genuinely the last thing I was to do.

 

[aliw]

View attachment 2349813 I can't remember if I have shared this before but since we were talking about lame things people say on dating apps, someone sent this to me as a first message.

I'm not sure what is worse, the unoriginal questions or the note to say "I hope that isn't too tricky" .

I think the "hope that isn't too tricky" is the worst bit

 

[BoogleC]

Any with the skinny jeans that have like ridges on them (I’ll try find a pic)

Oh yes the ridged skinny jeans, I know exactly what you mean. They’re instantly a write off

 

[EndofInfluencers]

thank you. I did that already after our date. I explained that i had decided that dating wasn’t on the agenda because I wasn’t really in a good place (i was honest about it and those were my words but i left out the details). He asked if he could message in a few weeks as we got along.
I said yes, which I will say, was my fault cause I should have cut it dead but I (apparently wrongly) assumed he wouldn’t actually message me
he’s messaged asking to meet up. I feel really guilty cause I haven’t replied and I don’t want to ghost him. I need to put my big girl knickers on.

How about something like, ‘sorry I’ve been MIA, I’m not ignoring you but I just need a little time to myself to work things through and sort a few things out, but I will be back in touch when I’m able to’?

 

[keepyourpeace]

Vincent Vega texted me today — they always come crawling back, don’t they? As I’ve said, he is a good fuck, so while I’m kinda glad I did not block him, I am not going to fill any mental gaps or pin my hopes too high. Would be lovely to see him again but I know I deserve more than this.


What the actual, I can’t believe he said that! But that’s definition of good riddance though, he belongs in the bin!
cats > guys

I’m secretly rooting for the Greek guy but that might be because I don’t like Henry Cavill much haha

Don't shout at me but I sort of want to apologize but then I realise how fucking childish and rude he is.
Mainly because one of the lines was I don't want to date anyone at the moment.

I won't apologize she's an animal and whatever but yeah people pleaser tendencies.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Don’t pursue from experience it’s like shitting on your doorstep messy and you’ll have to face it everyday. Trust me when I say this.

Admire from afar

Yeah I'm definitely not getting involved and I've told him that

 

[Sir Lancelot]

It's nice to hear that the community is supportive tbh the men seem to just use her and she tells me the sex is pretty awful just to add insult to injury. I'll let her know about FetLife - personally though I think she is getting off on the bad experiences because of underlying issues. I could be wrong though.

Oh, if the sex is awful she is def. doing it wrong!

 

[glenn_coco]

Maybe he’s more passive or has been rejected a lot in the past. If you are interested in seeing him again I would message on Hinge and say you had a good time. If he doesn’t take the hint and take things off Hinge I think you have your answer.

Yeah, I know I won't know unless I message.

Tbf, I'm going on a 4 week holiday on Wed which probs doesn't help things lol

 

[harveydean]

My fellow daters, how do we deal with the need for constant reassurance? Anxious attachment has been kicking my bum I haven’t really brought it up in therapy yet, I’m trying to keep myself as busy as possible but my brain is just going slightly mad at the moment and making my already existing anxiety so much worse.

Keeping myself busy when I overthink - gym, movie, chat with friends. Also with my therapist I’m discovering when and how it happens - I’m finding it’s when I’m getting itchy feet and I know I’m going to be breaking it off, but somehow I don’t want to be the “bad” one.

 

[keepyourpeace]

Thank you all for your thoughts on the test drive guy I do agree that his behaviour is manipulative but also insecure - it does look like he is not very confident, keeps asking me whether I liked the dates and enjoyed his company…I am pretty sure he wants to have sex ASAP though, so I’m gonna slow things down and see what happens. I’m not letting anyone pressure me into anything no matter how much I like them.

Going on a date with Mr. Vincent Vega tonight! We are technically going as friends but he’s already texted me asking whether I would prefer to have red or white wine: Looks like he will be paying haha, and he’s also hinted we can go to his place afterwards…wish me good luck!

Ooh I feel you! Try not to think too much into it, men usually process their feelings differently so you thinking he doesn’t care for you doesn’t mean it’s actually true! Just breathe and try not to worry. After all, there is nothing we can do to prevent ghosting (it’s about them, not us) so try not to wind yourself up. Hope he texts you soon!

Calling yourself a “good guy” is . The actual good ones don’t have the need to announce that, so proceed with caution.

Thank you lovely. We messaged a bit today and he's left me on read but tbh he did say he was tired so probably resting.
I'll leave it a day or two and check in if he doesn't because we spoke about future dates etc.

 

[Punchface]

I’m a few weeks from seeing Six for the 3rd time, it’s so good!

 

[Morleybbz]

No but I did get a notification saying something to do with pizza?!?

I wish I got a pizza notification! I'd be swiping right so much if it was choosing a pizza!

I did a curiosity swipe on someone I've always had a bit of a thing with in the past...
Couple of hours later I'm on my phone and get the tinder match notification, it wouldn't load the conversation and there was no new match when I went back to the inbox page

Tbh I don't know what I would have done if the match with them had come up straight away - but I wouldn't have swiped right if there wasn't a bit of interest there!
Probably wouldn't want to talk to them through tinder though so hopefully I'll get messaged elsewhere!

Trying to think positive rather than him being like urgh fuck that (or rather not) whys she interested

 

[harveydean]

Girlies and guylies I'm so excited for my date next week
He's such a nice guy and he's already being an absolute gent about everything, he assumed he was picking me up he always pays for the first date he doesn't find me annoying, he's asking me what I like men to wear but he's also taking charge of the actual date itself
I'm so excited I don't know what to wear

I LOVE this! Where’s he taking you?

 

[Morleybbz]

Tinder was acting up yesterday. I’d matched with someone and we took it to WhatsApp, but it kept notifying me he’d sent me a message on Tinder (he hadn’t). It also notifies me people have just super liked me and they haven’t (I pay for the pleasure so can see )

I kept on getting repeat notifications for a message I'd received last night but yet to open that was a few hours after my vanishing match and with a match from my swipe that evening

 

[keepyourpeace]

but…. what did you WANT him to say?!

ladies if you’re blocking, you need to be BLOCKING. on all platforms. if there is nothing more you want to hear from or say to a man, then the block function exists for a reason.

I actually don't know I think I said it cos he was like did you block me? and I was like well you must wanna say something then?

And my mistake for not blocking entirely! Just thought as WhatsApp is mostly everyone's form of communication that blocking on there would be enough.

 

[blueblue]

I’m definitely falling in love with the idea of him and I know it full well…I guess I just put him on a pedestal because he was nice to me and I’m used to men treating me like crap

He ended up messaging me out of the blue after my previous post, and we have met several times since then. We had a couple of ‘dates’ where he would pay for me, introduce me to his friends and be really lovely to me…but we never talked about where our relationship was going. We started off as friends when we first met, and it was him who initiated things by asking me whether I liked him and whether he could kiss me after we'd had a couple of drinks. He is not my type so I wasn’t 100% sold at first, but he is so attentive and gentlemanly and I needed to get over another heartbreak, so sort of went head first…I can’t figure out whether he actually likes me and is trying to distance himself because he’s scared or is just playing the ‘I’m like the other guys’ card. I mean, no matter how lovely he is, he is just a man and probably won’t get hurt, but I might. I want to get a clear picture of what’s going on but I don’t know how to approach it without making things awkward. I’m not planning to tell him I love him because I’m not sure I do, and I’m not sure I want a long-term relationship either…I just don’t want to get rejected yet again.

Isn't VV the guy who went with you to be aloof to the guy who just ghosted you, his band were playing and you and VV went to watch? Or am I getting mixed up?

 

[kaykay24]

Hey, so not sure if this is the right thread!

I've been texting and meeting with this guy. We met in a hook up site 15 days ago but hit it off straight away. We've been in contact every day since.

Anyways we arranged to meet 4 days later at his for a movie and take away and the whole experience was amazing, we both felt so at ease with each other. Plus the sex was out of this world! I ended up staying night and leaving lunch time the next day.

By the evening he was asking to see me again, so arranged to see him again a week later as he was away with friends before. I noticed on the app we met on he had changed his ad to "away in London for 2 nights, whos interested?" You know when your heart just drops, well I had to have a little chat with myself because technically we did just meet on a hook up app and we were both only looking for FWB situation. Me because I've just got out of 15 year relationship 6 months ago and there is kids involved. He's been single 2 years.

So met with him last week. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. Had the perfect evening and I didn't leave until the next afternoon.

Today he asked if I'll be his +1 to his friends wedding reception he's going to in two weeks! I'm flattered and I really want to say yes because I do really like him. But I'm not sure if he's giving me mixed messages. We haven't officially been outside of his house together and the first time we will he wants me to meet all his friends?!

Am I thinking too much into this?! Plus what does one wear to wedding reception when they've never actually met the bride and groom . Now I'm flapping!

 

[D2them]

@harveydean we need an update on your shenanigans please!!!

 

[blueblue]

How you feeling @Clementine

 

[whyhellothere83]

I just can’t meet anyone being a size 20 doesn’t help but people are going on date after date and I have nothing!

Booo!

It’s definitely not your size, it’s just hard I think!