Dating after lockdown #31 More ghosts than a cemetery!

[tomato_paste]

You're all so classy though, three dates in, Christ, I want to know what they're packing about an hour into the first date

My last ex had a micropenis so definitely check the goods before accepting delivery

 

[Lalla]

@Clementine you are an absolute knockout as everyone has said, and your hair is FABULOUS

There is no excuse for this man, none. It's despicable and cowardly behaviour.

Long before dating apps and the like, I suffered the disappearing act not once but twice...meant to come to my house but never arrived. This was before Whatsapp and such, but I text and phoned, left voicemail. Nada. I genuinely worried they might be dead but actually that would have been less of a disappointment.

I eventually found out that (although the details were slightly different) both were basically contacted by their exes, who wanted to 'try again' - and they were too gutless to admit that to me because they were scared of my reaction so just vanished. Absolute fuckwits.

I would bet the guy that's been so cruel to you has a depressingly similar story...but it's quite likely that you'll hear from him in a month or two when it goes tits up with the ex again. Because that's the worst part, they do this shit and then think you'll be happy to hear from them in future.

I'm done with men, I've found a house with an acre of land in Wales and am very tempted to buy it and live in splendid isolation (albeit l wish all the wonderful people on this thread could come and stay!)

 

[Lalla]

The other thing is with these 'I'm not ready for a relationship' guys is that often that's not the full sentence - the unsaid bit is with you.

It's the same as all the men who don't want marriage or kids, then come out of a long term (10 year plus relationship), meet someone new and end up married with a kid inside 2 years. I've seen it happen many times

 

[Thank(space)you]

I messaged neighbour to ask if we were meeting tonight or not & he replied saying he's ended up going pub with his mates so he will let me know if he's about later

I messaged on Monday asking about meeting today and tbh I'm really pissed off I'm being treated as a back up plan.

I've had a horrible day anyway so I'm just crying on the train like an idiot I'm not crying necessarily about this situation, just this is the final straw for a shitty day

 

[c40]

Was seeing a guy , who was on fence about me, he wouldn't let me go yet he wouldn't want anyone else to have me , but continues to blame me for things and play mind games, he claimed he misses me but never makes plans to see me , Finally blocked him took me while to do this not sure why it did.

 

[sofipbn]

Hello everyone! As I told you in the previous thread, if you remember (the guy with the condom wrapper under the bed etc), we had a talk and I decided that I believe him, but I don't feel in the right headspace to keep dating. I told him this and immediately started crying. I said I didn't want things to end badly between us because we have a very good relationship and felt support from him in everything. He said, regardless of whether we keep seeing each other as a couple or not, he is always going to be here if I need to talk, go for a walk, have a coffee, or whatever I need, that the bond we have doesn't need 'to end'. There's a lot going on right now, my mum is getting tested for endometrial cancer tomorrow, so I'm literally an emotional mess right now and everything feels too much. I'm too scared. I'm happy that things 'ended' well and that I know that he's there for me, even if I chose not to be with him romantically anymore.

 

[EndofInfluencers]

I heard this today and I thought I would leave it here as a reminder to us all: “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option” (the great Mark Twain).

 

[Dogtanian]

Need some words of strength. Not dated anyone since 2015. Started chatting to a lovely guy end of May. Tried really hard to meet but we live in different areas. Spoke daily. Then Thursday- ghosted. Just before I'm meant to go meet him this week.

He's sent a few really short tempered replies but I've refrained from bombarding him so just given up really. No idea what i did wrong. Just so fed up that after all these years I get excited then it's for nothing. Why bother?

Short tempered replies from someone you've never met? I'd tell him to GTFO. Dodged a bullet there imo.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Single & just ordered my once a month McDonald's breakfast delivery. At this stage loving a McDonald's sausage & egg McMuffin beats anything a man has to offer.

 

[pbontoast]

So I asked the Hinge guy what he was looking for from online dating - something casual or a relationship - and… he unmatched me glad I asked before we went on the date on Friday! I think I’m going to always ask this question going forward and hopefully will encounter men who are able to communicate instead of just disappearing!! Says it all really

 

[IGiveUp22]

Don't you dare feel ashamed! What a prick!
Did you reply about your socks?

Speaking of pricks the cat guy got blocked on WhatsApp so text me this morning to ask if I'd blocked him and told me I was childish.

Tell him your cat must have blocked him

 

[blueblue]

i have a lot to update with aha. so as i've said many times me and henry cavill guy have been texting every day for like a month, a few phone calls, had two really nice dates. so on thursday we had a phone call, it got steamy again and he said a few things which made me pretty confident he's not fugkcing anyone else, so when we hung up i don't know what came over me but i just texted and asked him.
he said he's not, but he has been on some dates. i asked if he'd slept with any of them, and he said he had, one girl and they used protection, and it was after our first date. he hasn't since our second.
because of how intimate we are and how much we talk, i just said that i'm not comfortable with him sleeping with other girls if we're going to continue seeing each other and doing what we do. he said it's too soon to go exclusive, which i know is probably true. i asked if he liked me. he said 'i do' 'but i'm where i was before - i can't promise a relationship but i do like you. although sexual compatibility is important to me so now i also know ours is on point'. this is all well and good but one of the last messages in this conversation was 'i do like you but i'm worried you may like me more and i don't want to hurt you in the long run...'
so i just said 'honestly that already sounds like you don't see a relationship, which is fine, i'd rather know now instead of the 'can't promise' stuff' and he said 'i don't know is the answer - i think it's too fast paced to be having these talks, but thank you for speaking your mind'......... this was all before our date saturday, and we agreed we'd still go on it.

he is right, it's very early. and on one hand i sound a bit clingy - i know that. but on the other hand i'm proud of myself for voicing my boundaries, and he knows how i feel now. i can't shake the feeling that he is just in this for fun, he talks to me all the time but it's because it's fun for him. i don't want to waste my time and see him while he dates other girls, i'm scared that we'll be in this situationship-type-thing until he finds someone he really likes then stops seeing me....

some of my friends told me 'he just needs time - it is early and he likes you'. a couple of my other friends told me not to go this weekend. at the end of the day, i wanted a nice weekend and was looking forward to it, so i went anyway.

we saw barbie at an everyman cinema, it was lovely. he acts so coupley with me in person. as soon as we met, he said there's a beer festival near his place tomorrow so we can go to that together. after the movie we walked his dog (fucking adorable corgi who loves me ugh..), then watched another movie at his place, had great sex (protection was used this time), ordered food, watched more stuff, had more sex... just like the other times really. i just wanted to enjoy it for what it is. loads of cuddling on his sofa. again so coupley, for example, when we went to bed to actually sleep, he was reading on his kindle and i was turned over on my phone, and he said 'are you going to cuddle me while i read?' and asked me to scratch his back and stuff.....
today we woke up cuddling and holding hands - i am very conscious of being too cuddly in bed and usually won't do it unless it's initiated, so this was all him. we walked his dog, had sex again, watched another film then took his dog to the beer festival with us then went back to his for a bit longer before i left.

it was too good to be true, but in a way i'm glad we had the conversation before this weekend so i kind of know that this is a dead end and just enjoyed it for what it was. he likes me, but not enough to stop seeing other people....... i feel like he would know by now if he wanted to pursue things. a couple of my guy friends have said the same. so my plan was to just have a fun, drama free weekend (FUCKING ROLEPLAYING A COUPLE....) then pull back a bit. we are also both quite busy the next couple weeks, so now would be a good time to take a step back i think and see if we meet again later in august. i won't put more effort in now, if he chases me he chases, but i know the score already pretty much and i feel like it will end in tears if i don't protect myself and pull back

sorry for essay

My darling, I think it might help to remind yourself that as "sexually compatible" as he proclaims you two are, he's still managed to fuck someone else at the same time. And you only have his word he used protection, which isn't actually aligned with his behaviour when you've slept with him before.

And if he isn't in a relationship space but he's loving the sex, he's also had sex with that other girl and presumably still been texting you the day of and day after.

And finally, I think proclaiming he's had a slut phase plus the above is future proofing himself for when you do get hurt but he gets to roll his eyes and mumble, "Baaaaaabe, you know what I'm like."

 

[Kitty kat 20]

This about sums up my dating experience so far

 

[Bleurghgram]

I really don’t like cats, but I respect all of you for choosing them over men.

 

[Thank(space)you]

3rd date with the neighbour went really well, we went for a meal & the cinema and he stayed over.

I am starting to really like him, feel like I'm in danger haha

 

[Universal]

These posts make me so sad. You are all lovely, warm and open women who are so supportive to one another. No matter what your life circumstances you deserve a loving partner. Please don’t turn the mirror on yourself.

 

[Belle123]

awww thank you belle, i hope you’re okay too
---


sleep you and i are quite similar (i think) from
my other posts here, and don’t lower your standards for anyone. genuinely. i know it’s hard because sometimes you think you “should” be doing this and whatnot, but you know what you’re into. stick with that and don’t sell yourself short.

I’m glad you’re ok. All good here, thank you xx

I agree with what you say. Stick to your guns and don’t lower standards. It’s never worth it. I met that man I mentioned in a previous post, after I said maybe we should meet for a coffee before a weekend away and I was glad I did. He seemed “normal” and nice enough. But I gathered enough intel to look him up on companies house. He isn’t 6 years older than me… he’s 12 years older than me. It’s such a manipulative thing to do and there were other things that put me off too, including more or less letting me know he’s minted. Just made him sound a knob, and I’m not impressed by wealth. I’m impressed by people’s good character and integrity. He had opportunities in our chats to tell me his age was wrong on the app. So I’m not letting it slide and he’s in the bin. Absolutely stick to guns when it comes to needs and boundaries

 

[harveydean]

Have you read the book attached? By Dr A levine & r heller? I found it super helpful
---

Oh yeah I forgot about that

He's been grovelling like mad today

Put it this way…two dates in, he’s told you to go and pull other guys whilst you’re away, he’s lied about being down the pub with friends, got the day of your date this week wrong and you’ve felt anxious about not knowing where you stand.

Babe, you can do SO MUCH BETTER than this!

 

[EddyDarling]

"men keep wanting to come over and just have sex" "they keep asking what time the kids are asleep"
"All men want to do is buy me champagne get me drunk and fuck me"

Me:

 

[SpindleWhorl]

I'm home following a very disappointing night out. Some dude threw up on me in the end and i got the last train home. Home and showered now and waiting for a takeaway to arrive