Dating after lockdown #31 More ghosts than a cemetery!

[Clementine]

I had the best first date yesterday! Ended up in a pub watching a bluesy covers band, who were actually really good. When he matched he was on holiday so had brought me a shell along (I little gestures likes this). Ended up back at mine and literally had a few out of body experiences last night and this morning 🫣

Have to wait a while for our second date (we’re both parents) so we’ll see but I’m trying to take him at face value and not to let my cynicism get in the way. He is a wee honey though

 

[Thank(space)you]

Fucking dickhead neighbour sent me the "it's not you it's me" text "hope we can still be friends"

Coincidence this comes after he had a load of girls at his last night

I'm just done with dating. I can't do it any more. Feel like my mum was right about me, she always said nobody is ever going to love me. Men will just want me for sex and as a mother she found me hard to love let alone anyone else.

*yes I'm having my dramatic ass pity party

 

[LaBlonde]

I cannot stop laughing at the thought that he feels the need to be chosen over a cat. Men really need to do better.

this just made me register that, over the last two weeks, we have had three THREE three men feel threatened by or express jealousy of cats. THREE. wtaf.

always choose the cat.

 

[Bleurghgram]

Also not to lecture but I used to think I ‘hated’ condoms, then went out with someone who had herpes so we had no choice but to use them and… they’re fine? I half think we’ve been conditioned to think we hate them for men. Like it’s really not an issue PLUS there’s no cum running down your leg for hours afterwards

 

[harveydean]

I broke up with long distance guy due to serious lack of effort and, well, just generally being a cowardly man child. I should’ve listened to all of my male friends who knew he wasn’t for me, but hey ho!

We’re meant to be going to an event for our shared hobby next week, and we’ve agreed to go as friends…. Only now I’ve had time to process, I don’t want to be his friend and I’d happily go there alone. I’m going to tell him on Monday I think.

Taking my friends advice, I’m back on the apps, ready to carryon with my hot girl summer! I haven’t been on them since last autumn, and I’m sure they’ve got worse!

A few matches, all very slow and boring. Will keep you updated!

 

[Peppermint Tea]

Evening all… long time no see! Hope you’re all ok! My short break from online dating has turned out to be more of an extended hiatus, but I’m still really enjoying it. Although I’ve just had a pretty bizarre experience, which I suspect I have one of my old Tinder matches to thank for.

I’m sat minding my own business watching the football, when I get a call from a number I don’t recognise. When I picked up this woman snapped ‘who are you? down the phone, which put my back up straight away. When I pointed out that she’d rang me she said ‘well your numbers in my husbands phone’. I asked her who the husband was, but she wouldn’t tell me and said she was going to put him on the phone so I could talk to him. I hung up at this point because I was just too weirded out by it all. About ten minutes later I got another call from a different number, and when I answered it was a man. He said that he was just trying to explain to his wife that he’s not up to anything & that he’s only got my number saved because he’s been getting text messages from my mobile network about my account with them. The network he named is not the one I’m with though, so I’m pretty sure that was bullshit. I told him I wasn’t interested in what was going on in their marriage as it’s nothing to do with me, and that I didn’t want either of them to contact me again.

I don’t have any male friends with wives who don’t know me, so the only explanation I can think of is that someone I swapped numbers with the last time I was on Tinder must have been married! I didn’t recognise the man’s voice at all, so I don’t think it was anyone I actually went on a date with. I did swap numbers with a few people & chat to them on WhatsApp, but then didn’t end up meeting up with them because the conversation dried up. I deleted all those chats & phone numbers a while ago though.

I’m quite an anxious person & it’s really rattled me. Puts me right off getting back out there anytime soon!

 

[Sunflower16]

Hi All, hope you're all well! We had a long weekend here in Ireland so just back to work today. Kill me now
Just wanted to share a little update from my side in that myself and P are officially dating and I'm now someone's girlfriend
Two months in but it does feel right. There's a distance between us, just under 2 hours, but it suits us both and we have talked about meeting each others family now. No talk about down the line but that suits me too as want to take everything slowly and day by day as to not get overwhelmed!
Hope I can still post here and I'll be still accepted as I have grown very fond of this little community

 

[SpindleWhorl]

 

[AshMay]

 

[BoogleC]

Where to start with this one. Sigh.

 

[sleepflowers]

Men and their blimmin 'spontaneous adventures' fuck off honestly why don't they spontaneously get some morals

 

[Belle123]

I feel like such a clown for thinking he'd wanna be exclusive after 2 dates what am I smoking fr. No way am I gonna ask about it. Thanks @EddyDarling and @LaBlonde for being so direct. I think I need a reality check sometimes.

Sex is one thing but commitment is another. He is a 30 year old horny dude who is good with words and texting. My expectations are fully lowered I think I have post date / post sex clarity now

You’re not a clown. You’re a person with real feelings and emotions. You have honourable intentions and want more with him. But unpick why you’re allowing all of this to flood in after just two dates? You do not know him. Take him off the pedestal you’ve put him on and remind yourself you’re a catch. Let him work for you. Take the pressure off yourself. You do not know yet if he’s a good match. You might have stuff in common, but do you have similar values and goals? Do you want a relationship but he wants to keep it casual?

My advice is to take it for what it is, and if it develops into more, great, but accept it might not. Sex does not equal a relationship. Sleep with men whenever you want to. That might be the first date, the 10th date or your wedding night. The point here is you need to know what you want. What your boundaries are. They are unique to you. I’d advise anyone not to sleep with men early on, not because that’s wrong or bad - no misogynistic crap, please - unless you can emotionally handle it. If you accept, certainly with online dating, there’s a risk that it will remain casual, then go for it. If you need commitment first, even just exclusivity, then honour that and hold out for it. Even if he is a jerk who ghosts after sex, you will 100% take pride in the fact you honoured your own boundaries. Remember, you can only control yourself, not the other person. Be your own best friend.

This is a good way to explore what matters to you. What your boundaries are. So don’t be hard on yourself. You like him, and there’s a lot of good things going on. It can be intoxicating and exciting. It can be bloody hard to stay level headed. Level yourself out by distracting your brain - time with friends/family, reading, exercise etc.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Morning all, typing this from VV’s bed 🫢🫢🫢 He works early so he is already up, said he can either make me breakfast or let me sleep some more, I chose sleep…just so I can doll up a little bit while he is not watching and text my best friend (as well as post here haha). He’s also said I can stay for as long as I want but I have errands to run and need a change of clothes so I won’t be abusing his hospitality.

Re: sex talk let’s just he definitely doesn’t have a micropenis…and he’s got crazy stamina for someone who purportedly doesn’t work out. I do cardio but I have a feeling my muscles are going to be sore tomorrow Such a gent too, foreplay game on point, very understanding when I said I was on Prozac…but goodness gracious, I couldn’t sleep at all afterwards because he takes up the whole bed, I almost fell out of it once haha! Going to make up for it once I’m home from work though, catching up on sleep and on this thread are my Friday evening plans

 

[EddyDarling]

Finally have a date lined up.

I know it's not the progress you guys are making but last time I went on a date was over a year ago
Cannot wait to shag him dry x

 

[harveydean]

@Thank(space)you its time to stand in your power and take back co tool of the situation. He’s messed you around so much, and clearly isn’t communicating in a way which you need.

I’d say something like “I’ve been thinking about our situation and it’s not working for me. No hard feelings - have a great summer.”

Don’t block, just delete his number so he does t think you feel hard done by.

Then move on. Don’t reply to him, just keep reminding yourself he’s just not for you.

 

[triesherbest]

I'm having a wobble today cause I'm sick and feel like shit.
Me and clown are still texting but like once a day. He is playing Baldurs gate 3 non stop cause it just came out and he knows I'm busy visiting my parents. I'm kinda like whatever happens happens now

But I'm having a wobble because I turn 30 this month and saw something that reminded me of my last relationship on our last holiday together. I won't give the details of the relationship because he wasnt perfect and its a lot to go into, but he was besotted with me and treated me like a queen on a day to day basis. I ended it with him but those are details i won't go into yet, it was complicated and involved a suicide attempt, me meeting someone else, etc. We were together for 4 years, long distance before and during covid but met as much as possible.

I just remember being on the beach with him in the sea, him throwing me around in it, and feeling so content and comfortable. Like literally complete.
And I miss that feeling so much. Not necessarily him, but just feeling so safe and happy with someone...
I worry that nobody will ever love me as much as he did, and that I'll never make a connection like that and feel *that* comfortable around a man again.

So now I'm just sobbing and I'm ill and really feel so done and alone. I really need therapy I think, but I can't afford it. I think I'm depressed

 

[freezelouise43]

happily chatting away…joined tinder exchanged numbers here’s some Monday amusement for you I blocked him

 

[MsCurly]

I’ve been silently reading these last few pages. The amount of heartache that was spilled makes me quite upset. Everyone on these threads is so lovely. I wish nothing but the best for each and every one of you. If only people weren’t so horrible and vile when it comes to dating.

 

[LaBlonde]

@LaBlonde, I have no idea what you do for a living but if you’re not a therapist you should be!

to everyone on this thread. It’s the best place to be.

aw clem that’s very kind of you but this is basically me

 

[LaBlonde]

As for VV, he says he works crazy hours but I can see that he’s been online, just CBA to text me — it literally takes 20 seconds…He did warn me he rarely texts even if he likes someone, but I’m not going to justify his behaviour as he would text me quite often before we had sex. Either he has lost interest or he is scared of commitment, I’m thinking the latter. He is a great fuck though so if he doesn’t reappear by the end of the week, I’m going to text him myself and try to arrange a FWB situation

pull up a chair. think about what you’re considering doing here.

this man has not engaged with you since you had sex. he was texting regularly BEFORE you had sex, but this has now stopped. you can see he’s online, but he is obviously choosing not to message. and you are considering, even if he doesn’t reply for another WEEK, messaging him to arrange a FWB situation?! Why?!!! how good a fuck is he because he can’t be with this. you’re basically saying he doesn’t have to engage with or make an effort with you, but you can just bang.

FWB situations, in my experience, always end up with one more person being more invested and one person calling all the shots. forgive me for saying that i can already see how that’s playing out here.