Dating after lockdown #30 WHY ARE MEN SO BORING

[Lalla]

Please never, ever, settle, and don't let anyone tell you that you should. It's hard enough to make the good things last in a relationship where you adore the other person, let alone where you've settled for a person who doesn't really float your boat, because someone is better than no one.

I kind of settled for my son's dad. He was never what I wanted but he was all I thought I could get at the time, and tbh it probably would have fizzled out after a few months, but I got pregnant and ended up stuck wasting the prime years of my life (28 to 36) on that abusive twit. On the other hand I wouldn't have my son otherwise so I don't regret it, I only wish I could have escaped sooner.

And of course years later I met my Ex who was 100% my type, looks, personality all of it. Except the part where he was a liar and a cheat of course. But I do still feel vindicated that the person I was looking for must exist, because my Ex was so close to it and ticked almost all the boxes (except for the above massive character flaws). Maybe next time -if and when I can be bothered to start looking - I'll find someone who is my type but is also faithful.

Also going back to something that was said on the last thread (I think it was @Universal who shared these wise words, and apologies if I have misquoted) being in a relationship is not an achievement.

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(Perfectionist that I am, I had to go back to the previous thread and check - I got the wording wrong, the original was having a man is not an achievement - but I was along the right lines )
Let's just say that the man/ relationship thing is no achievement!

 

[LaBlonde]

Please never, ever, settle, and don't let anyone tell you that you should. It's hard enough to make the good things last in a relationship where you adore the other person, let alone where you've settled for a person who doesn't really float your boat, because someone is better than no one.

I kind of settled for my son's dad. He was never what I wanted but he was all I thought I could get at the time, and tbh it probably would have fizzled out after a few months, but I got pregnant and ended up stuck wasting the prime years of my life (28 to 36) on that abusive twit. On the other hand I wouldn't have my son otherwise so I don't regret it, I only wish I could have escaped sooner.

And of course years later I met my Ex who was 100% my type, looks, personality all of it. Except the part where he was a liar and a cheat of course. But I do still feel vindicated that the person I was looking for must exist, because my Ex was so close to it and ticked almost all the boxes (except for the above massive character flaws). Maybe next time -if and when I can be bothered to start looking - I'll find someone who is my type but is also faithful.

Also going back to something that was said on the last thread (I think it was @Universal who shared these wise words, and apologies if I have misquoted) being in a relationship is not an achievement.

---
(Perfectionist that I am, I had to go back to the previous thread and check - I got the wording wrong, the original was having a man is not an achievement - but I was along the right lines )
Let's just say that the man/ relationship thing is no achievement!

you always write the most beautiful advice lalla

 

[rubyred66]

My first husband was an exciting man. Very confident and had a lot of charisma. He had narcissistic personality disorder and the excitement and romance turned into a life of misery that got worse after two kids.

I once dated a pilot who I thought would be exciting and he was the most boring man I think I ever met. He postponed a date because he arranged a trip to Oxford Street in London as he wanted to buy a new pair of slippers and wanted to be overwhelmed by colour and variety. He didn’t last beyond that.

Sometimes we go for excitement but I think a man who is committed, humble and loyal are the best qualities. That might sound a little boring, but I think when you reach a certain age you don’t want someone unpredictable and mentally draining.

Im happily married now but id gladly swap for George Clooney if he is on tattle.

 

[LaBlonde]

I once dated a pilot who I thought would be exciting and he was the most boring man I think I ever met. He postponed a date because he arranged a trip to Oxford Street in London as he wanted to buy a new pair of slippers and wanted to be overwhelmed by colour and variety. He didn’t last beyond that.

sorry to condense your lovely post into this one single paragraph but it killed me overwhelmed by colour and variety!! of SLIPPERS?!?!

 

[Universal]

sorry to condense your lovely post into this one single paragraph but it killed me overwhelmed by colour and variety!! of SLIPPERS?!?!

Omg I once dated a man who was really confident, brilliant job etc but opened the front door to me one day in old man slippers, proper grandad ones!

 

[rubyred66]

sorry to condense your lovely post into this one single paragraph but it killed me overwhelmed by colour and variety!! of SLIPPERS?!?!

Those were his exact words. In my mind on the lead up to meeting for the first time, when I thought of a pilot, I had this romantic image of Tom Cruise and almost like a Top Gun whirlwind romance. At the time, the hope a little bit was to make the ex husband jealous too but the reality was the most underwhelming experience. I was expecting Jeremy Beadle to walk in and say it was all a prank.

 

[tomato_paste]

Just saw my ex on Bumble. He has the most boring profile imaginable - "Hobbies: sleeping well" ugh. Just as boring as he was IRL lol. And it's kind of elating to know he ISN'T happily married with a child on the way like my worst inner voice was telling me all the time. That he was happy while I was discarded, that he was having everything I ever wanted while I was lonely and alone and unloved. Feels good that the bleeping prick is all by himself in his boring lame grey life. (Literally, his whole flat is shades of grey and not in the sexy way).

He hurt me so much when he didn't even say a word, not a single word, just silence, when I asked him if he could see us having children and getting married in the future, and the same when I broke up with him. He just stared at me. Handed me his copy of the car key and house key and did. not. say. a word. How can you treat someone you claimed to love that way? Currently grimly satisfied that he's getting his just desserts.
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Omg I once dated a man who was really confident, brilliant job etc but opened the front door to me one day in old man slippers, proper grandad ones!

Any man with the confidence to wear granddad slippers unabashedly is good to go in my book

 

[Belle123]

Legally I can’t kick him out he owns have the house, I have had to call the police twice in the last few months one more time and he will be arrested. I can get an injunction I have enough on him but I’m worried it’s unforgivable and my kids will be angry at me in later life. I have another week and he will have missed a court deadline in our divorce and my solicitor says I can apply for a judge to help push him along or something.
I’m going to stay off the dating apps for awhile, focus on me this summer even if I do get lonely haha thank you

This sounds awful! He can’t have an affair and upend your world, then expect to stay and make you put up with him shagging the other woman and dragging out things. The fact you’ve had to call the police twice is not good. You should speak with a solicitor about getting an order to get him out of the house. Protect yourself and your kids from the emotional abuse that this situation is creating - he’s shagging another woman while living in a house I bet he does duck all to manage day to day like you do, then he cries on your shoulder and manipulates you. This can’t be at all good for your mental health. He took a grenade to your marriage. Now he can be a grown-up and take the consequences of his actions and get the hell out. Like someone else said, tell him to move in with her and chuck his stuff out. You’re not doing anything to harm the kids with this course of action - he’s made you too afraid to stand up for yourself/rock the boat. Don’t let him do this to you. I’m sorry if I sound harsh, I’m just mad for you xx

 

[Lalla]

Just saw my ex on Bumble. He has the most boring profile imaginable - "Hobbies: sleeping well" ugh. Just as boring as he was IRL lol. And it's kind of elating to know he ISN'T happily married with a child on the way like my worst inner voice was telling me all the time. That he was happy while I was discarded, that he was having everything I ever wanted while I was lonely and alone and unloved. Feels good that the bleeping prick is all by himself in his boring lame grey life. (Literally, his whole flat is shades of grey and not in the sexy way).

He hurt me so much when he didn't even say a word, not a single word, just silence, when I asked him if he could see us having children and getting married in the future, and the same when I broke up with him. He just stared at me. Handed me his copy of the car key and house key and did. not. say. a word. How can you treat someone you claimed to love that way? Currently grimly satisfied that he's getting his just desserts.

I don't necessarily believe in karma as such, but I do believe that these people who hurt us, and behave in such a cavalier fashion often end up having crappy, boring lives, living through the discovery that the grass isn't always greener/ there aren't other women queuing up to put up with their bs.

I've been experiencing a bit of schadenfreude recently; although I would not recommend this to anyone else, I still periodically look at my Ex's social media (via a fictitious name of course, he's blocked on my own). Our break up was because he needed to be friends with the awful woman he previously cheated on me with. twit.
Anyway so much for that, they're not even facebook friends any more, which made me laugh probably more than it should. I'm sure he would still consider our break up all my fault for overreacting but knowing he will be feeling even more lonely than me (he's also still single) and that I could have predicted their BS friendship wouldn't last, well that does brighten my day a little

 

[rubyred66]

I do love hearing a boring date story, im so fascinated by it. When I was younger there was no online dating. I remember the local paper on a Friday posting all the lonely hearts columns and I’d read them all (while at work on Night Shift) and I used to have a chuckle about them as they were just so strange.

I’d love to see online dating profiles as just a fly on the wall with the same morbid curiosity.

 

[triesherbest]

uhhh guys... does anyone know how facebook friend suggestions work?

i may or may not have been looking at my ghosts profile in the last couple weeks ()... we have no mutual friends at all obviously, cause we met on hinge..
he just appeared in my friend suggestions. will i appear in his? he'll know i've been creeping then he's also on no other social media so it's not because of an instagram connection or something..

 

[Universal]

I do love hearing a boring date story, im so fascinated by it. When I was younger there was no online dating. I remember the local paper on a Friday posting all the lonely hearts columns and I’d read them all (while at work on Night Shift) and I used to have a chuckle about them as they were just so strange.

I’d love to see online dating profiles as just a fly on the wall with the same morbid curiosity.

I love looking at my male friends profile and having a nosey at the women on there. It seems they all 'now have time for themselves as the kids have flown the nest' and want to be taken on holiday to Mauritius (apologies if anyone has this in their profile ). He hates women who use too many emojis and just writes them off immediately....

My boring date story is a non story really. He was nervous, mumbled and didn't ask questions so I was doing all the heavy lifting with every single line of the conversation. I don't think he even knew he was making no effort, like just turning up was enough. Then he started to talk about Blue Peter and there was a speech bubble inside my head saying. 'shut up you boring bastard'. So, as you might have guessed, there will be no second date.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Only thing worse than a toilet selfie… a urinal selfie just found one in my likes

Ahem. How about a guy wanking into a toilet which is what I received when I first ventured into the apps 5 years ago!

 

[shadowcat5]

I do love hearing a boring date story, im so fascinated by it. When I was younger there was no online dating. I remember the local paper on a Friday posting all the lonely hearts columns and I’d read them all (while at work on Night Shift) and I used to have a chuckle about them as they were just so strange.

I’d love to see online dating profiles as just a fly on the wall with the same morbid curiosity.

I don’t really have many. Although one guy a few years ago told me he didn’t like it if his gf went to a nightclub cause “men will grope them” ()
The irony didn’t escape me that we met in a nightclub

There was no second date.

 

[LaBlonde]

I do love hearing a boring date story, im so fascinated by it. When I was younger there was no online dating. I remember the local paper on a Friday posting all the lonely hearts columns and I’d read them all (while at work on Night Shift) and I used to have a chuckle about them as they were just so strange.

I’d love to see online dating profiles as just a fly on the wall with the same morbid curiosity.

relaying my terrible dating experiences to happily coupled-up people is one of my least favourite things to do no offence to you but i have so many married or coupled friends do this and “oooo let’s look at your tinder! so funny! look at how weird the men are!” and i’m just 🥲 it’s not funny to me you know. i’m out here living it. it’s not amusing.
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uhhh guys... does anyone know how facebook friend suggestions work?

i may or may not have been looking at my ghosts profile in the last couple weeks ()... we have no mutual friends at all obviously, cause we met on hinge..
he just appeared in my friend suggestions. will i appear in his? he'll know i've been creeping then he's also on no other social media so it's not because of an instagram connection or something..

i think you’re okay. there’s always been a huge internet myth that you’ll show in a person’s suggested friends if you’ve been having a little nose at their profile, but i think it will only ever do it your side because your facebook is like “hey, you were looking at this person’s profile, why not friend them.” to which, ew no it won’t do the same for him, i promise.

 

[triesherbest]

I just paid for an hour boost on Hinge
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i think you’re okay. there’s always been a huge internet myth that you’ll show in a person’s suggested friends if you’ve been having a little nose at their profile, but i think it will only ever do it your side because your facebook is like “hey, you were looking at this person’s profile, why not friend them.” to which, ew no it won’t do the same for him, i promise.

OMG this makes me feel better. Thank you🩷

 

[EddyDarling]

Been a lurker on this thread for a while but need some dating advice!!! Or just a space to have a vent. All my friends are in relationships and I’ve been single 18 months. It’s hard as a single mum too. Been on 4 different dates now and haven’t worked out for various reasons. Newest one we’ve actually been on 2 dates but I don’t feel butterflies or excited really. Is that normal? My mum said I’m being too picky but I feel like you want that intitial excitement at least a bit?? My friend said to keep him on the side just in case for some fun but don’t make it anything too serious

Shag him then you'll know if he's worth sticking around for x

 

[Thank(space)you]

Well my neighbour cancelled our date for the weekend so that's 6 men cancelled 6 dates within the last 7 months

I'm a bit annoyed but I'm trying not to dwell on it.

 

[TheOC]

I was chatting to a guyon bumble, he ended up cancelling last week because he was under the weather...we were meant to meet up this Wednesday instead but he's gone quiet so I can just tell what will happen

 

[triesherbest]

So with the hinge boost I got 23 likes in an hour. I didn't like a single guy. 0/10 wouldn't recommend

I think I'm broken tbh