Dating after lockdown #30 WHY ARE MEN SO BORING

[capriallie]

where did she say that it “might be okay for a hot guy to do this”?!

i don’t care if the guy looks like henry cavill: if he’s going through hundreds of fb accounts with my first name so he message me in my own “space” rather than on app, that’s already a blatant disregard for boundaries and, to be blunt, makes me feel unsafe. the aw shucks nice guy tone of his messages made me want to shrivel up in a ball. he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. not to mention the amount of girls in the replies who he’d done the exact same thing to.

I found a guy from tinder who messed me around for a few months linked in profile. He told me he had no social media and after I stupidly slept with him and then he kept messing me around, I googled his first name and the company he worked for (large UK recruitment firm). He’d never had a photo on WhatsApp so until the point I actually found him I was convinced he’d given me a fake first name.
Turns out he was telling the truth about where he worked at least not sure what I gained from finding him online… maybe realised he wasn’t all that and I dodged a bullet.
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Also, I NEVER trust a guy who only has selfies on their dating profile as it implies to me they don’t really have much of a social life

 

[Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes]

where did she say that it “might be okay for a hot guy to do this”?!

i don’t care if the guy looks like henry cavill: if he’s going through hundreds of fb accounts with my first name so he message me in my own “space” rather than on app, that’s already a blatant disregard for boundaries and, to be blunt, makes me feel unsafe. the aw shucks nice guy tone of his messages made me want to shrivel up in a ball. he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. not to mention the amount of girls in the replies who he’d done the exact same thing to.

It was in the part I highlighted in bold but she clarified in a follow up post that even if the guy was hot she probably wouldn't like it either.
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Yeah but you mentioned attractive friends that do this sort of thing. It’s not cool from a hot person or a fugly one.

I don't know anyone personally that has done it but we all know of people that are probably like that. It obviously works for some women as these men are rarely single!

 

[triesherbest]

so the hot guy i used for rebound sex and cocktails the other night has messaged asking what i've been up to, and wants to see me again. he asked when i'm free this week, i told him all week except thursday and friday, he said 'that works, i can do tomorrow or wednesday? also i have the house to myself for 2 weeks ' (he lives with his mate).

like. there was just no chemistry with him but i'm lonely af right now, just been ghosted by someone i actually like.. the one night stand with him helped but i'm not sure if i keep bleeping this guy it'll make me feel better or worse. i get the impression he just wants sex too but idk. why is it always the ones i don't actually want that message me lol. i'm probably overthinking it and should just have a bit more fun with him

 

[LaBlonde]

It was in the part I highlighted in bold but she clarified in a follow up post that even if the guy was hot she probably wouldn't like it either.
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I don't know anyone personally that has done it but we all know of people that are probably like that. It obviously works for some women as these men are rarely single!

i think you’re putting a lot of intent on a throwaway comment from her tbh. that doesn’t in any way imply that she thought what this guy did would have been okay if he was hot.

i think the actual story of that example is being lost. it doesn’t work for women because it’s actual harassment. the replies showed that this man has been doing this, with the exact same tone and voicenotes, for seven years at least. not only that, he is searching for women on fb without even attempting them to message on app, where there is a message function. he also dropped the nice guy act very fast when called out. i don’t know anyone like that and i don’t know any women who would work for. but i am guessing, from your viewpoint here, that you’re a guy.

 

[Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes]

so the hot guy i used for rebound sex and cocktails the other night has messaged asking what i've been up to, and wants to see me again. he asked when i'm free this week, i told him all week except thursday and friday, he said 'that works, i can do tomorrow or wednesday? also i have the house to myself for 2 weeks ' (he lives with his mate).

like. there was just no chemistry with him but i'm lonely af right now, just been ghosted by someone i actually like.. the one night stand with him helped but i'm not sure if i keep bleeping this guy it'll make me feel better or worse. i get the impression he just wants sex too but idk. why is it always the ones i don't actually want that message me lol. i'm probably overthinking it and should just have a bit more fun with him

If it's just sex and you both want it then don't overthink things would be my thoughts on it. Go in knowing that you're just in it for the sex and then if there are signs (from either party btw) that you/they might be catching feelings etc. then end it there.

 

[LaBlonde]

so the hot guy i used for rebound sex and cocktails the other night has messaged asking what i've been up to, and wants to see me again. he asked when i'm free this week, i told him all week except thursday and friday, he said 'that works, i can do tomorrow or wednesday? also i have the house to myself for 2 weeks ' (he lives with his mate).

like. there was just no chemistry with him but i'm lonely af right now, just been ghosted by someone i actually like.. the one night stand with him helped but i'm not sure if i keep bleeping this guy it'll make me feel better or worse. i get the impression he just wants sex too but idk. why is it always the ones i don't actually want that message me lol. i'm probably overthinking it and should just have a bit more fun with him

do not duck someone just because you’re feeling lonely. it won’t be fun if you force yourself to have “fun” or “this should be fun” - that’s never how it works.

in the nicest possible way, you need to be giving yourself more time to emotionally heal here. he’s obviously leading up to two weeks of casual shagging, which is great if that’s what you want, but you’re still fragile from what’s happened with the other guy and you also say you have no chemistry with him. take a break. you will feel better for it.

 

[Slaybutter]

It was in the part I highlighted in bold but she clarified in a follow up post that even if the guy was hot she probably wouldn't like it either.
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I don't know anyone personally that has done it but we all know of people that are probably like that. It obviously works for some women as these men are rarely single!

Sorry you just went from saying you know people —> you don’t actually know people —> we all know of people that are probably like that (so imaginary people) and that this behavior works for said imagined person.

I don’t get what point you’re trying to make

 

[Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes]

i think you’re putting a lot of intent on a throwaway comment from her tbh. that doesn’t in any way imply that she thought what this guy did would have been okay if he was hot.

i think the actual story of that example is being lost. it doesn’t work for women because it’s actual harassment. the replies showed that this man has been doing this, with the exact same tone and voicenotes, for seven years at least. not only that, he is searching for women on fb without even attempting them to message on app, where there is a message function. he also dropped the nice guy act very fast when called out. i don’t know anyone like that and i don’t know any women who would work for. but i am guessing, from your viewpoint here, that you’re a guy.

Of course and that's why I was asking the clarification question. I know of many women who would actually apply that double standard though which is what is so depressing to hear sometimes.
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Sorry you just went from saying you know people —> you don’t actually know people —> we all know of people that are probably like that (so imaginary people) and that this behavior works for said imagined person.

I don’t get what point you’re trying to make

I meant as in none of my immediate friends are like that but we could probably all identify somebody within our social sphere that would probably be like that.

 

[LaBlonde]

Of course and that's why I was asking the clarification question. I know of many women who would actually apply that double standard though which is what is so depressing to hear sometimes.

as a woman, i can tell you that i don’t know of ANY woman who wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable and freaked out by what that guy did tbh. the idea that some would welcome it if the man was is getting dangerously into “nice guy” territory and i don’t care for it.

 

[Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes]

as a woman, i can tell you that i don’t know of ANY woman who wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable and freaked out by what that guy did tbh. the idea that some would welcome it if the man was is getting dangerously into “nice guy” territory and i don’t care for it.

I think there is plenty of evidence out there that this is exactly what happens unfortunately. How do you think these men end up with women, as I say they're usually not single for long?

 

[LaBlonde]

I think there is plenty of evidence out there that this is exactly what happens unfortunately. How do you think these men end up with women, as I say they're usually not single for long?

would love to see this evidence, or other examples of these men tbh. and i’m meaning men who would actively search for a woman’s facebook without ever interacting with her via another method. or is this all anecdotal?

again, the guy in this example has been doing this continuously for seven years. without ever trying to actually speak to these women on the app. do you really think he’s has a girlfriend for any of that time? i’m generally not into the vibe of what you’re implying though - which seems to be that women will ignore these things if they think the man is attractive. i can promise you they don’t.

 

[Hot_Dogs_Or_Toes]

would love to see this evidence, or other examples of these men tbh. and i’m meaning men who would actively search for a woman’s facebook without ever interacting with her via another method. or is this all anecdotal?

again, the guy in this example has been doing this continuously for seven years. without ever trying to actually speak to these women on the app. do you really think he’s has a girlfriend for any of that time? i’m generally not into the vibe of what you’re implying though - which seems to be that women will ignore these things if they think the man is attractive. i can promise you they don’t.

I can't speak for all men just as you can't speak for all women of course. It is anecdotal but surely we accept that sometimes women end up with crappy men like this. I'm not personally attacking you and I'm not sure why you're offended but let's leave it there and just agree that this guy is a creep as we're definitely on the same side here

 

[Bubbledoggyyeah]

I’m new to this thread and I’m really nervous about the prospect of online dating again. I’m 32 and been in two long relationships (6 years and 4 years, I met both in real life without apps!). Had a year and a half gap between the two relationships where I did online date - and honestly those 18 months were hell. I hate online dating and I’m freaking out. So I’m sure I’ll be in this thread a lot. I had a quick download of Bumble last night, only to delete it within 30 minutes because I didn’t like the look of anybody. (and also I saw people I used to see back in my days of swiping 4 years ago!! That didn’t make me feel any better)

 

[triesherbest]

do not duck someone just because you’re feeling lonely. it won’t be fun if you force yourself to have “fun” or “this should be fun” - that’s never how it works.

in the nicest possible way, you need to be giving yourself more time to emotionally heal here. he’s obviously leading up to two weeks of casual shagging, which is great if that’s what you want, but you’re still fragile from what’s happened with the other guy and you also say you have no chemistry with him. take a break. you will feel better for it.

you're right (as always ) i'm going to think hard about it before i say yes to anything tomorrow. regardless of whether i duck him again though, i'm definitely taking a break from letting any guy get in my head again and potentially lead me on. what i've learned from beinng ghosted is 1) be more cautious no matter how genuine they seem and 2) just because they say stuff, doesn't mean they mean it or like you. actions speak louder than words and all that

 

[EddyDarling]

Get him to buy the champagne and go duck him is always my advice X

 

[BettyBeau]

Legally I can’t kick him out he owns have the house, I have had to call the police twice in the last few months one more time and he will be arrested. I can get an injunction I have enough on him but I’m worried it’s unforgivable and my kids will be angry at me in later life. I have another week and he will have missed a court deadline in our divorce and my solicitor says I can apply for a judge to help push him along or something.
I’m going to stay off the dating apps for awhile, focus on me this summer even if I do get lonely haha thank you

Sounds so tit but join some groups or the gym, yoga even treat yourself to a night away and tell him nothing look after yourself
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Ahem. How about a guy wanking into a toilet which is what I received when I first ventured into the apps 5 years ago!

This happened on one of my first app dates too

 

[Kitty kat 20]

@triesherbest I just wanna say I totally understand what you're going through re ghosting. It happened me last week and i was so upset and tbh it still stings but then I think it's a reflection of him not me.




This reel sums it up

 

[Usagisakura90]

Neighbour has now asked now if he can come over for a takeaway and wine when my daughter is in bed one night. I don't do first dates at mine..completely sets the wrong precedent.

His reason for cancelling was he forgot he already had plans

This would be a huge nope for me, no men in my house when my daughter is there and especially when it's a first date.

Sounds like your dodging a bullet tbh and sounds like he just wants to be lazy.
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I’m new to this thread and I’m really nervous about the prospect of online dating again. I’m 32 and been in two long relationships (6 years and 4 years, I met both in real life without apps!). Had a year and a half gap between the two relationships where I did online date - and honestly those 18 months were hell. I hate online dating and I’m freaking out. So I’m sure I’ll be in this thread a lot. I had a quick download of Bumble last night, only to delete it within 30 minutes because I didn’t like the look of anybody. (and also I saw people I used to see back in my days of swiping 4 years ago!! That didn’t make me feel any better)

I'm 32 and keep doing the same thing with bumble and tinder, there's no one that makes me go ooh they are attractive or there is very slim pickings.

And some of the people on there are the same that were on there 2 years ago when I met my ex too, its like they never leave haha. But then to be honest I went crawling back after my breakup too.....I wish there was options here like singles nights or something but my town is so small.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I think I just give up tbh. Haven't been on the apps for a couple of weeks anyway, and then my neighbour cancelling is just the cherry on top. 6 dates cancelled in 7 months, just keeps swirling round my head. Like I get it, a chubby single mum isn't gonna be everyone's cup of tea, but I can't even get a date rn, I can't face another boring talking stage. I have dating fatigue

 

[LaBlonde]

I think I just give up tbh. Haven't been on the apps for a couple of weeks anyway, and then my neighbour cancelling is just the cherry on top. 6 dates cancelled in 7 months, just keeps swirling round my head. Like I get it, a chubby single mum isn't gonna be everyone's cup of tea, but I can't even get a date rn, I can't face another boring talking stage. I have dating fatigue

same girl, join me in the dating fatigue club

(genuinely sending you love though. you’ve had some awful luck from deeply unworthy men. that is NOT a reflection on you and is their loss)