tbh I think it’s the opposite. When you leave the line of communication open it will seem to him like you’re still available. Blocking him imo shows that you absolutely do not want to hear from him at all
tbh I think it’s the opposite. When you leave the line of communication open it will seem to him like you’re still available. Blocking him imo shows that you absolutely do not want to hear from him at allHoping everyone is doing okI’m feeling a little better, it’s not the no messages that bother me (I think his life is spiralling and I’m no longer useful) it’s the relief that so far I haven’t had a nasty text saying he doesn’t want to see me, purely because I’ve got a big weekend coming up and I could do without any upset..I know I know I could block him, but I feel if I do it looks like I’m bothered rather than as some of you have said just carrying on with life which I intend to do! Here’s hoping for continued silence
That’s a brilliant way to put it, thanks a lot! You’re so much wiser and level-headed than meI think there is a balance between making the first move and laying all your cards on the table. Might I suggest you send something like “Fancy doing something next week? I was thinking doing [insert activity] could be fun.”
The fact you’re reaching out to him shows you’re interested, you don’t yet need to quantify how much you like him. Sometimes sharing that can make a person step back because they feel too much pressure, or find it too much too soon (worried about the person being clingy) or conversely, they could lean in and pursue their own agenda because they know they’ve ‘got it in the bag’ so to speak.
Exactly this @freezelouise43! I have a feeling that you are too kind to kick him out of your life so blocking would be the safest option. Please don’t let him waste any more of your time.tbh I think it’s the opposite. When you leave the line of communication open it will seem to him like you’re still available. Blocking him imo shows that you absolutely do not want to hear from him at all
I get that but it looks like I’m bothered, which i always like to show the world I’m not…as @Clickbait said, would I get angry at a platonic friend for not responding? Probably not…yes I am extremely hurt considering we have gotten so close but I also would prefer him never to know that, then he doesn’t affect my life xxtbh I think it’s the opposite. When you leave the line of communication open it will seem to him like you’re still available. Blocking him imo shows that you absolutely do not want to hear from him at all
no but I would get angry and block a platonic friend who had treated me the way he’s treated youI get that but it looks like I’m bothered, which i always like to show the world I’m not…as @Clickbait said, would I get angry at a platonic friend for not responding? Probably not…yes I am extremely hurt considering we have gotten so close but I also would prefer him never to know that, then he doesn’t affect my life xx
I think I should probdbly give a bit more context into “me”…how I have handled him so far is to maintain the charade that we are “just” friends, I’ve told him what he does when he’s not with he is none of my business and as a single person he can do as he pleases. Do I feel this way? Nope! Do I feel like I don’t want him to think I care, yesThat’s a brilliant way to put it, thanks a lot! You’re so much wiser and level-headed than meI know I can be too much when I like someone, I’m trying my best to keep my anxious attachment and self-esteem issues at bay but it’s a work in progress…Gonna text him today and see what he says, otherwise I will drive myself mad with all the overthinking.
Exactly this @freezelouise43! I have a feeling that you are too kind to kick him out of your life so blocking would be the safest option. Please don’t let him waste any more of your time.
I mean I’d argue blocking him doesn’t make you look like a fool it makes you look like somebody who is refusing to let someone pick you up then throw you away when they choose. Make no mistake that man knows exactly what he is doing and how he is treating you. Leaving the channels of communication open just seems like a sign to him that he can continue dropping in and out when he wants.I think I should probdbly give a bit more context into “me”…how I have handled him so far is to maintain the charade that we are “just” friends, I’ve told him what he does when he’s not with he is none of my business and as a single person he can do as he pleases. Do I feel this way? Nope! Do I feel like I don’t want him to think I care, yes…it’s like a self protection thing to hold my head up, especially since I have mutual friends, I don’t want to feel like a fool. So now, I can’t backtrack and call him out on it, I’ve kind of not helped myself have I?
I can only repeat my previous post. You need to stop caring what he thinks of you. You're still holding his evaluation of your actions in higher regard than your own.I think I should probdbly give a bit more context into “me”…how I have handled him so far is to maintain the charade that we are “just” friends, I’ve told him what he does when he’s not with he is none of my business and as a single person he can do as he pleases. Do I feel this way? Nope! Do I feel like I don’t want him to think I care, yes…it’s like a self protection thing to hold my head up, especially since I have mutual friends, I don’t want to feel like a fool. So now, I can’t backtrack and call him out on it, I’ve kind of not helped myself have I?
You can do whatever the fuck you want! So block, delete and move on. Take control, at the moment he's running this shit show. He's not a friend and you don't need him in your life. Put yourself first for a changeI think I should probdbly give a bit more context into “me”…how I have handled him so far is to maintain the charade that we are “just” friends, I’ve told him what he does when he’s not with he is none of my business and as a single person he can do as he pleases. Do I feel this way? Nope! Do I feel like I don’t want him to think I care, yes…it’s like a self protection thing to hold my head up, especially since I have mutual friends, I don’t want to feel like a fool. So now, I can’t backtrack and call him out on it, I’ve kind of not helped myself have I?
He should 100% be made aware that his actions towards you have been awful. To be honest you acting that your oblivious and not caring to it is probably enabling him even more to treat you this way. Did you mention another friend who calls him out on stuff and he has much more time and respect for her? Some men can be egotistical and misogynistic and get kicks out of how he is treating you. And you acting nonchalant is actually giving him push over vibes.I think I should probdbly give a bit more context into “me”…how I have handled him so far is to maintain the charade that we are “just” friends, I’ve told him what he does when he’s not with he is none of my business and as a single person he can do as he pleases. Do I feel this way? Nope! Do I feel like I don’t want him to think I care, yes…it’s like a self protection thing to hold my head up, especially since I have mutual friends, I don’t want to feel like a fool. So now, I can’t backtrack and call him out on it, I’ve kind of not helped myself have I?
I know I feel that train is on its way to my station! I’m not good at being assertive and taking control of things, I kind of wish he would do something like that so I can just mourn it in my own way…i think with him it’s defo to do with his ex wife, I often wish them to get back together so I can resign myself to fate! All the facts are staring me in the face and yet I bury my head in the sand@freezelouise43 I shared my similar situation with you earlier. I was on the verge of blocking mine when I went into my phone to see he's already blocked me on WhatsApp. No doubt languishing in the arms of his new true love.It was like a sword through my heart. So many dark days ahead after that and yet, like you, I had jumped into the fire willingly. It's so hard to accept things have ended on their side.
Thank you…he mentioned last time divorce and money troubles so in order to process it I have to think that he isn’t someone I need in my life as his isn’t good, we are supposed to be going away next month for the weekend, I will be cancelling the hotel today! Xx@Agent Cooper I never got around to saying well done for putting the plank ghoster under the spotlight. I loved it & so much more dignified than my fantasy of smashing up the guitars etc
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@freezelouise43 Yes it was all staring me in the face but it didn't suit my inner scenario that he was as bonded to me as I was to him. The whole thing was crazy but looking back so much of it was me trying to control the situation with fantasy & imagination. You know you're going to have to experience this pain but seriously you need to dig deep inside and find your buried anger. All the best.
In fairness I agree with this despite saying upthread don't block just ignore. I think the issue is without you blocking him he still has some sort of control, he either does or doesn't message and you know about it. If you block him it might not be what you want but at least it's on your terms xtbh I think it’s the opposite. When you leave the line of communication open it will seem to him like you’re still available. Blocking him imo shows that you absolutely do not want to hear from him at all
Wtf, you're going away but it's you who booked (and now has to.cancel)! Fuck him sisThank you…he mentioned last time divorce and money troubles so in order to process it I have to think that he isn’t someone I need in my life as his isn’t good, we are supposed to be going away next month for the weekend, I will be cancelling the hotel today! Xx
Thank you for your messageHe should 100% be made aware that his actions towards you have been awful. To be honest you acting that your oblivious and not caring to it is probably enabling him even more to treat you this way. Did you mention another friend who calls him out on stuff and he has much more time and respect for her? Some men can be egotistical and misogynistic and get kicks out of how he is treating you. And you acting nonchalant is actually giving him push over vibes.
I feel like the last time you met you said you had been messaging on holidays and did you tell him something along the lines of the strong feelings you had for him? And he reciprocated and then you met him when you came home and it's been zilch since?
In my opinion there is absolutely no way he could think you do not care about this situation if those were the last conversations you have had.
If it was me I'd send him a message calling him out on that last interaction and all the previous ones. Wish him well but tell him you don't have a place in your life for someone who treats you like that and then block.
The way you are speaking atm it sounds like if he pops into your inbox in a week or two you would respond with open arms just to keep up the charade that "you don't care."
I know it's easier for us on the outside looking in but I do hope you take control x
That might be a Monday morning task! Maybe someone finally needs to tell him xxThis is where I feel a "Go fuck yourself asshole" is actually very appropriate. Yes I do care! I care very much that you have used, manipulated me & discard me at will (you don't write that but) then feel the anger. The anger is your gateway to freedom.
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Most of it is not being honest with yourself.
the way you’ve worded this strongly implies that you were expecting a “nasty text” which has its own issues, has he done that before? you also imply that you don’t want “any upset” - has he done that before? you mentioned in another post that he has been aggressive with you previously.Hoping everyone is doing okI’m feeling a little better, it’s not the no messages that bother me (I think his life is spiralling and I’m no longer useful) it’s the relief that so far I haven’t had a nasty text saying he doesn’t want to see me, purely because I’ve got a big weekend coming up and I could do without any upset..I know I know I could block him, but I feel if I do it looks like I’m bothered rather than as some of you have said just carrying on with life which I intend to do! Here’s hoping for continued silence
the way you’ve worded this strongly implies that you were expecting a “nasty text” which has its own issues, has he done that before? you also imply that you don’t want “any upset” - has he done that before? you mentioned in another post that he has been aggressive with you previously.
i’m going to be really blunt here, and paraphrase clickbait’s earlier reply to you, i think you’re not blocking him because deep down you’re hoping that one day he will “wake up” and see that he wants to be with you. he has given you no indication this will be the case. the only way to guarantee continued silence is to block him.
the way you describe his behaviour towards you, the way he speaks about other women and your anticipation of him kicking off if you stand up for yourself is deeply deeply worrying. i feel like you cannot see this because you obviously have such strong feelings about him. only you can truly want to block him. but i personally deeply feel that you should. i’m probably going to get called out for being judgemental again but i’ll take it on this one. block him.
Yes he’s agressive when cornered. Hes very articulate. He has 3 moods- love bombing, promises he can’t keep, dismissive or agressive. When he ended our initial relationship he spent 15 mins on the phone explaining why he didn’t want me or had any feelings for me…he said “you take care now” and hung up. That was during covid I was totally alone and it took a long time to build myself back up. But (and I’ll be really honest here, because I feel you all put so much effort into your advice) he’s like a drug. The sex is so intensely good I was left craving it after he left. Of course I did move on, but nothing felt like that, ever again. So when I bumped into him again, and he started showing me attention I was hooked. I hated that my friend (who didn’t even want him) was sleeping with him and I felt so pleased he was back I. My life.the way you’ve worded this strongly implies that you were expecting a “nasty text” which has its own issues, has he done that before? you also imply that you don’t want “any upset” - has he done that before? you mentioned in another post that he has been aggressive with you previously.
i’m going to be really blunt here, and paraphrase clickbait’s earlier reply to you, i think you’re not blocking him because deep down you’re hoping that one day he will “wake up” and see that he wants to be with you. he has given you no indication this will be the case. the only way to guarantee continued silence is to block him.
the way you describe his behaviour towards you, the way he speaks about other women and your anticipation of him kicking off if you stand up for yourself is deeply deeply worrying. i feel like you cannot see this because you obviously have such strong feelings about him. only you can truly want to block him. but i personally deeply feel that you should. i’m probably going to get called out for being judgemental again but i’ll take it on this one. block him.
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