Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[EddyDarling]

37 but also simultaneously 19 and 79 in my soul.

Genuinely thought you were my age for some reason (30)

 

[Thank(space)you]

So I've just blocked someone & I feel like a bit of an asshole but the whole situation made me feel uneasy. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable!!

So had a random text off an unknown number saying "hi, do you still live in [hometown] I've just moved to [nearby town]" so obviously I asked who it was. The reply was that they'd saved my number from when we spoke on tinder years ago so I said I'm sorry I don't remember you. His response was "I used to live in [nearby city] let's talk more"

At this point he's not even told me his name.

I just find it weird he a/kept my number b/messaged me c/ hasn't even told me who he is?!

 

[harveydean]

So I've just blocked someone & I feel like a bit of an asshole but the whole situation made me feel uneasy. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable!!

So had a random text off an unknown number saying "hi, do you still live in [hometown] I've just moved to [nearby town]" so obviously I asked who it was. The reply was that they'd saved my number from when we spoke on tinder years ago so I said I'm sorry I don't remember you. His response was "I used to live in [nearby city] let's talk more"

At this point he's not even told me his name.

I just find it weird he a/kept my number b/messaged me c/ hasn't even told me who he is?!

Any decent guy wouldn’t do that. If one of your male friends told you they’d approached a woman like that, you’d probably be horrified and explain that’s just not how to do it.

Surely the normal way is “Hi Xxx it’s Xxx - you might not remember me but we chatted 10 years ago in tinder (I’m the one with the ~insert memorable thing here~) I’ve just moved to the area and I’m looking to connect with new people in the area - I know it’s out of the blue but if you’re free and wanted to grab a coffee let me know? Have a great BH…”

I would totally block. You did the right thing.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Thank(space)you He sounds like a real catch! I had one similar recently and his second message was "Can I be naughty?"

 

[Bleurghgram]

I’m 32 and I got absolutely ploughed the other night he’s been separated about the same amount of time I’ve been single and it was so fun. Seemed like what we both needed as a get back out there. Unfortunately the circumstances are tricky so it’s definitely a one time only thing but I’m still happy haha

 

[Jenca01]

So I've just blocked someone & I feel like a bit of an asshole but the whole situation made me feel uneasy. Please tell me if I'm being unreasonable!!

So had a random text off an unknown number saying "hi, do you still live in [hometown] I've just moved to [nearby town]" so obviously I asked who it was. The reply was that they'd saved my number from when we spoke on tinder years ago so I said I'm sorry I don't remember you. His response was "I used to live in [nearby city] let's talk more"

At this point he's not even told me his name.

I just find it weird he a/kept my number b/messaged me c/ hasn't even told me who he is?!

Totally agree, weird and something not right there. You did the right thing

 

[LaBlonde]

Genuinely thought you were my age for some reason (30)

i was once eddy, i was once 🥲

 

[katyazamo]

Easter weekend and a bit of sun brings out all the arseholes, doesn't it. Had a message from a guy (last time I heard from him, his "nan wasn't well", you know the rest) last night, was literally just "hey stranger what you been up to x"

So much effort made. They get so bold when they've had a drink and clearly scrolling through old messages and feeling horny. I just ignored it, not really arsed, but what a sad existence. You know he's sent that out en masse too and some poor woman will have taken the bait.

 

[Lalla]

As a woman of 50, almost 51 I realize in horror that I'm old enough that some of you on this thread could be my children

Although I've had a busy and relatively productive weekend I feel a bit flat today as found out there was a wedding in my extended family in March which I wasn't invited to although some of my cousins were. Its not so much the lack of invite (as I'm not close family and I'm pretty sure several other cousins didn't get an invite either) it's more that it's made me think if either of my kids ever get married they basically have no family on my side to invite as I'm an only child, my parents died before the boys were born. My eldest sons girlfriend has aunts and uncles on both her mum and dads side she sees all the time, plus grandparents, great aunts and so on, there's loads of them! He said to me once that he wishes we had a big family like that rather than it just being the 3 of us

Sorry that's all a bit woe is me! In other more positive news I do have a big party to go to next weekend. Not holding out much hope for meeting anyone though! But I am buying a new dress nonetheless

 

[IGiveUp22]

I’m 30. But feel younger & realistically take 2 years off because of covid I thought I’d be married with 2 kids by 25
Age is just a number my lovelies, all about how you feel

 

[Jojoo]

I’m 31 with 2 kids and getting divorced. Part of me feels glad it’s happened young I still have so much ahead but I also feel a failure and everyone my age on the apps aren’t in the same situation they haven’t done all the big stuff yet. My ex was 8 years older but I don’t really want to go too much older again

 

[Kimmylookatme]

I’m 31 with 2 kids and getting divorced. Part of me feels glad it’s happened young I still have so much ahead but I also feel a failure and everyone my age on the apps aren’t in the same situation they haven’t done all the big stuff yet. My ex was 8 years older but I don’t really want to go too much older again

I’m 31 with 2 kids and got divorced 2 years ago…. I feel you!
My ex was also a lot older than me.. are you sure you’re not me? (mine was 12 yrs older though.) it’s daunting feeling like you’ve already gone through the marriage/children mill and approaching people your own age who haven’t done that stuff yet, definitely. But it’s doable and I think it’s good to like you say focus on the fact you’ve still got so much time to find the right person rather than feeling like a failure for it not having worked out this time.

 

[Kas01980]

I went through a Tinder phase in 2019..I met up with someone id been chatting to, and eventually met up, went out to some pubs, went and had something to eat etc. NOTHING past friendship happened. So the day after I never heard anything from him. Got a bit concerned and in a way missed him because he was absolutely hilarious. after a couple of days until he finally replied and told me he wasn't at a good point in his life, he said that shortly before we started chatting he'd been diagnosed with colon cancer. His messages because less and less and told me he'd been undergoing chemo. Then he said he had been given a diagnosis of having weeks left to live. Never heard from him again.

Anyway,( and you couldn't make this up) about six months ago someone I know on Facebook changed their profile pic and it had a pic of her and her boyfriend. It was none other than my Tinder date. I messaged her and we ended up chatting on Messenger for a while. Long story short, he'd never had cancer. I was absolutely baffled that if he didn't want to stay in touch, then to say so! It's not like there was anything romantic between us. Instead to tell such a crappy lie that stretched out over a week

My days of Tinder are well and truly over because after that I met my ex who I lived with for a year. He ended up being an out and out psychopath, mental, emotional abuse mainly, textbook narcissist gaslighter

It took me a while to get used to it but I'm happy alone now. I'm the most peaceful mentally I've ever been and can never envisage another relationship. Tinder or not

 

[Anne1448]

Can someone tell us why men, who didn't show any interest in us when they had the chance, text us later down the line?

 

[harveydean]

Can someone tell us why men, who didn't show any interest in us when they had the chance, text us later down the line?

Because they were never really into us, and are now bored and looking for options

 

[Kas01980]

Because they were never really into us, and are now bored and looking for options

Sad but very very true. They're bored and we're probably one of several "options" for a booty call.

 

[harveydean]

Sad but very very true. They're bored and we're probably one of several "options" for a booty call.

I know it’s true because male friends have told me - it’s what they do!

 

[al255]

My exs (if I can call him that from a 1.5 month relationship) mate rung me on Facebook messenger last night. They’d obviously been out drinking all day for the football.. I just messaged with a “?” And said “why ring me”.. the reason why I kept my ex blocked , he then unfriended me.. weird behaviour

 

[Usagisakura90]

Got chatted up by a guy who tried to ask why I was wearing gloves in April…Maybe because it’s bloody baltic here in the evenings you git? He really thought he was doing me a favour by talking to me too

We are in the same boat here, I’m trying to finish my dissertation too and absolutely drowning in it I’d rather not have any holidays at all than spend them doing work TBH!

Yay to gin and new patio furniture @LaBlonde, sounds bloody lovely! I’d most definitely come despite my hay fever

I’m in my 20s but I feel at least 85…

Yeh I hear you! I'm glad I asked for an extension on my dissertation because of having been inhospital, but it didn't help the university messed us around with the due date, first they said it was due the 21st then they said it was the 14th and because everyone freaked naturally they moved it to the 28th April, but I'm behind anyway due to extensions that were supposed to make my life easier (duck the school easter holidays ). And half our lecturers have been off for third year its been a mess lol.

But I really want to get on with my dissertation, I'm nearly done this assignment though and il start wherever I left off on my dissertation on Thursday

Good luck with yours! We are nearly at the end!!!

 

[katyazamo]

Can someone tell us why men, who didn't show any interest in us when they had the chance, text us later down the line?

I think it's boredom and trying their luck. Sadly it works because I've fallen for it enough times!

I used to take it as a compliment (kinda like, oh wow he must have really liked me if he's thought about me after all this time!) but I see through it now. It's laziness because they want to get a leg over.