Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[LaBlonde]

once more unto the breach ladies (“the breach” in this scenario being online dating, obvs)

thread title from our amazing mozz (@mozzarellagirl) with 11 votes, though an honourable mention to @EddyDarling and “all I want is a fancy hotel bar booze up and a dicking down” because, gosh, isn’t that what we all want right now

anyway:

some more men for the bin last thread, have now upgraded this to an island of rubbish just off the south wales coast so let me know if anyone needs adding.

remember, you’re all amazing

 

[jawidjanqndn]

The last hinge date I went on back in October he ended up getting arrested at the end of the night, got a text around 12 the next day from him saying he’d just got out the cell

 

[Clementine]

Who has plans after 11pm?! I’m 43, not some 20 year old raver Needless to say, I didn’t reply. It’s giving “u up” at 2am energy.

 

[EddyDarling]

once more unto the breach ladies (“the breach” in this scenario being online dating, obvs)

thread title from our amazing mozz (@mozzarellagirl) with 11 votes, though an honourable mention to @EddyDarling and “all I want is a fancy hotel bar booze up and a dicking down” because, gosh, isn’t that what we all want right now

anyway:

View attachment 1986171

some more men for the bin last thread, have now upgraded this to an island of rubbish just off the south wales coast so let me know if anyone needs adding.

remember, you’re all amazing

Good lord Emma she really has been on the apps hasn't she.
Why can't men find anything original to say? I'm in London and the amount of men that have exactly the same answers, word for word, is astonishing.
---

The last hinge date I went on back in October he ended up getting arrested at the end of the night, got a text around 12 the next day from him saying he’d just got out the cell

I'm going to need a second by second account of this date

 

[Hidingbehind69]

Hey Tattlers,

I am new to this thread and looking for some advice in this current situation:

• I met a guy online, we went for a date (which I initiated) it was great, we hit it off and slept together (I was happy to do this as only wanted to try and set up a FWB situation with the guy anyway and not a long term relationship),
• Bearing in mind - this is an important part of the story, on the day of our first date he didn't reach out at all, it got to 3pm and I caved and said 'hey looking forward to tonight, does 8pm work for you?' then we met etc.
• He has always been very quiet with texting, even prior to our first meeting, never really checks in or keeps a conversation going, whenever I try he gives me very clinical answers that shut down a conversation like 'have a great rest of the week' etc.
• I asked him outright, do you want to keep in touch and meet again? He said 'for sure, absolutely'.
• three weeks went by (minimal texts back and forth every 3/4 day) aka breadcrumbing.
• I set up another date, texted him on Monday night and asked if he wanted to check out a new bar together after work on Friday, he was really keen and responded right away. I told him 'great, looking forward to it'. He never read this last message (on whatsapp - no blue ticks).
• Friday comes around and I thought, I am going to wait and see if he reaches out to me this time to arrange our meeting point and time, as I have been the one instigating the convos, dates etc and mainly making all the moves over the last few weeks,
• I waited until 5:30PM on the day of our second date!!! No text or any contact from him whatsoever to even set up a time.
• I drew the line at 5:30pm, texted another guy I know and we went out and had a great night.
• The original guy can see my stories on insta, I went to the bar we were suppose to check out together.
• Sure as hell, the next morning (today) he texts me, 'hey, how was your night?'... I'm like WTF? He knows full well we were supposed to go together but because I held back from caving this time, he failed to get in touch and we didn't go.
• I know I should just ignore and move on, but that's too mature for my mood right now. I taught him a lesson that i will go out without him and have fun anyway and not sit waiting on his message.
• Now I want to reply to his 'hey how was your night' and call him out by responding something very direct like, 'you know we were meant to go together but it always seems to be me making the effort so good luck and all the best' I would prefer to send a message so he knows that i'm no longer interested, have self-respect and standards and practice direct communication with him rather than just ghost him.

Do you think this response is ok or what would you suggest?

Thanks all and have a great weekend!

 

[jawidjanqndn]

Good lord Emma she really has been on the apps hasn't she.
Why can't men find anything original to say? I'm in London and the amount of men that have exactly the same answers, word for word, is astonishing.
---


I'm going to need a second by second account of this date

Strap yourselves in I’ll keep it short ish

so we start going to a couple bars, we get on well, however he’s ordering straight rum and getting quite impatient when the waiters aren’t serving him quick enough. Threatening to leave ect because he wants this rum so bad we go to a few more places, we end up in a bar where coincidentally his friends were. He leaves me with this group of middle aged men, some younger (my age) but majority were middle aged and absolutely pissed. They are all chatting to me and I see my date at the bar doing shots, going to the toilet often (…), and he barely acknowledges me for 2 minutes, except once to try and come onto me.. These men clearly have a lot of money so they are ordering round after round and asking to go to the club down the round. I get up to leave and go home and they beg me to come, I know I shouldn’t of, but I did. I was in there for 10 mins at a max as my ‘date’ was off snogging girls on the dance floor, absolutely off his face dancing, I go to the toilet and expect that they won’t be there when I’m back. Of course they aren’t so I go to leave and thankfully bump into some girls I know on my way out, I was quite drunk myself now as these guys had been buying me rounds and i genuinely was just drinking because I felt sorry for myself I stayed with these girls for a bit in the smoking area and they ended up putting me in a taxi alone, still haven’t heard a thing from my date.

I wake up the next day thinking he’s ghosted me - nope.. he got arrested in that same club for assault and ended up spending the night in a cell. He sent me a picture of him in his bloody prison tracksuit and begged for forgiveness said he’d hoped the date was memorable.. absolute dick. Few weeks pass and I get my hair done and end up telling my hairdresser about this date - the other girl working picks up on my conversation and guesses who I’m talking about. Apparently he is a gambler, alcoholic, writ his car off a week prior for drink driving & will be 90% likely to lose his license…

this man still views all of my storys months later (we do not follow eachother), he also now has a new girlfriend who coincidentally can’t speak English which is probably the reason they get along so well.

 

[xcyber]

Hey Tattlers,

I am new to this thread and looking for some advice in this current situation:

• I met a guy online, we went for a date (which I initiated) it was great, we hit it off and slept together (I was happy to do this as only wanted to try and set up a FWB situation with the guy anyway and not a long term relationship),
• Bearing in mind - this is an important part of the story, on the day of our first date he didn't reach out at all, it got to 3pm and I caved and said 'hey looking forward to tonight, does 8pm work for you?' then we met etc.
• He has always been very quiet with texting, even prior to our first meeting, never really checks in or keeps a conversation going, whenever I try he gives me very clinical answers that shut down a conversation like 'have a great rest of the week' etc.
• I asked him outright, do you want to keep in touch and meet again? He said 'for sure, absolutely'.
• three weeks went by (minimal texts back and forth every 3/4 day) aka breadcrumbing.
• I set up another date, texted him on Monday night and asked if he wanted to check out a new bar together after work on Friday, he was really keen and responded right away. I told him 'great, looking forward to it'. He never read this last message (on whatsapp - no blue ticks).
• Friday comes around and I thought, I am going to wait and see if he reaches out to me this time to arrange our meeting point and time, as I have been the one instigating the convos, dates etc and mainly making all the moves over the last few weeks,
• I waited until 5:30PM on the day of our second date!!! No text or any contact from him whatsoever to even set up a time.
• I drew the line at 5:30pm, texted another guy I know and we went out and had a great night.
• The original guy can see my stories on insta, I went to the bar we were suppose to check out together.
• Sure as hell, the next morning (today) he texts me, 'hey, how was your night?'... I'm like WTF? He knows full well we were supposed to go together but because I held back from caving this time, he failed to get in touch and we didn't go.
• I know I should just ignore and move on, but that's too mature for my mood right now. I taught him a lesson that i will go out without him and have fun anyway and not sit waiting on his message.
• Now I want to reply to his 'hey how was your night' and call him out by responding something very direct like, 'you know we were meant to go together but it always seems to be me making the effort so good luck and all the best' I would prefer to send a message so he knows that i'm no longer interested, have self-respect and standards and practice direct communication with him rather than just ghost him.

Do you think this response is ok or what would you suggest?

Thanks all and have a great weekend!

Tbh you’ve been doing all the chasing. The best way to let him know you’re not interest and show you have standards is to not ever reply to him again. Silence is golden. Actions speak louder than words. And some other cliched yet accurate proverbs!

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I was cleaning my kitchen this morning when this came through on WhatsApp
---
Not sure I could cope with all that muscle!

 

[jawidjanqndn]

I was cleaning my kitchen this morning when this came through on WhatsApp
---
Not sure I could cope with all that muscle!

Bloody hell!

 

[mozzarellagirl]

Hey Tattlers,

I am new to this thread and looking for some advice in this current situation:

• I met a guy online, we went for a date (which I initiated) it was great, we hit it off and slept together (I was happy to do this as only wanted to try and set up a FWB situation with the guy anyway and not a long term relationship),
• Bearing in mind - this is an important part of the story, on the day of our first date he didn't reach out at all, it got to 3pm and I caved and said 'hey looking forward to tonight, does 8pm work for you?' then we met etc.
• He has always been very quiet with texting, even prior to our first meeting, never really checks in or keeps a conversation going, whenever I try he gives me very clinical answers that shut down a conversation like 'have a great rest of the week' etc.
• I asked him outright, do you want to keep in touch and meet again? He said 'for sure, absolutely'.
• three weeks went by (minimal texts back and forth every 3/4 day) aka breadcrumbing.
• I set up another date, texted him on Monday night and asked if he wanted to check out a new bar together after work on Friday, he was really keen and responded right away. I told him 'great, looking forward to it'. He never read this last message (on whatsapp - no blue ticks).
• Friday comes around and I thought, I am going to wait and see if he reaches out to me this time to arrange our meeting point and time, as I have been the one instigating the convos, dates etc and mainly making all the moves over the last few weeks,
• I waited until 5:30PM on the day of our second date!!! No text or any contact from him whatsoever to even set up a time.
• I drew the line at 5:30pm, texted another guy I know and we went out and had a great night.
• The original guy can see my stories on insta, I went to the bar we were suppose to check out together.
• Sure as hell, the next morning (today) he texts me, 'hey, how was your night?'... I'm like WTF? He knows full well we were supposed to go together but because I held back from caving this time, he failed to get in touch and we didn't go.
• I know I should just ignore and move on, but that's too mature for my mood right now. I taught him a lesson that i will go out without him and have fun anyway and not sit waiting on his message.
• Now I want to reply to his 'hey how was your night' and call him out by responding something very direct like, 'you know we were meant to go together but it always seems to be me making the effort so good luck and all the best' I would prefer to send a message so he knows that i'm no longer interested, have self-respect and standards and practice direct communication with him rather than just ghost him.

Do you think this response is ok or what would you suggest?

Thanks all and have a great weekend!

Welcome to the thread

my opinion is if you want to actively have self respect, do NOT message him again. he's lost the right to have you communicate with him any further! you are chasing him and he's thriving off of it and is expecting you to mention it. which will only stroke his ego! don't do it.
---

I was cleaning my kitchen this morning when this came through on WhatsApp
---
Not sure I could cope with all that muscle!

sorrry but ew...

 

[Dogtanian]

Hey Tattlers,

I am new to this thread and looking for some advice in this current situation:

• I met a guy online, we went for a date (which I initiated) it was great, we hit it off and slept together (I was happy to do this as only wanted to try and set up a FWB situation with the guy anyway and not a long term relationship),
• Bearing in mind - this is an important part of the story, on the day of our first date he didn't reach out at all, it got to 3pm and I caved and said 'hey looking forward to tonight, does 8pm work for you?' then we met etc.
• He has always been very quiet with texting, even prior to our first meeting, never really checks in or keeps a conversation going, whenever I try he gives me very clinical answers that shut down a conversation like 'have a great rest of the week' etc.
• I asked him outright, do you want to keep in touch and meet again? He said 'for sure, absolutely'.
• three weeks went by (minimal texts back and forth every 3/4 day) aka breadcrumbing.
• I set up another date, texted him on Monday night and asked if he wanted to check out a new bar together after work on Friday, he was really keen and responded right away. I told him 'great, looking forward to it'. He never read this last message (on whatsapp - no blue ticks).
• Friday comes around and I thought, I am going to wait and see if he reaches out to me this time to arrange our meeting point and time, as I have been the one instigating the convos, dates etc and mainly making all the moves over the last few weeks,
• I waited until 5:30PM on the day of our second date!!! No text or any contact from him whatsoever to even set up a time.
• I drew the line at 5:30pm, texted another guy I know and we went out and had a great night.
• The original guy can see my stories on insta, I went to the bar we were suppose to check out together.
• Sure as hell, the next morning (today) he texts me, 'hey, how was your night?'... I'm like WTF? He knows full well we were supposed to go together but because I held back from caving this time, he failed to get in touch and we didn't go.
• I know I should just ignore and move on, but that's too mature for my mood right now. I taught him a lesson that i will go out without him and have fun anyway and not sit waiting on his message.
• Now I want to reply to his 'hey how was your night' and call him out by responding something very direct like, 'you know we were meant to go together but it always seems to be me making the effort so good luck and all the best' I would prefer to send a message so he knows that i'm no longer interested, have self-respect and standards and practice direct communication with him rather than just ghost him.

Do you think this response is ok or what would you suggest?

Thanks all and have a great weekend!

He’s playing you. I’d tell him to duck off quite frankly, but your way’s also good.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Was getting on well with a guy on tinder started chatting on WhatsApp and now it comes up in conversation he's a nazi sympathiser doesn't think Hitler was a bad guy, all a conspiracy theory etc fml.

 

[Jenca01]

Was getting on well with a guy on tinder started chatting on WhatsApp and now it comes up in conversation he's a nazi sympathiser doesn't think Hitler was a bad guy, all a conspiracy theory etc fml.

I feel like us lot definitely find the main weirdos

 

[papi’s mistress]

I think I am finally ready to get back on the dating apps. I am a single mum to an almost 4 year old. I went through a bad relationship break down with my child’s father. We are on good terms now but it took a lot of work and healing to get here.

I think my biggest struggle at the moment is literally putting together a good profile. I want it to be authentic but I’m not quirky or witty and every time I go to create it, I bail because I can’t think of what to write 🥹

Any suggestions or ideas to make it exciting and captivating?! I haven’t dated for 8 years between being with my ex and having my baby.

Thanks 🫶

 

[al255]

I think I am finally ready to get back on the dating apps. I am a single mum to an almost 4 year old. I went through a bad relationship break down with my child’s father. We are on good terms now but it took a lot of work and healing to get here.

I think my biggest struggle at the moment is literally putting together a good profile. I want it to be authentic but I’m not quirky or witty and every time I go to create it, I bail because I can’t think of what to write 🥹

Any suggestions or ideas to make it exciting and captivating?! I haven’t dated for 8 years between being with my ex and having my baby.

Thanks 🫶

mine said at the beginning I’ve got a 3 year old who comes first, if you’re not into someone who has kids then don’t match .. this filtered out ALOT of people who don’t want to date anyone with kids x

 

[Clementine]

I’ve written “I answer to a 5 year old version of me. Get your people to talk to her people”. Mainly because I hate the whole spiel of my kids are my world, but also want to flag up the fact I have a child.

I like to write just about myself, instead of demanding what the other person should/shouldn’t be. Try to keep it positive. What do you enjoy? What’s important to you? Good luck! x

 

[tomato_paste]

I'm honestly thinking about moving towns.

Where I live atm people are sports obessed and do nothing but run up mountains all weekend. I'm not that into mountain sports although I walk a lot and do yoga. But I am chubby and I like to cook and eat and you can tell.

Used to live in a different country and I never had problems at least finding a date. But these days I seem to be completely invisible. My profile is witty but not too out there, my profile pics are honest but still flattering. Zero.

Went to a costume party yesterday, I was dresses up as a pineapple in a fantastic self made costume and I looked great if I may say so myself! Nothing. No man even looked at me!

It makes me sad to be honest and doubtful of my femininity. I tried losing weight but a) it never sticks and b) I'm at a point in my life where I just don't care enough any more.

Anyone experience something similar? Have you moved and found yourself much better suited to your new place?

 

[EddyDarling]

I don't put anything about my kids beyond the "have kids" option being visible on my profile.

Clementine is right, keep it all positive, negativity puts people off.
Maybe an app like Hinge would be better for you as you choose prompts to respond to and they have loads of advice on how to answer. Don't focus so much on being"quirky" or "witty" or being the woman men want to date, just be yourself.

 

[TillyMiffin]

Hi everyone, but of a long, ‘me me me’ post but here goes: so older forum members may remember my history, broke up with long term ex in 2021 (summer) had complete emotional breakdown, dated a couple of guys but never going beyond two dates (around winter 2021) been happily completely single since. So there was a guy I got to know through facebook tvat I got to know in real life, we bumped into each other in May 2018 at a gig, had a chat etc. lovely guy, I’ll call him W, Fast forward to spring 2019 when I was with my ex, again bumped into W who asked who I was with and basically told me he fancied me. I was flattered but didn’t pursue it cos I was in a relationship with my ex. W and I used to chat occasionally on fb and he never mentioned fancying me again, it was only friendly stuff. So then he met someone and was with her until 2021. We met up for drinks a couple of times last year but nothing happened between us, just friends vibes. He messaged me a few weeks ago, and said ‘if I’d have moved in for a kiss last time we met would you have reciprocated’ I said yeah, and then we chatted about how hopeless we both were. We have been chatting every day since then and were going to meet up last weekend but I was poorly so we postponed till next weekend (when I was child free)
We were messaging Thursday saying we were both looking forward to meeting, then Friday I didn’t hear from him. Yesterday morning my friend messaged me saying that W had passed away on Friday night. He was 50.
I am in a bit of a state tbh. I still can’t believe it. We have a lot of mutual friends but no one knew we were chatting or had planned to meet etc, apart from my one close friend. Everyone that knew him is in shock and feeling heartbroken. He was such a lovely man. Proper gentleman, and so lovely to me. I was really excited about meeting and seeing where it went. I was going to post on here about my upcoming date. Now I just don’t know how to feel. Apologies for the long post but I feel this is a safe space. If anyone feels this isn’t appropriate I’ll remove it obviously.

 

[LaBlonde]

oh gosh tilly, sending you so much love xxx