Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[SpindleWhorl]

Talking to a new guy on Hinge and about to add each other on whatsapp so wish me luck. I know there's a 99% chance of me being ghosted but what can I do, I've got to keep trying

 

[Jenca01]

just out of curiosity, because i'm imagining us in a garden drinking gin (gag), how old is everyone?

I’m 33. I’d like to say I feel younger but my lower back says differently

 

[MsCurly]

Curly you’re killing it! Tell us your secrets.

Haha, it might say more about the type of men that I date than it does about me.
The first proposal was from a guy I’d describe as a puppy. Very devout Christian boy, and the church deems marriage to be important, so the area where I’m from most people get married at a young age. He thought he was ready and I was scared shitless. I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t want a life where I’d be a stay at home mum to a small football team. Traditional life isn’t really for me. At the time I thought I was in love with the young man in question, but in hindsight we were both doing what we thought we were supposed to do, and love wasn’t really that important. He got married a few months later to a lovely girl. They have a loveless marriage, but they both seem content.

The second proposal came from a guy that love bombed me for an entire year. 🥲 He was a finance bro living it up in London and he treated me like a princess. When he proposed I told him I had to think about it, and then when I didn’t want to tell anyone about his proposal, I realised he wasn’t the guy for me.

The almost marriage was my Big Love, the man who almost shattered me completely when he ended things. I would have married him, despite the fact that there were issues in that relationship. I loved him more than anything, but looking back on it now, it would have been the worst mistake of my life. I’ve grown so much since that breakup, that I don’t even recognise the woman that would have said “I do” to him.

So, now the main question. Why did I get these proposals? I think it’s because I am always very clear with my intentions when it comes to dating. I tell men that I’m dating to marry and not just to mess around. I am quite strict with my privileges, boyfriends get treated differently than fiancés, etc. I expect the men I date to make an effort, and if they don’t put in the effort I’m gone. My life is too busy to just be casual about it all, because I simply don’t have a lot of time. So, when I date, I have a goal. I don’t necessarily have a strict timeline (it takes X dates until we’re intimate etc) but I am strict with my dates in the sense that they have to conquer me. I’m a bit more traditional in that sense, but it’s what I prefer.

 

[mozzarellagirl]

went on hinge, saw a guy who had his job title as “full time rapist”, reported his profile, left hinge

THIS is why i don't give a duck about putting disclaimers like "not all men ofc" "this might sound sexist but" nah duck off when would a woman ever say something as horrific like that let alone put it in her bleeping bio (esp when majority of rapes are committed by men against women. i hope he drops dead im not even bleeping joking. i'm revolted)

 

[boomska]

Haha, it might say more about the type of men that I date than it does about me.
The first proposal was from a guy I’d describe as a puppy. Very devout Christian boy, and the church deems marriage to be important, so the area where I’m from most people get married at a young age. He thought he was ready and I was scared shitless. I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t want a life where I’d be a stay at home mum to a small football team. Traditional life isn’t really for me. At the time I thought I was in love with the young man in question, but in hindsight we were both doing what we thought we were supposed to do, and love wasn’t really that important. He got married a few months later to a lovely girl. They have a loveless marriage, but they both seem content.

The second proposal came from a guy that love bombed me for an entire year. 🥲 He was a finance bro living it up in London and he treated me like a princess. When he proposed I told him I had to think about it, and then when I didn’t want to tell anyone about his proposal, I realised he wasn’t the guy for me.

The almost marriage was my Big Love, the man who almost shattered me completely when he ended things. I would have married him, despite the fact that there were issues in that relationship. I loved him more than anything, but looking back on it now, it would have been the worst mistake of my life. I’ve grown so much since that breakup, that I don’t even recognise the woman that would have said “I do” to him.

So, now the main question. Why did I get these proposals? I think it’s because I am always very clear with my intentions when it comes to dating. I tell men that I’m dating to marry and not just to mess around. I am quite strict with my privileges, boyfriends get treated differently than fiancés, etc. I expect the men I date to make an effort, and if they don’t put in the effort I’m gone. My life is too busy to just be casual about it all, because I simply don’t have a lot of time. So, when I date, I have a goal. I don’t necessarily have a strict timeline (it takes X dates until we’re intimate etc) but I am strict with my dates in the sense that they have to conquer me. I’m a bit more traditional in that sense, but it’s what I prefer.

This is the type of woman I want to become! Good for you x

 

[BettyBeau]

So I’m back on the dating apps. It’s pretty grim but chatting to some ok guys. The trouble is I’m absolutely tit scared of 1st dates I just hate them. Any tips

 

[Xales]

I am 55 this year and was starting to consider dating apps. Listening to all you lovely youngsters I think I need to give up and accept that is the end of my love/sex life.

 

[LaBlonde]

THIS is why i don't give a duck about putting disclaimers like "not all men ofc" "this might sound sexist but" nah duck off when would a woman ever say something as horrific like that let alone put it in her bleeping bio (esp when majority of rapes are committed by men against women. i hope he drops dead im not even bleeping joking. i'm revolted)

i wish i could react here mozz because i literally could not agree more.

with every passing day the idea of being alone in the sole company of a man i don’t know very well (ie a date) becomes more and more scary. imagine if he’d written his actual job there and no woman would have a clue what type of person he truly was until they were on a date with him. absolutely revolting and terrifying.

 

[xcyber]

Haha, it might say more about the type of men that I date than it does about me.
The first proposal was from a guy I’d describe as a puppy. Very devout Christian boy, and the church deems marriage to be important, so the area where I’m from most people get married at a young age. He thought he was ready and I was scared shitless. I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t want a life where I’d be a stay at home mum to a small football team. Traditional life isn’t really for me. At the time I thought I was in love with the young man in question, but in hindsight we were both doing what we thought we were supposed to do, and love wasn’t really that important. He got married a few months later to a lovely girl. They have a loveless marriage, but they both seem content.

The second proposal came from a guy that love bombed me for an entire year. 🥲 He was a finance bro living it up in London and he treated me like a princess. When he proposed I told him I had to think about it, and then when I didn’t want to tell anyone about his proposal, I realised he wasn’t the guy for me.

The almost marriage was my Big Love, the man who almost shattered me completely when he ended things. I would have married him, despite the fact that there were issues in that relationship. I loved him more than anything, but looking back on it now, it would have been the worst mistake of my life. I’ve grown so much since that breakup, that I don’t even recognise the woman that would have said “I do” to him.

So, now the main question. Why did I get these proposals? I think it’s because I am always very clear with my intentions when it comes to dating. I tell men that I’m dating to marry and not just to mess around. I am quite strict with my privileges, boyfriends get treated differently than fiancés, etc. I expect the men I date to make an effort, and if they don’t put in the effort I’m gone. My life is too busy to just be casual about it all, because I simply don’t have a lot of time. So, when I date, I have a goal. I don’t necessarily have a strict timeline (it takes X dates until we’re intimate etc) but I am strict with my dates in the sense that they have to conquer me. I’m a bit more traditional in that sense, but it’s what I prefer.

I love this! I mean not the heartbreak bit obviously but your approach to dating and relationships, and your personal growth!

 

[Lalla]

I'm 30, single mum to a 7 year old. Never been married, or even proposed to. Absolutely not where I thought I'd be in my life by now but

Oh you're still so young though, you have so much time ahead of you!

At 30 I was stuck in a tit relationship with my kids dad. He did sort of propose, well he said ,'we should probably get married then' which I took as a proposal. He ran out of money for my ring so I paid for most of it myself. And we never did get married which tbh was a blessing. That's the closest to a proposal I've ever had, which is a bit sad really given my advanced age.

I'm not a massive fan of marriage, I'd prefer a civil partnership but all the same it would be nice to be asked wouldn't it . I remember a girl I went to school with who had already been engaged twice by the age of 18 (she kept the rings) - she moved so no idea if the serial engagements continued. I also know a couple of women around my age now who are on 3rd or 4th marriages...how do they do it? I'm genuinely curious!

 

[Anne1448]

I think it’s because I am always very clear with my intentions when it comes to dating. I tell men that I’m dating to marry and not just to mess around. I am quite strict with my privileges, boyfriends get treated differently than fiancés, etc. I expect the men I date to make an effort, and if they don’t put in the effort I’m gone. My life is too busy to just be casual about it all, because I simply don’t have a lot of time. So, when I date, I have a goal. I don’t necessarily have a strict timeline (it takes X dates until we’re intimate etc) but I am strict with my dates in the sense that they have to conquer me. I’m a bit more traditional in that sense, but it’s what I prefer.

This is my approach to dating too. I don't want my time to be wasted so I only date men that I want to actually marry. I've met a few who could have been "husband material" but not one who could have been MY husband. Better take our time than marry the wrong person

 

[Lalla]

I am 55 this year and was starting to consider dating apps. Listening to all you lovely youngsters I think I need to give up and accept that is the end of my love/sex life.

If it's the end of yours it probably is the same for me. I'll be honest I kind of get the ick thinking about dating a man in his 50s or older And I'm fairly happy on my own for now but part of me still hopes I'll meet someone in the future.

That said everything I read about the vile misogynists, creeps and predators that are on dating apps it kind of makes me despair of men full stop and think embracing singledom is preferable, and a lot safer.

 

[Usagisakura90]

Haha, it might say more about the type of men that I date than it does about me.
The first proposal was from a guy I’d describe as a puppy. Very devout Christian boy, and the church deems marriage to be important, so the area where I’m from most people get married at a young age. He thought he was ready and I was scared shitless. I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t want a life where I’d be a stay at home mum to a small football team. Traditional life isn’t really for me. At the time I thought I was in love with the young man in question, but in hindsight we were both doing what we thought we were supposed to do, and love wasn’t really that important. He got married a few months later to a lovely girl. They have a loveless marriage, but they both seem content.

The second proposal came from a guy that love bombed me for an entire year. 🥲 He was a finance bro living it up in London and he treated me like a princess. When he proposed I told him I had to think about it, and then when I didn’t want to tell anyone about his proposal, I realised he wasn’t the guy for me.

The almost marriage was my Big Love, the man who almost shattered me completely when he ended things. I would have married him, despite the fact that there were issues in that relationship. I loved him more than anything, but looking back on it now, it would have been the worst mistake of my life. I’ve grown so much since that breakup, that I don’t even recognise the woman that would have said “I do” to him.

So, now the main question. Why did I get these proposals? I think it’s because I am always very clear with my intentions when it comes to dating. I tell men that I’m dating to marry and not just to mess around. I am quite strict with my privileges, boyfriends get treated differently than fiancés, etc. I expect the men I date to make an effort, and if they don’t put in the effort I’m gone. My life is too busy to just be casual about it all, because I simply don’t have a lot of time. So, when I date, I have a goal. I don’t necessarily have a strict timeline (it takes X dates until we’re intimate etc) but I am strict with my dates in the sense that they have to conquer me. I’m a bit more traditional in that sense, but it’s what I prefer.

I was proposed to by my first big relationship when I was 17 but he cheated on me with everything moving so I don't really count that haha and then when I was 21 by my childs father on Christmas eve infront of his whole family with the words "I'm doing this because I got you pregnant and my mum said I need to do something even though she doesn't think you are good for me"

Lmao I doubt either of those count and I feel pathetic sharing now haha.
---

If it's the end of yours it probably is the same for me. I'll be honest I kind of get the ick thinking about dating a man in his 50s or older And I'm fairly happy on my own for now but part of me still hopes I'll meet someone in the future.

That said everything I read about the vile misogynists, creeps and predators that are on dating apps it kind of makes me despair of men full stop and think embracing singledom is preferable, and a lot safer.

It'd be weird for me to date someone 50+ as my mum and her husband are 50 and 51 haha even when I was speaking to someone in their 40s felt too old for me, but then the guy I left recently was a year younger than me and he was too immature to commit.

There seems to be no medium

 

[Lalla]

It'd be weird for me to date someone 50+ as my mum and her husband are 50 and 51 haha even when I was speaking to someone in their 40s felt too old for me, but then the guy I left recently was a year younger than me and he was too immature to commit.

There seems to be no medium

In my 20s I was dating men in their mid to late 40s. Then I met my son's dad who was 6 years older than me. Split up with him in my mid 30s and since then all my relationships have been with people my age or younger, my recent Ex is 4 years younger than me. So although I'm now 50 I've never dated anyone older than 47 (and that was when I was 22 ). I know once I join the apps I'll get blokes in their 50s who look 75 messaging me

 

[whyhellothere83]

Hi everyone! I’m new on this thread but been reading the posts for a while. I’m really upset today as the person I met on bumble has started seeing someone else and had ended it with me. We hadn’t met in person yet but were due to soon. This was the first person I’ve spoken with in 10 years so I’m completely gutted. I’ve cried all day and feel like someone has stamped on my heart! I keep thinking what would have happened if we had gone on a date sooner, he seemed absolutely perfect

it’s annoying as I get so attached so quickly, im gutted!

 

[keepyourpeace]

Hi everyone! I’m new on this thread but been reading the posts for a while. I’m really upset today as the person I met on bumble has started seeing someone else and had ended it with me. We hadn’t met in person yet but were due to soon. This was the first person I’ve spoken with in 10 years so I’m completely gutted. I’ve cried all day and feel like someone has stamped on my heart! I keep thinking what would have happened if we had gone on a date sooner, he seemed absolutely perfect

it’s annoying as I get so attached so quickly, im gutted!

8

Oh bless you! I hope you feel better soon!

At least they've been honest with you! I know it's tit I've been through something similar recently myself and tbh I cried too.

I wish I had more words of wisdom and not sound cliche but it will get better I promise.

 

[Usagisakura90]

Dating after lockdown #28 We'd prefer a 99' with a flake than a commitaphobe that flakes

 

[LaBlonde]

bringing back @Clementine suggestion from that great instagram post she shared: Dating after lockdown #28: It’s Not You, It’s Dating.

 

[EndofInfluencers]

Trying to catch-up with this thread

@BettyBeau I always suggest something casual like a walk and coffee for a first date, that way it stops me from feeling so nervous and you can dip out quickly if you’re not feeling it.

Next thread suggestions: As most of us have been on a blocking/removal spree can I suggest @Thank(space)you and her comment about re-heated tea bags never tasting as good (I know I’m butchering it, but it’s early )?

ETA: I’m in my late 30s (but I’m genuinely still sore about the lost Covid years)

 

[Thank(space)you]

Trying to catch-up with this thread

@BettyBeau I always suggest something casual like a walk and coffee for a first date, that way it stops me from feeling so nervous and you can dip out quickly if you’re not feeling it.

Next thread suggestions: As most of us have been on a blocking/removal spree can I suggest @Thank(space)you and her comment about re-heated tea bags never tasting as good (I know I’m butchering it, but it’s early )?

ETA: I’m in my late 30s (but I’m genuinely still sore about the lost Covid years)

Here ya go haha and thanks for the nomination

A reheated cuppa never taste the same