Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[DoeiBedankt]

I’ve got v limited battery so can’t scroll back to find who it was but curious to know outcome of what happened with the chat re Australia and going long distance? Hope it went well!

Hi, that was me!

I'd like to say thank you to the 2 lovely tattlers who did respond back, I completely forgot to reply back properly when I got back yesterday.

One Tattler mentioned I should just enjoy our time together while we have time left and I do agree, we had a lovely evening and we didn't chat too much about how we are feeling as it just didn't seem like the right time, he did say he is going to miss me and expressed that he likes me etc.

I am seeing him next week for the final time so I will pop back on and give you all an update.

I hope everyone on this thread is having a lovely Wednesday evening.

 

[al255]

Hi, that was me!

I'd like to say thank you to the 2 lovely tattlers who did respond back, I completely forgot to reply back properly when I got back yesterday.

One Tattler mentioned I should just enjoy our time together while we have time left and I do agree, we had a lovely evening and we didn't chat too much about how we are feeling as it just didn't seem like the right time, he did say he is going to miss me and expressed that he likes me etc.

I am seeing him next week for the final time so I will pop back on and give you all an update.

I hope everyone on this thread is having a lovely Wednesday evening.

Years ago I was in a relationship with a guy who was going to Oz on a working holiday visa, just for a year. It was hard work to maintain, different time zones, even though we tried to make it work, it didn’t. Whilst I’m not saying it can’t work, just be realistic about your wants and needs from a relationship. Whilst you like this person and have feelings for them, are you really deep down wanting a long distance relationship with someone?

 

[itsnotmereally]

Hi all,

I'm really not sure if this is the right thread to ask for advice here.

I am new to this thread, I have stalked it a few times but never contributed to the discussion.

I am in desperate need of some advice, I have turned to my friends but It would also be great to have some opinions from tattlers.

I met an Australian boy on Tinder 4 months ago, he moved to the UK with the intention of staying for a few years and it has been a great 4 months, I have never felt so secure when dating and we have had a very healthy 'Relationship'. His mental health was starting to go down the drain and he has been very open with these discussions with me for the past month and a half about moving back to Australia and I definitely support his decision as I want nothing but the best for him, his flight is in 2 weeks.

We are/was exclusively dating which we both agreed on, I know he likes me and he has expressed me visiting Australia and has said he will miss me etc, I am seeing him tonight and next weekend as I am out of the country from tomorrow for the next 6 days so I am unable to see him in between.

I am still trying to workout my feelings but do I ask him tonight how he truly feels about me or wait till next weekend? A part of me really wants to know but I am also nervous to ask.

If you guys was in my situation, would you have the discussion tonight?

slightly different situation, many, many moons ago I met a guy who was due to take a sabbatical and travel the world for a year or so. We ended up very close and decided to stay together, long distance. He cheated within the first couple of months (which I discovered via his friends blog!!) He then altered travel plans so we could meet in Spain and work it out. All good, met him again in NZ for a few weeks and he ended up leaving the last part of his journey to come home as missed me too much. That lasted 3 months and he resented me for coming back (even though I tried to get him to see the trip out).
Actually not sure what my point is, but just listen to your head and your heart. Is there real potential here? Does it suit both your needs? Could you get past the what ifs?
Sorry, I’ve probably been of no help at all

 

[DoeiBedankt]

Years ago I was in a relationship with a guy who was going to Oz on a working holiday visa, just for a year. It was hard work to maintain, different time zones, even though we tried to make it work, it didn’t. Whilst I’m not saying it can’t work, just be realistic about your wants and needs from a relationship. Whilst you like this person and have feelings for them, are you really deep down wanting a long distance relationship with someone?

I don't think Long distance would work for us both, I know he wants to stay in contact when he moves but I can imagine that will come into conversation next week.
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slightly different situation, many, many moons ago I met a guy who was due to take a sabbatical and travel the world for a year or so. We ended up very close and decided to stay together, long distance. He cheated within the first couple of months (which I discovered via his friends blog!!) He then altered travel plans so we could meet in Spain and work it out. All good, met him again in NZ for a few weeks and he ended up leaving the last part of his journey to come home as missed me too much. That lasted 3 months and he resented me for coming back (even though I tried to get him to see the trip out).
Actually not sure what my point is, but just listen to your head and your heart. Is there real potential here? Does it suit both your needs? Could you get past the what ifs?
Sorry, I’ve probably been of no help at all

I am sorry to hear that he cheated, no one deserves that at all and I will definitely work out if there is potential here or if Its just an attachment issue.

 

[Bleurghgram]

I’d be careful about staying in contact with him if there’s no hope. My ex had a long distance pen pal he was essentially emotionally cheating on me with for our entire relationship. He was always able to say she’s just a friend because of the distance, but really if the circumstances had been different he’d have been with her. It was pretty tit to unpack! Best of luck

 

[SpindleWhorl]

If you’ve got nothing better to do (and he’s going to pay) then go and get a free meal…. Personally, if I had doubts I’d rather keep my sanity and stay home!

Thankyou, he asked me an intimate question then ghosted me when I answered so I've blocked and unmatched. He did book a hotel to see me on Saturday, I suppose that's his fault if he can't get the money back

 

[Thank(space)you]

Speed dating tonight, looking forward to it as I think it will be a laugh, not expecting anything to come of it though.

Even though I blocked the guy I was meant to go on a date with yesterday, I'm still feeling sad about the fact the date didn't happen. His loss though!

And my mind is still being horrible to me since the weekend (I feel like I don't get a physical hangover but a mental one where I feel mentally horrendous for the next week) so unless I'm keeping busy I just have all these horrible thoughts that I'm never gonna meet someone, I'm never gonna have another baby, I'm too fat, I'm too ugly etc etc my friend has only been single 8ish weeks and met someone new 4 weeks ago on a night out and he always says the nicest things to her (I know he's an asshole but she won't listen) and logically I shouldn't be jealous but I am especially as their sex life is incredible


Anyway that's my sad sack rant for the day

 

[harveydean]

Thankyou, he asked me an intimate question then ghosted me when I answered so I've blocked and unmatched. He did book a hotel to see me on Saturday, I suppose that's his fault if he can't get the money back

Ugh what an awful excuse of a man. As disappointing as it is, at least you got your answer…

 

[mozzarellagirl]

Thankyou, he asked me an intimate question then ghosted me when I answered so I've blocked and unmatched. He did book a hotel to see me on Saturday, I suppose that's his fault if he can't get the money back

Prick, disgusting! What did he ask you? He clearly had ill intentions. Also asking intimate questions early on is such a red flag and indication that they are only seeking sex.
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slightly different situation, many, many moons ago I met a guy who was due to take a sabbatical and travel the world for a year or so. We ended up very close and decided to stay together, long distance. He cheated within the first couple of months (which I discovered via his friends blog!!) He then altered travel plans so we could meet in Spain and work it out. All good, met him again in NZ for a few weeks and he ended up leaving the last part of his journey to come home as missed me too much. That lasted 3 months and he resented me for coming back (even though I tried to get him to see the trip out).
Actually not sure what my point is, but just listen to your head and your heart. Is there real potential here? Does it suit both your needs? Could you get past the what ifs?
Sorry, I’ve probably been of no help at all

What the duck! You discovered it via his friends BLOG?! Please tell us more if you're comfortable sharing the story.
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my friend has only been single 8ish weeks and met someone new 4 weeks ago on a night out and he always says the nicest things to her (I know he's an asshole but she won't listen) and logically I shouldn't be jealous but I am especially as their sex life is incredible

come on now babe...

 

[freezelouise43]

Hey all not sure if you remember me? Anyway thought this all might make you smile- my latest dating disaster love how I need to address my work life Balance but also not sure who else is paying my bills? someone has to keep me in Birkenstocks

 

[itsnotmereally]

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What the duck! You discovered it via his friends BLOG?! Please tell us more if you're comfortable sharing the story.
---

He was on a group tour thing on another continent, and one of his new friends tagged their blog into the comments on a photo. I clicked on the blog, and read the latest couple of posts that mentioned my then boyfriends name and a girls name together, repeatedly. He hadn’t mentioned this name to me. Something just didn’t sit right. Later that day he popped up on MSN and I said ‘who’s HER?’, he replied straight away, I’ll find a telephone and call you…

 

[xcyber]

Hey all not sure if you remember me? Anyway thought this all might make you smile- my latest dating disaster love how I need to address my work life Balance but also not sure who else is paying my bills? someone has to keep me in Birkenstocks

Those pass agg emojis really riled me. He sounds like a twit. Bet he told you he was a nice guy. I’m going get that put on a T-shirt ‘I’m a nice guy’.

 

[freezelouise43]

Those pass agg emojis really riled me. He sounds like a twit. Bet he told you he was a nice guy. I’m going get that put on a T-shirt ‘I’m a nice guy’.

Yes!! One of those I’m just a nice regular guy, it’s so frustrating being so nice and never meeting a nice girl ..he put me off because every other thing he mentioned he would do “when he met someone” I think he was bitter and must of been knocked back a lot as he overdid the happy chappy thing! Isn’t it funny that these are the ones who turn the nastiest on a dime?

 

[LaBlonde]

Hey all not sure if you remember me? Anyway thought this all might make you smile- my latest dating disaster love how I need to address my work life Balance but also not sure who else is paying my bills? someone has to keep me in Birkenstocks

this is truly some of the worst messages we’ve seen here. like, it chilled me to the core. basically what’s the point of you being here if not to meet MY exact requirements wtf.

also birkenstocks are cool and i bet you look absolute in them.

 

[mozzarellagirl]

Hey all not sure if you remember me? Anyway thought this all might make you smile- my latest dating disaster love how I need to address my work life Balance but also not sure who else is paying my bills? someone has to keep me in Birkenstocks

OH MY GOD HE'S JUST HUMILIATED HIMSELF FOR FUN

 

[harveydean]

Hey all not sure if you remember me? Anyway thought this all might make you smile- my latest dating disaster love how I need to address my work life Balance but also not sure who else is paying my bills? someone has to keep me in Birkenstocks

Wow. Firstly Birkenstocks are cool. Secondly, who mocks someone for what they wear? Sure do it behind their backs but he’s just cheap and tacky going for that low blow.

Good luck to him. You go and enjoy your money and spend it on what the hell you like, and as you say, you’ll find someone who aligns with you.

I’m totally with you - I earn good money, I work in the city and I enjoy spending it on whatever the hell I want! And I’ve got to say, since dating wealthy men (yes it sounds cringey but I’m totally owning this stage in my life!) I can safely say I’ve never had so much fun. We’re on the same wavelength, there’s no power struggle (because they pay and I accept) and it’s really uncomplicated. I’m not down for anything serious, but the dates are great and the company is intelligent and charming.

The only spanner is I’ve met someone who lives the other side of the country and isn’t wealthy but ticks all the boxes and is an absolute darling. We were introduced (aka match made) by work colleagues and we hit it off right away. But for now we’re penpals and will see eachother in the summer (we’ve planned a weekend away together…) but it’s all so sweet and innocent….but my god do I fancy him!

Why isn’t life simple?!

 

[SpindleWhorl]

Ugh what an awful excuse of a man. As disappointing as it is, at least you got your answer…

I'm getting my hair done in the morning, then off out Friday night to hopefully snog a few strangers

 

[IGiveUp22]

I actually find it quite weird that is appears majority of men don’t want a woman that has a her tit together?? It’s bizarre.

 

[harveydean]

I'm getting my hair done in the morning, then off out Friday night to hopefully snog a few strangers

I LOVE this! Go get em girl! Have the best night
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I actually find it quite weird that is appears majority of men don’t want a woman that has a her tit together?? It’s bizarre.

They really don’t. I’ve actually been talking about this to the match made guy I mentioned above. My last 3 boyfriends all proclaimed they loved “strong women” (I suppose id fall in that category at a push - single mum, own business, own my home, invested a lot into myself through therapy etc) until you are strong, then they don’t like boundaries.

I honestly think it’s a power thing - they need to feel needed and well, sometimes they just aren’t.

I realised that a man is simply a nice extra to my life, but right now I don’t need a man. That’s why I’m taking a leaf out of Carol Vorderman’s book and having a few gentleman callers.

 

[Clementine]

I actually find it quite weird that is appears majority of men don’t want a woman that has a her tit together?? It’s bizarre.

It’s a dent to their ego, innit. Women who have their tit together don’t need a man. These same type of men though, would complain about women being psycho/needy for wanting basic decency