Dating after lockdown #27 Being on Tinder to find a man of value is like looking in the bin for a Rolex

[pbontoast]

Thanks! It’s super hard but I need to learn from my past mistakes. What’s funny is he knows someone I used to “see” and think he’s a prick. But he’s doing the same behaviour the bloke he thinks a prick

it’s this one! Found her on TikTok and the. Found her podcast.30 minute-ish episodes!

Omg that is so typical well done for putting him where he belongs - the bin!!

Thank you! I’ll give it a listen - sounds really good

 

[Agent Cooper]

Had the pleasure of bumping into my ex today. Not to blow my own trumpet or anything, but I’ve had a bit of a glow up since we broke up (both looks-wise and personality-wise) and he clearly hasn’t. I can’t say I was happy to see him looking a state, but now I am pretty sure our breakup, messy as it was, was for the better.

 

[SpindleWhorl]

Arranged a dog walking date- no time or meeting point as it was happening a few days later. Then on said day, didn’t hear from the bloke all day- didn’t chase etc nothing. And still not chasing him, even for an explanation/apology 24hrs later, deleted the chat, deleted his number growth for me!!

even if they’re not showing their best behaviour at the start* then get gone.
It’s like a job basically!
*excepts applied.

I mean I'm not defending the guy because I know what they're like, but if he was thinking the same all day, like why isn't she messaging me?

 

[boomska]

I mean I'm not defending the guy because I know what they're like, but if he was thinking the same all day, like why isn't she messaging me?

I totally get that and Ive thought about his POV But I rang him Saturday night and he didn’t answer (accidentally rang him twice lol) So I left it cause I knew he was up early to walk the dog and then was at work all day.
plus do I want someone who thinks like that?I love confidence in a bloke, borderline arrogance “I’m picking you up at 8pm.” “we’re going here” I’m constantly making decisions in my life so I want a partner who doesn’t care about messaging, or takes charge. Xx
---

Omg that is so typical well done for putting him where he belongs - the bin!!

Thank you! I’ll give it a listen - sounds really good

i know right! I just wanna text saying “you remind me of beep so much right now!” But I won’t!
You should!! I’ve only found it the other day and I’m loving it- no bullshit attitude.

 

[DoeiBedankt]

Hi all,

I'm really not sure if this is the right thread to ask for advice here.

I am new to this thread, I have stalked it a few times but never contributed to the discussion.

I am in desperate need of some advice, I have turned to my friends but It would also be great to have some opinions from tattlers.

I met an Australian boy on Tinder 4 months ago, he moved to the UK with the intention of staying for a few years and it has been a great 4 months, I have never felt so secure when dating and we have had a very healthy 'Relationship'. His mental health was starting to go down the drain and he has been very open with these discussions with me for the past month and a half about moving back to Australia and I definitely support his decision as I want nothing but the best for him, his flight is in 2 weeks.

We are/was exclusively dating which we both agreed on, I know he likes me and he has expressed me visiting Australia and has said he will miss me etc, I am seeing him tonight and next weekend as I am out of the country from tomorrow for the next 6 days so I am unable to see him in between.

I am still trying to workout my feelings but do I ask him tonight how he truly feels about me or wait till next weekend? A part of me really wants to know but I am also nervous to ask.

If you guys was in my situation, would you have the discussion tonight?

 

[LaBlonde]

Hi all,

I'm really not sure if this is the right thread to ask for advice here.

I am new to this thread, I have stalked it a few times but never contributed to the discussion.

I am in desperate need of some advice, I have turned to my friends but It would also be great to have some opinions from tattlers.

I met an Australian boy on Tinder 4 months ago, he moved to the UK with the intention of staying for a few years and it has been a great 4 months, I have never felt so secure when dating and we have had a very healthy 'Relationship'. His mental health was starting to go down the drain and he has been very open with these discussions with me for the past month and a half about moving back to Australia and I definitely support his decision as I want nothing but the best for him, his flight is in 2 weeks.

We are/was exclusively dating which we both agreed on, I know he likes me and he has expressed me visiting Australia and has said he will miss me etc, I am seeing him tonight and next weekend as I am out of the country from tomorrow for the next 6 days so I am unable to see him in between.

I am still trying to workout my feelings but do I ask him tonight how he truly feels about me or wait till next weekend? A part of me really wants to know but I am also nervous to ask.

If you guys was in my situation, would you have the discussion tonight?

what would your expectations be following this conversation? if he’s moving back to australia permanently then that is a big ask to maintain a long distance relationship tbh. the expense of flights alone is a lot to put on a person.

i suppose you need to decide what exactly you want to ask him. are you asking for a serious long distance relationship for when he moves back, or is it a general “how do you feel about me?” convo. if it’s the second, then i would say it’s clear that he likes you. if it’s the first, then what are you wanting him to say in reply?

having a do you like me conversation is all well and good but your relationship is about to have a huge spanner thrown in the works tbh. you need to be thinking more about what both you and he want to happen next? when he said he wants you to visit is this as a friend or something more?

 

[SpindleWhorl]

Hi all,

I'm really not sure if this is the right thread to ask for advice here.

I am new to this thread, I have stalked it a few times but never contributed to the discussion.

I am in desperate need of some advice, I have turned to my friends but It would also be great to have some opinions from tattlers.

I met an Australian boy on Tinder 4 months ago, he moved to the UK with the intention of staying for a few years and it has been a great 4 months, I have never felt so secure when dating and we have had a very healthy 'Relationship'. His mental health was starting to go down the drain and he has been very open with these discussions with me for the past month and a half about moving back to Australia and I definitely support his decision as I want nothing but the best for him, his flight is in 2 weeks.

We are/was exclusively dating which we both agreed on, I know he likes me and he has expressed me visiting Australia and has said he will miss me etc, I am seeing him tonight and next weekend as I am out of the country from tomorrow for the next 6 days so I am unable to see him in between.

I am still trying to workout my feelings but do I ask him tonight how he truly feels about me or wait till next weekend? A part of me really wants to know but I am also nervous to ask.

If you guys was in my situation, would you have the discussion tonight?

Probably best to just enjoy your remaining time together then call it a day and stop all contact

 

[LaBlonde]

guys, men truly cannot win with me matched with a guy yesterday, he messaged first, did a bit of small talk, sent me a really long message at lunch today which i didn’t have time to reply to and so thought: hey, i’ll do a proper response when i get home. get home to find two further messages: “how is your day going?” and then, two hours later, “how is your day going, okay?” and now i have the ick

me: why do men never message me?
man: messages
me: oh that’s too much messaging sorry.

 

[EndofInfluencers]

@LaBlonde Are you me

 

[harveydean]

guys, men truly cannot win with me matched with a guy yesterday, he messaged first, did a bit of small talk, sent me a really long message at lunch today which i didn’t have time to reply to and so thought: hey, i’ll do a proper response when i get home. get home to find two further messages: “how is your day going?” and then, two hours later, “how is your day going, okay?” and now i have the ick

me: why do men never message me?
man: messages
me: oh that’s too much messaging sorry.

I had this once, and by the time I got home he sent me a final message accusing me of ghosting him and wishing me good luck. Bye

 

[Clementine]

Are you going to reply, @LaBlonde?

I’m reaching the stage where every man (bar Jamie Dornan) irks and repulses me. Have just unmatched one who’d asked if “I wanted some company tonight?”. We’d only just started talking today

 

[LaBlonde]

Are you going to reply, @LaBlonde?

I’m reaching the stage where every man (bar Jamie Dornan) irks and repulses me. Have just unmatched one who’d asked if “I wanted some company tonight?”. We’d only just started talking today

not gonna lie clem, the ick has already clenched around my heart. i hate clinginess and this is like, ten messages (at max) in! calm down buddy.

same for me but with the exception of andrew garfield my true answer to “what gives you the ick?” at the moment is really just “men”.

 

[calabazarock]

guys, men truly cannot win with me matched with a guy yesterday, he messaged first, did a bit of small talk, sent me a really long message at lunch today which i didn’t have time to reply to and so thought: hey, i’ll do a proper response when i get home. get home to find two further messages: “how is your day going?” and then, two hours later, “how is your day going, okay?” and now i have the ick

me: why do men never message me?
man: messages
me: oh that’s too much messaging sorry.

Sounds anxious from him. I think they should learn patience.
---

Hi all,

I'm really not sure if this is the right thread to ask for advice here.

I am new to this thread, I have stalked it a few times but never contributed to the discussion.

I am in desperate need of some advice, I have turned to my friends but It would also be great to have some opinions from tattlers.

I met an Australian boy on Tinder 4 months ago, he moved to the UK with the intention of staying for a few years and it has been a great 4 months, I have never felt so secure when dating and we have had a very healthy 'Relationship'. His mental health was starting to go down the drain and he has been very open with these discussions with me for the past month and a half about moving back to Australia and I definitely support his decision as I want nothing but the best for him, his flight is in 2 weeks.

We are/was exclusively dating which we both agreed on, I know he likes me and he has expressed me visiting Australia and has said he will miss me etc, I am seeing him tonight and next weekend as I am out of the country from tomorrow for the next 6 days so I am unable to see him in between.

I am still trying to workout my feelings but do I ask him tonight how he truly feels about me or wait till next weekend? A part of me really wants to know but I am also nervous to ask.

If you guys was in my situation, would you have the discussion tonight?

I think you have to be prepared for all the possible scenarios and what you want. He has already dropped that "visiting Australia". Maybe it would be worth to clarify if he wants to keep you as a friend or wants to continue the relationship. If the latter is the case, then that's a lot of effort. I know couples that make it, but it's serious effort because someone has to move and all of that (maybe him? it was already his intention).
I'm on the boat on not trashing a good chance because it's too much effort. Maybe it's worth it.

 

[Agent Cooper]

same for me but with the exception of andrew garfield

If you aren’t @EndofInfluencers, then you must be me Seriously though, I have so many questions to most men but Andrew Garfield is special.

Getting back to the original topic of discussion, clinginess in men is a turn-off because it usually signifies bigger problems down the line (low self-esteem, attachment issues, jealousy and so on). Ain’t nobody got time for that…

 

[LaBlonde]

If you aren’t @EndofInfluencers, then you must be me Seriously though, I have so many questions to most men but Andrew Garfield is special.

Getting back to the original topic of discussion, clinginess in men is a turn-off because it usually signifies bigger problems down the line (low self-esteem, attachment issues, jealousy and so on). Ain’t nobody got time for that…

maybe we’re triplets

but same - the combo of clinginess and anxiety not only gives me the ick but also red flags. i don’t like the whole “oh you’re taking too long to reply to me, i need constant reassurance!” vibe of it all. and you sorta know it’s only going to get worse, in all the ways you said. no thank you!

 

[Clementine]

Also, the whole answering to a man and justifying yourself. I could never.

 

[harveydean]

Also, the whole answering to a man and justifying yourself. I could never.

View attachment 2078293
View attachment 2078296

I want to laugh, but they’re true

 

[LaBlonde]

Also, the whole answering to a man and justifying yourself. I could never.

View attachment 2078293
View attachment 2078296

god that last one is but also quite sad.

tinder is also great to use as “exhibit a” when people ask why you’re “still” single!

 

[Clementine]

*not making light of SH btw*

 

[LaBlonde]

*not making light of SH btw*

oh no, sorry clem! i meant sad in terms of how true it is, not implying that you were making light of the subject