i read this late last night but am finally able to get my thoughts together to reply to youI said I wouldn’t post in this forum but I need to help and need to talk to people in similar situations and just moan basically.
but I went on this date with this lad in February. And saw him again in March and that’s where he basically insinuated that he wasn’t looking for a relationship (which we all know that He isn’t looking for a relationship with me) But we said we would be friends. Well, hingsight that was bullshit. We didn’t talk for a bit then he messaged me and started flirting. Well I got caught up in and started flirting Back.
I then I tried to see him but here came the excuses- “I’m in a weird mood atm” “my grandads are in, my sister is in hospital” and that’s serious so you don’t want to call him a liar…but anyway. I basically started feeling like something was off and he finally came clean tonight that he was seeing someone.
And I honestly feel like such a MUG!!!! Because I give people benefit of the doubt and I get shitted on and in some way, I feel like I ask for it aswell. I don’t want to become guarded or cycnial, but Then in the past,I have done that and become too guarded/cycnical and just not me.
but I guess my moan is that I’m sick of attracting these losers, and being taken for a mug and being the one before The One and just overall, feeling hopeless and that I’m forever going to get it wrong, forever single and I’m 32 this year- never been in a relationship, never been in love (the happy way!). And I’ve put the work with my behaviour, toxic behaviour and being attached to unavailable men.
but I’ll be honest- I just want to be loved and in love. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m ranting now but thanks for listening.
i too am a thirty-something (a little older than you though!) who has never been in love and never had a “proper” relationship. this never really bothered me because i kinda understood why - i’m shy, like my own company, don’t make much of an effort to talk to men because a lot of them irritate me (
) but in some egotistical way i always thought “oh when i start really trying it’ll be fine” and have found that is absolutely not the case.it’s really hard to deal with sometimes because, like you, most of my friends are in long-term relationships or easily and happily dating and getting loads of interest on apps and such, and it sometimes feels like i’m looking through a window into a room where everyone else is having a great time and in love and i’m outside under a raincloud or something.
on the flip side, i know that it’s a dangerous thing to start associating self-worth with romantic interest. it is also true, as @Sprottish says, that love can happen at any time, at any point in life. love can also come from anywhere, and i would rather be happy with my friends than unhappy in a relationship. self-love is the most important thing because your most important relationship is the one you will have with yourself.
however, i do also feel very bitter and why can’t that happen to me instead sometimes
i’m sorry that guy treated you like that but i am also proud (and you should be too!) of your reaction to it. you seem like an awesome person and it’s absolutely his loss. life is too short for mediocre men.
I haven’t even opened the date from Sundays last message. I don’t want to! But ghosting feels so mean. Is ‘I had a great time meeting you but I don’t think I’m the right match for you’ ok? Or something similar? I’ve not had to do this for a while!
just can’t remember what
