I don't think you're being over sensitive at all. I would've been pissed off by that message too. Calling you babe while acting a bit entitled so soon would just give me the ick.
Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.
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Definitely got the ick, and then a little feeling of sadness with the thought that I hope I don’t see men in a negative light forever.
I know they’re not all the same, my dad and brother are amazing men.
Oh ok. I thought you had been chatting more than that.
I had this on POF. Some prat must
No clue. Apparently violating their community guidelines and/or terms. I reactived it and uploaded photos. It then said I needed to verify my account by doing stupid photos in stupid poses like with my phone against my ear. I replied back to this one message where a guy put something I didn’t understand so I was like what’s ???. Then said it was being reviewed and then said I was banned. The annoying thing is when you’re banned, you’re banned for life. I’ve emailed them but they’ve said no and Google pretty much says the same thing.
same
i have a lot of amazing men in my life (my dad and uncle for two) but the apps are slowly eroding my belief that there are decent men out there!his message to you would have been self-entitled and demanding even if you’d been speaking for weeks imo. “bit quiet babe” is just needy, he could easily have checked in without implying something about your behaviour or calling you babe. but my patience is low
@boomska people get around it all the time with new phone numbers
@freshhead You didn’t see him in a negative light. He displayed a negative behaviour. It might not be such a big deal to other people but it would be to me not only for the faux familiarity but because it’s also passive aggressive.
It doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever, it means you won’t spend it with the wrong person.
@freshhead You didn’t see him in a negative light. He displayed a negative behaviour. It might not be such a big deal to other people but it would be to me not only for the faux familiarity but because it’s also passive aggressive.
It doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever, it means you won’t spend it with the wrong person.
Wow, no one has ever put it like that but it’s the best statement I’ve ever seen. Thank you
They are out there. I honestly think we attract the wrong ones when we aren’t ready.same
his message to you would have been self-entitled and demanding even if you’d been speaking for weeks imo. “bit quiet babe” is just needy, he could easily have checked in without implying something about your behaviour or calling you babe. but my patience is low
I have settled for less than I know I deserve my entire life. But I’m done blaming everyone else, it’s on me to build myself up and not chase or go after people that have no real intentions to love me. I’ve ignored the red flags many times. If I had known I was worth more I would of knocked it on the head as soon as the flag came up. The stronger we are, the more self worth we have, the less chance we have of letting the demons in, and I guess we will attract the good men naturally
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I distanced myself for a couple of days and he’s taken it badly and now our plans for today are cancelled. Blahhhhhhhhh.
One of my friends had me feeling badly suffocated over the weekend so I should have just told him that’s why I was being a little quiet, I just needed some space to breathe.
One of my friends had me feeling badly suffocated over the weekend so I should have just told him that’s why I was being a little quiet, I just needed some space to breathe.
@candyland_ You shouldn't have to participate in the mind game olympics for it to work. Just explain the reason of your distance to him, and if he doesn't understand that extremely logical explanation, he is acting like a petulant child.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone! I had a lovely time dreaming about Glen Powell whilst watching the new Top Gun movie.
Regarding the ghosted of ex loves past, I sort of put him on the spot in a gaslightish (?) way, but I don't feel bad about it. Let's call this ghost Brad.
Brad ghosted me after 4 dates about 1.5/2 years ago. At the time I felt pretty crappy about it. From his message yesterday I deducted that he had forgotten he ghosted me. His message was something generic 'happy b-day I miss you lets go for a drink this Friday after work bla bla'.
I wish I could share the screenshots here, but since they're in Dutch it won't make sense to anyone.
This is the conversation that followed:
Me: I am afraid that I do not recognize this number. Could you tell me who you are?
B: It's me, Brad! The guy you went out with before the pandemic? We used to go out at [location] all the time? We had some great dates at [location] as well.
Me: I am so sorry, but this still does not ring a bell. I really think you might have the wrong number.
B: *sends picture of himself*
B: MsCurly, HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME? I WAS SUCH A NICE GUY TO YOU
Me: Ohhhh now I remember! You are the guy I went on four dates with at [location A, B, C, D]. You told me you wanted to take me to Paris for our next date, but when I reached out you never responded and you straight up ghosted me.
Me: Yes Brad, you were such a nice guy. Absolutely delightful.
B: .... I never intended to not follow up on that. I am sorry. I would love to make it up to you. Let's meet for drinks and you can wear that cute dress you're wearing in your profile pic.
Me: I would rather get hit by a car than go on another date with you.
B: You don't mean that, you silly girl
Me: *block* *delete conversation*
Now, regarding this whole conversation:
- We went on four dates. He said we went out all the time. He is just gaslighting me. He wants me to feel bad for not remembering who he is.
- The audacity of this man??????? Oh, to be a privileged man in a society where everyone caters to you because you're semi good looking. What a dream.
Reading all of this back I am ashamed that I even went on four dates with this guy. At the time I remember thinking that he was decent, but I wasn't super excited about him or anything. He was a bit foolish every now and then. But looking back, I have also learned a lot since then.
This is my Charlotte Lucas year and I refuse to end up with a Mr. Collins! So foolish men will no longer be tolerated. Present day me would never have given a guy like Brad the time of day. I am not sure where I am going with this monologue, but I think I'm trying to say that we all live and learn (especially on these lovely threads!) and that we all should be happy that we are not with a Mr. Collins. It is definitely better to be single than to be with a Mr. Collins.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone! I had a lovely time dreaming about Glen Powell whilst watching the new Top Gun movie.
Regarding the ghosted of ex loves past, I sort of put him on the spot in a gaslightish (?) way, but I don't feel bad about it. Let's call this ghost Brad.
Brad ghosted me after 4 dates about 1.5/2 years ago. At the time I felt pretty crappy about it. From his message yesterday I deducted that he had forgotten he ghosted me. His message was something generic 'happy b-day I miss you lets go for a drink this Friday after work bla bla'.
I wish I could share the screenshots here, but since they're in Dutch it won't make sense to anyone.
This is the conversation that followed:Me: I am afraid that I do not recognize this number. Could you tell me who you are?
B: It's me, Brad! The guy you went out with before the pandemic? We used to go out at [location] all the time? We had some great dates at [location] as well.
Me: I am so sorry, but this still does not ring a bell. I really think you might have the wrong number.
B: *sends picture of himself*
B: MsCurly, HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME? I WAS SUCH A NICE GUY TO YOU
Me: Ohhhh now I remember! You are the guy I went on four dates with at [location A, B, C, D]. You told me you wanted to take me to Paris for our next date, but when I reached out you never responded and you straight up ghosted me.
Me: Yes Brad, you were such a nice guy. Absolutely delightful.
B: .... I never intended to not follow up on that. I am sorry. I would love to make it up to you. Let's meet for drinks and you can wear that cute dress you're wearing in your profile pic.
Me: I would rather get hit by a car than go on another date with you.
B: You don't mean that, you silly girl
Me: *block* *delete conversation*
Now, regarding this whole conversation:
- We went on four dates. He said we went out all the time. He is just gaslighting me. He wants me to feel bad for not remembering who he is.
- The audacity of this man??????? Oh, to be a privileged man in a society where everyone caters to you because you're semi good looking. What a dream.
Reading all of this back I am ashamed that I even went on four dates with this guy. At the time I remember thinking that he was decent, but I wasn't super excited about him or anything. He was a bit foolish every now and then. But looking back, I have also learned a lot since then.
This is my Charlotte Lucas year and I refuse to end up with a Mr. Collins! So foolish men will no longer be tolerated. Present day me would never have given a guy like Brad the time of day. I am not sure where I am going with this monologue, but I think I'm trying to say that we all live and learn (especially on these lovely threads!) and that we all should be happy that we are not with a Mr. Collins. It is definitely better to be single than to be with a Mr. Collins.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that one!@candyland_ You shouldn't have to participate in the mind game olympics for it to work. Just explain the reason of your distance to him, and if he doesn't understand that extremely logical explanation, he is acting like a petulant child.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone! I had a lovely time dreaming about Glen Powell whilst watching the new Top Gun movie.
Regarding the ghosted of ex loves past, I sort of put him on the spot in a gaslightish (?) way, but I don't feel bad about it. Let's call this ghost Brad.
Brad ghosted me after 4 dates about 1.5/2 years ago. At the time I felt pretty crappy about it. From his message yesterday I deducted that he had forgotten he ghosted me. His message was something generic 'happy b-day I miss you lets go for a drink this Friday after work bla bla'.
I wish I could share the screenshots here, but since they're in Dutch it won't make sense to anyone.
Me: I am afraid that I do not recognize this number. Could you tell me who you are?
B: It's me, Brad! The guy you went out with before the pandemic? We used to go out at [location] all the time? We had some great dates at [location] as well.
Me: I am so sorry, but this still does not ring a bell. I really think you might have the wrong number.
B: *sends picture of himself*
B: MsCurly, HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME? I WAS SUCH A NICE GUY TO YOU
Me: Ohhhh now I remember! You are the guy I went on four dates with at [location A, B, C, D]. You told me you wanted to take me to Paris for our next date, but when I reached out you never responded and you straight up ghosted me.
Me: Yes Brad, you were such a nice guy. Absolutely delightful.
B: .... I never intended to not follow up on that. I am sorry. I would love to make it up to you. Let's meet for drinks and you can wear that cute dress you're wearing in your profile pic.
Me: I would rather get hit by a car than go on another date with you.
B: You don't mean that, you silly girl
Me: *block* *delete conversation*
Now, regarding this whole conversation:
- We went on four dates. He said we went out all the time. He is just gaslighting me. He wants me to feel bad for not remembering who he is.
- The audacity of this man??????? Oh, to be a privileged man in a society where everyone caters to you because you're semi good looking. What a dream.
Reading all of this back I am ashamed that I even went on four dates with this guy. At the time I remember thinking that he was decent, but I wasn't super excited about him or anything. He was a bit foolish every now and then. But looking back, I have also learned a lot since then.
This is my Charlotte Lucas year and I refuse to end up with a Mr. Collins! So foolish men will no longer be tolerated. Present day me would never have given a guy like Brad the time of day. I am not sure where I am going with this monologue, but I think I'm trying to say that we all live and learn (especially on these lovely threads!) and that we all should be happy that we are not with a Mr. Collins. It is definitely better to be single than to be with a Mr. Collins.
yes to all of this!!also saw top gun this week and also wondering where i can find a glen powell
@candyland_ - we’re always here for you. i’m conscious that this is the second time in a short period that you’ve mentioned this guy suddenly ghosting or cancelling plans if he feels that your mood is low. that’s not on you. like @MsCurly says you shouldn’t have to deal with mind games, or be made to feel like you’ve done wrong, any time that you need a little space. that’s out of order on his part and i really hope it isn’t a pattern.
Been reading but not had much to contribute and everyone else is always so much more eloquent with me that when I feel like giving advice etc someone has already said it 10x better! Hope everyone is doing ok. @candyland_ can you reschedule once you’ve explained?
he sounds like a nightmare!@candyland_ You shouldn't have to participate in the mind game olympics for it to work. Just explain the reason of your distance to him, and if he doesn't understand that extremely logical explanation, he is acting like a petulant child.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone! I had a lovely time dreaming about Glen Powell whilst watching the new Top Gun movie.
Regarding the ghosted of ex loves past, I sort of put him on the spot in a gaslightish (?) way, but I don't feel bad about it. Let's call this ghost Brad.
Brad ghosted me after 4 dates about 1.5/2 years ago. At the time I felt pretty crappy about it. From his message yesterday I deducted that he had forgotten he ghosted me. His message was something generic 'happy b-day I miss you lets go for a drink this Friday after work bla bla'.
I wish I could share the screenshots here, but since they're in Dutch it won't make sense to anyone.
Me: I am afraid that I do not recognize this number. Could you tell me who you are?
B: It's me, Brad! The guy you went out with before the pandemic? We used to go out at [location] all the time? We had some great dates at [location] as well.
Me: I am so sorry, but this still does not ring a bell. I really think you might have the wrong number.
B: *sends picture of himself*
B: MsCurly, HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER ME? I WAS SUCH A NICE GUY TO YOU
Me: Ohhhh now I remember! You are the guy I went on four dates with at [location A, B, C, D]. You told me you wanted to take me to Paris for our next date, but when I reached out you never responded and you straight up ghosted me.
Me: Yes Brad, you were such a nice guy. Absolutely delightful.
B: .... I never intended to not follow up on that. I am sorry. I would love to make it up to you. Let's meet for drinks and you can wear that cute dress you're wearing in your profile pic.
Me: I would rather get hit by a car than go on another date with you.
B: You don't mean that, you silly girl
Me: *block* *delete conversation*
Now, regarding this whole conversation:
- We went on four dates. He said we went out all the time. He is just gaslighting me. He wants me to feel bad for not remembering who he is.
- The audacity of this man??????? Oh, to be a privileged man in a society where everyone caters to you because you're semi good looking. What a dream.
Reading all of this back I am ashamed that I even went on four dates with this guy. At the time I remember thinking that he was decent, but I wasn't super excited about him or anything. He was a bit foolish every now and then. But looking back, I have also learned a lot since then.
This is my Charlotte Lucas year and I refuse to end up with a Mr. Collins! So foolish men will no longer be tolerated. Present day me would never have given a guy like Brad the time of day. I am not sure where I am going with this monologue, but I think I'm trying to say that we all live and learn (especially on these lovely threads!) and that we all should be happy that we are not with a Mr. Collins. It is definitely better to be single than to be with a Mr. Collins.
the ‘bit quiet babe’ would have pissed me off too. Use of babe plus the neediness and implication you owe him time.Wow, no one has ever put it like that but it’s the best statement I’ve ever seen. Thank you
They are out there. I honestly think we attract the wrong ones when we aren’t ready.
I have settled for less than I know I deserve my entire life. But I’m done blaming everyone else, it’s on me to build myself up and not chase or go after people that have no real intentions to love me. I’ve ignored the red flags many times. If I had known I was worth more I would of knocked it on the head as soon as the flag came up. The stronger we are, the more self worth we have, the less chance we have of letting the demons in, and I guess we will attract the good men naturally
Hi everyone, just finished catching up on the entire thread.
I've been away on a wonderful trip. Came back with what can only be COVID, still trying to reach medical help. Is this the new way the universe works to balance it out if you have a good time? Feeling quite miserable and wish I hadn't gone at all.
I've been away on a wonderful trip. Came back with what can only be COVID, still trying to reach medical help. Is this the new way the universe works to balance it out if you have a good time? Feeling quite miserable and wish I hadn't gone at all.
Sorry to hear this
glad you had a good time though. Just a thought it may not be covid - I’ve had the most horrrrrible virus last couple of weeks, been to gp plus a&e and they both just said oh it’s a viral thing (also did copious negative covid tests plus had it recently), but literally was struggling to walk up stairs etc even once most of the other symptoms had gone. It is on its way out now though sorry not trying to be doom and gloom! Apparently there’s a bit of it going round so could be that? Either way, hope you’re feeling better soon!Thanks for writing, it's good to get out of my head. The symptoms are the same as the last time I had it when I had pneumonia, which is what stresses me out. It doesn't really matter what it is, I just feel unwell. Went through the drudgery of 111 three times, and missed the call back because of a groceries delivery at the same time. I'm resenting having to tell my mum who lives abroad, as she'll add extra stress, but it feels lonely sitting at home alone like this.Sorry to hear this
Glad you're feeling better! It sucks going through the doctors and the post-illness struggles, hope it gets easier.
Just got round do reading this properlyi read this late last night but am finally able to get my thoughts together to reply to you
i too am a thirty-something (a little older than you though!) who has never been in love and never had a “proper” relationship. this never really bothered me because i kinda understood why - i’m shy, like my own company, don’t make much of an effort to talk to men because a lot of them irritate me (
it’s really hard to deal with sometimes because, like you, most of my friends are in long-term relationships or easily and happily dating and getting loads of interest on apps and such, and it sometimes feels like i’m looking through a window into a room where everyone else is having a great time and in love and i’m outside under a raincloud or something.
on the flip side, i know that it’s a dangerous thing to start associating self-worth with romantic interest. it is also true, as @Sprottish says, that love can happen at any time, at any point in life. love can also come from anywhere, and i would rather be happy with my friends than unhappy in a relationship. self-love is the most important thing because your most important relationship is the one you will have with yourself.
however, i do also feel very bitter and why can’t that happen to me instead sometimes
i’m sorry that guy treated you like that but i am also proud (and you should be too!) of your reaction to it. you seem like an awesome person and it’s absolutely his loss. life is too short for mediocre men.
I think you’ve raised some very good points! I think I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself about it all.
I’m going on holiday with my best mate today. Can’t wait, we’re not even bothering to take our make up bags, we don’t give a tit this holiday wish I could bring you all with us. 5 star all inclusive, adults only hotel on a secluded Greek island.
Meanwhile, tennis boy is being very attentive…. I’m being to wonder what the catch is. If something’s to good to be true n all that….
wish I could bring you all with us. 5 star all inclusive, adults only hotel on a secluded Greek island.Meanwhile, tennis boy is being very attentive…. I’m being to wonder what the catch is. If something’s to good to be true n all that….
Have a great holiday! Greece is lovely. Perhaps you will find a chiseled Adonis on a lovely beach somewhere.I’m going on holiday with my best mate today. Can’t wait, we’re not even bothering to take our make up bags, we don’t give a tit this holiday
Meanwhile, tennis boy is being very attentive…. I’m being to wonder what the catch is. If something’s to good to be true n all that….
It'll be interesting to see if Tennis boy can stay attentive whilst you are away!
Thanks me too! I’m quite impressed that he hasn’t tried to beg for a shag before I go. So hopefully the fact that he hasn’t yet sampled my delightsHave a great holiday! Greece is lovely. Perhaps you will find a chiseled Adonis on a lovely beach somewhere.
It'll be interesting to see if Tennis boy can stay attentive whilst you are away!
will keep him keen!
Hi all. Hope everyone is ok.
Been having a little break from Tattle!
I’ve joined the gym too- went yesterday for the first time since having covid and I feel great
I think I was focusing so much on everyone else in my life and wasn’t committing to myself.
Anyway - back to my dating life.. I said I was having a break from the apps but I went onto Bumble randomly and matched with this guy. We’ve been talking on WhatsApp since Friday and although he’s not the “best” looking man ever, we talk from morning to night (11pm!!!) on text and I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. It’s so strange. He asked for my number after talking and was really keen to set up a date. (This isn’t a red flag to me at all, as I felt the same, no point in being a pen pal) We are meeting on Saturday and I feel less anxious and I don’t find myself overthinking about this guy. We just get on really well and he’s got a good sense of humour too. He’s been single 2 years and he wants to find the one
.. I’ve not been on any apps though cos I can’t be bothered. Fingers crossed for it all
Been having a little break from Tattle!
I’ve joined the gym too- went yesterday for the first time since having covid and I feel great
I think I was focusing so much on everyone else in my life and wasn’t committing to myself. Anyway - back to my dating life.. I said I was having a break from the apps but I went onto Bumble randomly and matched with this guy. We’ve been talking on WhatsApp since Friday and although he’s not the “best” looking man ever, we talk from morning to night (11pm!!!) on text and I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. It’s so strange. He asked for my number after talking and was really keen to set up a date. (This isn’t a red flag to me at all, as I felt the same, no point in being a pen pal) We are meeting on Saturday and I feel less anxious and I don’t find myself overthinking about this guy. We just get on really well and he’s got a good sense of humour too. He’s been single 2 years and he wants to find the one
.. I’ve not been on any apps though cos I can’t be bothered. Fingers crossed for it all- Status