I think you have to be very careful how you set yourself up as judge and jury based on a week of chatting especially as we all know a lot of these men talk absolute nonsense and a lot of them have swallowed the blarney stone with regards to gushing about how beautiful someone is based off a few pics on Tinder! Not knowing if there were children in the house or if there were other reasons within the relationship why he or she is online chatting to strangers such as illness etc.. I don't disagree that we shouldn't be in the dark about ' cheating ' partners but I think sometimes it's a line you cross cautiously especially if there could be children involved.
Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.
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Perfectly put!He sounds lovely
A few years ago I would of done the same as you and told the girlfriend.
I wouldn’t bother now. They always get found out eventually, and a lot of the time there is a temporary split before they get back together again. It’s wasting your own energy by involving yourself tbh. I get that he was the one involving you by him being on a dating site and messaging you, but I just think in hindsight you’d feel crap whatever the outcome. If they stay together you won’t feel great, especially if you’re painted out to be some crazy freak causing trouble (highly likely by him) and if they do split, then you’ve played a role in it, a role which inevitably wasn’t needed because he would get caught eventually. I can see why you’d think you were doing her a favour, but a lot of people would see it as you’re just scorned.
Protect number 1 is my motto (never used to be, I would do all sorts without ever considering the outcome, but you definitely live and learn)
Again you’ve put into words what I was thinking!
So even if there was kids involved I’d have told her. I’m an honest person and I’d want to know! I know some wouldn’t agree but with this I’m glad I did tell her. She was thankful. Anyway not my issue!
Yeah I think it’s personal choice and if telling her was the right thing for you so be it. It’s done now 
That’s kind of my point- it isn’t your issue, like the others have said I don’t think I would have given him any more time & negative headspace. I agree totally he’s in the wrong but I feel in doing this you might have upset your own equilibrium.
I felt sorry for her to be honest and I’m glad I told her. I’ve been cheated on in the past and it’s awful but I was always glad I wasn’t left in the dark about it x
Same thing sort of happened with my ex
But he was sleeping with both off us.....
He called me by her name when drunk on nye and i happened to find her on fb and message her, she was upset but glad I told her as she kind of knew he was cheating just didn't have the proof.
He literally got with both off us in October but unfortunately I fell pregnant with his baby. They decided to stay together after I told her and obviously only lasted a month as she couldn't trust him ( no tit) but he made me out to be the bad one saying I trapped him with a baby etc and she believed all his lies. I have had married men messaging me on ig but I just don't respond as I just don't think honestly worth it getting involved in messy marriages but if I was talking to someone on tinder and arranged to meet them and found they had gf I would absolutely tell her but wouldn't go out of my way to look if that makes sense
But he was sleeping with both off us.....
He called me by her name when drunk on nye and i happened to find her on fb and message her, she was upset but glad I told her as she kind of knew he was cheating just didn't have the proof.
He literally got with both off us in October but unfortunately I fell pregnant with his baby. They decided to stay together after I told her and obviously only lasted a month as she couldn't trust him ( no tit) but he made me out to be the bad one saying I trapped him with a baby etc and she believed all his lies. I have had married men messaging me on ig but I just don't respond as I just don't think honestly worth it getting involved in messy marriages but if I was talking to someone on tinder and arranged to meet them and found they had gf I would absolutely tell her but wouldn't go out of my way to look if that makes sense
This is why actions speak louder than words and I don’t invest in people for a while.. Words in a text mean nothing and they always say the same thing.. I’ll bring a takeaway.. Come to my hotel.. Show me a good pub..
I have no doubt that those men that work away and use dating apps are just bored and chatting bollocks to fill a void in their time away from home. I’m sure some girls fall for it only to be pied off and he will just tell his girlfriend he was bored and nothing happened.
I have no doubt that those men that work away and use dating apps are just bored and chatting bollocks to fill a void in their time away from home. I’m sure some girls fall for it only to be pied off and he will just tell his girlfriend he was bored and nothing happened.
This is something that’s been circling round my head a lot over the last 6 months.
I was with my ex for a year, we broke up in December. There was absolutely no sign at all for me he was seeing anyone else. He was open about me with his friends/family, met my friends and family, he was flaky but I had no inclination it was to do with another woman.
He too called me another name on a number of occasions. I asked him about who this person was. He fed me a totally whole convoluted story and I thought nothing of it again.
A week after we split, he spent Christmas with a woman (we had planned to spend Christmas together) and I was confused. He put this all over his social media. A bit of digging a few weeks later and yes - he is with a woman with the name that he called me (and he still is, as far as I am aware. I haven’t looked at his social media in months). The last I saw, he even had the audacity to put “in a relationship with x since x” - the exact month I had met him 12 months prior - public, so I can see it despite not even being his friend.
I was absolutely heartbroken and confused. My initial instinct was of course to message this woman. He made it SO easy - he splashed her all over everything! Why, I’ll never understand - maybe he wants me to retaliate.
What is interesting is that she has blocked me. I have never had any correspondence with her, she would not know who I am from anything I have done. I don’t feature on his social media at all anymore. Which of course means that he has clearly told her a pack of lies about me. Do I want to set her straight and show her all the evidence that I was very much in a relationship with him too? Absolutely. I want to clear my name and call him out for the piece of tit he is.
But what is it going to achieve? He has clearly set the groundwork for me to be something I’m not. By the way, this guy got in touch with me a few times weeks after we split, wanting to meet up and carry on as we were. He would have carried on this facade for as long as he could get away with it - he did it seamlessly for a year so I have no doubt could still he doing it now with both of us clueless.
I’m not saying this to spite this woman - does she deserve to know? Yes absolutely. But I don’t deserve to be dragged through the mud and be part of some toxic warped situation. He knows the truth and so do I. I’m not trying to be a martyr, literally just saving myself from the agony or hurt of being the scorned woman who he “didn’t pick.”
I have no ill feeling toward her and sometimes I do feel guilty that I haven’t told her - but I have a strong suspicion she wouldn’t believe me if I did, and I don’t want any chance for this complete hole to make up a pack of lies about me.
They will come unstuck in the end, and if they don’t well, so be it. Selfishly, I don’t want any part of it. Reading all these perspectives does make me panic slightly that I should get in touch with her (my sister was of the immediate opinion that I should absolutely message her) but in what way will it make me feel good at all?
I was with my ex for a year, we broke up in December. There was absolutely no sign at all for me he was seeing anyone else. He was open about me with his friends/family, met my friends and family, he was flaky but I had no inclination it was to do with another woman.
He too called me another name on a number of occasions. I asked him about who this person was. He fed me a totally whole convoluted story and I thought nothing of it again.
A week after we split, he spent Christmas with a woman (we had planned to spend Christmas together) and I was confused. He put this all over his social media. A bit of digging a few weeks later and yes - he is with a woman with the name that he called me (and he still is, as far as I am aware. I haven’t looked at his social media in months). The last I saw, he even had the audacity to put “in a relationship with x since x” - the exact month I had met him 12 months prior - public, so I can see it despite not even being his friend.
I was absolutely heartbroken and confused. My initial instinct was of course to message this woman. He made it SO easy - he splashed her all over everything! Why, I’ll never understand - maybe he wants me to retaliate.
What is interesting is that she has blocked me. I have never had any correspondence with her, she would not know who I am from anything I have done. I don’t feature on his social media at all anymore. Which of course means that he has clearly told her a pack of lies about me. Do I want to set her straight and show her all the evidence that I was very much in a relationship with him too? Absolutely. I want to clear my name and call him out for the piece of tit he is.
But what is it going to achieve? He has clearly set the groundwork for me to be something I’m not. By the way, this guy got in touch with me a few times weeks after we split, wanting to meet up and carry on as we were. He would have carried on this facade for as long as he could get away with it - he did it seamlessly for a year so I have no doubt could still he doing it now with both of us clueless.
I’m not saying this to spite this woman - does she deserve to know? Yes absolutely. But I don’t deserve to be dragged through the mud and be part of some toxic warped situation. He knows the truth and so do I. I’m not trying to be a martyr, literally just saving myself from the agony or hurt of being the scorned woman who he “didn’t pick.”
I have no ill feeling toward her and sometimes I do feel guilty that I haven’t told her - but I have a strong suspicion she wouldn’t believe me if I did, and I don’t want any chance for this complete hole to make up a pack of lies about me.
They will come unstuck in the end, and if they don’t well, so be it. Selfishly, I don’t want any part of it. Reading all these perspectives does make me panic slightly that I should get in touch with her (my sister was of the immediate opinion that I should absolutely message her) but in what way will it make me feel good at all?
The fact that this woman has blocked you on socials would lead me to believe she knew about you and was with him in an affair of sorts, then once you finished they became official as such.
Don't message her, it's your past, move on and stop thinking of them both.
There's also the possibility that it's him that has gone into her account and blocked you and not her ! More often than not these women are innocent parties too and imo don't deserve to have their worlds torn apart by some random woman who has been on the scene just chatting for a week or two. These men usually come unstuck in the end. I'm not one for causing others pain just because I'm hurting and to me it's very very relevant if there are children in the picture, what right do I have to destroy their world after a few text messages with their father ? Do I agree these men are pieces of tit ? Absolutely!
I don't think the reasons for telling the wife or gf ever comes from a place of sisterhood tbh, I think it's more from hurt and spite towards the man but that's just my opinion
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I think it's important to keep in mind that you're not the one destroying someone's world by telling a woman her partner is shady. That is his doing, he is the one that betrayed his partner after all.
When I had to deal with it, I took the option in between: I told the guy I was seeing that I knew he was in a relationship and that he should tell his girlfriend. I also told him that I would not go out of my way to tell her, but if she ever contacted me, I wouldn't deny anything. He ended up telling her, and she reached out to me. It was painful for us both, but we helped each other through it and even became friends after it all ended.
Whether you tell a someone that their partner is cheating is a really personal decision to make. For me personally it depends on a number of circumstances (how well do I know him, how long have I been seeing him, are they dating or married etc), but I do believe women have a right to know. If my partner was cheating on me, I would want to know. It might be painful at first and it might destroy someone's world for a bit, but these women deserve happiness and a worthy partner. Not some gross cheater. So in the end, they deserve to be able to make an informed decision I think.
Silence is golden..
Unless my man is being quiet then I can’t breathe
Unless my man is being quiet then I can’t breathe
Very very good advice for most situations in life. (Including Apps men) 
Second pic is my current state of health. Evaded the bugger for over two years & then bang it got me.
Second pic is my current state of health. Evaded the bugger for over two years & then bang it got me.Attachments
I needed to know those rules today..Very very good advice for most situations in life. (Including Apps men)
Hope you’re feeling OK.
@candyland_ Thanks 
can't wait to get back to my humdrum life!
can't wait to get back to my humdrum life!Amen! Good advice indeed!Very very good advice for most situations in life. (Including Apps men)
Sorry to hear the dreaded Covid found you. I’ve evaded it too, but it’s only a matter of time with cases rising yet again! Hope you feel better soon x
How are things with you and yours @candyland_ ?I needed to know those rules today..
Hope you’re feeling OK.
I have done the exact same. I matched a guy on Tinder years ago and we met up and went on a drive etc. He picked me up. I facebook searched him from his Snap name and saw he was in a full blown relationship to the point she’d actually just bought the car he came to pick me up in! He was even using a completely different snap to his usual one to get away with all this. I told her and to be honest she was really annoying as he denied it all and said he was being “set up” and even though I could tell her loads of stuff about him, what car, what he was wearing etc it took AGES for her to believe me which actually annoyed me by the end because I was having to convince her even though I couldn’t care less if she stayed with him. Eventually she did accept it and broke up with him
In hindsight I wouldn’t do it again it was more hassle than it’s worth especially with how she was back
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Aha it’s always when they say they only have Snapchat isn’t it! I remember meeting a really hot guy in a bar and he was really trying it, we kissed and he tried to get me to come to his - I politely declined. He gave me his Snapchat and it was pretty easy to search him. Lo and behold he has a gf 
. I just left it at that, he tried sexting me after that on Snapchat and sent me loads of dick pics and I just kind of laughed and ignored them lol. Anyway he then went on to date some highish profile celebs and it’s clear he remains a cheat and not a particularly nice guy.
. I just left it at that, he tried sexting me after that on Snapchat and sent me loads of dick pics and I just kind of laughed and ignored them lol. Anyway he then went on to date some highish profile celebs and it’s clear he remains a cheat and not a particularly nice guy.- Status