Agent Cooper was gorgeous & I so wanted to be as irresistible as Audrey 
Sherilyn Fenn was so attractive.
Sherilyn Fenn was so attractive.
Dating after lockdown #18 Show me your c*ck and I will block
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Thank youFor the most part I'm happy being single but I was watching a film called Waitress (quite old) and there was a scene where the guy was nuzzling into her neck & telling her how lovely she was. All of a sudden I imagined my special guy doing that to his wife and felt tearful for a few minutes. In the film they broke up soon after so that was a reality check!
Can I ask is Agent Cooper the poster formerly known as Raymond? I seem to remember she had a German suitor.
Sorry Belle that your guy is keeping you on an elastic but I fully get how you're prepared to coast for a while and let's face it the apps are really dire!
When I think of how it all seemed so exciting at first on the apps it seems funny. That was before I realized men had become so pornified. I was chatting to so many and getting loads of messages. Now my phone is silent for the most part but it's better than boring requests for "more pictures" and dick pix.
Anyway stay strong y'all
I hope youāre ok 
So Iām still dating the same guy that Iāve been seeing since the end of last year and weāre official now I guess but I still have a weird feeling. Like he isnāt as into me as I am him, and at any second he could just change his mind. Iāve never had this feeling in relationships before, but this is really bugging me. I also generally have a good gut instinct but nothing concrete to base it on.
What do you think is making you feel he isnāt as into you as you are him?
This! The commitment thing is such an issue these days they just donāt want it. Back in the day men would have a goal to meet a decent woman then would court her, but now itās a goal to live the playboy lifestyle. I think with so many apps comes so many other options.. not just dating apps but social media Facebook insta so on.. But they act like finding one special person is a bad thing. One of my male friends (heās only 22 so I donāt call him out for it if he was my age I would lol) at one point had that many options he was taking a diff girl on a date each night! Then thereās me zero optionsI know, Iām torn between walking away because this isnāt fair, and staying in contact. He never struck me as an hole, but people surprise you all the time! I want to be there while he works through things. Most blokes just leave and donāt look back, and certainly donāt engage in any meaningful way like heās doing after itās over. So Iām confused, but I know that I canāt just walk. I will need an answer to what this all means at some point soon. I think the main way to weed him out is to message him and eventually ask to meet - then watch his reaction. Thereās a fine line between giving someone a chance and try to work on something (knowing heās got a lot going on), and being strung along, so his reaction should give me an idea of whether I have to move on, and get back on the apps again.
Iām sorry you got upset. Itās hard, and these things catch us out here and there. I can relate to it. I feel sad I lost a relationship (albeit a short one) with someone I definitely saw more happening with, and itās placed me back at square one again. Sending you a big hug and try and stay positive
Sorry youāre upset. Good to let it out, and Iām sending you a hug
Ladies, why is it so hard?! Why is commitment so hard to find these days?
Happy st Patrickās day guys 
casting my mind back to our previous threads pixi i seem to recall you saying this about (iām guessing) the same guy a few times before - whatās still making you feel like this? especially considering that things have obviously moved forward since then.
@DollyDiamondxo - i blame social media for a lot of things, but i especially blame it for the state of dating atm
i do read that there is a much larger living single population in the uk than there has ever been and i think what you describe in your post is exactly why. @Agent Cooper - lovely to see you raymond! i thought it might be you
Yes definitely someone mentioned earlier in the threat itās the highest rate itās ever been of single people! The sad thing is people always think thereās a better option out there and always striving for more. Only when your older you realise genuine connections are so rare and not everyone is replaceable.casting my mind back to our previous threads pixi i seem to recall you saying this about (iām guessing) the same guy a few times before - whatās still making you feel like this? especially considering that things have obviously moved forward since then.
@DollyDiamondxo - i blame social media for a lot of things, but i especially blame it for the state of dating atm
@Agent Cooper - lovely to see you raymond! i thought it might be you
Have you had past bad experiences because sometimes your mind can play tricks on you thinking the same thing will happen again even if everything is ok! Itās crap feeling like your the one whose more into them but they are better at masking there feelings, if he hasnāt given you a reason to feel that way see how things go
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I couldnāt agree more. Society has changed so much with commitment. Thereās the whole build a career, go travelling, be the playboy lifestyle thatās evolved for men (and some women). Thereās that thought of thereās something better out there. The reality is these men usually want a family at some point (feels like thatās more late 30ās early 40ās now) but women in a typical age gap are less fertile, increasing need for IVF etc. I often say Iām sure I was born in the wrong era. I want to go to a local dance, be walked home by a boy and that was that. Social media, reality shows like MIC, TOWIE were the start of the problem I think.
Honestly so true, I can get early 20s not wanting to settle down, (I settled down when I was 18 n had a child lol) we were too young and it didnāt work out. But Iād say late 20ās youād start thinking about settling, children and building with someone. The men like you say donāt realise our chances of having a child decrease by the time their ready to settle.
Iām not put off by a man with a past as long as he is past that stage in his life But I think it becomes addictive for them the thrill n ego boost of diff girls. Towie etc does have a lot to answer for, that kind of attitude, reality tv take Stephen bear for example (his thread is hilarious) is this what their aspiring to now lol. Totally wrong era, imagine it back in the day no internet and actually having to pick the phone up and arrange an actual meaningful date lol. These men would be shaking
no dick pics just straight courting lolfully agree on all counts!
except i secretly want to be in the edwardian era so my parents can do all the matchmaking with a suitable man for me. too much effort otherwise
Iām glad Iām not the only one feeling like this! Iām shocked by the state of play. Men genuinely think they can put off fatherhood until later, because the media perpetuates this myth that men are still very fertile into their 40s. Not at all true, of course, and itās us women whoāve been cast as the ones who lose our fertility as we hit our late 30s/early 40s. Itās a scientific fact the same things happen to men, but funny how we donāt hear that message so loudly! Add in that they think they have a choice amongst lots of women in their late 20s/early 30s (sorry guys, not all women of 30 want a 43 year old) and itās part of the problem.
The apps seem to be a magnet for the selfish, egoists, driven to pull as many of their options as they can for casual sex. Then youāve got the hurt/wounded ones making a bigger mess of things for themselves through using people on the apps to get over heartbreak/stay in denial of commitment issues. The well-intentioned amongst us seem to be sitting ducks for the bullets coming at us. Iām honestly baffled by some of my exes and their commitment issues. I had an ex acknowledge how big a potential we had, was quite emotional about it all, and admitted he was struggling to commit. It was heartbreaking to watch him throw our connection away for stupid reasons that had nothing to do with āusā, while I was left scratching my head. Dating gets harder, not easier, as you get older, because people have their baggage and battle scars.
The other side of it all is the pressure. The pressure of the dating culture. Like the three-date rule for sex that some people pay attention to. Weāve lost all sense of getting to know someone properly, especially when these past two years have eroded our ability to meet people organically. The silly thing is, many men would benefit from a slower pace. Many donāt realise that online dating is not a one size fits all approach, but peopleās ability to communicate what they need and want properly is also being lost. We live in the era of being able to have what we want now. News is a click away. Validation is a few likes away. Our food is brought to us after a few taps on an app. Donāt like something minor about this person? Donāt worry, look at your āoptionsā! Come order your next one and theyāll be delivered to you! The casual culture is killing commitment, loyalty and being happy with someone who might not be āperfectā but is still, actually, a good match.
The apps seem to be a magnet for the selfish, egoists, driven to pull as many of their options as they can for casual sex. Then youāve got the hurt/wounded ones making a bigger mess of things for themselves through using people on the apps to get over heartbreak/stay in denial of commitment issues. The well-intentioned amongst us seem to be sitting ducks for the bullets coming at us. Iām honestly baffled by some of my exes and their commitment issues. I had an ex acknowledge how big a potential we had, was quite emotional about it all, and admitted he was struggling to commit. It was heartbreaking to watch him throw our connection away for stupid reasons that had nothing to do with āusā, while I was left scratching my head. Dating gets harder, not easier, as you get older, because people have their baggage and battle scars.
The other side of it all is the pressure. The pressure of the dating culture. Like the three-date rule for sex that some people pay attention to. Weāve lost all sense of getting to know someone properly, especially when these past two years have eroded our ability to meet people organically. The silly thing is, many men would benefit from a slower pace. Many donāt realise that online dating is not a one size fits all approach, but peopleās ability to communicate what they need and want properly is also being lost. We live in the era of being able to have what we want now. News is a click away. Validation is a few likes away. Our food is brought to us after a few taps on an app. Donāt like something minor about this person? Donāt worry, look at your āoptionsā! Come order your next one and theyāll be delivered to you! The casual culture is killing commitment, loyalty and being happy with someone who might not be āperfectā but is still, actually, a good match.
oh my gosh exactly THIS. people are so impatient, so used to instant validation, so brought up on things like love island, towie etc that everyone is always on the look out for the next thing, a better thing. social media also makes people cruel imo, itās so āeasyā to just wipe someone from your life. no one gives anyone a full chance anymore; itās all instant gratification and then onto the next.
Adding in to all that, there will be WMBD (wanking mother's basement dwellers) who will see getting a woman as a way of finding housing. So an emotional commitment may not even be on the list.
And yes to instant gratification. I was asked for my address as a first message. I doubt he would have made the effort if I'd been stupid enough, he just wanted the power to mess me about probably.
And yes to instant gratification. I was asked for my address as a first message. I doubt he would have made the effort if I'd been stupid enough, he just wanted the power to mess me about probably.
Absolutely! Thereās definitely a category for them! It definitely attracts the perverts and so on. I guess Iām looking more at the ones who play the ārelationshipā card and just end up hurting you. So many of us are sharing similar stories. I firmly believe it is not all to do with whether we are good matches. I think it was @Sandor that made the point earlier in this thread - itās that theyāre afraid to ask to go slow, or ask for what they want.
SM has a lot to answer for, as well as reality tv. Instant gratification is exactly what itās about!
M
remember in the good old days when the type of people who went on reality tv were completely normal people who just wanted to win some money and then go back to their normal job. Now everyone who goes on has the ulterior motive of fame, sponsorships, deals. It clearly isn't genuine anymore and for people watching the likes of Love Island, it normalises discarding and discounting people for no reason other than 'what if the grass is greener' its minging.
I think about this a lot
remember in the good old days when the type of people who went on reality tv were completely normal people who just wanted to win some money and then go back to their normal job. Now everyone who goes on has the ulterior motive of fame, sponsorships, deals. It clearly isn't genuine anymore and for people watching the likes of Love Island, it normalises discarding and discounting people for no reason other than 'what if the grass is greener' its minging.Perfectly put
And about your ex, I mean atleast he didnāt try and have his cake and eat it like a lot seem too. Must be sad when you have a genuine connection with someone but canāt commit to them, but that proves this issue is them not you. It is a casual culture now, and the comparing the food apps to dating ones is so bloody true.The grass is greener is pervasive in it all! I love the point you made about reality tv years ago. Take Bake Off. Loved it in the early yearsā¦ then you saw competitive people on there, seeing it as a career move towards a book deal and tv series, and I couldnāt watch it anymore. The purity was lost. Big Brother was a novel concept, full of real people when it startedā¦ it was a toxic mess of chancers by the time Channel 4 took it off the air.M
I think about this a lot
Thanks. I know it was him. I pulled myself apart, of course, thinking it was me, but I know it was him and the scars he didnāt want to talk to me about. He did have a good heart, which is why I started to fall in love with him, and while he was very unfair to me to let me get that far with my feelings, he did leave me alone afterwards. He did muddy the waters by telling me heās always there, but I shut the door eventually because it was too painful for me to hold on to even remote hope any longer that he would sort himself out and come back. I just hope heās happy.Perfectly put
This is another thing Iāve found, now personally I wouldnāt Iāve known people who have, had a
Gosh I never even considered them ones (I usually attract the opposite, players who wouldnāt dream of living with a woman
) but I bet it is rife for them types. After a meal ticket cos still at mamas lol They wonāt ask for what they want straight up because they know theyāll get told where to go lol. One guy did with me, matched on hinge, then exchanged numbers after a week whatās apped for a few weeks then before our date he said āI only want casual I donāt do commitmentā fair play he was honest. But because he hadnāt mentioned anything sexual I actually thought he wasnāt like that lol. And Iām glad I found out before the date so I knew it had nothing to do with me, lol
There is a saying which I love, it is better to have nobody than someone who is half there. I bet when he does feel ready to settle and has healed from his issues that heāll look back and be gutted. He may never find another you! We always think itās us at first but as time goes on you realise it wasnāt and so do they. Once we start to fall thereās no stopping us but I think with guys if they feel themselves falling theyāll try and stop it because heaven forbid they feel vulnerable lol
I can't bare the thought of watching something like Love Island, but we've been watching series 1 of dinner date recently on netflix, I am obsessed with it because its just really normal people going on and going on dates, I went on iplayer to see how many series are available and saw the contestants for the more recent series and they've got all reality stars doing it now mixed in with random try-hards. So annoying.
absolutely this - and this is really what gives me the dating fear. i know that my recent ex will regret it (he was 5ā3, a tiny man, and supremely awkward) and iām just annoyed that iām not going to be around to see that happen
but itās just scary to me that, as women, we have to put ourselves out there and at risk of this for the āprizeā of finding a man who is going to stick around. sometimes, as i swipe, iām just thinking of all the other things i could be doing with my time.- Status