I have already mentioned about taking a light hearted approach to dating as well. To say people won’t find what they deserve until they love themselves sends out the entirely wrong message.
Why are you analysing his financial position before you’ve even been on one date lol
It is great that you had such a wonderful development and are feeling so good about yourself now.And we are all entitled to opinions.
From what I've learnt its not just the positive mindset as that still doesn't work deep within (I do have a diagnosis of BDD which is miles better now thankfully so yeah was also MH). Doing the work for me and not to specifically attract someone has made me feel better - BUT you can only do this once your mind is ready. As said before my mind wasn't and I was stuck in my mindset that was caused as a result of an anxiety disorder. I've been on meds which I'm thankfully now off, and I don't skip around on happy clouds on a daily basis - but I just know now how to manage those negative feelings better than I did before.
Everyone has different beliefs and thats good because it would be boring if we all felt and thought the same. I feel better for me and I reflected on my past from childhood, to relationships id seen my Mum in and then seeing what followed. I know I was "hanging on" to highly inappropriate relationships as I needed the worth from someone else. But now I know that only I can do that for me. It's only me and me who will be there for me 100% so I won't be negative to myself 24/7 because it wasn't making my life a nice place to live in anymore.
The work is about knowing your worth, your boundaries and making you feel better. Then you'll hopefully therefore attract what you project and you'll be able to say F off to the bellends lol
Because I’m quite adamant I don’t want to get involved with a cock lodging loser. It’s a pretty basic boundary to want a boyfriend who is financial independent. This bloke is 54 and a landscaper whatever that is….and on our chats he mentions a lot how he’s a free spirit, has travelled around a lot, never settled etc. He also has a 4 year old daughter from a fling.
It is understandable that you are not looking to support someone financially.
I had a very similar experience. Left an abusive relationship four years ago, spent a lot of time in therapy only to end up in a short lived relationship with a man who seemed amazing, only to be ditched for someone else. Together six months, told me he loved me, and literally days later ghosted me and my friend saw him with someone else. It ruined me.
Sometimes you just get a gut feeling don't you. If you don't feel your core values match up maybe it is best to leave it where it is. I have had it a few times where I've spoken to someone and they've told me something about their life which maybe isn't that much of a big deal to other people, but to me it's major. (prime example being I have a bad allergy to cats, so as soon as someone tells me they have one I won't carry it on, because looking to the future, it won't work)
It sounds like you two want different things and you have doubts and a gut feeling... why not say good-bye to him now and move on?
I swear that could be the same man I was with! He had told me that he had only dated one girl since the break-up of his marriage 18 months prior yet I found out later I was number 4-5 on the list and he'd done the same to every single one. Funnily enough, his ex-wife, me and his new girlfriend had all been in abusive relationships prior to meeting him!
I think if you’re finding that the more you talk to him the less you’re interested it might be worth giving the date a miss. You said he was driving a fair distance to meet you so if I were him I’d rather know first - I remember how annoyed Betty would get about the petrol money after a ‘no spark’ text!
I’m just picturing a Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall type with unruly hair and surfer jewellery!
NEXXXTTI hope things pick up for you too - I'm sure they will. I'm the only single one of my friends too, and it's really hard even though my life looks quite fun from the outside, I'd just like something nice of my own and not to be someone's second or fifth priority or whatever.
Thank you so much for your kind words - it's good to know that I'm not alone in feeling with way but I really hope that things pick up soon for anyone in our situation! My life looks amazing if you look at my social media but I spend the majority of my time at home completely alone (apart from my cats)
I think we're the same person!
It's spooky isn't it - but I'm glad in a way it's not just me!I think we're the same person!
Sometimes I think a life curled up with a book or a film and my cats might not be that bad!
I think you’re probably right. I so want to be open to a different type of man but I’m also very cautious. Oh well.
I’ve got BPD too due to some abuse in my childhood. I also wonder if I have ADHD too….it would explain my previous erratic behaviour, which I’m desperately trying to not repeat.
Irritated.
Didn't you want to take a break?
