Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[whathastheworldcometo]

I had a cute brunch date earlier and was yet again asked how I’m still single, I used this reply and he said ’but what does that mean?’

Hm, what did you respond? It seems like a fair question, but hard to respond to. I wouldn't know what to say... I would probably say "I haven't found my match yet" or something like that.

 

[Sheabutter]

Not sure if it was you ? Did you initially like him but think he had a girlfriend?

No, that was someone else

@ATV2021 If he was a stranger I would have no problem owning it.

Can I send this:

Hey! Thanks for the invite. I’m gearing up to visit with my grandpa soon who is frail. I can’t risk catching anything and passing it on.

Do I need to add anything else? Btw It’s all true not looking for sympathy but it occurred to me that that’s a legitimate out

 

[ATV2021]

Good! We wait for absolutely nobody, these men can either make plans and set them in stone or they miss out. Sometimes I wonder why they whinge that they have such a hard time on dating apps when this is the shit they do?

I know right? It's really bizarre to me but I just knew from chatting that it didn't click really so hoping he's realised the same and we are effectively ghosting each other I'm honestly so calm about relationships atm and it's just not my number 1 focus. Working on me and figuring out my career path is lol

 

[ATV2021]

Oh, I thought you wanted to take a break from dating? Has that finished?

I am hence not arsed like I said I'm not bothered if it happens or not. I'll take the free lunch

I really wasn't fussed before my 1st date with my boyfriend but we clicked and it was one of the best first dates I've had so definitely go and just see. You have nothing to lose!

Yeah I have 0 expectation or fear or anything. If it happens I'll go and if we get on then we do and if we don't I'm not desperate for someone else to be in my life so yeah. Had a fab day buying myself presents at Bicester today

 

[Delihla]

Really? I often move it to text after a few messages back and forth. I can usually get a feel of whether they are my type of person and hate having to open the app to check my messages (as I don’t keep notifications on for bumble or hinge)

Yip really I think it’s the way he’s phrased it that sounds presumptuous, he should have asked for mine and then I could chose whether to give it or not! This shifts the dynamic for me.
I generally don’t want my WhatsApp being blown up by guys I haven’t met or don’t have a set date with though

 

[BunnyLebowski]

@BunnyLebowski

I hope this isn’t too nosy but you’ve said how much it helped you.

How did you choose your therapist? Did you look for one who specialised in certain areas?

I actually found my woman through Relate because my original cause of trauma was a relationship break up and then finding our my ex husband was having a baby with a woman half my age, when he refused to have a baby with me.

But the key thing was that we clicked instantly…I felt totally safe with her and I felt that I was in the presence of someone a lot cleverer than me. Good luck.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Its a hard one to navigate isn't it! Because your gut is often telling you no don't give this guy a chance, but its influenced by the past trauma. Definitely don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but you could definitely give him a go, you don't owe him your life just from casually dating. If your gut tells you to stop and you're not feeling it follow that too.

I am used to love bombing intense men and now when people are normal and take things slow I'm like ew this is terrible, but then if you asked me what i am looking for I'd describe exactly what they offer. I have decided to be conscious of that and try and remember it when I start freaking out about someone showing me basic levels of human decency

Absolutely all of this is me. Plus the fear of getting myself into something I can't get out of, or hurting someone like others have me. Surely it shouldn't be this difficult when I literally don't know any single people except me

 

[NoseyNiamh]

These men often appear again and again. Makes me think they’re using it for an ego boost or their partner is away for the weekend and they’re taking advantage. Otherwise I don’t understand why if you felt it was time to delete the app you’d not want to keep chatting to someone even via email if you weren’t sure you wanted to swap phone numbers.

Such silly behaviour, if you don't want to talk to someone just unmatched, no need to be dramatic and delete the profile.

The last message exchange I suggested WhatsApp and he deleted it shortly after that. So I'm guessing he was either catfishing me or he had a partner.
Our messages were not explicit and I didn't exchange any pics, so I'm not that bothered.

I do think I would like a bit of a fling though. Just a temporary distraction were both parties are OK with it.

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Thanks darling. Anyway, he’s just messaged saying there‘s been a fuck up at work and he’s gonna be working late, so please can he reschedule to Thursday or Friday…..hmmm what do we think? Plausible I suppose.

 

[Sheabutter]

Yeah it seems like you're just temporary delaying it which is why the honest response is the better one. I get its more challenging with him being a neighbour but it needs to be clear and doesn't actually need that much explanation other than that you're just not interested x

I absolutely agree… What would such a message look like?

 

[Ohheyyyyy]

I agree. She should have refrained from responding and spoken to you first. A true friend would have certainly stayed away. Some people simply cannot be trusted, but at least, she showed her true colors. Losing a friend over a man - I really hope this man is worth it.

Exactly! People keep saying to me I should talk it out with her and its not worth losing a friend over a guy but what have I done wrong?

 

[ATV2021]

Tomorrow's comment I might out myself by hinting its me good idea putting her book on Christmas wish list

I've got her and Noor"s first Book on my list! I ordered Noors newest one as it came with free extra training lol I am fully immersed and I love it

 

[nothanksbabes]

This is actually very true especially in females. In females ADHD has very similar traits to BPD and a lot of women have been misdiagnosed. I am on that thread and I’ve know of it happening quite a bit to women who were not diagnosed in childhood.

I have complex PTSD from an unstable childhood which shares a lot of the same traits too.

 

[ATV2021]

Haha exactly it! I’m deleting the apps off my phone but keeping my account. They will be there when I get back, I have a lovely holiday to enjoy first.

Edit for his further response… maybe you did ask too soon if you don’t even know what I’m studying / what I do for work

View attachment 843831

Well.... God loves a trier

 

[Thank(space)you]

Don't have to - just have to do it for yourself lol

There was a masterclass from yesterday which was more condensed if you wanted to catch that instead https://event.webinarjam.com/replay/1/wgy1rbotvh8hmo3 but as I've learned you've got to really want to change before you can. My time was this year but before that I'd have told people where to go lol

I really enjoyed the masterclass

 

[ATV2021]

@Thank(space)you did you join tonight's live? I again am on replay but I hope I can make the live tomorrow!

 

[Pixipoppy]

Hmm It could just be them or they might only care about themselves. They wouldn’t be getting their cock sucked from me if I wasn’t get the favour returned.

Mine is obsessed with doing it and foreplay but some friends don’t do it at all so I’d say you’d have to look at the bigger picture to see if they are selfish fucks.

That’s shit. Is it a generational thing? I’m late 40’s but the vast majority of my partners since my divorce (I was 41 then, I’m 47 now), understand they have to go down on me first until I cum as their willy is unlikely to do it on a first time sesh. The few who haven’t, I’ve not been back for a round 2.

This is of a sample of about 12, I’d say 9 did oral on me before penetration and 3 who didn’t. They turned out to be fuk-boys anyway. It’s important to me that a man loves to go down on me. If he’s not into it…sorry…..next!

Thanks - wasn’t sure if maybe I’m expecting too much from a casual encounter They were both quite young too (mid-late 20s) so maybe that’s why.

 

[ATV2021]

@ATV2021 I'm so fuming that the live isn't up yet

Snap!! The first time I've actually been able to make it and FB etc all go down! Sods law lol

Were you brave earlier and posted a photo? I only did a photo of the actual underwear and not me in it haha

 

[Sheabutter]

That’s a good point

 

[ATV2021]

I'm glad you are both enjoying Persia. I haven't been able to focus on it, too much happening. Hopefully I'll do another one.
I'm not taking a pic in the nip though

Don't have to - just have to do it for yourself lol

There was a masterclass from yesterday which was more condensed if you wanted to catch that instead https://event.webinarjam.com/replay/1/wgy1rbotvh8hmo3 but as I've learned you've got to really want to change before you can. My time was this year but before that I'd have told people where to go lol