Itās horrible and youāve ended up getting your hopes up but the redeeming thing is he was upfront about not wanting anything serious and seeing other people so chances are he did think it was chilled and thought nothing off going quiet. To men situations like this go over their head.Hello lovely ladies; hope you donāt mind if I derail the thread with an essay for a sec - just need some other peoples opinions on my situation.
(Some of you may remember I posted in one of the earlier threads months ago about how I was an super late to my second date with this one guy and his phone had died and we couldnāt find each other and he got annoyed and left and I was devastated!)
Anyway a month or two after that we rekindled and Iāve been seeing him ever since. We went on our first date when the Eu were on - not sure what month that was though. However I donāt live in London and he does, but weāve been hanging out pretty consistently.
He told me on our second date he was moving to the US in the new year and as a result weāve both kind of ruled out being in a relationship (at the time Iād only been single six months - with my ex for three years and wasnāt fully over him, so having something that I knew was going to be a bit more low-key was exactly what I wanted).
I ended up going on holiday with this guy pretty early on (weād only been on three dates!!) but he was going abroad and his friends had all pulled out one by one for different reasons and he was going to go alone. Last minute he asked if I wanted to come and I thought duck it why not. We spent a week together and it was loads of fun and pretty romantic.
He was pretty upfront on our first couple of dates that he was seeing other people. I wasnāt because Iād had all apps deleted months before I met him, but the fact he was wasnāt a massive issue for me because of how I was feeling towards my ex etc. After our holiday I got the impression he stopped seeing other people because of how much time we spent together and things he would say - but I never outright asked.
A couple weekends ago he asked if I wanted to hang out with his friends and I spent the weekend with them. I had a great time but the one thing I felt was highlighted was that he actually liked me a lot more/was more serious about me than I thought based on things his friends would sayā¦
We couldnāt see each other the week after that as he was really busy with work.
When heās apologising over text for being busy, he asks me what Iām up to and I tell him my birthday is coming up and Iāve got some fun things planned for that. Now I hadnāt invited him out to celebrate with my friends and I because heād told me prior that he was away that particular weekend watching the rugby. And I had checked with him to make sure. Anyway he reads my text mentioning my birthday and HAS NOT REPLIED SINCE.
Itās been over a week now. Maybe I shouldnāt have, but I messaged him again today because he is notoriously bad with his phone and part of me was hoping maybe heād just got distracted and needed a nudge. This time he hasnāt even read it.
Iām just shocked for him to ghost out of nowhere. Weād been having such a nice time together and the whole time itās been very chill. He normally is quite good with expressing his feelings so Iām surprised if something was wrong he wouldnāt have just told me.
After spending however many months with this guy, going away together, meeting his friends, do I have to really just accept that heād ghost out of nowhere one day?? Has anyone got any theories? I know ghosting is common when someone meets someone else they like better, but he had told me obviously as heās relocating to the US in two months dating new people is a bit odd and a waste of timeā¦so Iām just at a loss as to what has happened here
Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season š
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Iām very new to the dating game. So far Iām finding it very stressful 
Itās so different to when I was last single. I went on a great first date with a guy last weekend, I thought it went really well and we arranged to do something this weekend. Havenāt heard from him since Tuesday. Surely thatās a no then? Would a guy really expect me to keep a precious Saturday evening free and then not bother to text me at all? Iāve actually been asked out on a bumble date instead so may just let first guy know Iām not willing to wait to be messed around. The audacity! Im a busy person!
Itās so different to when I was last single. I went on a great first date with a guy last weekend, I thought it went really well and we arranged to do something this weekend. Havenāt heard from him since Tuesday. Surely thatās a no then? Would a guy really expect me to keep a precious Saturday evening free and then not bother to text me at all? Iāve actually been asked out on a bumble date instead so may just let first guy know Iām not willing to wait to be messed around. The audacity! Im a busy person!
Yes! Iām meeting up with a Spanish guy I met from Bumble. Been talking for about two months, got loads in common, not sure if anything romantic will come of it as we havenāt discussed anything like that but I do fancy him after face timing etc. Nervous but notAnyone have any date plans this weekend?
My advice would be not to bother texting the first guy. He doesnāt deserve the courtesy. You clearly want someone who keeps in touch, is engaged and proactive about planning the second date - that is not unreasonable, he is not demonstrating the behaviour you find attractive. Donāt waste more time on him, move onto someone who does.Iām very new to the dating game. So far Iām finding it very stressful
Sadly many of these men see the apps as a conveyor belt of women to pick up and discard as they see fit. Often they will suggest a second date to keep you on a holding bench whilst they work their way through other women, then pop up out of the blue like nothing has happened with a āhey, how are you?ā
This might be accompanied by a compliment or a āwas just thinking about youā or they may flip it to somehow suggest it was your fault the meeting didnāt go ahead because they didnāt hear from you.
Sometimes youāll get an excuse about them being really busy despite the fact youāve seen them online multiple times on WhatsApp and the fact no one is so busy that they are unable to send a text message. Dead or ill relatives are also used to pull at the heart strings.
Once youāre aware of these common patterns of behaviour you can smile wryly when you spot them rather than being puzzled or angry and just ignore them. Men who are interested make an effort.
Men that are interested text you every single day as far as Iām concerned, I wouldnāt bother texting him.Iām very new to the dating game. So far Iām finding it very stressful
As usual, @Clickbait is on the money. Interesting point about the voice notes, I didn't know that. Very true about the WhatsApp messages, I know myself that sometimes I don't open a message until I'm ready to reply, so that I don't read it and forget! Sometimes after a busy day working I'll have multiple unread messages even though I've been online.
Did you say it's been over a week?! That's just downright rude and disrespectful. I think my limit would be 3-4 days of no contact before I smelt a rat.
Please keep us updated. I know you didn't have the "official" conversation and perhaps he will always use that as a fall back for being a s**t, but you don't go on holiday for a week with someone and then disappear. Have you tried calling him? Or is that not really something you two ever did? I know it's the done thing to not pursue something too much if you're clearly being blanked like this, but I personally think these days I'm too old and ugly to "play it cool" and seem like I don't care. A voice note is a great idea as you'll gauge whether or not he's intrigued and interested in listening to it. I wouldn't be able to resist listening even if I was trying to distance myself from someone.
Let us know - my gut instinct is that he'll come crawling back with some explanation and I'll be very interested to hear it...
It is my gut instinct to give this guy a slap (although I don't condone violence)
It was triggering reading your current situation @doodlebug . I would have said the exact same things as you when I initially started seeing the Narc. Even the type of words and phrases you are using !
The guy said he didn't want anything serious yet his actions were different . He's a complete idiot to now just ghost you once things aren't going his way. And also, I know this sounds childish, but he is purposely avoiding because you mentioned your birthday, in case you might think he'll make some kind of gesture to mark ...like flowers or a gift.
I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but you do not need this type of man in your life.
Also he will contact you again, I'm guessing about three days after your birthday you'll get message 'Hey sorry I haven't been in touch, work has been crazy '
Also , I'm fuming with him and I hate being so blunt, but if he was seeing other people, chances are someone else is getting his attention right now.
Any man that gives a woman they are involved with (casual or committed) the silent treatment needs to be avoided.
Keep messaging him all you want, send long paragraphs but he will only reply when he wants to.
It was triggering reading your current situation @doodlebug . I would have said the exact same things as you when I initially started seeing the Narc. Even the type of words and phrases you are using !
The guy said he didn't want anything serious yet his actions were different . He's a complete idiot to now just ghost you once things aren't going his way. And also, I know this sounds childish, but he is purposely avoiding because you mentioned your birthday, in case you might think he'll make some kind of gesture to mark ...like flowers or a gift.
I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but you do not need this type of man in your life.
Also he will contact you again, I'm guessing about three days after your birthday you'll get message 'Hey sorry I haven't been in touch, work has been crazy '
Also , I'm fuming with him and I hate being so blunt, but if he was seeing other people, chances are someone else is getting his attention right now.
Any man that gives a woman they are involved with (casual or committed) the silent treatment needs to be avoided.
Keep messaging him all you want, send long paragraphs but he will only reply when he wants to.
So he did reply this morning. Literally acted like everything was normal. Literally, ALL he said was hey !!!! 
wtf. I asked him if everything was good on his end because heād been quiet and a bit off. He just said heād been away (so I guess he went to the rugby after all) and he was busy entertaining his sister as she came down to visit (which I do remember him mentioning). Also said heād been busy with work. 
That was all. Didnāt ask how I was or anything lol.
Idk guys I might not even reply. (But I also donāt want to come across like I now have an issue with him because I donāt). I donāt want there to be any ag. Admittedly I panicked when I thought heād just peaced out just like that. That was my issue. But I donāt think itās my place to now be like ā¦sooo do you want to hang out?
So this leaves us where? Itās just kind of messy. All of a sudden I cba.
wtf. I asked him if everything was good on his end because heād been quiet and a bit off. He just said heād been away (so I guess he went to the rugby after all) and he was busy entertaining his sister as she came down to visit (which I do remember him mentioning). Also said heād been busy with work. That was all. Didnāt ask how I was or anything lol.Idk guys I might not even reply. (But I also donāt want to come across like I now have an issue with him because I donāt). I donāt want there to be any ag. Admittedly I panicked when I thought heād just peaced out just like that. That was my issue. But I donāt think itās my place to now be like ā¦sooo do you want to hang out?
So this leaves us where? Itās just kind of messy. All of a sudden I cba.
Iād leave it.. I think heās treating you as a low priority and he wonāt change that. Asking him to hang out would be like asking for scraps.So he did reply this morning. Literally acted like everything was normal. Literally, ALL he said was hey !!!!
Idk guys I might not even reply. (But I also donāt want to come across like I now have an issue with him because I donāt). I donāt want there to be any ag. Admittedly I panicked when I thought heād just peaced out just like that. That was my issue. But I donāt think itās my place to now be like ā¦sooo do you want to hang out?
So this leaves us where? Itās just kind of messy. All of a sudden I cba.
@doodlebug the holy trinity of excuses - family 
busy with work been away/spent time with friends If heād have just said his nan was ill youād have got this weekās star prize! 
This feels like a slow phase out by the sounds of it. If you compare where you were (going away on holiday together) to now (canāt find the time to send you a text message) itās going in the wrong direction for a secure and stress free relationship. There could be many reasons for this, Iām not sure you feel you need to know what they are though.
Just recognise heās not behaved very well here and will probably continue to flit in and out of your life if you allow him to and I donāt think thatās what you want.
busy with work been away/spent time with friends If heād have just said his nan was ill youād have got this weekās star prize! This feels like a slow phase out by the sounds of it. If you compare where you were (going away on holiday together) to now (canāt find the time to send you a text message) itās going in the wrong direction for a secure and stress free relationship. There could be many reasons for this, Iām not sure you feel you need to know what they are though.
Just recognise heās not behaved very well here and will probably continue to flit in and out of your life if you allow him to and I donāt think thatās what you want.
Perfectly said.@doodlebug the holy trinity of excuses - family
This feels like a slow phase out by the sounds of it. If you compare where you were (going away on holiday together) to now (canāt find the time to send you a text message) itās going in the wrong direction for a secure and stress free relationship. There could be many reasons for this, Iām not sure you feel you need to know what they are though.
Just recognise heās not behaved very well here and will probably continue to flit in and out of your life if you allow him to and I donāt think thatās what you want.
@Clickbait where were you 4 years ago
Iām not for one second bragging here but none of those excuses wash with me. My boyfriend will text while heās away for the weekend, during his spare couple of minutes at work or as he gets home if itās been a manic one and when his grandad was ill it was me he text for comfort.
Every time we read those excuses on this thread itās followed by them vanishing.
Every time we read those excuses on this thread itās followed by them vanishing.
Darling, believe me it took me years and many mistakes to get my tit together! I wish I knew then what I know now, I wouldnāt have wasted years of my life on men who did not deserve it. Some of the crap and nonsense I put up with is sickening.
Sadly we often need to make mistakes and get burned to learn from them. And even then we can still slip up.
He is your boyfriend so you would expect this level of contact.
Most of the scenarios discussed on this are not related to partners so the level of contact will always be a grey area
Always so spot on.@doodlebug the holy trinity of excuses - family
This feels like a slow phase out by the sounds of it. If you compare where you were (going away on holiday together) to now (canāt find the time to send you a text message) itās going in the wrong direction for a secure and stress free relationship. There could be many reasons for this, Iām not sure you feel you need to know what they are though.
Just recognise heās not behaved very well here and will probably continue to flit in and out of your life if you allow him to and I donāt think thatās what you want.
The person who was drunk texting me and sending me voice notes whilst away with the lads has asked me on a date on Sunday! Think weāre going bowling as I went earlier in the week with work and heās been bragging about beating me we live quite far away but heās said heās happy to travel to me which is nice.
He also said thereās a video saved on his Snapchat from that drunk weekend that my name is mentioned in but he wonāt send it to me
gona say if I win at bowling he has to show me hahah heās promised it wasnāt anything bad
Itās nice to be looking forward to a first date!
we live quite far away but heās said heās happy to travel to me which is nice.He also said thereās a video saved on his Snapchat from that drunk weekend that my name is mentioned in but he wonāt send it to me
gona say if I win at bowling he has to show me hahah heās promised it wasnāt anything badItās nice to be looking forward to a first date!
I'm so excited for you!The person who was drunk texting me and sending me voice notes whilst away with the lads has asked me on a date on Sunday! Think weāre going bowling as I went earlier in the week with work and heās been bragging about beating me
He also said thereās a video saved on his Snapchat from that drunk weekend that my name is mentioned in but he wonāt send it to me
Itās nice to be looking forward to a first date!
Brilliant. This sounds like so much fun. I like the sound of himThe person who was drunk texting me and sending me voice notes whilst away with the lads has asked me on a date on Sunday! Think weāre going bowling as I went earlier in the week with work and heās been bragging about beating me
He also said thereās a video saved on his Snapchat from that drunk weekend that my name is mentioned in but he wonāt send it to me
Itās nice to be looking forward to a first date!
Ugh. I guess at this point, what could he have ever really said though. The damage is kind of done when he left you hanging for a week! If heād apologised profusely it would have been for all the same reasons, Iām not sure whatās worse actually that he didnāt bother with anything other than āheyā or if heād tried to dress it up with excuses.So he did reply this morning. Literally acted like everything was normal. Literally, ALL he said was hey !!!!
Idk guys I might not even reply. (But I also donāt want to come across like I now have an issue with him because I donāt). I donāt want there to be any ag. Admittedly I panicked when I thought heād just peaced out just like that. That was my issue. But I donāt think itās my place to now be like ā¦sooo do you want to hang out?
So this leaves us where? Itās just kind of messy. All of a sudden I cba.
Iām very similar when you say you donāt want any ah in that I always want a stress and argument free life. Unfortunately it means that sometimes we donāt address things that need to be because we canāt be arsed with the arguments/confrontation that comes with it.
You sound like youāve got your head screwed on and youāre quite a chilled out person. Honestly, i wouldnāt reply to him now. If nothing else itāll save you the heartache and sleepless nights which were all too family with, wondering why he hasnāt replied. Take the power from him. Keep us in the loop and enjoy your birthday! Donāt let him get in your head xx
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