Dating after lockdown #12 It’s all got a bit dark

[boomska]

Then focus on those things and forget the dating. I would say as well, focus on a new hobby maybe? I would say give yourself some challenges as well. I love to push myself so this might be weird for people but I will be like "ok starting tomorrow no fizzy drinks for 21 days" and just see how I go. I think it's good to see that you can achieve things you set your mind to. I did it with social media about a year ago and I never re-downloaded it cause I enjoyed that 3 weeks so much. Gives you something to focus on. It could be anything, waking up early, going for a daily walk, no sugar, no phone, reading before bed, knitting, dancing. Literally can be anything you fancy doing.

Also this is cringe but I always live by "having a full enough life that when people leave they don't take away from it" so I focus 100% on myself and anyone that comes in and out of my life gets checked at the door. Are you adding to my life positively? yes. That's great but my life is still so full that even if you leave it, I'll be fine.

Yeah I think you’re right. I understand having first time nerves meeting someone but there’s not even like any excitement there? I’m not like aw I really like him! Previously I would’ve looked past like the height thing, or the driving thing but now I’m like these are really important it to me because it means there’s a equal ness from the get go already!

I LOVE that! I love setting myself little challenges and love that motto! I think it’s clear I’m not ready for dating and I’m not in the right frame of mind to meet someone and be vulnerable and there’s clearly other things I want to focus on xx

 

[PiesAndLattes]

I hateeeee this! I am 5'7 and I am undeniably not attracted to men who are the same height or shorter than me, I feel like a cow for asking when they don't say but I've been on a couple of first dates with tiny men and felt awful trying to leave early and fizzling it out without explaining why

I am 5”10 and all my likes atm are 5”9, 5”8, 5”7 and I just can’t do it! My friend who is 4”11 says all her likes are guys that are 6ft plus apparently they love short, tiny girls.

 

[dancingqueen5678]

I hateeeee this! I am 5'7 and I am undeniably not attracted to men who are the same height or shorter than me, I feel like a cow for asking when they don't say but I've been on a couple of first dates with tiny men and felt awful trying to leave early and fizzling it out without explaining why

This is a subject that really winds me up cause this purely a woman thing. We’re supposed to feel bad for it but men can dislike anything and it’s fine! Men can say whatever they want and get away it but god forbid we don’t like a tiny detail and we’re just sooooo shallow and superficial! It’s okay to not be attracted to short men, just like it’s okay to not be attracted to skinny men, bald men, men with no top lip, (<-yeah that was in mainly for me ngl) that’s is okay!!! You’re human and what you’re attracted to is not something you have control over. It’s not shallow, it’s human nature. Doesn’t mean they aren’t a lovely guy, it just means they don’t get you going and thats fine! Too many women through history have gone out with men cause we feel like we should or because everyone around us is like “but he’s sooo lovely!” Doesn’t matter I’m not attracted him

Sorry for the rant and also any spelling errors. I’m on my phone

 

[grumpy_curry]

Then focus on those things and forget the dating. I would say as well, focus on a new hobby maybe? I would say give yourself some challenges as well. I love to push myself so this might be weird for people but I will be like "ok starting tomorrow no fizzy drinks for 21 days" and just see how I go. I think it's good to see that you can achieve things you set your mind to. I did it with social media about a year ago and I never re-downloaded it cause I enjoyed that 3 weeks so much. Gives you something to focus on. It could be anything, waking up early, going for a daily walk, no sugar, no phone, reading before bed, knitting, dancing. Literally can be anything you fancy doing.

Also this is cringe but I always live by "having a full enough life that when people leave they don't take away from it" so I focus 100% on myself and anyone that comes in and out of my life gets checked at the door. Are you adding to my life positively? yes. That's great but my life is still so full that even if you leave it, I'll be fine.

I'm really hoping to achieve that. I'm so torn between dating people again, cause the biological clock is going tick tock (even though I'm not 100% sure on kids it's still pressure), and just not bothering because I seem to be incapable of keeping my own things going. They slowly disappear and I orient myself towards what he wants only. I lose touch with myself. And that's a horrific feeling.

But then again I would love to move to a more rural area and build up a self sufficent smallholding. I don't want to do that by myself. I want community and company and preferrably someone to share the work and the spoils.

 

[boomska]

I've canceled my date. I don't feel lighter or relieved because I'm doubting myself and if I've made the right decision because I don't trust myself (but that's all aspects of my life too)

But I know I'll be OK and I'm looking forward to focusing on my self development instead xo

 

[grumpy_curry]

I've canceled my date. I don't feel lighter or relieved because I'm doubting myself and if I've made the right decision because I don't trust myself (but that's all aspects of my life too)

But I know I'll be OK and I'm looking forward to focusing on my self development instead xo

Well in the grand scheme of things it's just a date. You don't owe him anything and if he isn't interested enough to ask for your number, I say good riddance.

Well done love x

 

[MissPrint]

I've canceled my date. I don't feel lighter or relieved because I'm doubting myself and if I've made the right decision because I don't trust myself (but that's all aspects of my life too)

But I know I'll be OK and I'm looking forward to focusing on my self development instead xo

I think you’ve done the right thing by trusting your own instincts.

 

[square_spoon]

Now that I’m off the apps I have one ‘overhang’ guy that I started chatting with a few weeks ago and I’d appreciate some input. We live kinda far apart at the moment but it turns out we’re both moving to the same tiny town in the next few months. When I say tiny I mean absolutely village like….and since it cropped up in conversation a few days ago I’ve been in a pickle about what to do with it. This move is really important to me, a sort of fresh start after a tough few years - and I was really looking forward to a bit of anonymity for a while. He and I have been chatting a few weeks now, we get along pretty well so far but I don’t think there’s romantic longevity in it (different stages/perspectives on life) and there isn’t any spark on my side. I’ve taken to not answering his messages for the last couple of days because I can’t think of how to bring this to a swift close so it doesn’t get weird when our paths do inevitably cross in our new hometown. Explaining why the fresh start matters would involve delving way into my past in a way I’m not comfortable with with a stranger, and I’m sure if I say we’re not suited he’ll still want us to hang out as friends. How do I exit this quickly without sounding like a mad woman?

 

[Clickbait]

Now that I’m off the apps I have one ‘overhang’ guy that I started chatting with a few weeks ago and I’d appreciate some input. We live kinda far apart at the moment but it turns out we’re both moving to the same tiny town in the next few months. When I say tiny I mean absolutely village like….and since it cropped up in conversation a few days ago I’ve been in a pickle about what to do with it. This move is really important to me, a sort of fresh start after a tough few years - and I was really looking forward to a bit of anonymity for a while. He and I have been chatting a few weeks now, we get along pretty well so far but I don’t think there’s romantic longevity in it (different stages/perspectives on life) and there isn’t any spark on my side. I’ve taken to not answering his messages for the last couple of days because I can’t think of how to bring this to a swift close so it doesn’t get weird when our paths do inevitably cross in our new hometown. Explaining why the fresh start matters would involve delving way into my past in a way I’m not comfortable with with a stranger, and I’m sure if I say we’re not suited he’ll still want us to hang out as friends. How do I exit this quickly without sounding like a mad woman?

Just say you have a lot on your plate at the moment and you need to take some time back to focus solely on yourself without any distractions. You wish him well with his move etc.

You shouldn’t feel obliged to over explain yourself or share your past. Women often over compensate when they’re not into someone, the reality is a lot of men won’t care about the detail - they just need to hear the yes or no.

 

[boomska]

Well in the grand scheme of things it's just a date. You don't owe him anything and if he isn't interested enough to ask for your number, I say good riddance.

Well done love x

yeah exactly! I get nothing is smooth sailing but I know what I’m after now & I want someone to ask for my number, and ring me. One thing I likedabout my ex was when we started talking, he was like “I’ll ring you tonight.” And I was like yeah if you want too. And he went said something sarcastly funny back, but I liked that confidence and proactive ness. God I really bleeping miss him and hate how it ended

 

[Thank(space)you]

Did you mean 'with' not 'without'?

I just meant like if they have all their pics with a hat/sunglasses on and no solo pics only group ones, I won't swipe right. I've been hatfished before haha

 

[Very traditional]

I just meant like if they have all their pics with a hat/sunglasses on and no solo pics only group ones, I won't swipe right. I've been hatfished before haha

"Hatfished"

 

[Thank(space)you]

Sorry @Sandor What's ENM?

 

[dancingqueen5678]

Sorry @Sandor What's ENM?

could be wrong here but I think that's an open relationship/polyamorous.

 

[gelicahah]

This is a subject that really winds me up cause this purely a woman thing. We’re supposed to feel bad for it but men can dislike anything and it’s fine! Men can say whatever they want and get away it but god forbid we don’t like a tiny detail and we’re just sooooo shallow and superficial! It’s okay to not be attracted to short men, just like it’s okay to not be attracted to skinny men, bald men, men with no top lip, (<-yeah that was in mainly for me ngl) that’s is okay!!! You’re human and what you’re attracted to is not something you have control over. It’s not shallow, it’s human nature. Doesn’t mean they aren’t a lovely guy, it just means they don’t get you going and thats fine! Too many women through history have gone out with men cause we feel like we should or because everyone around us is like “but he’s sooo lovely!” Doesn’t matter I’m not attracted him

Sorry for the rant and also any spelling errors. I’m on my phone

Sorry but I have to disagree. If a guy dared to say they wouldn't date a girl over 80kgs he'd get buried under a pile of insults and mind you weight is something you can change about yourself (within limits of course) while a poor 5'6 guy can't really do much about his height. I think it's fair not to want to date a short/fat/bald whatever person but it's DEFINITELY NOT a woman thing like you said.

 

[misscl4]

I am 5”10 and all my likes atm are 5”9, 5”8, 5”7 and I just can’t do it! My friend who is 4”11 says all her likes are guys that are 6ft plus apparently they love short, tiny girls.

I am not saying your friend looks like a child, but it does make me think when they really like much shorter women because it could also appear like love dominance and being with the characteristics of someone who appears quite young, makes me slightly uncomfortable.

 

[dancingqueen5678]

Sorry but I have to disagree. If a guy dared to say they wouldn't date a girl over 80kgs he'd get buried under a pile of insults and mind you weight is something you can change about yourself (within limits of course) while a poor 5'6 guy can't really do much about his height. I think it's fair not to want to date a short/fat/bald whatever person but it's DEFINITELY NOT a woman thing like you said.

we're going to have to agree to disagree cause I've seen plenty of men comment about attraction and make nasty comments about larger women with no consequences but if a woman doesn't want to go out with a larger man it's seen as shallow.

 

[Bagpuss7]

Hi guys , I'm here and he's lovely! Been amazing soo far, apart from the rain ! We have been upto Edinburgh Castle this morning and got soaked so just back at the hotel now ...he's gentle, funny as hell ...has proper been spoiling me with cuddles, holds my hand as we walk as paths are wet and slippy..I had spiced haggis on a Scottish breakfast this morning and we have a date with a deep fried Mars bars tonight ! Wish me luck for rest of today and tomorrow

 

[gelicahah]

we're going to have to agree to disagree cause I've seen plenty of men comment about attraction and make nasty comments about larger women with no consequences but if a woman doesn't want to go out with a larger man it's seen as shallow.

Ok we must be using 2 different types of social media then agree to disagree. Let's move on

 

[square_spoon]

Sorry but I have to disagree. If a guy dared to say they wouldn't date a girl over 80kgs he'd get buried under a pile of insults and mind you weight is something you can change about yourself (within limits of course) while a poor 5'6 guy can't really do much about his height. I think it's fair not to want to date a short/fat/bald whatever person but it's DEFINITELY NOT a woman thing like you said.

There are plenty of men who openly say in their profiles they want a ‘slim’ woman, or go so far as to say ‘no fatties’ or something similar, and think nothing of it (I’m a ‘fatty’ so notice it ) Personal taste is always a matter of opinion so I don’t think it’s wrong for us to expect them to tell the truth about their height without it being some offensive thing women do to men. Honesty and being upfront avoids much of the awkwardness about incompatible expectations. I don’t think a lady having a height requirement is some inhuman treatment toward short lads, just like I don’t lose sleep about the weight issue with guys who are on the quest for a slim princess.