I reckon it’s actually in his hands while he sleeps and is an automatic response to said fartsIn case derek drops a stinky smelly fart in the middle of the night so Aye... that’s the reason youse tattlers don’t miss a trick lol
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That’s because it’s a bespoke Bottle of febreze and so forth, so aye.........
Can Martin even get his legs under that desk when sitting down?!? Seems like that chair is already touching the base of the Polly Pocket desk... what a nonce! Next he will be telling us he’s off work again due to the blood supply being cut off to his legs!
The day I thank Melvin for something will be a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time coming
If Rayyynnnee could talk
LMAO at above!!! Rayn really does look like she hates him. He's so annoying, poor Rayn must be demented being kept hostage in that house.
The tat cave is a tragedy.... A bleeping eyesore..... A monstrosity. I don’t have that much tit in my house which has 3 bedrooms!!!! All it needs is a wax melt to go raaaaang and kapooof... up in flames!!!!
Absolutely howling! I burst into laughter reading thisIn case derek drops a stinky smelly fart in the middle of the night so Aye... that’s the reason youse tattlers don’t miss a trick lol
His voice when he talks to the cat! No wonder it wants to tear him to shreds
Just came here to say the exact same thing. Why Mouldio whyyyyy?
If he’s cleaning his sheets as often as he makes out he shouldn’t need to febreeze them!
On my planet...................
(Theme tune: Ennio Morricone, The good, the bad and the ugly)
Melvin gets up every morning knowing its a do or die type of day. He selects his favourite chunky knit throw, drapes it over himself like a poncho and straps on his belt and febreeze like some kinda cowboy gunslinger.
He loops his thumbs into the waistband of his jammie bottoms and mosies on into the lounge where he channels his inner bespoke spaghetti western-era Clint Eastwood and practices being the fastest gun in the west (coast of Scotland) with his trusty febreeze. Trigger finger itchin, he's taking no prisoners with everything plush as he shoots the tit outta odours real and imagined. Plush fully saturated, he turns to give himself an admiring glance in the full length mirror before dropping to the floor to give the rub a quick squeegee.
Finally, as the last boy (fae the shire) standing, he seeks to quench the thirst that only a good chemical spray induces and saunters into his local saloon bar (aka the kitchen), wipes the counter and concealer from his brow and pours himself a two stiff fingers measure of neat biscuit tea. He lives to spray another day. For a few dollars more, he remembers he's a brand rep and our favourite bawbag is last seen walking off in the direction of a wax melt burner..................................
Fin
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This drives me insane this new trend of everyone speaking to there pets like this. It’s bad enough when you hear folk speaking to babies like this but pets.Absolutely howling! I burst into laughter reading this
His voice when he talks to the cat! No wonder it wants to tear him to shreds
He was definitely trying to copy ‘his soph’ with the whole stupid pet voice, adding an S onto words that shouldn’t have it!!
Can any of you beauties tell me what boyzone make please? Apparently its Dezzas favourite BRAND so I'd love to try 
You'd friggin hate me serenading my wee moggy then, but I swear she loves my parody baby cat do, do, do, do, do, do
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So the accounts over the past couple of days thanking him on their stories for sending followers their way - fair enough...but is it really necessary to share every single one to his own stories and then write a reply? 
If that were me I’d watch them and listen then send a message “no problem, you’re welcome” etc. He is such an attention seeker. Just me who finds it irritating? I’ve defo gotten out of bed on the wrong side today 
I am shocked he can manage to remove his massive head and the ego trailing behind him from that flat each morning Sorry for ranting!
If that were me I’d watch them and listen then send a message “no problem, you’re welcome” etc. He is such an attention seeker. Just me who finds it irritating? I’ve defo gotten out of bed on the wrong side today I am shocked he can manage to remove his massive head and the ego trailing behind him from that flat each morning
Sorry for ranting!Please no more of mother rendall - I can’t cope with the ventriloquist laugh 
it’s disturbing
and this couple are such begs!! They used to constantly post on the hinch Facebook pages I used to be on posting asking for followers
it’s disturbingand this couple are such begs!! They used to constantly post on the hinch Facebook pages I used to be on posting asking for followers
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I imagine anal is smelly business
You would think her mortgage had been paid of or she had won the lottery. You have folk that follow you on Instagram mostly for morbid curiosity. It’s just like car crash tv. If the app was to be deleted tmro no one would remember you. i don’t get these Oscar like posts about how he has changed life’s. If you are lucky you will get a couple of free wax melts and a bottle of fairy with your name on it your life hasn’t changed.So the accounts over the past couple of days thanking him on their stories for sending followers their way - fair enough...but is it really necessary to share every single one to his own stories and then write a reply?
I am shocked he can manage to remove his massive head and the ego trailing behind him from that flat each morning
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