Cleaning with Mario #63 Padded cell by Dan-Yell

[Saffron08]

This is by far the funniest thread on tattle I have been reading throught this in a Scottish accent and I've been crying with laughter. I'm from London but the way it's all written is absolutely brilliant. Take a bowel (hahahahaha)

 

[menopausalmargrit]

Oh, Mr Margrit just reminded me that he said they’ve had the washing machine for 9 years. Did he not move in less than 5 years ago and Derek was in just before then.

Think he needs a calculator not a fucking laptop!

Ahm off this time.

 

[paperbackwriter89]

Does he get paid for Ava may and sphonge? Has anyone checked to see if he’s set up on companies house?

He’s registered on companies bedsit hen, he’s no got a front and back door

 

[GiftedNotFree]

So we're just not mentioning the fact that she's doing "her fave" online shopping on Lovehoney no?

I’m still laughing at this today lmao just so so funny!!! @hopethishelpsallthebest utterly bespoke. Me since yesterday:

 

[mrsbucket]

Ma lovelies I huv been out and about this morning living ma life and holding ma phone up high. Only just caught up on Mario Am-no-wellen-Bowen's reveal.

I cannae deal with the mix of metals and the poundland bulbs whit is he thinking? Also, canny help but imagine the greasy head prints that plush headboard will inevitably have in the not so distant future.

Anyone else hoping Rayn will sharpen her claws on the new bespoke bed like she (supposedly) did tae the ill-fated padded mirror?

 

[TooFarScone]

Never once heard tie backs called tassel backs.

 

[muscadet]

Spends half his life in home bargains and B and M but didn’t realise Easter was so commercialised. Aye fucking right

 

[JoeExotic]

Can ye imagine Marion beltin oot the sash? SING IT HEN!

 

[menopausalmargrit]

Kills me everytime I see him taking a photo. He is genuinely blind.

 

[sammien89]

Usually a silent watcher but this wee pube is really getting on my last nerve, I’d comment this on his post but the wee dick has limited comments, he is what’s wrong with this generation, constantly boasting for validation a likes off strangers every single post is him boasting, deep down this wee prick cannot stand seen anyone else doing well, yous heard him acting smug when Hannah’s business went down the pan, when her tire went flat, and when he tore a disabled child to shreds and removed her from his grid because mrs hinch went to visit her but didn’t actually have the balls to name drop, there all the same these insta huns, same with that sammi boasting, when there live is a shit show off cam, social media ain’t real iv been reading a lot of folk worried sick about gas and electric bills and unsure how there able to put food on the table then u have this wee fucking wetwipe, a can read him like a book, think the only insta hun that’s stayed humble on insta is big mamas hoose! Rant over but that wee worm fries my brain hope he reads this

 

[mammaof3]

He's like a stuck record, droning on and on and on ........

Fuck off this app if you don't like criticism.

 

[Shrekssister]

Ma lovelies oan this dayn of dawn I've been on a Facebook jurnay inspired by the Derek House Post last night and found some bespoke retro Mario content. Clutching ma beak at some of these, some things just never change, fae his wall feature no working like his insta dms to his own mention of kerry katonas

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Does anyone else think Derek resembles wee Romeo Beckham? Please tell me am no the only wan that sees it! If so, I’ll need to get checked for the Kerry Katonas disease.

 

[Anti-influencer]

I canny cope, they are like a pair of auld pensioners who are just being introduced to technology ffs hoddit n doddit

 

[Under_The_Influencer]

I get such Romy & Michelle vibes off of him. Like when they ask for the “business woman’s lunch”

Fake it til you make it Mario hen!

Marion: Do you have some sort of business woman special? We’re business woman from Paisley.

Castleveechie: We don’t have nothing like that.

Marion: OK well just 2 pizza crunch suppers, a can of Irn Bru and a fruit shoot cos we’re in a hurry.

Deek: For a business thing.

Casteveechie: What kinda business you in?

Marion: ….

Deek: ….

Rayn: ….

 

[Babybail93]

Same boring content to match your boring, unsociable life View attachment 1196384

I can’t wait to see what he is having with his salt the night

 

[notanothergrammer]

Can’t believe Dunelum would have the audacity to copy oor Mazda’s creations

I called it when I went in a week ago I saw the same chair and said here that's what his sneak peak was.

I'm sat here ready for ma nightshift in ma joab that's ma joab that I work 9 hours a night in, wonderin where the space tae fart in that bedroom will be, I'm convinced that he thinks he's in Gleneagles except we'll call it baldeagles boudoir 5 star lukshiray Hotel and so forth, high footfall reception area where you're greeted by the smell of absaloot wealth of Tam Ford doop and the frenchic door buzzer, awaits you is ensuite shower room (well it's no an ensuite but the hoos is that wee the bathroom is all but attached) and into the parlour of dreams where you'll be aw cosy next to the fire that isnae a fire but a kid on fire that creates copious amounts of ambience in the 3x3 space of grandeur. Your sleeping arrangements involve stickin the nut in some hangin bulbs a headboard the length of the wall, such amenities as a dyson, a nightclub toilet guards selection of parfooms, a cat that hates its very existence which explains the faint smell of pish everywhere.

Your host is Moira who serves a breakfast of oil boiled eggs and square slice that could pan in a windae in. You can enjoy an afternoon tea of mortons rolls done in a George forman grill pureeeee staypul, a cheeseboard wae dairylee and pepperami all IBS friendly and a lukewarm cup of piss (sorry hotel chocolat hot chocolate) dont ask questions just inhale the wealth up your clutched beak, and do not pay attention to the bent console leg, fousty skirting or the fact the tele doesnae fit. Sit back and relax for a late checkout, wave to the brass monkeys downstairs as you depart, feel refreshed as you can now mop kick whatever days arse you should wake up on. All For the luxurious price of £40 a night. He's truly is a colossal wanker tryin tae polish a turd but

 

[Popper]

Ma fave part was when he was saying how many electricians would have given up oan wiring 2 lights in (ok Mazda hen, such a hard job ) and him and sexy electrician went fae plan A tae plan 0 before they goat it right……. What the hell does that even mean?

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

I still say he was dropped on his head as a baby

He’d have to have been picked up in order to be dropped ma lovelie and we only need to look at the back of his head to know that didn’t happen. You could iron a shirt on it.

 

[menopausalmargrit]

I wonder who is going to get exclusivity to the wedding? Ok? Hello? Vogue? The Paisley express?