Have just treated myself to a read of the wiki again....oh my days its pure bespoke comedy gold. I didn't realise how much "content " he gives us time and time again 
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He really is a wee horror, complete radio silence cause he is in a huff.
Shes a wee disabled lassie Mario don’t be that person
Shes a wee disabled lassie Mario don’t be that person
Excuse youse hen, Martin has a sunflower lanyard and a shart caird, he's a champion fur disabilities, washing yer claes at 30 fur the environment and gay rights. No tae mention aw the wurk he does for small businesses, home bargains and B&M.He really is a wee horror, complete radio silence cause he is in a huff.
Shes a wee disabled lassie Mario don’t be that person
Show sum class and stay in yer ain lane, also.
Tonsa luv
He's a rotten bleep, pushes over old Ladies, literally, and snubs a disabled girl cos jealous. That's a real tit stain of a person.
Well ma lovelies, it's an amber weather warning for parts of Scotland, including Beirut towers so we might get some dots of doom the day. Where ah live most roads closed so gonni huv tae interact wi ma weans, ah'm mair fummming than Martin wiz when wee Deek used the Jo Malone haun wash. #factual
bleeping state of it
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Are ye meant to dust sofas? Ah need tae get tae ken. Ah usually jist dust the cushions wi ma arse.
If they are made of concrete then aye. Also
Only part of it hen, and ignore the rest.
Also use two different mops oan your vinyl living room flair, and don't bother moving the tapas table, also.
Wit oan gods earth wuz the point of the wee machine oan the kitchen sink? Did he nick that fae Romanian car wash along with his lilac leggings?
Why does he look like Chas from Morph?
Turn the tunes up and duck the neighbours… well you see Martin I live in a nice area and have respect for my neighbours so no, I won’t be turning the tunes up. Absolute bleeping bleep.
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OK and now he's in a fuckin Morph suit
Excuse his big arse? I would be more concerned by the weird shape of his head if I were him. And he doesn't have curly hair. In fact he has next to no hair
6am clean. Weirdo. Had a wee laugh at her sink with a chain with no plug on it. They are like 20p to replace! He's soo cooncil
They are like 20p to replace! He's soo cooncil 
Gads he’s hideous looking isn’t he! Have you seen a flatter heid?!
It took him 3 hours to wash up, wipe the sink, plump up the sofa and run the Vac round? God these people are so slowwwwww! 30 minutes max jobs they are.
£38.99!! They saw him coming the walloper!
Mibbes he youses it in the bumming fort, it does have attachments so aye.
He needs to take better care in his “high foot fall areas” as his flooring is starting to get discoloured
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Why’s he no sharing Katie’s new wax melt? I thought it was his brand also
He’s raging Hannah hasn’t came to see him on her trip to Glasgow, and the oor Soph shared Katie’s wax melt and no his wan! That’s why we were all treated to a 6am clean
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ALSO
Why’s he no sharing Katie’s new wax melt? I thought it was his brand also
He’s raging Hannah hasn’t came to see him on her trip to Glasgow, and the oor Soph shared Katie’s wax melt and no his wan! That’s why we were all treated to a 6am clean
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