Christmas present moans #2 It's Xmas time & here's my present list, buy me what I want or you’ll meet my fist!

[AutumnSpring]

I’ve spent three days overthinking this and I have finally decided that you are the only ones who will be able to give me some solid advice on the matter…

OH & I have just moved in to a house and his parents have asked if there is anything they could get us for the new house, for Christmas. I told OH that vouchers would be good as we are pretty much set with everything at the moment.

OH then tells MIL that we would like a new microwave (ours is a gifted second hand one that is quite small and I have been moaning about because there is only a dial timer so I cannot set 30 secs etc for something and have to keep timing with my phone). I said to OH, we should send some we like over as ideas? He explained, that’s not how things work in their family, we aren’t demanding a product we want and we should be grateful for the gift. (I am also very particular about things being a certain way, matching aesthetic, being good value for money etc & OH knows this) so I shut up and didn’t say anything further on the matter.

Christmas Day arrives and we open our new microwave, 17 litres (smaller than current one and you have to turn a plate sideways to fit it in!!), with dial timer (exactly same as current one) and only 700W (less than current one).

Now I am really not trying to be ungrateful but it’s literally 1. What we already owned (except shitter) and worked perfectly fine until we could afford one we wanted and 2. The complete opposite of everything I would want from a microwave!

What do I do? OH even said when we got home, oh I didn’t realise they still did dial timers, I said yep how ironic the thing we hated we’ve got again! I don’t want MIL to have just wasted money on something but equally I just want to go out and buy the bloody microwave I want!! It’s not like we can hide it either, she will know if I get a different one and OH would not be happy as I would be seen as most ungrateful. MIL is very sensitive but part of me wants to ask her to return it and get her wasted money back.

Send help!

ETA: I am aware there are worse things happening in the world

 

[Thetruth123]

Why do grandparents never ask the what do the children aka teenagers need or want?! My in laws got my 15 year daughter a fake CK bright pink dress that a 5 year old would wear and my 17 year old a press on nail kit!!!! If I’m buying for anyone I now ask them what they need firstly …if nothing then what do you want rather than buying pure junk that you either get rid of by selling or throwing and I hate doing that I feel so guilty but I hate clutter
Plus the “oh I love it” fake face you have to pull

I’ve spent three days overthinking this and I have finally decided that you are the only ones who will be able to give me some solid advice on the matter…

OH & I have just moved in to a house and his parents have asked if there is anything they could get us for the new house, for Christmas. I told OH that vouchers would be good as we are pretty much set with everything at the moment.

OH then tells MIL that we would like a new microwave (ours is a gifted second hand one that is quite small and I have been moaning about because there is only a dial timer so I cannot set 30 secs etc for something and have to keep timing with my phone). I said to OH, we should send some we like over as ideas? He explained, that’s not how things work in their family, we aren’t demanding a product we want and we should be grateful for the gift. (I am also very particular about things being a certain way, matching aesthetic, being good value for money etc & OH knows this) so I shut up and didn’t say anything further on the matter.

Christmas Day arrives and we open our new microwave, 17 litres (smaller than current one and you have to turn a plate sideways to fit it in!!), with dial timer (exactly same as current one) and only 700W (less than current one).

Now I am really not trying to be ungrateful but it’s literally 1. What we already owned (except shitter) and worked perfectly fine until we could afford one we wanted and 2. The complete opposite of everything I would want from a microwave!

What do I do? OH even said when we got home, oh I didn’t realise they still did dial timers, I said yep how ironic the thing we hated we’ve got again! I don’t want MIL to have just wasted money on something but equally I just want to go out and buy the bloody microwave I want!! It’s not like we can hide it either, she will know if I get a different one and OH would not be happy as I would be seen as most ungrateful. MIL is very sensitive but part of me wants to ask her to return it and get her wasted money back.

Send help!

p.s I am aware there are worse things happening in the world

Should say it blew up when u first used it & you chucked out asap and now feel scared of ever using that brand ever again

 

[JustmeKC]

I’ve spent three days overthinking this and I have finally decided that you are the only ones who will be able to give me some solid advice on the matter…

OH & I have just moved in to a house and his parents have asked if there is anything they could get us for the new house, for Christmas. I told OH that vouchers would be good as we are pretty much set with everything at the moment.

OH then tells MIL that we would like a new microwave (ours is a gifted second hand one that is quite small and I have been moaning about because there is only a dial timer so I cannot set 30 secs etc for something and have to keep timing with my phone). I said to OH, we should send some we like over as ideas? He explained, that’s not how things work in their family, we aren’t demanding a product we want and we should be grateful for the gift. (I am also very particular about things being a certain way, matching aesthetic, being good value for money etc & OH knows this) so I shut up and didn’t say anything further on the matter.

Christmas Day arrives and we open our new microwave, 17 litres (smaller than current one and you have to turn a plate sideways to fit it in!!), with dial timer (exactly same as current one) and only 700W (less than current one).

Now I am really not trying to be ungrateful but it’s literally 1. What we already owned (except shitter) and worked perfectly fine until we could afford one we wanted and 2. The complete opposite of everything I would want from a microwave!

What do I do? OH even said when we got home, oh I didn’t realise they still did dial timers, I said yep how ironic the thing we hated we’ve got again! I don’t want MIL to have just wasted money on something but equally I just want to go out and buy the bloody microwave I want!! It’s not like we can hide it either, she will know if I get a different one and OH would not be happy as I would be seen as most ungrateful. MIL is very sensitive but part of me wants to ask her to return it and get her wasted money back.

Send help!

ETA: I am aware there are worse things happening in the world

I would suck it up and tell hubby to say thanks but it doesn’t suit, you’d prefer to pick out your own kitchen equipment, would you mind if we returned it…and just bear the wrath; if he won’t tell him you will. You’ll be angry everytime you look at it!

 

[Miscanthus]

I normally buy /make (don't worry, don't mean to sound like a tw*t but I am a good knitter and sewer) my family really personal and thought out gifts and they get me stuff that just make me wonder if they know me at all! They always ask what I'd like and because I don't ask them and observe them I always say I don't know and forget how rubbish they are at getting presents every year. The last two years I've made a list, given it to my bf and he then chooses stuff off it and gives it to my family. Easy right! Well this year I got what I wanted, yay! With a big side helping of 'wouldn't be what I'd want but here you go' 'don't even know what that is that I got you' 'that's alright yeah?? It's what YOU asked for so...'

Well done! It really bugs me when somebody asks you what you want and then proceeds to question why you want that item, do you need that item, don't you already have it, can't you use x instead... blah, blah...and you end up saying forget it!

 

[Kiwigirl]

Many moons ago my MIL showed up on Xmas day to see her only grandchild empty handed because she explained “the child has got way too much stuff from Father Christmas already”
Speechless……

 

[cushtybert]

I’ve spent three days overthinking this and I have finally decided that you are the only ones who will be able to give me some solid advice on the matter…

OH & I have just moved in to a house and his parents have asked if there is anything they could get us for the new house, for Christmas. I told OH that vouchers would be good as we are pretty much set with everything at the moment.

OH then tells MIL that we would like a new microwave (ours is a gifted second hand one that is quite small and I have been moaning about because there is only a dial timer so I cannot set 30 secs etc for something and have to keep timing with my phone). I said to OH, we should send some we like over as ideas? He explained, that’s not how things work in their family, we aren’t demanding a product we want and we should be grateful for the gift. (I am also very particular about things being a certain way, matching aesthetic, being good value for money etc & OH knows this) so I shut up and didn’t say anything further on the matter.

Christmas Day arrives and we open our new microwave, 17 litres (smaller than current one and you have to turn a plate sideways to fit it in!!), with dial timer (exactly same as current one) and only 700W (less than current one).

Now I am really not trying to be ungrateful but it’s literally 1. What we already owned (except shitter) and worked perfectly fine until we could afford one we wanted and 2. The complete opposite of everything I would want from a microwave!

What do I do? OH even said when we got home, oh I didn’t realise they still did dial timers, I said yep how ironic the thing we hated we’ve got again! I don’t want MIL to have just wasted money on something but equally I just want to go out and buy the bloody microwave I want!! It’s not like we can hide it either, she will know if I get a different one and OH would not be happy as I would be seen as most ungrateful. MIL is very sensitive but part of me wants to ask her to return it and get her wasted money back.

Send help!

ETA: I am aware there are worse things happening in the world

I would make out it’s faulty, give it a few weeks then let something happen to it, get yourself one that you want with a “voucher” from the company

 

[flutternutter]

Face masks... as in face covering type not get rid of wrinkles

Loads of yummy mummy tit. Like boxes of cheap sweets they've probably been charged a fortune for because its some #mum business. I cant eat them because all i can think about is peoples dirty hands on them and dirty houses

Also... grandparents who buy massive gifts for kids. Size and cost - without asking parents. Making you feel self conscious that you haven't bought enough and havent got enough room. Definitely a toy for grandma's house....

 

[dxo]

Asked my Mum for a jumper, she bought me this hideous animal print sparkly top that perhaps an overweight middle aged woman might attempt to wear on a cruise ship. Unsure if she knows me at all.... my husband is still laughing.

 

[Happy Lady]

I’ve spent three days overthinking this and I have finally decided that you are the only ones who will be able to give me some solid advice on the matter…

OH & I have just moved in to a house and his parents have asked if there is anything they could get us for the new house, for Christmas. I told OH that vouchers would be good as we are pretty much set with everything at the moment.

OH then tells MIL that we would like a new microwave (ours is a gifted second hand one that is quite small and I have been moaning about because there is only a dial timer so I cannot set 30 secs etc for something and have to keep timing with my phone). I said to OH, we should send some we like over as ideas? He explained, that’s not how things work in their family, we aren’t demanding a product we want and we should be grateful for the gift. (I am also very particular about things being a certain way, matching aesthetic, being good value for money etc & OH knows this) so I shut up and didn’t say anything further on the matter.

Christmas Day arrives and we open our new microwave, 17 litres (smaller than current one and you have to turn a plate sideways to fit it in!!), with dial timer (exactly same as current one) and only 700W (less than current one).

Now I am really not trying to be ungrateful but it’s literally 1. What we already owned (except shitter) and worked perfectly fine until we could afford one we wanted and 2. The complete opposite of everything I would want from a microwave!

What do I do? OH even said when we got home, oh I didn’t realise they still did dial timers, I said yep how ironic the thing we hated we’ve got again! I don’t want MIL to have just wasted money on something but equally I just want to go out and buy the bloody microwave I want!! It’s not like we can hide it either, she will know if I get a different one and OH would not be happy as I would be seen as most ungrateful. MIL is very sensitive but part of me wants to ask her to return it and get her wasted money back.

Send help!

ETA: I am aware there are worse things happening in the world

Ok my lovely. So you can take this as a lesson. Seeing as your OH said his family want specifics then go for it all barrels blazing. Next year you can ask for exactly what you'd like - make, model, colour, size.

In the meantime your new microwave might have an accident!!!! Or you could be absolutely open and honest and tell them you're afraid that you can't fit your plate in and ask for the receipt. Take it back for a refund and put it towards what you really want.

PS: I have a spare one in the garage.

 

[Muses]

About the microwave, I'd ask Hubby to say that unfortunately none if your dinner plates fit in to it so would it be ok if he got the receipt to change it for a slightly bigger one.

 

[MindyLahiri]

I’ve spent three days overthinking this and I have finally decided that you are the only ones who will be able to give me some solid advice on the matter…

OH & I have just moved in to a house and his parents have asked if there is anything they could get us for the new house, for Christmas. I told OH that vouchers would be good as we are pretty much set with everything at the moment.

OH then tells MIL that we would like a new microwave (ours is a gifted second hand one that is quite small and I have been moaning about because there is only a dial timer so I cannot set 30 secs etc for something and have to keep timing with my phone). I said to OH, we should send some we like over as ideas? He explained, that’s not how things work in their family, we aren’t demanding a product we want and we should be grateful for the gift. (I am also very particular about things being a certain way, matching aesthetic, being good value for money etc & OH knows this) so I shut up and didn’t say anything further on the matter.

Christmas Day arrives and we open our new microwave, 17 litres (smaller than current one and you have to turn a plate sideways to fit it in!!), with dial timer (exactly same as current one) and only 700W (less than current one).

Now I am really not trying to be ungrateful but it’s literally 1. What we already owned (except shitter) and worked perfectly fine until we could afford one we wanted and 2. The complete opposite of everything I would want from a microwave!

What do I do? OH even said when we got home, oh I didn’t realise they still did dial timers, I said yep how ironic the thing we hated we’ve got again! I don’t want MIL to have just wasted money on something but equally I just want to go out and buy the bloody microwave I want!! It’s not like we can hide it either, she will know if I get a different one and OH would not be happy as I would be seen as most ungrateful. MIL is very sensitive but part of me wants to ask her to return it and get her wasted money back.

Send help!

ETA: I am aware there are worse things happening in the world

I feel like this is going to be totally unpopular opinion and it's not an attack on you at all but imho I'd just say thank you very much and just not use it if it's not suitable

A gift is a gift, I would find it super cheeky if someone sent me links to an exact product they wanted (and I know what your hubby means as my family would be the same - if my husband suggested sending my parents links to products we want for Christmas, I'd tell him the same thing as in our family, that would be mortifying!)

 

[JSquared]

I feel like this is going to be totally unpopular opinion and it's not an attack on you at all but imho I'd just say thank you very much and just not use it if it's not suitable

A gift is a gift, I would find it super cheeky if someone sent me links to an exact product they wanted (and I know what your hubby means as my family would be the same - if my husband suggested sending my parents links to products we want for Christmas, I'd tell him the same thing as in our family, that would be mortifying!)

But accepting it and not using it, is just a waste of money.

I would rather be guided to what someone wants than my money wasted.

 

[Mamacita]

I feel like this is going to be totally unpopular opinion and it's not an attack on you at all but imho I'd just say thank you very much and just not use it if it's not suitable

A gift is a gift, I would find it super cheeky if someone sent me links to an exact product they wanted (and I know what your hubby means as my family would be the same - if my husband suggested sending my parents links to products we want for Christmas, I'd tell him the same thing as in our family, that would be mortifying!)

But like OP said, they're going to know it's not being used if they get a different microwave.

And to be fair, the husband's parents did actually ask what they want for the house. I don't see a major difference between saying they want a microwave and telling them specifically which one

 

[camotea]

Coming at this from a different angle, sorry. We had my LOVELY AND GENEROUS AND HONESTLY PERFECT MiL over for Xmas and I/we didn’t get her enough stuff 🥹 And I think it was my fault I am careful to not over-organise things that relate to my OH’s family as he’s perfectly capable and it’s ‘wife work’ that I am wary of…but I think I went too far the other way and have made myself uncomfortable 🥲

It was me, my fiancé and his two children, all knee deep in gifts and still handing them out to each other and she was sat there (with a decent pile of things we are 99% sure she liked and needed) but the things with her name on had run out I feel like crap Just consoling myself that it’s her birthday in February so I’ll drown her in stuff

 

[FlyingGirl4]

Instead of Dove or Nivea I actually got Avon products. I think that’s even worse

My MIL gifted me an Avon set, it’s the saddest looking gift set ever. I’m keeping it, wrapping it up nice and regifting it to her next year saying “you always buy me Avon, so I thought I’d buy you one as you seem to like it so much” I don’t think she even bought it tbh as it’s not sealed and all the products look like they’ve just been chucked inside lol x

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I’m regifting a few things for birthdays in jan, I’d hate to have a birthday in jan

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I feel like this is going to be totally unpopular opinion and it's not an attack on you at all but imho I'd just say thank you very much and just not use it if it's not suitable

A gift is a gift, I would find it super cheeky if someone sent me links to an exact product they wanted (and I know what your hubby means as my family would be the same - if my husband suggested sending my parents links to products we want for Christmas, I'd tell him the same thing as in our family, that would be mortifying!)

I think if you're going to buy someone something fairly expensive that has different options available, you should at least check which option they might prefer. Surely it's just common sense?
Our microwave went bang shortly before Christmas a couple of years back so my Dad offered to replace it as our present. He checked whether we wanted dials or buttons, whether we were limited to a particular size, and if we had a colour preference.

 

[hannah123]

How soon is too soon to charity shop a present? My partners grandma got me a random huge 100ml perfume that smells of talc. I feel bad when they buy things because they don’t have a lot of money but like to buy things for the sake of gifting everyone a present, but it’s just rubbish that is never used.

 

[EffingDust]

How soon is too soon to charity shop a present? My partners grandma got me a random huge 100ml perfume that smells of talc. I feel bad when they buy things because they don’t have a lot of money but like to buy things for the sake of gifting everyone a present, but it’s just rubbish that is never used.

My charity shop bag is already packed to go

I’m fussy and also quit minimalist so I always ask people to give me consumable things like alcohol or sweets, even if I don’t like it I’ll know someone who does.
In-laws are mostly on board but always buy me an item of 2 sizes too small clothing each year because they do it for all the girls in the family. It’s always nice M&S stuff but always from the sale and the drive and parking to nearest city cost more than I’d get in refund

they always act surprised like “no way do you take that size” so I take it as a compliment, but me and the donkey sanctuary shop are well acquainted at this time of year

Plus I know people who do the rounds in charity shops this time of year for this reason, and I always think I’m glad someone will find a new thing that they enjoy from it

 

[Tui]

Another two bottles of Prosecco/champagne from my in-laws who know I’m not a drinker. I’d rather get a pair of socks tbh I’d get more use out of them.

Can you regift them back to them for birthdays/Xmas? You’ll never need to buy a gift again