Childfree

[Satisfying Click]

Absolutely no such thing as having it all. It’s a myth perpetuated by the media. Women tried and all it did was give them serious mental health issues!

Yeah, men were never told they could have it all - they had careers and families because women bore the brunt of childrearing and the domestic sphere. Now working mothers have all that to contend with and the work space, *and* keep up the pretence that it's enjoyable.

My female colleagues with children are permanently 'on.' Even if they work part-time, they end up overworking anyway because of the perception they're not pulling their weight. They have a constant worry in the back of their minds that the nursery or school will call and say their child is unwell or needs collecting.

Though I'm by no means married to my career, even if my mother believes that I chose not to have children because of my job

 

[Traveler001]

Yeah, men were never told they could have it all - they had careers and families because women bore the brunt of childrearing and the domestic sphere. Now working mothers have all that to contend with and the work space, *and* keep up the pretence that it's enjoyable.

My female colleagues with children are permanently 'on.' Even if they work part-time, they end up overworking anyway because of the perception they're not pulling their weight. They have a constant worry in the back of their minds that the nursery or school will call and say their child is unwell or needs collecting.

Though I'm by no means married to my career, even if my mother believes that I chose not to have children because of my job

Completely agree! Women can't have it all, they are e pected to do it all though! Look after your kids, have a career, have a social life, care for family members, babysit, have a lovely clean home, keep fit, make sure you look great all the time, oh, and don't forget your husband needs sex every day and blow jobs 4 times a week or he'll be off bleeping 22 year old Laura from reception because you're boring.

 

[Sweatingbullets]

Do people in this thread have child-free relationship role models?

I met middle aged men and women in my profession who never married or had children and I realized I didn’t want their life. Just wondering if people have met couples who decided against adopting or having children of their own, and did not regret their choice… please share what you learned from them. Thks xx

My sister and her husband have been married for over 30 years without kids. They have a lovely life with their dogs and I have never heard or felt one ounce of regret on her part. It was predominantly his choice, but she didn’t hesitate in accepting it. Me on the hand has never ever met a man that didn’t badger me to have kids and as a result I have accepted that I’ll probably be alone because of my decision to not have kids or date a man who does, but it’s a non-negotiable for me. In the immortal words of Meatloaf - I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that!

 

[dotiedot]

I'm happy with my life now with my dogs. I can't imagine having loads of children running around me. I like looking after my partner, and myself, and our animals

 

[Sheabutter]

I'm happy with my life now with my dogs. I can't imagine having loads of children running around me. I like looking after my partner, and myself, and our animals

If you don’t mind me asking, approximately how old are you and your partner?

 

[ChampagneBox]

My sister and her husband have been married for over 30 years without kids. They have a lovely life with their dogs and I have never heard or felt one ounce of regret on her part. It was predominantly his choice, but she didn’t hesitate in accepting it. Me on the hand has never ever met a man that didn’t badger me to have kids and as a result I have accepted that I’ll probably be alone because of my decision to not have kids or date a man who does, but it’s a non-negotiable for me. In the immortal words of Meatloaf - I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that!

It’s funny you say this because it’s something I’ve thought for a while, and if it blew up with my partner and he decides he does want kids and it’s non negotiable I’ve said I’ll let him go but I’ll certainly let him know on the way out he should have gone out with me for ME, not the possibility I could/would give him kids!!
But I admit, and I hope I’m not alone, (in the past) if the question came up on a date I’d just go along and say ‘yeah I want kids one day’ because it’s ‘just what you say’ isn’t it? I reckon a large proportion of men wouldn’t have a second date if you say you don’t want kids, and I actually think that’s really sad and testament to how men are raised to view women as just baby making machines!

This always bothers me about dating and relationships..I think it’s weird that someone wouldn’t want to date you because you don’t want children and I’d be offended…you don’t date someone based on the fact they can give you kids in the future…doesn’t that reduce a woman to nothing but a baby making machine?? Besides what if you medically can’t have kids?

Not sure this even makes sense haha but I hope you get what I’m trying to say

 

[Mamacita]

It’s funny you say this because it’s something I’ve thought for a while, and if it blew up with my partner and he decides he does want kids and it’s non negotiable I’ve said I’ll let him go but I’ll certainly let him know on the way out he should have gone out with me for ME, not the possibility I could/would give him kids!!
But I admit, and I hope I’m not alone, (in the past) if the question came up on a date I’d just go along and say ‘yeah I want kids one day’ because it’s ‘just what you say’ isn’t it? I reckon a large proportion of men wouldn’t have a second date if you say you don’t want kids, and I actually think that’s really sad and testament to how men are raised to view women as just baby making machines!

This always bothers me about dating and relationships..I think it’s weird that someone wouldn’t want to date you because you don’t want children and I’d be offended…you don’t date someone based on the fact they can give you kids in the future…doesn’t that reduce a woman to nothing but a baby making machine?? Besides what if you medically can’t have kids?

Not sure this even makes sense haha but I hope you get what I’m trying to say

But what if they want kids? Should they go out with someone who doesn't?

 

[Sweatingbullets]

It’s funny you say this because it’s something I’ve thought for a while, and if it blew up with my partner and he decides he does want kids and it’s non negotiable I’ve said I’ll let him go but I’ll certainly let him know on the way out he should have gone out with me for ME, not the possibility I could/would give him kids!!
But I admit, and I hope I’m not alone, (in the past) if the question came up on a date I’d just go along and say ‘yeah I want kids one day’ because it’s ‘just what you say’ isn’t it? I reckon a large proportion of men wouldn’t have a second date if you say you don’t want kids, and I actually think that’s really sad and testament to how men are raised to view women as just baby making machines!

This always bothers me about dating and relationships..I think it’s weird that someone wouldn’t want to date you because you don’t want children and I’d be offended…you don’t date someone based on the fact they can give you kids in the future…doesn’t that reduce a woman to nothing but a baby making machine?? Besides what if you medically can’t have kids?

Not sure this even makes sense haha but I hope you get what I’m trying to say

Men on dating scene only want women for sex and for their womb. We are just vessels.

 

[ChampagneBox]

But what if they want kids? Should they go out with someone who doesn't?

No of course not but sometimes it seems like to some men that’s the be all and end all… This is all just my opinion obvs but if they didn’t want to go out with you for a second date purely because you didn’t want kids, then to me they’ve already made up their mind that they don’t want to get to know you as a person, and they would only date you for your ability to be a mother. You might be an amazing person with so much to offer but they’ve written you off already just because you don’t want kids. Does that make sense or am I chatting nonsense? It’s late haha my thoughts are all muddled

 

[Sweatingbullets]

But what if they want kids? Should they go out with someone who doesn't?

Why does one want kids? Are they a product of love between two people or a singular need of a person to have a genetic legacy? I want a man with a big pen and a degree. Should I date someone who doesn’t?

 

[Mamacita]

No of course not but sometimes it seems like to some men that’s the be all and end all… This is all just my opinion obvs but if they didn’t want to go out with you for a second date purely because you didn’t want kids, then to me they’ve already made up their mind that they don’t want to get to know you as a person, and they would only date you for your ability to be a mother. You might be an amazing person with so much to offer but they’ve written you off already just because you don’t want kids. Does that make sense or am I chatting nonsense? It’s late haha my thoughts are all muddled

I think I get your point but if I was Sur ei wanted kids then I wouldn't waste time dating people who don't. What good can come out of that lol

 

[Sweatingbullets]

No of course not but sometimes it seems like to some men that’s the be all and end all… This is all just my opinion obvs but if they didn’t want to go out with you for a second date purely because you didn’t want kids, then to me they’ve already made up their mind that they don’t want to get to know you as a person, and they would only date you for your ability to be a mother. You might be an amazing person with so much to offer but they’ve written you off already just because you don’t want kids. Does that make sense or am I chatting nonsense? It’s late haha my thoughts are all muddled

And these are the men in their 40s and 50s that end up on the dating scene for years. Passing up amazing women in the hope that thry’ll have kids one day…presumably before they’re eligible for their state pension!

 

[BallsBurst]

Same. I feel mostly jealous of the praise and attention having a baby brings (what can I say I’m obviously a narcissist ). I also get the same feeling about weddings. I could have a wedding if I wanted … I just don’t want one, but I still feel jealous at all the fuss that’s made about a bride on her wedding day and how it’s seen as such a pinnacle of someone’s life. I know in reality I’d hate it though. Remember what you see on social media isn’t real. Ive got friends who are always posting “happy family” pics #myworld #blessed when in reality they’re telling me they have never felt lower and motherhood isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Iv never heard a truer word. I'm not a star signy person but I wonder what star sign people are when I read something so relatable

 

[Mamacita]

Why does one want kids? Are they a product of love between two people or a singular need of a person to have a genetic legacy? I want a man with a big pen and a degree. Should I date someone who doesn’t?

Because some people want to be parents? So they want to find a partner compatible with them. I get that this is "childfree" thread but surely bashing people because they don't want to be with someone who doesn't share their desires for life is not the point

And yes, if what you want is a big pen and a degree and dating someone without those is not gonna make you happy then yes, find one who's got that

 

[Sweatingbullets]

Iv never heard a truer word. I'm not a star signy person but I wonder what star sign people are when I read something so relatable

Let me guess, Gemini?

Because some people want to be parents? So they want to find a partner compatible with them. I get that this is "childfree" thread but surely bashing people because they don't want to be with someone who doesn't share their desires for life is not the point

Sure, but you can’t really say you’re looking for true love if it only ‘fits’ certain criteria. I know loads of men who have settled to have kids. None of them see their kids anymore either. Each to their own, but yes this is a childfree thread where we are sharing our disdain at being pigeonholed already!

 

[mcfeez]

Same. I feel mostly jealous of the praise and attention having a baby brings (what can I say I’m obviously a narcissist ). I also get the same feeling about weddings. I could have a wedding if I wanted … I just don’t want one, but I still feel jealous at all the fuss that’s made about a bride on her wedding day and how it’s seen as such a pinnacle of someone’s life. I know in reality I’d hate it though. Remember what you see on social media isn’t real. Ive got friends who are always posting “happy family” pics #myworld #blessed when in reality they’re telling me they have never felt lower and motherhood isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Take it with a pinch of salt.

UGH this is totally me. I always thought I wanted a traditional wedding til I got engaged and reality set it. We had a small one and even that stressed me out to no end. I was so anxious. Not about marriage, literally just the wedding! So anytime I get the notion of babies ... I think about this haha.

 

[BallsBurst]

Let me guess, Gemini?


Sure, but you can’t really say you’re looking for true love if it only ‘fits’ certain criteria. I know loads of men who have settled to have kids. None of them see their kids anymore either. Each to their own, but yes this is a childfree thread where we are sharing our disdain at being pigeonholed already!

Aquarius. And I tick every box! It fascinates me. I long for and engagement/wedding but when I think about it I then get anxiety thinking - then what? Babies? And then what? All my friends have completely dropped off after babies. The only ones still knocking around are planning weddings so I already know where that's going

 

[Homebird44]

Because some people want to be parents? So they want to find a partner compatible with them. I get that this is "childfree" thread but surely bashing people because they don't want to be with someone who doesn't share their desires for life is not the point

And yes, if what you want is a big pen and a degree and dating someone without those is not gonna make you happy then yes, find one who's got that

I think this has just made me realise that men want to settle down and start a family as much as some ladies do. If I was single and wanted children and was over a certain age, I wouldn't spend time dating a man that didn't want children. It was like Monica in friends with Richard, it broke her heart but she ultimately wanted children. I don't blame anybody for not wanting them BTW.

 

[heatmagazine]

I openly talked about it in the thread. My parents regretted having my siblings and I.

They were both prepared in the sense that they bought a house cash, had no debt, worked highly paid jobs and had nannies for us. So they were able to manage personal time and parenting time. However when my mother wanted to focus on her career my father tried being a SAHD and his ego took a hit. He left us and 20 years of marriage behind.

My mother resented him because she never wanted kids and was convinced by her family and my father since it was "what women should do" in the 70s-80s. She was depressed most of my childhood and kept telling my siblings and I that if we weren't here she would have killed herself a long time ago.

The fact that my parents did their very best to raise us yet could not go back once this choice was made really taught me that having kids is a decision that you have to take without a single doubt in mind. Because there is no going back or plan B when you regret it.

My mother used to scream at us that she wished she didn’t have us.

 

[hydeist]

Yeah, men were never told they could have it all - they had careers and families because women bore the brunt of childrearing and the domestic sphere. Now working mothers have all that to contend with and the work space, *and* keep up the pretence that it's enjoyable.

My female colleagues with children are permanently 'on.' Even if they work part-time, they end up overworking anyway because of the perception they're not pulling their weight. They have a constant worry in the back of their minds that the nursery or school will call and say their child is unwell or needs collecting.

Though I'm by no means married to my career, even if my mother believes that I chose not to have children because of my job

No matter how often other women will try and tell me that this is not the case, I'll never believe it! All the women I work with who have kids are constantly on the phone, rushing off early, worrying about something, talking about some after-school thing they have to organise - not one of the men I work with ever does any of this stuff during the work day, even though plenty of them are fathers.