Quite a few of my mums friends have got grandkids now and when they get their photos out, my mum gets her grandcat photos out. It's very cute, my mum has been quite accepting so far, though my dad did make comments about my husbands man cave going pink or blue the other day.View attachment 709314
My dad started saying he wants grandchildren so I got a lovely big boy of a cat. Now, my parents Skype with him and call him grandson.
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My parents treated my sisters dog as their firstborn grandog, babysat her, skype her etc. But when I bought a hamster... Didn't want to knowView attachment 709314
My dad started saying he wants grandchildren so I got a lovely big boy of a cat. Now, my parents Skype with him and call him grandson.
I can honestly say my father was the only people in my life that fully understood and applauded my desire to be childfree. He admitted he would have been too if he’d had the courage to put his foot down. He loved us all but told me if he could have his life over he would be single and childless.
I sometimes think my dad is the same. He loves us, and I know he does, but he gave up a lot when my mum fell pregnant. Ever since I moved out the family home (I'm the youngest so last to leave) he actually left my mum and seems to now be making up for lost time.
God I wish my father had. The biggest pain I felt when he died was knowing despite achieving so much, his life was miserable with my mum and us. He deserved so much more.
I feel like I need to live to a normative expectation of having children for fear of letting my family down. I'd love to make my Mum / Nana grandparents/great grandparents but I just don't think it's going to happen for me! For a start I'm single and I'm not looking to commit myself to another relationship (badly hurt and still recovering a year later from a break-up). I'm very career driven and ultimately there's a sacrifice in my opinion (I know 'you can have it all' but it's bloody hard work).
I don't know, I guess I'm ambivalent about having children. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't I won't feel any less fulfilled.
I also have scarring on my cervix so there's always a chance I could not carry full-term.
I don't know, I guess I'm ambivalent about having children. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't I won't feel any less fulfilled.
My parents would love to be grandparents and I have a wobble when I think how much I adored my grandparents and how much they loved me but ultimately I won’t have children to satisfy my parents wants.
Did any of you read the book Motherhood by Sheila Heiti? I just started but I love how she's asking those exact same questions whether she wants a child or is this just expected of her.
I especially loved this:
“The conversation went on for another half hour, before this man's girlfriend, who had not said much of anything until then, remarked, Being a woman, you can't just say you don't want a child. You have to have some big plan or idea of what you're going to do instead. And it better be something great. And you had better be able to tell it convincingly - before it even happens - what the arc of your life will be.”
I especially loved this:
“The conversation went on for another half hour, before this man's girlfriend, who had not said much of anything until then, remarked, Being a woman, you can't just say you don't want a child. You have to have some big plan or idea of what you're going to do instead. And it better be something great. And you had better be able to tell it convincingly - before it even happens - what the arc of your life will be.”
See, I 100% disagree with this. We spend all our time aspiring to be something/saving for something/planning for something/wishing we could have what everyone has and then
- 10 years has passed and you forgot to actually live your life and all you have to show for it is a bunch of stuff that doesn’t make you happy anymore, because of course what you wanted at 20 doesn’t work at 30, 40, 50 etc. Each day is a blessing, but that does not mean it needs to be filled to the brim. I only ever had one aspiration and once that was fulfilled at 26, I’ve just lived my life. It isn’t fantastic, but frankly I’m too lazy to change that and that’s fine. We are not all destined to change the world!
A lot of my family are child free. My brother (35) and his wife (45) are child free (but they only met when she was in her 40’s).
my other brother who is 36 is also child free, but he has schizophrenia and lives in supported accommodation.
my half sister (32) doesn’t have children by choice.
my fiancé’s sister (32) doesn’t have children, or a partner actually and she isn’t interested in either.
So most of my immediate family are child free.
my other brother who is 36 is also child free, but he has schizophrenia and lives in supported accommodation.
my half sister (32) doesn’t have children by choice.
my fiancé’s sister (32) doesn’t have children, or a partner actually and she isn’t interested in either.
So most of my immediate family are child free.
TMI I think.
My mum accepts and understands why I won't be having kids but I know she wishes I would change my mind. At the end of the day though, it's me that has to look after them and be responsible for them! My mum has enough on her plate caring for my dad, my grandparents and my nephew, and I wouldn't dream of expecting her to help me out.
To the point actually! We all know it’s true.
Your comment made me think of this article, you might like it!See, I 100% disagree with this. We spend all our time aspiring to be something/saving for something/planning for something/wishing we could have what everyone has and then
If You Don’t Want to Have Kids, You Don’t Have to Want a Career Instead
Forget having it "all"—why aren’t women allowed to just have "some," and be happy with it?
www.google.co.uk
What is TMI? The reality of a lot of women's lives?
I think John has an 22 year old receptionist called Laura….
See, I 100% disagree with this. We spend all our time aspiring to be something/saving for something/planning for something/wishing we could have what everyone has and then
Yes I completely agree, I just think it's crazy that this is what society expects of you if you decide you do not want children. If you say you want to have a family it's perfect and you don't have to say anymore, if you say you don't want children then everyone wants to know what you will do with your life instead and you need this grand plan.
Your comment made me think of this article, you might like it!
If You Don’t Want to Have Kids, You Don’t Have to Want a Career Instead
Forget having it "all"—why aren’t women allowed to just have "some," and be happy with it?
OMG this is SO relatable for me I have been saying some of those things for years! Thank you for this article I really really needed that!
I'm not sure, but I think the book quote was meant tongue in cheekSee, I 100% disagree with this. We spend all our time aspiring to be something/saving for something/planning for something/wishing we could have what everyone has and then
Yeah I get that, but women do feel like this. How many are accused of putting their career first like Jennifer Aniston. Imagine what is said about those of us who don’t have fabulous lives. What’s our excuse? You get what I’m saying!
Yes definitely. I read it wrong at first and then realised that it was sarcastic.
But you are right, I certainly don't have a fabulous life, pretty mundane probably and that's perfect for me!
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