I think the point is when men change their mind. Meet a woman and agree they don't want kids, then leave when they suddenly decide they do.
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I'm surprised to hear you guys saying a lot of men actually want kids, I didn't realise. I was sure that most men just get pushed or tricked into it because their partner wants a baby.
There are loads of guys out there who want to have kids. However, there are not a lot of them willing to actually be parents.
I see it with my colleagues (I'm an engineer working in tech with 99% male colleagues) who are fathers. They live their lives as if they don't have kids or as if it was just an obstacle. In the sense that they don't rush to pick up their kids after school, they flirt with single women, they go out but don't ask their partners if they have something planned already or they NEVER take their parental leave.
On the other hand I have seen amazing guys step up to be fathers but they are such a tiny portion compared to the rest. These guys bring their kids to work when their wives can't look after them, they work from home part-time to help and they are so kind.
I wouldn't mind a guy refusing a second date because he wants kids for sure. However I am sure that if I asked him if he was willing to be a stay at home dad to care for the child he would do a 180°C and say that he is not sure now
I see it with my colleagues (I'm an engineer working in tech with 99% male colleagues) who are fathers. They live their lives as if they don't have kids or as if it was just an obstacle. In the sense that they don't rush to pick up their kids after school, they flirt with single women, they go out but don't ask their partners if they have something planned already or they NEVER take their parental leave.
On the other hand I have seen amazing guys step up to be fathers but they are such a tiny portion compared to the rest. These guys bring their kids to work when their wives can't look after them, they work from home part-time to help and they are so kind.
I wouldn't mind a guy refusing a second date because he wants kids for sure. However I am sure that if I asked him if he was willing to be a stay at home dad to care for the child he would do a 180°C and say that he is not sure now
I knew an elderly couple who didn't have children ( whether they tried to have them in their younger days was something they never disclosed) . He used to work in the middle east something with oil, and she was a pharmacist. They seemed to enjoy their live . They had a neice they were very close to.
Most people I know who seem to always be on holiday have grown up children. A lot of childfree people seem to just have mediocre lives like everyone else. It annoys me if they pretend otherwise.
I would find it fascinating if someone committed their live to religion and remained Childfree because of that.
I watched a documentary about Hannah Hauxwell ,and I found her to be extremely fascinating. She had greater responsibilities, than marrying/ children.
I'm as close in age to my Mum's youngest sister as she is to my Mum. Growing up this auntie was *the coolest* person I knew - creative and funny in spades. She's been with her now husband for as long as I can remember and they've never had children. It has never been discussed in the family (at least not to my knowledge). They don't have an insta-life of foreign holidays and extravagant purchases but I think it was really good for me growing up that the extended family I felt the most kinship with didn't have children and didn't seem tortured over it and led 'normal' lives.
Ah yes, they can never male up their minds!
I know quite a few couples in their 50/60s who are child free. They all enjoy their hobbies and spent time going on weekends away etc. I guess they live similarly to parents of the same age as the kids have moved out but they don’t have the grandkids to look after.
For me I’d love the kids in later life, but I don’t want one before it’s like 22
To me I’ve seen my one friend with a kid really struggle. Her partner is a waste of space, their house is pretty ropey and they have no money. The kid is 2 and she’s gone back to work full time and they are still skint. She didn’t have him at the best time nor with the best person. I know she loves him, but I think deep down if she was to have her life again she’d do it differently that’s for sure.
Neither my husband or I had overly loving families growing up and I think that has influenced our choices partly.
I totally get the not dating if someone does or didn’t want kids. If you want a long term relationship would you date someone who only wants a fling, no. Yes people should date you for you, but ultimately you date for the future. If you are dead set on kids, you want to date someone who shares that view in their future or your just wasting your time.
My husband and I got together at 19. We both always thought kids were on the cards but as time has passed neither of us have had that urge. We’ve agreed that if one says no, that’s final. We’ve also agreed that if we do want them we will only try naturally and if it’s not mean to be we have to accept that.
I’m not bashing anyone for their life choices but there’s more to life than kids and it’s sad people write people off based on that one thing. But like someone else said, this is a childfree thread so I’m going to be biased
Childfree role models. Mine include a distant cousin and his wife who live in the south of France - he's manager of a vineyard, she works in design. They live in the countryside and are very content with their lives.
A friend and her husband - she uses her spare time to bake, travel and learn languages - she's on her 6th language.
I totally get being open about children relatively early on in dating, it's part of a person's value system. If I was single, I'd want to know by the third date or sooner whether someone wants children (or even has children as I wouldn't want to be a step-parent - I was part of a blended family growing up and it was a negative experience), because I wouldn't want them projecting ideas about having the picture perfect wife, kids & house. Certainly not with me anyway.
A friend and her husband - she uses her spare time to bake, travel and learn languages - she's on her 6th language.
I totally get being open about children relatively early on in dating, it's part of a person's value system. If I was single, I'd want to know by the third date or sooner whether someone wants children (or even has children as I wouldn't want to be a step-parent - I was part of a blended family growing up and it was a negative experience), because I wouldn't want them projecting ideas about having the picture perfect wife, kids & house. Certainly not with me anyway.
Quoting myself but I realise I probably sound really selfish in my thought processes above, but I feel what I feel, I’m still trying to process the relatively new revelation that I might want to be childfree
Omg yes they really push for children. The amount of women that pretend they are infertile and take the pill in secret and have secret abortions because they feel that they cannot say no. Men are not the ones that get trapped with children, as evidence proves they can leave the family home and it be a societal norm that they only have them every other weekend and they still be a good father. There is no way mothers are able to do this without mass stigma, ‘what is wrong with her’, ‘I wonder what she did’, ‘what mother leaves their children’, ‘FairPlay to their dad, I really take my hat off to him for stepping up’……
I think you need to be selfish to an extent when making decisions for your future. It has to be what you want, it has to make you happy. I think it makes perfect sense to rule out a potential life partner if they don’t want the same things in life as you. There’s no sending kids back (unfortunately
)You have every right to feel as you feel.
I see it as, having children may be your goal or dream in life. Where are someone else it may be travelling. Your life partner needs to share or embrace these goals too or you will not fulfil it. If you want to travel but the person you are dating refuses to, you have to deiced if you want to stay, to me its the same as kids. Not everyone is willing to give up on their dream and nor should they.
Lots of my relationships and even my marriage ended because men lied and said they didn't want kids while they waited for me to change my mind because they wanted kids and I didn't.
I would never bash anyone who wants children and you can obviously date and not date someone for any reason you like. Life goals and dreams need to match up and no one should give up their absolute dream to have kids if that is what they want.
Just personally, what I've seen with some men is that they absolutely want kids but have a set idea of what that will look like. For example once presented with a situation like - "Ok, I will get pregnant, have the baby and then head back to work and you, the husband/male partner, will go part time/give up work and look after the baby, run the house" etc it totally catches them off guard. They didn't consider it that way. Basically, I think many women give more thought to whether they truly want children as they know the reality they are getting themselves into.
I recently saw on a FB thread that a friend was lamenting her friend's partner, as he was really keen to take 6 months parental leave because he saw it as an opportunity to start a master's degree
My dad started saying he wants grandchildren so I got a lovely big boy of a cat. Now, my parents Skype with him and call him grandson.
As I’ve said many times before I have no issue with people wanting children, nor would I ever date a man who did as I know first hand how that works out. However, what I love about this thread is that it is one of the only places where you can share your childfree joy without being attacked for it. I really don’t think we need people who say ‘but why would he/she date someone who didn’t want kids’ etc. YES WE KNOW, WE GET IT! No need to tell us yet again! I’m all for open opinions and I’m not getting personal with anyone I promise, I just think it’s hard enough for us to navigate a world where we are not even considered normal. People who want or have kids will never understand that.
My response ‘I want parents who don’t interfere’!View attachment 709314
My dad started saying he wants grandchildren so I got a lovely big boy of a cat. Now, my parents Skype with him and call him grandson.
Absolutely this. It's why I'm glad this thread exists and I will post about childfree joys and frustrations with abandon. Our choices are considered abnormal, subversive and even morally questionable.
I think more people are becoming sympathetic as the pressures of climate change take their toll, but even then, "Ways you can help the environment," tend to focus on going plant-based or using those awful soggy paper straws, than considering the carbon footprint a single child born in the West leaves.
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