Child free don't want kids
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Or where they weren’t, they were wealthy enough to outsource a lot of the domestic grind … to other women. To me, that’s one of the big elephants in the room when you start talking about feminism, in that until fairly recently, it was pretty much a white, middle-class movement and the experiences of poor women, WOC and other groups just didn’t feature. The discussions about intersectional feminism are interesting but you can’t help feel that a lot of women are only able to enjoy professional success by reinforcing gender stereotypes at home and employing other women to cook, clean and care for the kids.
I think it depends on the faction of feminism you're looking at. When I was involved in liberal feminist movements of the early 00s, it was definitely white & middle-class, with hand-wringing from wealthy women about whether it's feminist to hire a nanny. 
On discovering radical feminism, I learned much more about the voices and contributions of women of colour going back to the 60s & earlier and felt like I'd found my people without having to twist myself into a pretzel rationalising things I felt uncomfortable with.
On discovering radical feminism, I learned much more about the voices and contributions of women of colour going back to the 60s & earlier and felt like I'd found my people without having to twist myself into a pretzel rationalising things I felt uncomfortable with.
I've realised one of the reasons why I like my local coffee shop so much - the space and tables means it's impossible for groups of women with pushchairs to take over and occupy the space for several hours at a time whilst their kids make mess, and then piss off without making any effort to clear up
I kind of agree, kind of don’t. Many of the figureheads of second wave feminism that I refer to were definitely not wealthy, and quite a few not white, so I’m not sure who you are referring to?
In the UK, a lot of second wave feminism was made up of events like work strikes (e.g. the famous Dagenham strike, the Grunwick strike). These were working class women with no outsourced domestic work. The figureheads of the Grunwick strike were asian women. The BWLM was mostly working class women, too. There was also the Night Cleaners movement in the 70s, which aimed to highlight the exploitation of women for domestic work.
Obviously many of the Black women who were part of the second wave in the US have noted how difficult it was for them (Alice Walker, bell hooks), with their race-specific aims not being made priorities. However, in general, the second wave WAS concerned with racism and was born out of the civil rights movement in the US. The UK arguably less so, but there was definitely still a lot of talk around race and class. I can’t think of any wealthy white woman who took centre stage except maybe Barbara Castle?
I do agree with your last point and think that has always been an impossible bind, which is what you’re referring to - either you work & do everything, you work & outsource, or you stay at home & do everything. There is no winning choice; that is the fault of men and the patriarchy. I am loathe to blame wealthy women for outsourcing to less wealthy women when their only choice is quit their job and do it themselves, or outsource. What do you do? Women lose either way. I don’t know what the answer is.
I don’t think this is the elephant in the room as such as it is just another layer of shitness that (some) feminists are trying to combat. And I should also say, I think this idea that domestic work is not good work isn’t true - it’s just that domestic work is not valued by men, and therefore is not well paid or adequately appreciated (again, thanks patriarchy!). Domestic work is a true backbone of a healthy society, especially in public spaces.
Obviously many of the Black women who were part of the second wave in the US have noted how difficult it was for them (Alice Walker, bell hooks), with their race-specific aims not being made priorities. However, in general, the second wave WAS concerned with racism and was born out of the civil rights movement in the US. The UK arguably less so, but there was definitely still a lot of talk around race and class. I can’t think of any wealthy white woman who took centre stage except maybe Barbara Castle?
I do agree with your last point and think that has always been an impossible bind, which is what you’re referring to - either you work & do everything, you work & outsource, or you stay at home & do everything. There is no winning choice; that is the fault of men and the patriarchy. I am loathe to blame wealthy women for outsourcing to less wealthy women when their only choice is quit their job and do it themselves, or outsource. What do you do? Women lose either way. I don’t know what the answer is.
I don’t think this is the elephant in the room as such as it is just another layer of shitness that (some) feminists are trying to combat. And I should also say, I think this idea that domestic work is not good work isn’t true - it’s just that domestic work is not valued by men, and therefore is not well paid or adequately appreciated (again, thanks patriarchy!). Domestic work is a true backbone of a healthy society, especially in public spaces.
Yep the 3 options are crappy because women lose either way. Even if you outsource it, the time that you spend away from your kids will never come back.
As a childfree woman I do not want kids because I consider my time more valuable. Therefore having a child would take that away from me.
But for women with kids it is a daily struggle since they feel guilty for not being present enough with their kids or guilty for not being present enough at work. There is literally no benefit for women. Which is why a lot of countries are now trying to push women to have kids by removing abortion rights (like the US), banning them from certain jobs (like Russia) or preventing them from choosing to remove their uterus. Almost every country even the most developed ones refuse to do an hysterectomy until the women have 1 or 2 kids or are in their 50s.
We are still viewed as incapable of deciding about our bodies. We can not consider ourselves as equal to men until we have a total control over our bodies.
I don't think your allowed to have a hysterectomy in Ireland by choice, am I right?
I think the only reason I'd be temped to have a kid is to dress it up all cute. Lol thankfully my cat is easily bribed by treats and looks absolutely adorable in clothes
I think the only reason I'd be temped to have a kid is to dress it up all cute. Lol thankfully my cat is easily bribed by treats and looks absolutely adorable in clothes
What do you mean 'by choice'? Surely the only reason you'd have a hysterectomy is if it was a medical necessity? Nobody just decides they want to have a hysterectomy for no reason.
My cat is Hulk and he tore off the Santa suit I bought him.I don't think your allowed to have a hysterectomy in Ireland by choice, am I right?
I think the only reason I'd be temped to have a kid is to dress it up all cute. Lol thankfully my cat is easily bribed by treats and looks absolutely adorable in clothes
Would still prefer my cat over children.
You would struggle to get a hysterectomy by choice anywhere in the world, it’s a major operation and would prematurely begin the menopause which is not medically advisable. Sterilisation yes, perhaps privately.
Adding my child bearing knowledge but women getting a C section and have 3+ kids can ask to be sterilised during the procedure. Otherwise it can be extremely difficult to get the process done (again, based on experience).
The long term heterosexual couples I know tend to go down the vasectomy path as it is much easier for men to get one. And even then they're usually asked numerous times if they have their partner's consent.
The long term heterosexual couples I know tend to go down the vasectomy path as it is much easier for men to get one. And even then they're usually asked numerous times if they have their partner's consent.
I had a hysterectomy at 47, it's not something anyone in their right mind would choose. Not just the invasive procedure and the early menopause but it changes the shape of one's body significantly. I ended up with a flat arse and a sticky-out belly.
My friend had one at 42. Obviously from necessity too.
Didn’t know this thread was a thing, hello to my people 
I used to think I wanted kids but as I grew older, I realised meh, maybe not. My friends would get broody and coo over babies, and I’m sitting there wondering what is so great about that noisy lump of flesh in a pram? I also used to say I’d only have kids so my parents could have grandkids, but now? Naaaaaah, sorry ma & pa, that just ain’t happening
I’m close to the end of the ~normal~ age range for having children, bit annoying realising that I’ve had all those periods for no reason whatsoever, but hey ho.
I get some smirks and snooty comments about it - but seriously, I feel like I should be the one smirking at them, trying to control their screeching crotch goblins whilst I flit around doing whatever the hell I bloody well choose!
I used to think I wanted kids but as I grew older, I realised meh, maybe not. My friends would get broody and coo over babies, and I’m sitting there wondering what is so great about that noisy lump of flesh in a pram? I also used to say I’d only have kids so my parents could have grandkids, but now? Naaaaaah, sorry ma & pa, that just ain’t happening
I’m close to the end of the ~normal~ age range for having children, bit annoying realising that I’ve had all those periods for no reason whatsoever, but hey ho.
I get some smirks and snooty comments about it - but seriously, I feel like I should be the one smirking at them, trying to control their screeching crotch goblins whilst I flit around doing whatever the hell I bloody well choose!
I find kids a bit boring. I like my friends children but I prefer their pets.
I was at a party a while ago and there was a really cute little dog there so I picked it up and carried it around for a while. Someone said to to me that if the dog was a child they'd be worried. Lol. Your kids are safe, mate. I'll take the wee woofer though
I was at a party a while ago and there was a really cute little dog there so I picked it up and carried it around for a while. Someone said to to me that if the dog was a child they'd be worried. Lol. Your kids are safe, mate. I'll take the wee woofer though
My husband had a vasectomy for this reason. It was super easy for him though. The dr asked if he was married and then asked once if we wanted kids. My husband said no and they put him on schedule straight away. In out, done. I can't get a gyno to take my ovarian cyst pain seriously, I think it would be extremely difficult to get a bisalp. It's so fucked up.
ah thank you! I just wasn't sure but as you say about the menopause I realize it isn't what I had thought it was. I had thought it was like an easy sterilization type even though it would be an operation but yeah that makes sense that it would be way more complex bc of hormones and that.
I had meant in the sense that I don't want kids, hysterectomy gets ride of the organ that is required for having kids. I did not think about the bigger picture of menopause and hormones' etc. I got the words wrong I guess and meant a sterilization although I am unsure what and how that would work cos I had assumed it was the same thing.
Were you thinking of tube-tying? They seal your Fallopian tubes so no eggs are released.
I'm mid thirties with a teenager. I would rather unload a shotgun into my vagina than go through all that again. I'll be dead by 50, the heart will just give in eventually 
Yeap that's the one! They can either remover the tubes or make them blocked by using heat to cause scares on the inside to block them. I know you get put asleep for it so it is a big enough surgery.
Is this an elective surgery does anyone know?
My mum's favourite thing to say when I was a teenage witch was "I hope you have a daughter exactly like you!". Then wondered why I didn't want kids...I'm mid thirties with a teenager. I would rather unload a shotgun into my vagina than go through all that again. I'll be dead by 50, the heart will just give in eventually
- Status