Childfree

[Anne1448]

This absolutely does my nut in. *Man changes nappy* "OMG, he's so great with kids!" Same goes with the fawning over men who do basic household chores.

Huh this reminds me of a funny story. My father used to be a stay at home dad for a few years. When other mothers saw that he was dropping my brother every day they complimented him. One day my mother and I dropped my brother and one mother said "It is nice of your husband to drop your child. You are very lucky.". My mother being the very direct woman that she is replied "He is a father, that's his job. Do you clap for a fish when it is swimming too?".

At the time I couldn't understand what she meant but being an adult now it makes so much sense.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Similarly inviting a friend out and they need to check if *husband* can have child. WTF.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Similarly inviting a friend out and they need to check if *husband* can have child. WTF.

I saw this on a group I am on, we're trying to arrange drinks for ladies in my town. Someone said I'd love to come, will need to see if my husband can watch the girls. I get it's about being considerate of each other any maybe its the wording i.e, I need to see if my husband has plans but then in another though it works both way, husband should never make plans and assume mum will just have the kids. Sorry I was rambling a bit there.

 

[newtoyou]

I didn't know this thread existed, I've just read all 18 pages

I'm childfree, relationship free and pet free. I've never had any interest in "settling down", I can't think of anything worse than living with a partner who's there all the time. I don't want to have to consider any other thing or person, I can go to gigs/sports/holidays/out out without having to arrange for someone to look after the dog/child. It's often easy to get better tickets for things if you just want one than if you need two! I love doing stuff alone.

I'm not a high powered career person either - I have a good job that allows me to have my holidays and enjoy the things I want, because all my money is for me. I don't have to think about buying pet food or accounting for potential vets bills, my disposable income is my own and I feel so in control.

I got out of bed at 11.45am today, a few weeks ago it was quarter to two in the afternoon on weekdays I get up at 8.40 to start work at 9 and even before WFH I was lucky enough to work a short walk away so when some of my colleagues were already at work for an 8.30 start I'd just be rolling out of bed to start at 9. I can't bring myself to get up early enough for breakfast let alone sort out a child or animal. I'm in my pyjamas now since I finished work for the weekend at 5 last night and I intend to stay in them until Monday

If anyone asks me if I want children my reaction is genuinely "oh god no - I can't think of anything worse." I say it jovially but it generally stops the questions!

I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on any dates because I'm just not interested.

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

I relate to this so much, we have the same exact situation

Sometimes people will say “oh you have an easy/chilled life” in a certain tone and I just think well you decided to get married and have children. It’s not my fault you have to deal with spending time with in laws, an annoying husband and constantly worried about your children I honestly have no interest in making an effort with other people!

 

[Kim Mild]

Similarly inviting a friend out and they need to check if *husband* can have child. WTF.

I saw this on a group I am on, we're trying to arrange drinks for ladies in my town. Someone said I'd love to come, will need to see if my husband can watch the girls. I get it's about being considerate of each other any maybe its the wording i.e, I need to see if my husband has plans but then in another though it works both way, husband should never make plans and assume mum will just have the kids. Sorry I was rambling a bit there.

This could be a whole other thread on it's own . I'm sure men do just make their own plans and I don't think women do, even without kids

 

[hereforthedrama1]

This is the thread I dreamed of. I am childfree and have been adamant on the fact this is how I will remain since I was a child myself. I do not like children, I'd sometimes go as far to say I hate them. I'm an anti-natalist (I think that's the word) I believe the world is dangerously over populated and that having children in this current climate is extremely selfish/stupid. England has been in and out of lockdown for the last 16 months and I know of loads upon loads of people who have purposely gotten pregnant and given birth in that 16 months, they will then go on to complain that no one can come and see baby, moan about hospitals etc. As if they didn't know there was a pandemic and these restrictions are readily available for you to find out about! Sorry but you get no sympathy from me. I've been with my bf for 4.5 years and the pressure people try to instil is ridiculous. I really don't care if you 'were married with kids at my age' because I will never be married or have kids. And these same people openly express how much they dislike their own kids, why did you have kids if you don't like them? Chiming in on the couple of posts about men being congratulated for every small thing, I 100% agree. Society coddles these grown ass adults far too much for things that are just normal things to do. Maybe life in the 60s was different but people need to realise that times have in fact changed and that men are fully capable of looking after themselves and sometimes (shock, horror) other people

 

[Lanavalentine]

Seth Rogan is my fave child free person! He’s spoken openly about him and his wife choosing not to have kids quite a lot!

Love Seth and his wife. Their childfree life sounds amazing :

"We have so much fun. I don't know anyone who gets as much happiness out of their kids as we get out of our non-kids. Like, we're bleeping psyched all the time. We're laying in bed on Saturday mornings smoking weed, watching movies naked. If we had kids, we could not be bleeping doing this."

There are actually a LOT of celebs who have talked openly about choosing not to have kids. Off the top of my head:

Stevie Nicks
Oprah Winfrey
Kim Cattrall
Tracee Ellis Ross
Helen Mirren
Diane Morgan (Motherland)
Nick Offerman & Megan Mullally
Alison Brie & Dave Franco
Jon Hamm
Christina Hendricks
Miley Cyrus

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

This is the thread I dreamed of. I am childfree and have been adamant on the fact this is how I will remain since I was a child myself. I do not like children, I'd sometimes go as far to say I hate them. I'm an anti-natalist (I think that's the word) I believe the world is dangerously over populated and that having children in this current climate is extremely selfish/stupid. England has been in and out of lockdown for the last 16 months and I know of loads upon loads of people who have purposely gotten pregnant and given birth in that 16 months, they will then go on to complain that no one can come and see baby, moan about hospitals etc. As if they didn't know there was a pandemic and these restrictions are readily available for you to find out about! Sorry but you get no sympathy from me. I've been with my bf for 4.5 years and the pressure people try to instil is ridiculous. I really don't care if you 'were married with kids at my age' because I will never be married or have kids. And these same people openly express how much they dislike their own kids, why did you have kids if you don't like them? Chiming in on the couple of posts about men being congratulated for every small thing, I 100% agree. Society coddles these grown ass adults far too much for things that are just normal things to do. Maybe life in the 60s was different but people need to realise that times have in fact changed and that men are fully capable of looking after themselves and sometimes (shock, horror) other people

Yeah one of my friends was 8 months pregnant when we locked down and her husband wasn’t allowed in with her and my heart did break for her, admittedly, but every fucker who’s gotten pregnant since this shitshow started and then had the gall to complain needs a bit of a shake, tbh. Nothing screams narcissism like the determination to create a mini-me at a time of global crisis.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Oh don't get me started on pregnancies during lockdown. Ridiculously foolish in my opinion.

I have a colleague who is too 'scared' to be at work while pregnant because of her face to face role with the public....well why did you get pregnant then? And yes it was intentional, they were trying for 5months.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Literally cannot understand why anyone would want to bring a child into this shitshow of a planet at the moment

 

[springer123]

Similarly inviting a friend out and they need to check if *husband* can have child. WTF.

I have always wanted to just go out for the day without saying anything just to see what happens. Leave the kids with him and see how he manages.

 

[miamae]

I have two children so I guess I don’t really belong on this thread, however I always snoop on here as I am envious of you all! I had my first at 16 and second at 21 and while I wouldn’t change them for the world, I have been an anxious hot mess since I’ve had them and I have no life other than work and being a mum. I won’t have anymore as I am too career focussed (recently a qualified college lecturer) and by the time in mid 30’s I can hopefully have some independence back I think you are all fab and it is so lovely to see that none of you feel pressured into having kids as honestly, it is so damn hard and the worry is unreal. Hopefully I will be living my best life like you guys in the near future

 

[PaintPots]

Literally cannot understand why anyone would want to bring a child into this shitshow of a planet at the moment

I feel the same way. Now and the future is so fucked, why bring children into it

 

[Keikochan]

I am retired from working due to medical reasons. While I was still working, I needed some reasonable adjustments due to my progressive disability. To be completely honest I was met with discrimination & ignorance. For instance I had set hours Mon-Fri (sounds crazy I know ). People would say, "why do you have set hours! You don't have kids, so&so has kids so they need set hours...". Like no hun I don't have kids, I do have a disability though. So&so choose to have their kids & they should be happy with that, they also should of figured out their schedule before implementing their plan to have the kid/s. I did not choose to be disabled!!!!!! I don't have a choice in this & I am just trying my very best to survive.
The ignorance & stupidity in this world scares me.

 

[Lanavalentine]

I am retired from working due to medical reasons. While I was still working, I needed some reasonable adjustments due to my progressive disability. To be completely honest I was met with discrimination & ignorance. For instance I had set hours Mon-Fri (sounds crazy I know ). People would say, "why do you have set hours! You don't have kids, so&so has kids so they need set hours...". Like no hun I don't have kids, I do have a disability though. So&so choose to have their kids & they should be happy with that, they also should of figured out their schedule before implementing their plan to have the kid/s. I did not choose to be disabled!!!!!! I don't have a choice in this & I am just trying my very best to survive.
The ignorance & stupidity in this world scares me.

I’m so sorry. That’s so tit of them. You should have been top of the list!

Honestly, people talk about the childfree being selfish, but the vast majority of parents are the selfish ones in my experience. Don’t even get me started

 

[Joannabloggs]

I don't know of I'm selling women down the river but I honestly think 2nd wave feminism fucked us over. Before the 70s, most women had to worry about the home and kids and their husbands worried about working to pay the bills. However since the 70s we're still expected to be run the home and be primary care giver as well as hold a full time job and contributing half to bills. All the while, not much has changed for men and they dip in and out of the fun tasks of raising kids.

The patriarchy is still in full effect and the best thing women can do is not add to their workload and have kids

 

[JoeBloggs]

I don't know of I'm selling women down the river but I honestly think 2nd wave feminism fucked us over. Before the 70s, most women had to worry about the home and kids and their husbands worried about working to pay the bills. However since the 70s we're still expected to be run the home and be primary care giver as well as hold a full time job and contributing half to bills. All the while, not much has changed for men and they dip in and out of the fun tasks of raising kids.

The patriarchy is still in full effect and the best thing women can do is not add to their workload and have kids

I agree on some elements. My grandma was given house keeping and dealt with the home and the kids, my grandad dealt with everything else, cars, bills, insurance, holidays. I feel like as a woman I’m expected to do all that, my husband can’t even sort his own MOT, all while holding down a job, cleaning, cooking etc. Throw kids into the mix, I have no idea how anyone has the time!

 

[Lanavalentine]

I don't know of I'm selling women down the river but I honestly think 2nd wave feminism fucked us over. Before the 70s, most women had to worry about the home and kids and their husbands worried about working to pay the bills. However since the 70s we're still expected to be run the home and be primary care giver as well as hold a full time job and contributing half to bills. All the while, not much has changed for men and they dip in and out of the fun tasks of raising kids.

The patriarchy is still in full effect and the best thing women can do is not add to their workload and have kids

That’s a bit of an oversimplification of second wave feminism.

You have to look at it like steps towards freedom from patriarchy. Before second wave feminism, women were pretty much forced to be housewives only (or, especially for WOC, work menial housework jobs). The second wave pushed for women to have careers, ambition and equal opportunity in the workplace.

We wouldn’t be where we are today if that hadn’t happened. None of us would have careers. It’s just a huge shame that feminists have not been able to make the progress that is so desperately needed (like breaking gender stereotypes so that women aren’t forced to do all childcare).

It’s also worth noting that many of the figureheads of the second wave were childfree by choice!

 

[Kim Mild]

I have always wanted to just go out for the day without saying anything just to see what happens. Leave the kids with him and see how he manages.

He'd probably report you missing.

Seriously though, I often think I should start behaving like a man

 

[Anne1448]

That’s a bit of an oversimplification of second wave feminism.

You have to look at it like steps towards freedom from patriarchy. Before second wave feminism, women were pretty much forced to be housewives only (or, especially for WOC, work menial housework jobs). The second wave pushed for women to have careers, ambition and equal opportunity in the workplace.

We wouldn’t be where we are today if that hadn’t happened. None of us would have careers. It’s just a huge shame that feminists have not been able to make the progress that is so desperately needed (like breaking gender stereotypes so that women aren’t forced to do all childcare).

It’s also worth noting that many of the figureheads of the second wave were childfree by choice!

Yep I agree with everything you said.

Also, women worked since day one. The only ones who never worked were upper class. But the lower class worked since day one. Even kids were working at 6 or 7 years old to help their families.

The main difference is that due to labour being carried by African and Asian countries the unions lost their powers. So women from the upper class had to start working to bring an extra income if they wanted their families to survive. There is a reason why this shift happened in the 80s. It relates to the rise of China and its cheaper workforce. Prior to the 80s one income would easily guarantee a safe life for an entire family with kids but employers moved their workforce to the East. So now less jobs are available in the West and when they are the salaries are almost the same as the 70s-80s.

Women still carry the burden of the household chores while coming back from work. Until men are willing to adapt to fit this new era that we are in birth rates will consistently plummet.

The pandemic showed the inequalities. Women with kids were struggling to maintain both professional and personal spaces. I am not surprised that people are divorcing left and right. Also, there was a study conducted which resulted in women's happiness being higher when single than married. It was worst for women with kids.