You dodged a bullet when many would have stuck it out
Kids subconsciously want boundaries and will thrive with the balance of love, boundaries and discipline.
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Kids subconsciously want boundaries and will thrive with the balance of love, boundaries and discipline.
I’ve seen similar behaviour from parents too. I can’t understand the mentality. I feel like my mum took pleasure from teaching me I couldn’t have what I wanted when I wanted!I used to have some friends who have since divorced, but they raised their baby on the assumption that if his needs were not being met 100%, then they were going to cause him irreparable psychological damage. A group of us went to the pub when this kid was a toddler - he was throwing stuff, parents were like, "Can you pick up your shoes mate? Can you say hello, buddy?" (Mate, buddy) and when he went to pull the blinds off a window, a friend - not his parent, took him away and said, "No, you don't break things." This kid howled in a rage, because it was one of the only times anyone had given him a boundary of any kind.
They've had no end of problems with him at school - refusing to wear the uniform, disrespecting teachers, refusing to do homework etc. They then started seeking a medical label for his behaviour, refusing to acknowledge he was a product of the permissive environment they had raised him in. They did not get the medical labels they desired.
A lot of our friendships are with childfree people anyway, but out of the parents we know, they are their parents and their children are the children - not their pals, mates or the centre of the universe.
I used to do work placements in a school and speaking to the teachers there (it was my old primary actually), they said the behaviour of the children is just declining each year. They’ve seen a huge uprise in children that are screaming, lashing out at the teachers and just generally being disrespectful and even they’ve said, they never really saw this sort of behaviour years ago.
I hate this whole chasing a medical diagnosis when the kid is just a naughty brat too. I’ve met children with autism and adhd and you can tell the difference between a child who has one of those conditions, compared to a child who’s just a brat. There’s a massive difference in their behaviour. I’m not an expert obviously, but clearly not every child who is a brat has something wrong with them.
a girl I used to go to school with has labelled her little boy as autistic, although she’s had no diagnosis despite seeing doctors. He will quite often say things to her like, “this present is rubbish” or “it’s not fair, such and such got this at school, everything I have is rubbish” and she will give in and pander to him and she will buy him what he wants to make him feel better… instead of teaching him manners! I saw her mum once dragging him through a shopping centre kicking and screaming…
I agree totally. This reminds me of a FB post my friend posted a while back.
Basically he said, if he had called his parents stupid or insulted them in public, when he was younger, then he would probably have ended up in a shallow grave next to the dog in the back garden.
Ofcourse he was exaggerating, but everyone got the point.
It’s so true. My life wouldn’t have been worth living if I’d done that!
I remember having a massive tantrum in the middle of a theme park when I was a kid and my dad dragged me back to the car and we went home immediately... These days you hear parents trying to reason with their kids or threatening to go home but never following through (I suppose when you've spent £100+ on a day out you're hardly going to go home after 10 minutes). But I'll never forget feeling absolutely mortified that we had to go home and that my dad made a scene (though I was probably making a bigger scene
) and I never did it again! We're having a few days away at the moment and we're staying on a caravan site so there are lots of families around. I've really noticed that parents just don't keep a proper eye on their kids... Toddlers toddling about not holding hands and wandering into the path of strangers who then have to do a little dance around them to avoid knocking them over. When parents notice, they don't try and guide them back in the right direction they just laugh and leave them trailing behind. I've seen more than one run into the road, then when their parent runs after them they think it's a game and run even further!
How can I stop my immediate (inner!) reaction when I see another friend announce their pregnancy being “that’s a shame” 
Like I am genuinely happy for them but it always feels like that’s one less friend I have now. So utterly selfish of me. I just can’t imagine anything other than sheer terror at seeing a positive test. Sometimes I feel like an alien - women are meant to want kids, what is wrong with me!
Like I am genuinely happy for them but it always feels like that’s one less friend I have now. So utterly selfish of me. I just can’t imagine anything other than sheer terror at seeing a positive test. Sometimes I feel like an alien - women are meant to want kids, what is wrong with me!
I feel this so hard, I literally have what I would describe as nightmares about finding out I’m pregnant. Wake up in a cold sweat. No thank you!
I'm almost 30 and whenever a friend or colleague announces they're pregnant in my head I think 'ooohh no what are you going to do?'How can I stop my immediate (inner!) reaction when I see another friend announce their pregnancy being “that’s a shame”
I just can't comprehend that people would choose to have children willingly!I had a pregnancy scare (well wasn’t really a scare, just had a really late period so did a couple of tests) and I can honestly say I felt an actual hatred towards what I thought might be growing inside me like it was just some parasite
Not today thanksI want to hand them a leaflet like in The Simpsons, "So you've ruined your life." #tongueincheek-ishHow can I stop my immediate (inner!) reaction when I see another friend announce their pregnancy being “that’s a shame”
A positive pregnancy test would be so devastating to me. I've been more paranoid about becoming pregnant recently, even though I'm getting on in age
I suggested doubling up on contraception to my husband; either a vasectomy or using condoms. He opted for the latter
Exactly what I'm like!! My friend (who already has kids and we're both mid-thirties) told me her older sister was pregnant and I was like "and is she... Happy?" I just assumed it was not planned because why would it be plannedI'm almost 30 and whenever a friend or colleague announces they're pregnant in my head I think 'ooohh no what are you going to do?'
Hard same
I don't say "I'm happy for you" or "Congratulations" anymore I just say "That is exciting for you" or something similar. Because it will be super exciting for them when they have kids to wrangle amongst water shortages, mass political unrest and another pandemic.
I don't say "I'm happy for you" or "Congratulations" anymore I just say "That is exciting for you" or something similar. Because it will be super exciting for them when they have kids to wrangle amongst water shortages, mass political unrest and another pandemic.
And worse, use you as a sounding board when the kids are driving them up the wall because they fear shaming if they vent to their parent friends. We get it, parenting can be difficult and children can be challenging, but we're not the emotional dumpsters to score 'cool hip' parent points with, because you think your child is behaving like a ****.I need to find more CF friends so that I don’t have to keep worrying about when the next one goes over to the dark side
I have found my tribe!!! I love reading this thread and agree with everything that has been mentioned! I need to find some child free friends in my new area xx
Hello folks! Some childfree news articles you may find interesting:
Asian Tatler article on women who are childfree and the cultural norms they are up against
Article on study of childfree people in Michigan (spoiler: they're happy. Study also linked at the bottom of the article)
French nationals going childfree to save the planet
Asian Tatler article on women who are childfree and the cultural norms they are up against
Article on study of childfree people in Michigan (spoiler: they're happy. Study also linked at the bottom of the article)
French nationals going childfree to save the planet
Aaaagghh can parents stoppppp saying “I’m child free today” when they mean their kids are at school or with a babysitter?!
It’s OUR word. You’re not in our club, as much as some of you want to be
It’s OUR word. You’re not in our club, as much as some of you want to be
I thought it was just me who gets really bugged by this
Sorry if it’s already been posted on here but does anyone else follow this Instagram? I’m quite enjoying some of the case studies of women living amazing lives thanks to being child free: https://instagram.com/wearechildfree_?utm_medium=copy_link
Obviously it’s extremely professionally run so a lot of the things I would say about parents and parenting are avoided or couched in considerably more polite terms
I don’t want kids because I grew up dirt poor, abandoned by an abusive father who couldn’t be arsed working anyway, my mum had to go back to work full time when I was three months old, I have a neuro-developmental disorder with associated mental health problems that I would dread passing on, I’m only just getting my body to a normal state after two decades of a pretty damaging eating disorder, and we’re only just in a comfortable financial position. I grew up constantly terrified of losing our house, in hand-me-downs (I was the oldest!), missing out on school trips or having to beg to be let on. I couldn’t ever pass that on to a child, even without the fear of ecological and geopolitical apocalypse which is coming.
It does seem to me that everyone I know getting pregnant or with children is either extremely working class (my relatives) and it’s not common to seek a career or question the accepted life path, OR they’re pretty privileged (a lot of my friends), not the product of broken homes, and have utopian visions of sending little Harold and Helga to private school.
Another factor in not wanting them is that I simply don’t like kids very much. I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid. Fortunately my husband doesn’t want children either (although he has a grown up son) and I just don’t understand why we - or anyone - would ruin a lovely life with expensive, irritating progeny who needed our absolute attention 24/7/365.
I think my biggest bugbear about 80+% of my friends having children is what utter bleeping bores they become? These are smart, driven, funny women: doctors (medical and academic), lawyers, heads of huge departments in the civil service, and a year with a baby and they’re just bleeping idiots? A friend sent me a video of her child puking the other day. Why?!?! Every meagre scrap of socialising is predicated around kids and easy locations for them and their availability. I feel like a dog waiting under a table for some of their time to fall off a plate loaded with filled nappies and inane chat about buggies.
I’m fortunate to have some really good childfree friends but honestly, every time another one announces that she’s up the duff I feel like posting an obituary.
Obviously it’s extremely professionally run so a lot of the things I would say about parents and parenting are avoided or couched in considerably more polite terms
I don’t want kids because I grew up dirt poor, abandoned by an abusive father who couldn’t be arsed working anyway, my mum had to go back to work full time when I was three months old, I have a neuro-developmental disorder with associated mental health problems that I would dread passing on, I’m only just getting my body to a normal state after two decades of a pretty damaging eating disorder, and we’re only just in a comfortable financial position. I grew up constantly terrified of losing our house, in hand-me-downs (I was the oldest!), missing out on school trips or having to beg to be let on. I couldn’t ever pass that on to a child, even without the fear of ecological and geopolitical apocalypse which is coming.
It does seem to me that everyone I know getting pregnant or with children is either extremely working class (my relatives) and it’s not common to seek a career or question the accepted life path, OR they’re pretty privileged (a lot of my friends), not the product of broken homes, and have utopian visions of sending little Harold and Helga to private school.
Another factor in not wanting them is that I simply don’t like kids very much. I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid. Fortunately my husband doesn’t want children either (although he has a grown up son) and I just don’t understand why we - or anyone - would ruin a lovely life with expensive, irritating progeny who needed our absolute attention 24/7/365.
I think my biggest bugbear about 80+% of my friends having children is what utter bleeping bores they become? These are smart, driven, funny women: doctors (medical and academic), lawyers, heads of huge departments in the civil service, and a year with a baby and they’re just bleeping idiots? A friend sent me a video of her child puking the other day. Why?!?! Every meagre scrap of socialising is predicated around kids and easy locations for them and their availability. I feel like a dog waiting under a table for some of their time to fall off a plate loaded with filled nappies and inane chat about buggies.
I’m fortunate to have some really good childfree friends but honestly, every time another one announces that she’s up the duff I feel like posting an obituary.
Omg, I feel this so much. Someone in my family has a 2 year old - so not even a baby anymore - and the other day I got a text saying ‘wow what a big boy X is, he did a wee in his potty!’ With an image…I was thinking no, surely they didn’t send me a picture of this child’s urine in a potty? Yep, they did. Honestly, completely bizarre behaviour. I get that every parent thinks their kid is the cutest thing since sliced bread but SURELY they cannot think we all want to see this kind of thing? What on earth goes through these people’s heads…I will never understand it.
One incident that really stood out to me was when someone in an old workplace had a baby. She was very senior but also really friendly and I really looked up to her, she was a real career woman. Anyway when she was shortly coming back from mat leave, she brought the baby in to see us. And this amazing professional career woman stood happily chatting away to us, not noticing at ALL that her baby had just puked all down her arm. She didn’t even flicker. Someone else pointed it out to her. And I just thought yeah…that life is really not for me.
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