Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[mdizzl3]

I love hanging out with my mum and dad but hardly anyone I know (late 20s) hangs out with their parents much. Some of the friends i went to school with moved abroad, and I know a lot of people who don’t speak/aren’t on good terms with their parents. Having kids is not a solution to loneliness

I like mine but I’m not a “family” person, I see them every few months and that’s enough for me. They’re people in their 50s that I don’t have loads in common with apart from memories and being related, at the end of the day! My worst nightmare would be to have one of those families that live on my road and come round for tea every day, do not want anything like that. Luckily my more weird/bigoted ones family members abroad If I did have a kid I would kick them out at 18, cannot be dealing with 30-somethings living at home. One of my friends earns 80k but is so bad with money he still lives with his parents at 30 and has saved duck all (but has a BMW and goes for Michelin star meals and holidays). Imagine thinking parenting ends at 18 then having to deal with that.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I like mine but I’m not a “family” person, I see them every few months and that’s enough for me. They’re people in their 50s that I don’t have loads in common with apart from memories and being related, at the end of the day! My worst nightmare would be to have one of those families that live on my road and come round for tea every day, do not want anything like that. Luckily my more weird/bigoted ones family members abroad If I did have a kid I would kick them out at 18, cannot be dealing with 30-somethings living at home. One of my friends earns 80k but is so bad with money he still lives with his parents at 30 and has saved duck all (but has a BMW and goes for Michelin star meals and holidays). Imagine thinking parenting ends at 18 then having to deal with that.

I spend way too much time with my parents, I work with my dad and I see my mi usually once a week/fortnight. I’m an only sibling so I’ve always been treated a bit more of an equal than a child. Always part of money decisions etc.

 

[CosmicCreepers]

Mini rant here. Someone at my work has a 1 year old child. Last week they only came in for one day as their child care let them down. Fair enough, I get it. But then this week, they told the manager they were coming back as it was all sorted. And yet again, they still didn’t come in as child care let them down again. Their story isn’t adding up (changing elements of it everytime they call in). My manager said they can’t give them a disciplinary because check this, childcare issues can’t be questioned.

So I said well, I guess I’ll have to get pregnant soon then and I’ll be able to have all the time off I like obvs joking. But they must not need the money because it’s all unpaid!

 

[ElectricDreams]

Mini rant here. Someone at my work has a 1 year old child. Last week they only came in for one day as their child care let them down. Fair enough, I get it. But then this week, they told the manager they were coming back as it was all sorted. And yet again, they still didn’t come in as child care let them down again. Their story isn’t adding up (changing elements of it everytime they call in). My manager said they can’t give them a disciplinary because check this, childcare issues can’t be questioned.

So I said well, I guess I’ll have to get pregnant soon then and I’ll be able to have all the time off I like obvs joking. But they must not need the money because it’s all unpaid!

Parents do seem to get a better deal. My partner has asked at work if he can do a 9 day fortnight. They trialled it a while back and at the time it wasn't something he was interested in, but now it would suit our current situation if he could. He'd be working the same number of hours just slightly longer each day. They came back to him and said it was probably going to be a no, unless it was a good reason ie childcare. It's like that's the only reason people might want to adjust their working hours.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I love hanging out with my mum and dad but hardly anyone I know (late 20s) hangs out with their parents much. Some of the friends i went to school with moved abroad, and I know a lot of people who don’t speak/aren’t on good terms with their parents. Having kids is not a solution to loneliness

I see my mum probably once a week. Usually at the weekend as that’s when I’m not working. She’s early 60’s, has health problems and needs help with certain jobs. I live in a different town to her.

 

[Millais]

It seems that if you want to go part time or some sort of flexible working for health reasons or just because, it can’t be done. But if you have a kid - do whatever you want! Even if they’re very specialised and it leaves everyone in the tit when they’re not in and you need their expertise. Whereas if you’re lower down and your skill set overlaps with that of ten other people but you don’t have kids, suddenly things would fall apart without you specifically.

 

[penny1992]

I see my parents every few years as I live abroad and flights to the Uk are extorionate. They do not really put the effort in to visit us either soooo yeah! It's a pain to get to where I am from as it is a tiny city with no direct flights from where I live.

 

[Saddlesoap]

I see my parents every few years as I live abroad and flights to the Uk are extorionate. They do not really put the effort in to visit us either soooo yeah! It's a pain to get to where I am from as it is a tiny city with no direct flights from where I live.

Hang on a minute. I thought you'd be looking after them in their old age?

 

[Ladybird90]

I have found my people!

One thing that bothers me is employer benefits. My work offer 12 weeks (it might even be longer) full pay maternity pay then it drops down to statutory maternity pay.

However, as a cf woman, where is my opportunity to take 12 weeks off with full pay? I have the choice to take unpaid sabbatical leave but even then I have to go through different discussions and seek authorisation, as opposed to just being entitled like maternity pay.

 

[mdizzl3]

And it’s so sexist - why do men not get a year off? How can we expect gender equality, more senior women and less deadbeat dads, when we only give dads a pathetic 2 weeks off? They’re going to do duck all bonding in that time.

Another reason to add to my long list of why I’m childfree….I’m quite a sensitive person. If someone is rude to me I will think about it and be annoyed for anywhere between 3 days and forever. Parenting seems to invite everyone’s opinions on how you do it, especially from your own family. I have to bat off my family’s opinions with a broomstick already, let alone if I had kids! That’s why I like them mostly living abroad. All these parents that say it’s so great getting “help” from in-laws - I wouldn’t want help that come attached with judgemental advice and others trying to tell you what to do. So many threads on Mumsnet about grandparents trying to give veggie children meat etc. I can only imagine what kind of dumbass views my parents would give a kid in a weekend

 

[pinkmug]

I think my neutral dislike towards children is about to take a wild turn towards hate if co-workers don't stop bringing their offspring to the building.

For the past couple weeks, I keep listening to infants and toddlers wailing outside our office door and I don't know what's going on. I may have to put up with this hateful sound when I'm out and about but not in the office ffs. The sound of a child crying/screaming (especially if they are just being a little tit) truly makes me want to put my head through the wall. I don't even want to hear the adults around me at work, why would anyone keep bringing their little kids here? I keep earplugs at my desk because even the normal sounds are too much sometimes but I'm real tired of every space being treated like an after school activity.

 

[mdizzl3]

I think my neutral dislike towards children is about to take a wild turn towards hate if co-workers don't stop bringing their offspring to the building.

For the past couple weeks, I keep listening to infants and toddlers wailing outside our office door and I don't know what's going on. I may have to put up with this hateful sound when I'm out and about but not in the office ffs. The sound of a child crying/screaming (especially if they are just being a little tit) truly makes me want to put my head through the wall. I don't even want to hear the adults around me at work, why would anyone keep bringing their little kids here? I keep earplugs at my desk because even the normal sounds are too much sometimes but I'm real tired of every space being treated like an after school activity.

Ugh that is unacceptable - you should complain to HR or your manager. It’s like the new trend of dogs in the office - they kept suggesting that at my old job. If they ever did that I would have to quit my job or be fully remote, because I’m allergic and don’t like being around them. Nowadays everyone seems to want to impose their way, if they like something then everyone must like it and be around it. Start blasting drum and bass in the office when their kids come in…

 

[HeyBabes]

I work as cabin crew, we’re grounded as soon as we find out we’re pregnant, so that’s 9 months, then a year after the birth. So essentially we get nearly 2 years off, then always get to come back part time. And guess who it is that picks Up the slack, us child free full timers! And there are countless women who have a baby, have their 2 years off, come back for a couple months, then go off pregnant again

 

[Tyla73]

Ugh that is unacceptable - you should complain to HR or your manager. It’s like the new trend of dogs in the office - they kept suggesting that at my old job. If they ever did that I would have to quit my job or be fully remote, because I’m allergic and don’t like being around them. Nowadays everyone seems to want to impose their way, if they like something then everyone must like it and be around it. Start blasting drum and bass in the office when their kids come in…

We allow dogs in the office occasionally (I'm the Office Manager so I get to say if it's allowed) but it's on the strict understanding that if you want to bring your dog in it's planned in advance, you check it's ok with every single person who will be in that day, and if anyone objects for any reason at all then you don't do it. And then if you bring them in and they are disruptive or damage anything they won't be coming in again.

We've also had the occasional child in the office for the day but they've always been older children who just sit quietly and amuse themselves, so not distruptive.

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Someone I work with has brought their kids into the office before during office hours (despite having the option to work from home whenever they want and being quite senior so very comfortable pay). Why is that acceptable?? Disturbing everyone in the office, sat at their computer with sensitive client data everywhere, talking loudly. And then they want to introduce the kid to everyone? I don't care! I don't want to meet your kid! I work in a professional adult environment and it's just not appropriate.

Are there are childfree places left aside from bars and nightclubs

 

[Satisfying Click]

I'm one of those people who sees work places as work places, and not a zoo, creche or therapist's office. I don't want to bring my whole self, nor do I want to have to pretend to give a tit about a kid or someone's dog. I'm there for the coin (thank feck I WFH).

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I’m scared of dogs and I’d feel quite on edge if someone brought a dog into the office.
I struggle enough in shops when people bring dogs in as a lot of places allow that now (i don’t mean assistance dogs).

 

[really_whythough]

I'm one of those people who sees work places as work places, and not a zoo, creche or therapist's office. I don't want to bring my whole self, nor do I want to have to pretend to give a tit about a kid or someone's dog. I'm there for the coin (thank feck I WFH).

Same for me. I run my own business and work hard for my money. I want to enjoy it for myself and prioritise my own pleasures, needs and wants.

I travelled recently (SO much easier and cheaper without kids) and saw a fair few bored looking teens/tweens being taken along on trips my harried/exhausted looking parents. I’m sure they had *lovely* moments but I couldn’t help looking at them and thinking god, they’ve paid for every scrap of clothing those kids are wearing, the stupid unicorn suitcase, the plane fare, every morsel of food they’ve ever eaten (and all the overpriced rubbish they’ve refused to touch too). I just couldn’t fathom it as something that you start and then it NEVER ENDS.

I previously wanted kids (I think it was mostly societal conditioning and absolute naivety) and had I done what I’d imagined my future should hold, I’d be tethered to a partner I now never want to speak to again (this has happened to a friend of mine too, they share a daughter and hate each other) and have a 10 year old or something instead of the flourishing business I’ve built. Feels like the right choice for me!

 

[mdizzl3]

You’re right about the holidays - I stopped going on family holidays as a teen because we could only afford self-catering, I had to wash up and share a room with my toddler brother who woke up at 7am. Plus my parents idea of a holiday is just lying on the beach for 2 weeks as they work so hard. Was crap for me so I stopped going and visited family abroad instead!

My dad took me to Bali at 13 - it was absolutely wasted on me I was jetlagged and culture shocked as I’d never been out of Europe, spent the whole first week in my room watching Nickolodeon, spent the 2nd week doing flying trapeze club at the hotel. Only ate the “British” food. Think I left the hotel a handful of times. What a waste - could have done all that in Spain - I would love that Bali holiday now!

 

[aidil]

I’m scared of dogs and I’d feel quite on edge if someone brought a dog into the office.
I struggle enough in shops when people bring dogs in as a lot of places allow that now (i don’t mean assistance dogs).

I find this new trend for shops allowing dogs inside absolutely bonkers! And that’s coming from a vet nurse. Not everyone likes dogs and they should be able to shop in peace without being scared. It’s just giving in to the kind of people who haven’t trained their dogs to be happy alone for a few hours.