Childfree by choice #5

[Anne1448]

Having a baby seems like such a make or break situation for so many couples. So many couples seem to feel like their relationship is strong and good and then when they add a baby in it seems to go one way or the other a lot of the time.

I see so many women getting cheated on when pregnant and then being left shortly after the birth. Or just women being left only a few months/years into the baby being born.

Or women staying in relationships even though their partners NEVER help with the children.

I looked at the mommy thread on Tattle the other day and I really wanted to hug some of these women. The body shaming, gaslighting, lack of love and disrespect that some of them go through with their partners is infuriating.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Or women staying in relationships even though their partners NEVER help with the children.

I looked at the mommy thread on Tattle the other day and I really wanted to hug some of these women. The body shaming, gaslighting, lack of love and disrespect that some of them go through with their partners is infuriating.

Oh yeah it’s awful isn’t it. I remember seeing one person on here with two young kids who was being strung along by her cheating partner who was only staying with her because he wanted to make sure his knew woman would have him permanently.

How people deal with this tit and have kids to cope with at the same time is beyond me.

 

[pencilpen]

I have a few friends like this, utterly miserable and stuck with useless partners who don't pull their weight yet they stay as financially and logistically theyre trapped- also scared of them getting fed up and leaving so do all of the child related stuff.

 

[Princesst]

Having a baby seems like such a make or break situation for so many couples. So many couples seem to feel like their relationship is strong and good and then when they add a baby in it seems to go one way or the other a lot of the time.

I see so many women getting cheated on when pregnant and then being left shortly after the birth. Or just women being left only a few months/years into the baby being born.

Just from looking at my own friends as an example I think that’s because there’s always one person in the relationship that wants kids more than the other so one ends up giving in to something life changing. Which never ends well. My two best female
friends both got “pushed into” (in their own words ) having children by their husbands who felt like they were getting older. In both these situations once the babies are actually born the dads then really regretted having them (again their own words). One said what the F have we done, our life is ruined . But my friends then developed some kind of overwhelming/consuming bond with the babies they initially didn’t really want and then have no relationship with their husbands. So now their marriages are both in complete turmoil. From the outside it looks/sounds like a total disaster.

 

[ATV2021]

Just from looking at my own friends as an example I think that’s because there’s always one person in the relationship that wants kids more than the other so one ends up giving in to something life changing. Which never ends well. My two best female
friends both got “pushed into” (in their own words ) having children by their husbands who felt like they were getting older. In both these situations once the babies are actually born the dads then really regretted having them (again their own words). One said what the F have we done, our life is ruined . But my friends then developed some kind of overwhelming/consuming bond with the babies they initially didn’t really want and then have no relationship with their husbands. So now their marriages are both in complete turmoil. From the outside it looks/sounds like a total disaster.

Sounds like 1 of my friends. She wasn't bothered about having kids, husband kinda forced it and was all proud when she was pregnant. Kids 5 now and I think he's looked after him once? He also goes out whenever he pleases, doesn't check/ask if OK. Think I've seen her for 1 dinner minus kid in that time frame. Even my birthday she only came for the lunch then left

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Just from looking at my own friends as an example I think that’s because there’s always one person in the relationship that wants kids more than the other so one ends up giving in to something life changing. Which never ends well. My two best female
friends both got “pushed into” (in their own words ) having children by their husbands who felt like they were getting older. In both these situations once the babies are actually born the dads then really regretted having them (again their own words). One said what the F have we done, our life is ruined . But my friends then developed some kind of overwhelming/consuming bond with the babies they initially didn’t really want and then have no relationship with their husbands. So now their marriages are both in complete turmoil. From the outside it looks/sounds like a total disaster.

I just couldn’t take that risk. Even if my husband did change his mind and want one, it would be a no. I always think, we are happy as we are, why change things?

Honestly I know 3 women, all who I used to work with, they all got cheated on by their long term partners when they were pregnant and they all got left less than a year after the babies were born.

I just couldn’t imagine feeling vulnerable and all over the place after having a baby and then finding out that while we were seemingly happy, he was off with another woman and then to be left with a young baby during what should be the best time of our lives. I couldn’t. It would break me.

 

[Falkor]

I wouldn't let my husband get cows for exactly the same reason - he'd be all over them for a week and then they'd be my responsibility! Sheep I can handle on my own, cows I'm very wary of. Fortunately a couple of years ago he needed some sand and a neighbour of ours told us he could go and get some out of the back of the dunes on her farm, so off he went with the quad and a couple of empty feed sacks to fill up. Her bull was in that field, saw him filling the feed sacks and thundered over with an expression of 'SECOND BREAKFAST!!!!' Husband nearly shat himself as 750kg of prime Aberdeen Angus came trotting up to him and hasn't raised the cow question again since

 

[imbackagain]

Got confetti all over my car this morning because of a gender reveal… I was not a happy camper!!

 

[GirlOnTheTrain]

Got confetti all over my car this morning because of a gender reveal… I was not a happy camper!!

Ugh, gender reveals are so hideously naff…

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Also what about that Chris watts guy who murdered his wife, unborn son and two young children just because he had met a new woman and wanted to start a fresh…

he had never shown anything other than kindness towards his wife during their relationship and was a good dad up until this point. This savage act was totally out of character apparently.

scary stuff.

 

[ElectricDreams]

My partner is even more anti-kids than I am.... If either of us were going to have a wobble about having kids it would probably be me. Not that I would. Apart from the dreadful genes in my side of the family I'm definitely the wrong side of 40 now!

 

[TaylorMomsen]

I wouldn't let my husband get cows for exactly the same reason - he'd be all over them for a week and then they'd be my responsibility! Sheep I can handle on my own, cows I'm very wary of. Fortunately a couple of years ago he needed some sand and a neighbour of ours told us he could go and get some out of the back of the dunes on her farm, so off he went with the quad and a couple of empty feed sacks to fill up. Her bull was in that field, saw him filling the feed sacks and thundered over with an expression of 'SECOND BREAKFAST!!!!' Husband nearly shat himself as 750kg of prime Aberdeen Angus came trotting up to him and hasn't raised the cow question again since

This is the best post I have ever read on tattle and I follow the Kate hayes threads which are hilarious!

 

[penny1992]

I just couldn’t take that risk. Even if my husband did change his mind and want one, it would be a no. I always think, we are happy as we are, why change things?

Honestly I know 3 women, all who I used to work with, they all got cheated on by their long term partners when they were pregnant and they all got left less than a year after the babies were born.

I just couldn’t imagine feeling vulnerable and all over the place after having a baby and then finding out that while we were seemingly happy, he was off with another woman and then to be left with a young baby during what should be the best time of our lives. I couldn’t. It would break me.

Reminds me of the influencer Liv Purvis. Now I don't know if her husband had an affair or who left who but they seemed happy together from the outside. They had a baby last year and now they are separated. Now she lives on her own with the baby. Poor girl, she seems lovely.

 

[al255]

I’m a mum to a nearly 3 year and I love this thread. I’ve got to be honest I never wanted kids but I have ONE AND I AM DONE. I’ve got to say though I can’t stand anyone else’s kids. I hate those mums that say “my partner has never pulled his weight since our 1st baby” yet they’ve had more with them.. if your partner isn’t helping with your baby, and you’re fed up and sick of it all.. why are you then having more??? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

The dad looks really fed up and I’m not surprised. Just having to watch that video had drained me.
I watched some more of their videos and someone has said he looks like the guy with no neck from 90 Day Fiancé. 🫣

 

[mdizzl3]

One of the comments has got me thinking - so smacking is now unacceptable because it’s “physical abuse” and if you hit an adult it would be assault. Fine, I get that. But then, if we’re comparing the behaviour to an adult….isn’t disciplining your child also abuse? If you told your husband what time to go to bed, what they can and can’t do, didn’t let them watch TV, punished them in any way for behaving not to your liking - it’s coercive control. So do we just never discipline children then?

I once went to a counsellor and mentioned that my friends used to get grounded but I didn’t go out much anyway as I was into gaming, so my punishment for not doing homework/tidying was having the computer password taken away for a week - he told me that’s abuse lol. With modern attitudes like that, no wonder all kids basically just do what they want and run the entire household. I don’t think you can apply adult standards to children - their brains aren’t developed enough to be treated like adults and given full freedom. But I see so many people asking their toddler “what would you like to do today” and wondering why their kid’s a spoilt brat!

 

[shadowcat5]

One of the comments has got me thinking - so smacking is now unacceptable because it’s “physical abuse” and if you hit an adult it would be assault. Fine, I get that. But then, if we’re comparing the behaviour to an adult….isn’t disciplining your child also abuse? If you told your husband what time to go to bed, what they can and can’t do, didn’t let them watch TV, punished them in any way for behaving not to your liking - it’s coercive control. So do we just never discipline children then?

I once went to a counsellor and mentioned that my friends used to get grounded but I didn’t go out much anyway as I was into gaming, so my punishment for not doing homework/tidying was having the computer password taken away for a week - he told me that’s abuse lol. With modern attitudes like that, no wonder all kids basically just do what they want and run the entire household. I don’t think you can apply adult standards to children - their brains aren’t developed enough to be treated like adults and given full freedom. But I see so many people asking their toddler “what would you like to do today” and wondering why their kid’s a spoilt brat!

This is a bit of tricky one for me cause IMO discipline is supposed to teach, not punish. A child doesn't have capactiy to understand responsibility, safety, socially acceptable behaviour so the job of a parent is to teach a child those things and that actions have consequences (which imo, is really not something we teach enough of nowadays but that's besides the point).
You shouldn't need to tell your husband when to go to bed cause he should already know that he needs sleep cause it's important. A child won't know that. Or at the very least, an adult would know that they're experiencing consequences of their own actions and it is their own fault. You can't expect a child to have the self control or knowledge to get off their phone/game and go to bed or else they will be tired tomorrow. I don't think their brain is developed enough to make the action (staying up late) vs. consequences (being tired) leap. If i stay up late on my phone and i'm tired the next day that's my responsibility but I am a grown woman who absolutely knows better.

I agree that taking the computer password away is not abusive but I also think the punishment has to fit the crime and the child because otherwise a child will behave out of not wanting to get punished rather than understanding why. So many times as a kid (i am autistic though so maybe this plays a role here) I would or wouldn't do something not cause I understood why, I just knew that xyz would happen if I did. I personally would have preferred to have someone say "you have to do this/you can't do that because xyz'. It does depend on the child though.

I also think some parents punish kids for either stupid reasons or punish kids so much that it loses severity. I had a friend who had such strict parents, they would punish her for not being ready on time, punish her for not doing homework, punish her for forgetting to do a chore, punish her for her room being a mess. It was relentless. She spent most of her teen years grounded/no phone/no laptop/no friends etc.. She never actually learned her lesson though cause she was never actually taught anything. She's now nearly 30 and still consistenly late and disorganised. She did a college course and would do the assignments the night before they were due despite the years of grounding for not doing homework. If she's going on holiday she will pack the suitcase 45 minutes before she's due to leave.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

The dad looks really fed up and I’m not surprised. Just having to watch that video had drained me.
I watched some more of their videos and someone has said he looks like the guy with no neck from 90 Day Fiancé. 🫣

Looks like a kid with no boundaries. Parents fault entirely.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

There is someone on Insta (I’ll try and find what the page is called, something like gentle parenting), but she posts about how she doesn’t tell her kids to do anything because it’s disrespectful…

so if she tells her kids to pick their coat up and put their shoes away and they don’t, she will say “oh it’s okay mum will do it today because you are tired, but next time you need to do it yourself”.

these are like primary school age kids+. Totally ridiculous because then when they go to work they think they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do!

I’m not saying kids have to do chores, but at least picking up after yourself, keeping your room clean and tidying up your own mess should be the basics.

 

[5678]

The dad looks really fed up and I’m not surprised. Just having to watch that video had drained me.
I watched some more of their videos and someone has said he looks like the guy with no neck from 90 Day Fiancé. 🫣

Sorry but she is a bleep for filming all that. Absolutely horrendous and her partner looks so unhappy.