I just mean that she's a very sweet woman, so the rare times where I did something really wrong - I was yelled at, but I was mostly told that when mommy tells me I can't do something it's for my own good, because she loves us, wants us to be protected. I was mostly always spoken to calmly - if I had emotional outburst when I was very small I was told mum is sad or disappointed because I hurt her feelings for x, y, z. - her parenting made me pretty well behaved. I rebelled and made life hard for my absent, authoritative, neglectful parent. - The more I grew up, the more I saw who was there for me even during the not so fun parts.
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I’m 29 and married also, husband happy with being childfree though lots of people tell me he will want kids one day and leave me 
I swear I was well behaved as a kid - my mum would reason with me, so I played quietly in the morning because I knew she was sleeping, stopped pulling leaves off a plant because she said the plant would hurt, gave away old toys to charity because she explained about poor families that can’t afford them new. Even as a teenager the worst thing I did was have one too many WKDs and throw up - no sex/drugs/disappearing. Spent most of teen years playing games online!
My brother on the other hand was a BRAT who didn’t give a tit who was sleeping and ran around the house from 7am every morning - I only started getting on with him when he turned 18
TBH that was probably the main thing that made me childfree - seeing the reality with a sibling 10 years younger.
I online shop because I hate supermarkets (can’t steer a trolley either!)….
I swear I was well behaved as a kid - my mum would reason with me, so I played quietly in the morning because I knew she was sleeping, stopped pulling leaves off a plant because she said the plant would hurt, gave away old toys to charity because she explained about poor families that can’t afford them new. Even as a teenager the worst thing I did was have one too many WKDs and throw up - no sex/drugs/disappearing. Spent most of teen years playing games online!My brother on the other hand was a BRAT who didn’t give a tit who was sleeping and ran around the house from 7am every morning - I only started getting on with him when he turned 18
TBH that was probably the main thing that made me childfree - seeing the reality with a sibling 10 years younger.I online shop because I hate supermarkets (can’t steer a trolley either!)….
I think there’s definitely a major shift in behaviour and lack of discipline. Not all discipline has to be physical abuse though. I don’t agree with that at all as a child who unfortunately experienced it. I think communication, teaching and explaining goes a long way. A lot of time if parents just got off their phones & interacted with their children, it’d probably be a big improvement. One of my best friends kids is obsessed with phones, he’s 2…. She says “oh I think he’s going to be techy” … nah it’s Because she’s ALWAYS on it and it has her attention when he doesn’t. It’s not hard to work out. 
wholeheartedly agree with this. I had a friend who would sit on her phone while her kid watched a film. I remember once we walked her home from school and she wouldn’t let the little one play in the park that’s literally 5 minutes from her house because she didn’t want to stand there. Poor kid did no after school activities at all.I think there’s definitely a major shift in behaviour and lack of discipline. Not all discipline has to be physical abuse though. I don’t agree with that at all as a child who unfortunately experienced it. I think communication, teaching and explaining goes a long way. A lot of time if parents just got off their phones & interacted with their children, it’d probably be a big improvement. One of my best friends kids is obsessed with phones, he’s 2…. She says “oh I think he’s going to be techy” … nah it’s Because she’s ALWAYS on it and it has her attention when he doesn’t. It’s not hard to work out.
Then she’d wonder why her kid would still be up at 9pm. Hmmm… maybe because your kid is sitting around watching tv all evening? Because she’s got no real routine?
Eta: I’m obviously not a parent but I don’t think it takes genius to work that one out.
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I agree completely, physical abuse is not 'discipline', it's abuse. Speaking as someone who practised family law until fairly recently, a lot of parents simply don't want to parent, and there seems to be a huge increase in parents then saying their kids have ADHD or something rather than behavioural problems resulting from poor parenting. It's very shoddy all round. I do think reasoning and communication goes a long way, when I was a child my Dad always used to say 'because I said so' if I asked why I had been asked to do something for example, then resorted to violence when I continued to behave in the way he didn't want me to (because I didn't see the need as I didn't understand the rationale). In my view parenting in this way doesn't work, children might not have highly developed reasoning skills but they're mostly not morons either, and if you really can't deal with a situation then violence is never the answer. It infuriates me when parents give their kids ipads or phones to watch to keep them quiet, recent research actually shows that just 2 hours of screen time daily results in lower GCSE grades, so this kind of lazy parenting is extremely detrimental to child welfare. Bottom line as per usual - if you can't be bothered to raise a child properly (like me, tbh) just don't have one.I think there’s definitely a major shift in behaviour and lack of discipline. Not all discipline has to be physical abuse though. I don’t agree with that at all as a child who unfortunately experienced it. I think communication, teaching and explaining goes a long way. A lot of time if parents just got off their phones & interacted with their children, it’d probably be a big improvement. One of my best friends kids is obsessed with phones, he’s 2…. She says “oh I think he’s going to be techy” … nah it’s Because she’s ALWAYS on it and it has her attention when he doesn’t. It’s not hard to work out.
Exactly, this is age appropriate 'reasoning' for a small child. Doesn't have to be complex to be effective.
this is what I would describe as “proper discipline”. It means actually teaching a child behaviour = consequence and it’s their responsibility to behave appropriately. Exactly how your mum did e.g “You can’t climb the wall because it is dangerous, you might fall off and get hurt. That would be upsetting for both of us. If you climb the wall again you won’t be allowed to play in the garden until I can trust you not to do that” and then follow through with that.
ETA: I really don’t pretend to know everything but it just seems obvious that treating a child like an actual human being who is capable of understanding will get you much better results.
agree, and it worked. In my little kid mind things were pretty smooth sailing because that kind of discipline was just out of love, not control or anything negative? hard to explain. Out of the two she's the one who never physically abused me as "discipline". No need for it.
I'm 39, got married 1 month before turning 39 and have been and still get asked about starting a family now I'm married!
Also love my best friend but her constantly whining about sleep deprivation grates on me! She has facilitated it by allowing her 6 year old to come into their bed whenever he likes and then she complains about him kicking her! Her reasoning is that she was allowed and did sleep in her parents bed till she was about 12.
When her first child was born our mutual friend had a baby at the same time and my bestie thought she was heartless over putting baby in her own room from 6 months. I stayed at my besties when baby was a few months old and she woke me in the middle of the night to come sway her baby because she needed the loo and couldn't possibly leave him unmollycoddled for 2 minutes!
Also love my best friend but her constantly whining about sleep deprivation grates on me! She has facilitated it by allowing her 6 year old to come into their bed whenever he likes and then she complains about him kicking her! Her reasoning is that she was allowed and did sleep in her parents bed till she was about 12.
When her first child was born our mutual friend had a baby at the same time and my bestie thought she was heartless over putting baby in her own room from 6 months. I stayed at my besties when baby was a few months old and she woke me in the middle of the night to come sway her baby because she needed the loo and couldn't possibly leave him unmollycoddled for 2 minutes!
I’m 32, single and very happily child free. It genuinely seems to bother some people! The amount of times I’ve been questioned is unreal.
I'm 31 and can't wait to be past an age where people ask 
. I dread the questions though as I am never prepared with good answers. We always get asked about marriage too and I feel just as awkward answering that. Why do we have to justify it? 
. I dread the questions though as I am never prepared with good answers. We always get asked about marriage too and I feel just as awkward answering that. Why do we have to justify it? Roll on the menopauseI'm 31 and can't wait to be past an age where people ask
Oh yes! 26 and I’m near liverpool!
I am nowhere near any of those places but always up for a childfree meet up
I was talking to some new colleagues at work the other day and the question came up... Do I have/want kids. The mum of 5 in her 40s looked at me as if I'd grown 2 heads when I said "absolutely not, I like my life as it is" while the 17 year old just shrugged and said "that's cool". I was quite surprised that the older person was more judgemental if I'm honest, I don't know if it's because she's a parent and can't possibly see another point of view?!
Probably, also I’d imagine the 17 year old hasn’t given it any thought cause they’re 17
Side note though, why are people so offended when you say you don’t want kids? People get so defensive as if you’re attacking their life choices
Because they interpret ‘I don’t want children’ as ‘I don’t want your life/agree with your choices’ and take it very personallyProbably, also I’d imagine the 17 year old hasn’t given it any thought cause they’re 17
Side note though, why are people so offended when you say you don’t want kids? People get so defensive as if you’re attacking their life choices
Near Manchester also!
Probably, also I’d imagine the 17 year old hasn’t given it any thought cause they’re 17
Side note though, why are people so offended when you say you don’t want kids? People get so defensive as if you’re attacking their life choices
Yeah possibly, she did say she wanted 2 kids, though we work in a nursery so she might change her mind I don't understand why my childfreeness offends other people, it's like being a parent means they can't possibly see another point of view because they are so blinded by love for their kids... Or resentful that we'll be avoiding all the stress that goes with parenting!
That is interesting though because if anyone should be offended it’s the child free. Society agrees with parenting more than it agrees with women being child free.
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