Childfree by choice #5

[Gem_woody]

I appreciated the regret story for the brutal honesty, as it's quite rare to see. Sounds horrible but I kind of enjoy hearing how hard it is because it reaffirms my choices and makes me appreciate my peaceful life/freedom even more

 

[shadowcat5]

Saw this on the meme thread and thought you'd all appreciate it

 

[shadowcat5]

My mum started calling me selfish for possibly not wanting children. I’m sick and tired of this bullshit. Then when I try and explain why that’s a toxic thing to say to someone she gets angry. Stating what else am I going to spend my money on, she said I don’t need anymore “stuff” or “holidays”. I’m actually livid. Anyone else experienced similar things or conversations with their parents?

I told my mother once that I don't exist to give her grandchildren and she genuinely replied with 'well why do you exist then?' Even my step dad went ape shit about it. I have my suspicions about why she said but it's entirely her problem anyway

 

[Anne1448]

Have we been infiltrated by a person with a child who is telling us what to do with our time? Again?!

I love this thread but it is driving me mad to have to question every poster's intentions. Is our title not direct enough?

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

I'm glad I've never subjected another human to be forced to exist in this utter clusterfuck of a world.

 

[milkywaymelon]

I'm going on a rant. Someone has just had the cheek to tell me that my opinion on having children would be different if I was with the right partner...WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT!?!

I'm 31 I have an amazing boyfriend, we have been together for 7 years, we have a great relationship. I've known for most of my life that I didn't want to be a mother and made sure I picked a partner who also didn't want kids.

I'm so angry!!!

 

[HoGi]

Spoiler

I'm reading "This is going to hurt" at the mo, the book written from a doctor during his early days in a maternity/gyn ward. And honestly, one particular line cemented it for me that kids ain't ever happening, a stage 3 tear, where you rip from your V to your sphincter, horrified me! I knew you could rip from your V to your A, but your sphincter too, oh my god

Stage 4 goes even further!

Can also rip through your clit.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Wtf! Why is it my problem if someone who can’t have kids is ‘offended’ that I don’t want them cope or die mad about it

 

[Pebbleybeach]

Went back to work today after a couple of weeks off and I have a new workshop trainee. I was ridiculously happy when someone asked her if she has kids (strangely this is never asked of the male crew ) and she replied no and she never bloody wants any either. I have found a friend

How old is she? If she’s under 75 she will probably change her mind…

 

[Anne1448]

A friend was carrying on because people were letting fireworks off… on NYE. the baby was asleep at this point.

Luckily my sister is really chilled. I accidentally dropped something on the baby’s forehead the other week and I felt terrible, still do now but my sister wasn’t phased.

I wasn’t following lily pebbles at this point, but apparently her and her husband would sit in silence downstairs when their first born was in bed. Sod that. My mum used to hoover under my cot when I was asleep.

My parents used to throw parties while my siblings and I were fast asleep.

Actually, if we woke up in the middle of the party, we were told to just grab a blanket and sleep on the couch between two guests having cocktails. The 90s were wild

 

[newtoyou]

Wish I could like this x100 I don’t know how this became acceptable honestly. I struggle with sensory overload but especially noises so I have to brace myself every time I enter a shop but dunno how this just became the accepted norm. I don’t shop in person much because it’s always an awful experience now but do the parents just not hear it?? If my husband started shouting & screaming while shopping I wouldn’t appreciate it why do kids get a free pass??

Let’s go back to the olden days where children should be seen and not heard Or in our case on this thread, not seen or heard

 

[newtoyou]

People with kids can actually bore off telling us we need interests isn’t that literally an admission that your kids are in lieu of your personality? Boring

Maybe they misunderstood when we were talking about the dread we feel when friends start having kids. It’s not all about us suddenly feeling lonely or left out, it’s about the absolute bore fest that is having to listen to them talk about their kids, or even worse having to spend time with the kids. It’s like being forced to have a very small new friend that you don’t want.
It didn’t mean we need a replacement for friends.

 

[HeyBabes]

Money to spend on who and what I want, and to come home from a long day at work and not have a kid screaming at me for something

 

[Jane Porcupine]

Vent incoming.

A friend texted me yesterday. We used to be very close but after she had a baby during the pandemic, it was hard to keep in touch for multiple reasons and we've settled back into casual friends these days. She asked me how I am, I told her that I was pretty tired but dealing with it, and asked how she was doing. She said I couldn't comprehend how tired she was because she had covid again and she has a one year old on top of it, and there was a meltdown at home because she has to stay away from the baby during her quarantine... And she went on for 5-6 more texts like this until the conversation fizzled out again.

I really do understand needing to vent and wanting some sympathy, I'm not cross with her for telling me how she's doing, but this is all our conversations ever since she's had her baby. She asks how I'm doing out of courtesy, ignores my answer and then continues to only talk about how terrible she's doing and by the time she's done, I honestly have nothing helpful to say because I don't have kids and my advice is only surface deep, which is why I don't tend to offer much. I used to feel guilty about letting our friendship fizzle because I felt like I should have been more present for her, then I think about how any of our chats go and how little she's interested...

I think it's nobody's fault but the single/childfree/childless part shouldn't always take the blame for dead friendships. I always hear how parents complain about losing friends after having kids, but I never hear advice on how new parents can keep in touch with friends, instead of always expecting the other part to do the work. Mind you, I don't mind accommodating tight schedules of friends or meeting them halfway; we've gone months, sometimes years without having a single face-to-face chat with some of them and when we meet again, it's like no time has gone by. Perhaps if people have a strong enough bond, it'll survive the no-contact weeks or months and the other ones will die a slow death while we awkwardly try to patch things together.

I'm tired of blaming myself for the state of our friendship and at this point in life, I think I'll pass on relationships that feel like a chore and I don't want to feel like my time or feelings are less valuable because I am not a parent.

The bit in your post about not having anything helpful to say, I've been there! My sister used to complain a lot about things she was struggling with, with my nephew and I'd end up trying to help just for something to say. (NB I would express sympathy also.) Then she told me she didn't appreciate the suggestions particularly from someone with no experience. So I said to her, well what do you want me to do then, sit there in silence while you bang on and on about the same stuff every time we talk?

I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to do all the hand holding, awww poor you, your life is so hard, no one has it harder than you etc.

Fuck off.

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

This GIF is always good to keep handy.

 

[malibu skies]

My friend’s son has recently been diagnosed with autism (he’s 9) and her life is SO hard. She’s a wonderful parent, but seeing how much pain and stress she goes through on a daily basis reconfirms that I should never have children because I absolutely would not cope with what she does.

Obviously not every child will have those additional needs but one of my very unpopular opinions is that too many people have children without considering the long term future beyond a cute baby. What if your child does have additional needs, or is disabled, or something else - are you able to cope with that?

 

[Your Da Sells Avon]

I sometimes nosey on Mumsnet and there is yet another post trending asking about why do women decide to be childless (obviously posted by someone with children who always wanted them). Why cannot people just accept there are plenty of women who don’t want children and are resolute in that regard?! I don’t go round asking friends & family with children why on earth did they decide to. Infuriates me.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

I think to choose a child free life and live it successfully really does require interests to occupy your time, particularly as you get older. They don’t have to be wild and exciting interests, but as your more and more of your circle of friends have families of their own you need something in place beyond coming home and chilling on the sofa with the same person every night which feels very different in your late 40s than it does in your late 20s.

A lot of people in their 40s have got children who have flown the nest, potentially to countries the other side of the world. They will be chilling on the sofa with the same person every night.

 

[HeyBabes]

The most disgusting thing happened on my flight today (I work on planes) a mum came on with her toddler, and we all know how disgusting airplane toilets are. she opened the door after having changed her kid’s nappy, and this kid was crawling all over the toilet floor(which is covered in other folks piss and all sorts) and then the mum sits her back down in the seat, and hands her some food, without cleaning her hands. All I’m thinking is she’s going to have a fun night because her kid is going to be sick as a dog. Some peoples shitty parenting is astounding

 

[rosemarina]

I’ve had the green man thing too! I get it that it must be mind numbing trying to train children to do literally anything, but how fucking dare they tell off a grown adult? I bet they don’t shriek at men who cross whenever they please.