Childfree by choice #5

[pinkmug]

I think it's also hard even for parents who don't want to hype their kids up too much, Christmas is on steroids more and more each year and the religious value aside, children obviously cherish the magic of it the most. If you have children and if you're celebrating Christmas, then I believe you're bound to find some gentle way to ease them into who is actually buying the big presents and if you're hell bent on keeping the Santa story alive, at least don't punish your child for being excited for it So what if the kid was up for hours waiting for Santa? It's an error of judgement to basically send a passive aggressive mail to your daughter because you were cross with her for not going to bed. I feel bad for the girl, I hope she's over it by the end of Christmas this year.

Low key dreading Christmas, even though I love the festive season. The whole present thing is blown way out of proportion and I'd honestly prefer the Icelandic tradition of having a cup of hot chocolate and reading a new book all night over forced festivities and the stress of buying something impressive. Thankfully I haven't any kids in the family so almost everyone is getting gift vouchers, treats and socks

 

[Chandler Bing]

How is everyone here set up for Christmas? Breathing a sigh of relief that we're with my in-laws this year, and there will be no kids

Always spend Christmas Day with my husband and his parents, just the 4 of us. We drop presents off with his nieces and nephews on Christmas Eve afternoon and after that it's adults only!

 

[shadowcat5]

I started realizing I probably shouldn't have kids when I kept seeing celebrities use other women to (forget the proper word) get pregnant for them and nannies to take care of the child and thought - yeah that's the way I'd have a child. But can't imagine taking care of it myself?

women get so shamed for that. There is an influencer who's podcast I used to listen to. She is very open about the fact that she has nannies (2 for her 3 kids) and her parents live with her. People really shame her for it all over social media and it's like okay? It's not like she's packing her kids off to boarding school when they're 6 and seeing them for 8 weeks a year. The kids are being looked after by 2 women who are like family to them and she is there with them too a lot of the time too. The kids are happy, the nannies are happy, the family are happy, what's the issue?

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Are any of you only children? Do you guys think being an only child vs having siblings influenced your decision?

I’m not. I have two elder half brothers on my mum’s side & two elder half sisters on my dad’s side, but they are all 7, 10 & 11 years older than me and I didn’t spend time with them when I was growing up as they were that much older. I did pretty much spend most of my childhood on my own and amusing myself and I wasn’t great socially because of that.

Only one of my half siblings now has a child despite them all being almost 40 and I do not see the half sister that has the child. My husband has an older sister, but she has no children. I think this has helped influence our decision because we have no children in our immediate families.

We’d have no real support if we had kids as no one else has them and we’d be the only ones with them so we would be shattering the family peace a little!

 

[mascarara]

As an Indian couple we used to get it as well. Is your husband Indian as well.

I'll guarantee your extended family members are still gossiping. I am in my fifties, and I sometimes get, why didn't you adopt.

It never ends.

Yes, he is, although it's mainly my side of the family that tends to ask the nosey questions lol.

My own parents are slowly coming to terms with my decision although my mum makes it a point to excitedly tell me about any random family member who is pregnant in the hopes that it might suddenly change my mind.

 

[shadowcat5]

As stated above about the crossover between being child free and not liking/hating kids, I often don’t really like kids, or more the lazy parenting that creates issues that affect me when I have to endure them in places. But one thing I never get about parents getting mad about their kids not sleeping at Christmas is … what do they expect?? They spend the whole months of November/December ramming toys/lights/foodChristmas in their faces, some people have trees up already. Christmas is in every shop they insist on dragging them into. They’re let out of school super early so their whole routine is then Christmas! Kids are out of their mind excited for the day and then parents get mad and tell them to constantly go back to sleep. document “up since 4” on Facebook I’ll give the poor children that one day where they can act crazy because it’s been forced on them and created by adults hyping it up. It’s like … what do parents honestly expect? If you’re tired or whatever just have a nap in the day. It’s only 24 hours. I love christmas. I get excited and always wake up ridiculously early. Husband finds it adorable.

I read it and went through a whole cycle of emotions hahah!
It went from 'why does an 8 year old still believe in santa?' 'why are these people even writing on reddit about this', most of me though felt heartbroken for a kid who was excited and then has spent the year thinking santa was pissed off with her. Imagine making your child feel shitty about being excited on christmas... so much so that you would genuinely be willing to send a letter from someone your kid idolised, on christmas fucking day no less. That is going to be a core memory for her and it'll be 10 times worse when she finds out santa isn't real and her parents sent it cause they couldn't handle their own child being too excited to sleep.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I just think my mum couldn’t be bothered to take me out trick or treating, that’s why we didn’t she took my older brothers out when they were little, but I think she was over it when I came along

i used to go with my friends though when I was like 12/13. Some people didn’t give us anything because we were “too old”

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Someone I work with got pregnant at 20 with her ex on purpose… she basically slept with him when she knew she was most fertile and didn’t use protection. She claims it wasn’t planned, but we all knew she wanted a baby because she was bored and lonely…

She’s one of these people that’s always desperate for admiration and attention and she can’t stop dating. She’s recently got in a new relationship and her baby (who’s almost 1) has been pushed to the sidelines. She’s posted more of her new partner than she has of her kid ever and now she’s always with him and her kid is with her mum (who she still lives with). It’s just sad and she’s selfish.

why bother having kids if they aren’t your priority.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Someone on a work teams chat posted they are looking forward to going away for the weekend with their husband for the first time since their daughter was born. Their daughter was born in 2003.

Jesus.

I feel a tiny bit sorry for them… just a tiny bit, mind.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

Oh my gosh the cab driver conversation brought back a vivid memory, I was working abroad (20s) (I mean I was in my twenties not 1920s) when I got stopped by a Filipino lady on the street who asked if she could move in with me and take care of my children as a nanny.

I was a bit startled and said "what children?" She must have been desperate but there wasn't much I could do, me and ex wouldn't want anyone moving in with us and there were no children! I gave her a small amount of money and then had tremendous guilt for not being able to offer her employment. We didn't even have a cat at the time.

This really tickled me “what children?” LOL!!

 

[HoGi]

I'm 33

 

[Limery]

Dogs slobbering and jumping on you? Lord you all need to move to the South East where we would never dream of such interactions with strangers! (Or if you could point me in the direction of the park where all these people let you play with and fuss their dog that would make my day)

 

[Disneyprincess]

This is something I’ve found really tricky as I get older so I’m genuinely interested to know…how do you (or anyone else here!) go about making child free friends? I do find that as you get into your 30s/40s most people have ‘established’ friendship groups and don’t seem to want to branch out..but I’d love to be proved wrong!

I feel the same!

 

[Lola Ruby]

someone commmented on the single by choice thread that they were in a relationship but miserable. I have sympathy but you're not single by choice.

I assume you’re talking about me - you could have just tagged me in your post. Actually I think my post was quite different as I spoke on a number of things relating to being single, relationships in general. Nowhere in my post am I preaching to people about what they should do with their lives. But I’ll refrain from commenting on any thread here that doesn’t 1000% apply to me from now on - by this logic others should do the same. Thanks love

 

[malibu skies]

I saw that video yesterday

I know it's meant to be her internal monologue or conversations with the dad or whatever. But i watch them and think who the fuck is finding this entertaining?! It just sounds so boring and monotonous. If I was a parent and that's my everyday life I wouldn't then want to watch someone else thinking the same shit out loud

I love that you know exactly what video I’m talking about

I’m not saying that my own internal monologues are any more interesting but I’m not putting them out there for the world to see. Imagine that being your life, day in and day out

 

[pinkmug]

 

[Gem_woody]

Those stories are not hard to find though. I still don't think that this thread is the right place for them.

I just read it and thought, 'And?...'

Yeah my first thought was 'sucks to be you ' and I agree that parents shouldn't be on this thread. Is that gatekeeping?

 

[chichi100]

But when they say travel they mean they've booked an all inclusive fortnight at a family resort in Alcudia, not a month backpacking round Thailand

Right in the middle of August and spend 2 weeks surrounded by screaming kids. Peeing in the pool and coughing all over the buffet food and barely leaving hotel complex. Until they do it all over again next year

 

[Blond3g1rl]

I was never allowed to trick or treat growing up in the 80’s, in my mothers words “it’s begging and my children will not roam the streets”!
Now we just turn the front lights and Ring doorbell off so our house tends to get bypassed thankfully, my husband is catholic and doesn’t believe in Halloween anyway as it’s pagan.

Same but in the 90s.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

Agreed. I don't mind so much when it's a family member or a friend but exploitation shouldn't be allowed, e.g when rich couples pay poor women.

I agree. Even with a surrogate, three nannies and two cleaners, I still wouldn’t have children though!